6

I look really strong in that first photo and I like it! I feel like a princess in this getup. A cute tough guy princess.

I came out to my parents.

Now, before anyone congratulates me: this was not the time and definitely NOT the method I wanted to let them know. Basically technology has failed me harder than it has ever failed me before and I am the most embarrassed I’ve been in a decade.

Long story short, my iCloud synched all my media to the iPad and my parents used it to show my aunt some family photos and they saw a video that I made with my ex. Where we were naked. And having sex. So if you’ll excuse me I’m going to just stay calm and hydrated and try not to kill myself.

My thoughts on tonight’s Supernatural

I’m not going to rage about what happened. Or shout or scream.

I’m going to tell you a bit about myself.

See, I’ve never liked me. For a lot of reason. People made fun of me for my red hair. They mocked me for liking Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. I got so many snide comments in high school about my liking comics that I would hide them and the fact that I loved them. 

I grew up thinking I was a freak - this ginger loser who no one liked and who would never fit in anywhere.

And then, low and behold, in 2012, this beautiful, amazing character showed up in Supernatural. Her name was Charlie Bradbury, and, God, it was like someone wrote a character just for me. 

She was a ginger, just like me. She loved comics and Sci-Fi, and super-heroes and fantasy books and films. She danced, she smiled, and she took absolutely no shit from anyone.

And she saved the world. More than once. 

Not only that, but Sam and Dean loved her. Like a sister, and for so much of my life I’ve wanted a Sam and Dean in my life, and I could finally see that maybe, maybe I was worth having that. People who loved me, who’d protect me. Who thought I mattered and would run headfirst into danger for me.

And it wasn’t only them, I mean the fans, the fans went crazy, and it made me realize that maybe, just maybe there were people out there who could like me. Who could accept me and love me. That would put up with me wearing a Marvel shirt every day, or my obsession with Dragon Age, or my intense feelings about Sirius Black.

I honestly believe that Charlie Bradbury is one of the reasons I really started loving myself. That I started seeing my worth in this world. That I started realizing that people can and will love me for me, and though there might not be a large number who “get me,” I could and would find my Sams and Deans and Dorthys. 

And as I sit here, finally having gotten over the shock enough for the tears to start flowing and snot to start running, I realize how blessed this fandom has been. And yeah, it feels like a knife to the heart. Like part of me is gone from the show. Like something I connected with is gone forever.

But, in the words of Chuck: “[She] chose family. And, well…isn’t that kinda the whole point? No doubt – endings are hard. But then again…nothing ever really ends, does it?” 

And, Charlie’s legacy won’t end. She’s touched so many lives. Including mine. And its large parts in thanks to her that I have finally found comfort in being myself.

So, thank you to Robbie Thompson for writing this amazing character. Thank you to thisfeliciaday for bringing her to life. Thank you for making this loser finally realize that she was just fine the way she is. No words can express my gratitude. I owe you both so much.