As of yesterday I've been with my lady a full year
If you asked me a year ago I would have told you I never thought I’d be with someone for this long again….let alone in such relatively close proximity to my previous relationship.
That said, I couldn’t be happier or more thankful to be with such a wonderful person who challenges and cares for me in all the ways she does. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has always been worth it. I am a very, very lucky man.
Sometimes we get lost in each other and not in a good way, we have to find ways to find ourselves again so that we can love each other selflessly, freely and without conditions. Setting space between one another isn’t always a bad thing.
Have I ever told you about how I am the luckiest guy in the world?
I have two great jobs, make a good living, travel regularly and I get to date this beautiful woman. Yesterday her grandfather died after struggling with some health issues over the last few weeks. While there isn’t much I can do to make that better, I can tell you why she is the best woman I could ever hope to trick into loving me.
She is the most loving, caring, generous, compassionate, insightful, understanding, intelligent, positive person I’ve ever met
She is an incredibly talented artist/soon-to-be yoga teacher who works longer and harder than anyone I know.
She is almost impossibly sexy and stunningly beautiful.
She has an adventurous, curious spirit and wanderlust that just may surpass my own.
She is a strong, determined, driven, self-reliant woman who knows what she wants and how to go about getting it.
She doesn’t let anyone stand in the way of her goals and dreams.
Did I mention shes crazy hot?!?! and bilingual?!?! and an artist?!?! and a yoga master?!?!
The past two days have been pretty damn hard. Definitely the hardest since I dropped her off at the airport.
I feel hollow. I miss my best friend. I miss her touch, laugh and companionship. I miss cooking with her and waking up next to her. I miss kissing her forehead when I sneak out of bed to go to work. I miss being able to surprise her, see her or even talk to her whenever I wanted. I miss the way her eyes would light up when she saw me. I miss her smile.
The idea of the next month, let alone months or even years without her as a significant part of my life makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of being with anyone else makes me want to throw up. The thought that I may never get to visit her or even see her again makes it nearly impossible to get out of bed in the morning…..but i do.
I will get through this. I will be better because of this and if we end up making it we will be better. It doesn’t help now but someday knowing that will. I have that hope. Because a life without hope is a life lost. I will not be lost. I will feel better….
Never in a bajillion years thought I’d be filling out an online dating profile. Never, ever, ever. Yet here I am. One thing is immediately obvious in just filling this thing out and looking through my “matches,” this shit is the worst. If nothing else, it will be good for some laughs…maybe?
Before my lady left for England to begin her two year graduate school adventure I put together a number of presents to help remind her just how special she is. This is one of those gifts.
I took a deck of standard playing cards and on each wrote one reason I loved her. 52 reasons plus 2 bonus ones for the jokers (which is were the really, really naughty stuff goes) later and she has a fairly good start as to what makes her the most incredible woman on the planet…and when you’re alone, 7,000 miles from home and the only person on Earth you want to be with sometimes you need that.
without feeling sick to my stomach, like i could throw up at any second….where i could feel ok with feeling things…or feeling ok being around people without the threat of a complete emotional breakdown….or i could sleep a few hours without waking up in a cold sweat from night terrors…these are things the would be nice to have.