me and my cousin actually

  • <p> <b>Hufflepuff:</b> *is babysitting*<p/><b>Baby:</b> *starts crying*<p/><b>Hufflepuff:</b> No! No you're ok don't cry!<p/><b>Hufflepuff:</b> What do I do?!<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> *trying to ignore the baby*<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> *sighs and puts down book*<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> Give him here.<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> *takes baby and rocks him*<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> *coos* You're ok little one.<p/><b>Baby:</b> *stops crying*<p/><b>Hufflepuff:</b> You're good with babies??<p/><b>Slytherin:</b> If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.<p/></p>

THE GIRLS ARE INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL ON SPRING GODDESS FESTIVAL OK!!

Awkward Moment...

Me: *Is sat there staring intently at my phone whilst scribbling away on the screen with my finger*

My cousin: What are you doing?

Me: ….colouring?

Cousin: *Gives me a confused look*

Me: *Shows my phone screen* See!

Cousin: What the actual hell? Are you like a five year old or something??

Me: *Nervous shifty eyes*

2

all the things I’ve tried to do today instead of drawing what I should be drawing

Everytime I read those posts about male abuse victims I have to think of my cousins.

One of them was a controlling bitch who loved to keep her boyfriend small. She slapped and insulted him when he did something wrong, guilt-tripped him into spending every second with her and then humiliated him when his friends didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. When he tried to confront her about it, she started crying and playing the victim. Last year he was brave enough to dump her. And of course she played the victim again.

My other cousin… well, she admitted to me that she had actually raped her boyfriend. She fucked him while he was asleep and punched him when he woke up and wanted to stop. She is the kind of girl who’d destroy your computer and Playstation if you don’t pay attention to her. She went through her boyfriend’s phone and wasn’t afraid to verbally and physically abuse him if there where things she didn’t like.

I’m ashamed I have women like this in my family.

SHINee in Toronto

Okay so I wasn’t gonna submit a story cuz I was like maybe some fans were gonna bless me with their SHINee experiences and make mines look LAME but all I see is BTS and EXO and GOT7 so let me tell yall about my main kpop group, SHINee! I present to you this extremely long post about my SHINee in Toronto experinece!

Okay so first off, I live in Virginia in the US. My older cousin actually surprised me with SHINee tickets for my 21st birthday which was earlier this month. I broke down crying when she told me we were going because I thought I’d never see my ultimate kpop group since the US tour consisted of Dallas and LA. I tried to get over it cuz I had BTS tickets (which I gave up to travel to Canada… sad but worth it). So anyways, I traveled to the magnificent country of Canada the day before the concert and saw the Niagara Falls and all that fun, touristy things. 

Alright so the day of the concert, I’m hella lit. I was going to the concert with my cousin, her best friend, and her best friend’s husband (They’re such goals. She sucked him into the Kpop world and now he’s a Kpop fanboy). So my cousin’s best friend and I are on stalker mode. We lit walked around Toronto from 9am - 3pm looking for SHINee cuz… ya know. We didn’t find them but I did go up the CN Tower (Which is the tallest building on the Western Hemisphere. I’ll add the picture I took from the top!) and I experienced the greatness that is Tim Hortons. Amazing place, honestly. So like I said we didn’t find SHINee. However, as we were walking past the venue, girls who were handing out lighsticks told us they were at the Niagara Falls and we were just like oh great… we missed them by a day!

So we go back to our hotel and start to get ready for the concert. I spend like an hour on my makeup which my cousin nor her best friend could understand but like… it’s SHINee… my ultimate bias Kim Kibum is in SHINee? Like? What did they want from me? So I went what I consider, “all out” on my makeup. I was pretty cute, if I say so myself. So after getting ready, we head back to the venue (all in walking distance) and the line is getting long cuz it’s like 5pm and doors open at 6:30. There were super long lines at the park across the street for stuff we didn’t know so walked over there instead cuz who’s gonna wait in that long line for the venue? I told them we should’ve waited as I’ve experienced five kpop events before but no no, we get out of line and go to the park. I didn’t complain too much though because I got like three SHINee light sticks, a photo card, a banner, fan chant sheets, etc. So after that we head back to the line at the venue cuz it’s about 6pm but again, they don’t wanna stand in line because it was getting too cold for them. So we head to a coffee shop across the street and stay there until like 6:20. 

Here’s where I wanted to tell them I told them so because when we got back to the venue, the line was wrapped around the building and they were pissed and I’m just like… I told yall but okay. So we stand in line for an hour and a half. Yes, we stood out in the cold until 7:30 when they let us in. Mind you, the concert was supposed to start at 7:30 but I guess they were still setting up? So we get inside, I’m super hype now but my cousin and her friend have to use the bathroom and I’m just like cool okay because once they let us inside the venue the doors to the auditorium were still shut so (: 

So the bathrooms were like downstairs and we go there and since I didn’t have to use the bathroom, I walked off a little to check out the venue and stood beside a friendly security guard. Idk if she was friendly or not but she didn’t tell me to go away cuz she was blocking this door or whatever. So I’m standing there and this other girl who I remember seeing outside is standing with me and suddenly we hear singing? And it’s one of SHINee’s songs and it’s Jonghyun’s voice… COMING FROM THE BLOCKED DOOR! So I turn to the girl and I’m like… “Do you hear that? Does… does that sound live to you?” and she must’ve thought the same thing cuz she’s freaking out and the security guard is SMIRKING AT US and so to confirm my suspicious, we hear Onew’s voice break at one part of the song and now I’m freaking out. I recorded some of it but you can barely hear it because the girl and I were too busy fangirling. So after it’s over, I go back to where the restrooms are and tell my cousin and her friend what happened and they’re mad and I’m just like :) sucks for yall.

SO FINALLY!! We get inside the venue AND PLEASE tell me why I have the best cousin in the entire world?! I was FRONT AND CENTER at the stage. I was within the first five rows from the stage. I literally cried at how close I was and because… SHINee. So I couldn’t take any pictures or anything cuz this one rude security guard threatened to confiscate our phones like we’re in fucking high school or something. And they actually did remove people from the audience who got caught taking pictures or recording and I won’t about to lose my possible only chance and witnessing Kings so nah. No recording or pictures from me.

Okay so here’s the actual good stuff. I mentioned Key was my bias right? I never thought Key would be interested in me cuz idk… he doesn’t give me that vibe he likes black girls so I threw all hope of our imaginary relationship out the window. Until that night that is… So at the beginning, they were introducing themselves and Key is talking and the venue is dead ass quiet except for Key. So my rude American self, I literally scream out, “KIBUM I LOVE YOU!” And lit EVERYONE turned around to look at me. Like EVERYONE, my cousin, her friend, her friend’s husband, the security guards, the people in front of me, SHINEE! Like everyone looked at me. And I’m shocked cuz I’m usually a quiet person. When I yell, people tell me it’s like I’m talking normally lmao. So KIBUM abrubtly stops talking and LOOKS AT ME for like a whole three seconds and looks like he forgot what he was gonna say but he remembered and continued his speech so I’m still shookt cuz he ACTUALLY HEARD ME! 

So the concert goes on, I’m jamming out, and Minho makes his way over to my side of the stage and he’s looking at me and he nods his head at me as if to say, “what’s up?” and I thought I imagined this but apparently not cuz my cousin turned to me and was like, “Did Choi Minho just nod at you?” and these two girls in front of me actually turned around and GLARED at me and I’m just in my head like chill, I don’t want Minho. Key is my man. Speaking of Key, he comes over to my side of the stage every now and then and at one point our eyes lock and he SMILES AT ME and I’m shookt cuz Kibum you don’t know what you do to me holy shit. And this happened during a majority of the concert and my cousin is eyeing me and I’m just like, “Nah he’s not smiling and looking at me. Leave me alone.”

SO during the times he smiled at me, I’m oblivious and don’t smile back so I’m under the impression he’s smiling at the girls in front of me. So at the end of the concert, when Jonghyun was talking, my eyes were like glued to Key as if I’m trying to take as much of him in as I can before I won’t see him in person for another 1,000 years. SO please tell me why he turns his head and boom, our eyes LOCK AGAIN!! And he’s not smiling at me this time, he’s just staring with this blank stare at me and I’m giving him the same facial expression back. So then I decide to test if he’s really looking at me (though it was obvious but stuff like this doesn’t happen to nobodies like me. I’ve met Jackson twice and he still doesn’t love me.) and I smile the biggest smile I can at him and HE IMMEDIATELY SMILED BACK AT ME! Like holy shit, it was the brightest smile and the same smile that made me fall in love with him five years ago! And my cousin is nudging me and pointing at Key and the girl in front of me, whew, IF LOOKS COULD KILL!! And I’m just in a trance cuz, Kim Kibum of SHINee noticed me and now I can die happily.

So besides Kibum and Minho, Onew got really close to us at one point that if I stretched out my hand, he could’ve literally grabbed it. My cousin’s friend caught a ball that Onew personally signed (I’m still jealous), Jonghyun winked at the two girls in front of me and I swear one of them almost fainted, and Taemin is literally so shy and a sweetie. He’s adorable. I had a fun time and now I just gotta find a way to get Key my number and we’re good. Lmao.

Funny Coming Out Story

So I recently came out as being bisexual and here is a funny story that happened when I told my best friend and cousin.


But before that here’s some context. A couple years at Kawaii Con I got locked in a closet by accident. So I stayed in there for a couple hours at most to the point I actually fell asleep.


When my best friend and cousin unlocked me they laughed cause I actually fell asleep and another reason that they said, “You’ll find out eventually.”


So when I told them I was bisexual I got two responses. One from my cousin saying, “Told ya, you would find out.”


I of course was confused till my best friend added, “You actually were in the closet.”


So now that’s a running joke among friends.

My Ranch Lovin’ Ass

So here’s a little story. The other day I ordered McDonald’s from UberEats. They pretty much got everything right except instead of getting me my damn ranch, they brought my ass 6 bbq packets. Like, hoe, do you really think ranch and bbq are the same thing? 

Anyway, I was like pissed about it. Walking around the damn house, muttering shit under my breath like, “fuck this bullshit. how dare they bring me bbq sauce. do i look like a damn cowboot struttin, fringe jacket wearing mother fucker? nah. nah i fucking don’t. I look like a white bitch who is obsessed with her damn ranch. who the fuck do they think they are?”

Well my cousins are staring at me, just letting me fume and shit. they already know that they can’t get me off of my damn tangents. they lived with my adhd ass for way too damn long.

So these assholes are just letting me go off, y’know? they ain’t bothering my ass, but then my cousin’s girlfriend walks in. Now, let me tell you a lil’ bit about this girl. She’s a fucking doll, k? If she wasn’t dating my cousin, she’d probably be dating me. Actually, probably not ‘cause she’s a fucking 10 and I look like a block of frozen mayonnaise on my good days, but that’s not the point. This girl is fucking gorgeous, but she don’t understand shit.

There’s this shit called “book smarts”, k? That’s what she gots. Then, there’s this thing called “street smarts” aka a nice way of saying “a dumbass who picks up on random, useless social cues”. I got street smarts. 

‘cept my ass is white af, so my street smarts are just super dumbass points that no one gives af. 

So anyway my cousin’s girlfriend tells me that we got ranch containers in the kitchen.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY MY MAYO EATING ASS GOT WHEN IT HEARD THAT SHIT? I DIDN’T HAVE TO EAT MY CHICKEN SAUCELESS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING HEATHEN!

So I followed her to the damn fridge. I was on her heels, man. She pulled out a packet, and I’m done ready to get my ass on one knee and profess my undying love for her. I already named our damn children at that point. 

But this mothafucker pulls out a packet from MOTHERFUCKIN JACK IN THE BOX! WHAT THE FUCK! DOES THIS GIRL NOT UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN NOT, UNDER ANY DAMN CIRCUMSTANCE, MIX DIFFERENT BRANDS OF RANCH? 

MCDONALD’S CHICKEN NUGGETS DON’T WORK WITH JACK IN THE BOX RANCH. JACK IN THE BOX CHICKEN DOESN’T WORK WITH FUCKING BURGER KING RANCH. BURGER KING CHICKEN IS A FUCKING DISGRACE AND DOESN’T WORK WITH SHIT!

I died right there. I died. My mayo ass sent itself the fuck up to Heaven. I’m haunting their asses now. Gon’ fuck with their ranch dressing like they fucked with my heart.

fucking assholes. don’t fuck with my ranch.

u know how when i was 5 years old my cousin told me that honey is actually bee diarrhea and i believed her and never looked at honey ever again? well, today at a farmer’s market there was lavender honey and you know that i would do anything for lavender so i tried honey for the first time since 1995 and…… wow bee diarrhea is not bad at all and i’ve been scammed