md housing

every episode of house ever
  • *episode opens with patient going about their every day life*
  • patient: owww my everything
  • *patient goes to hospital*
  • house: okay guys got any ideas
  • literally everyone: ehh probably meningitis
  • house: well you're wrong give him a lumbar puncture
  • foreman: house despite you being the head of our team we obviously know more than you
  • house: *joke about foreman being black*
  • foreman:
  • house:
  • foreman:
  • house:
  • chase: hey cameron you wanna bang later
  • cameron: fuk u
  • chase: eyyy she wants me ;0
  • patient: oww my everything
  • cameron: the patient is getting worse house what do we do
  • house: pfff fuck if i know
  • cameron: damn house you suck you're a terrible doctor he obviously has meningitis
  • house: give him some drugz idk
  • cameron: wow guys did you hear house telling us to give the patient drugs? damn he's a great doctor wouldn't you just like to bang him?
  • chase: >:(
  • cuddy: house go work in the clinic
  • house: no
  • cuddy: do it or else
  • house: ugh fine
  • *insert some comic-relief scene of house in the clinic with a dumb patient*
  • *meanwhile the first patient gets worse*
  • patient: owww now my eyes are green
  • chase: house his eyes are green and he is literally on the brink of death what do we do
  • *INSERT 30 SECOND LONG MONTAGE OF HOUSE GOING OVER THE FACTS*
  • house: gREEN EYES?! THIS IS A SIGN OF TITTY DEFLATION!
  • *insert a 3D animation of how the disease works with voice over of how it works*
  • house: only a shot of the super-duper-illegal anti-titty deflation vaccine that has not yet been made legal can save him now
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: YES
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: YES
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: fuk u bitch i do what i want lmao cuddy? more like slutty ayyyy
  • *house gives patient cure*
  • patient: wow, doctor! by some miracle you've cured me! And even the chronic pain in my back was fixed!
  • house: yet another symptom of your titty deflation
  • wilson: how did he have titty deflation? he doesn't have titties
  • house: shut up, wilson, you were probably irrelevant this episode
  • *"You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays*
8

He couldn’t do it himself. He was… the disease had progressed too far. He was flailing. He didn’t have any control over his own body. He pretty much lost control of his mind too, but… every once in a while, he would have a few seconds of lucidity. He turned to me, and he said, “it’s time.” I hooked up the I.V. I used gloves. I knew they’d get me on the drugs, but they couldn’t prove who pushed the plunger. I put in the needle, and he just got quiet.

  • Pidge: The diagnostic tests said the castle's engine systems are normal.
  • Hunk: It's off by one percentage point!
  • Pidge: It's within range!
  • Hunk: If your DNA was off by one percentage point, you'd be a dolphin!