mckay

8

♡ month of june remix! mckay ft. rap monster ♡

Spencer saved me tonight.

How do I begin to describe Spencer McKay?

Resist urge to continue the Mean Girls quote. Because this is serious business.

Spencer McKay is… well. He’s wonderful. You never know quite how empty you are until you find something that fills you up, even if it’s just a little bit. Spencer filled me up somewhat. God did the rest. I was so empty, guys. Spencer saved me. I don’t know from what. I wasn’t going to hurt myself or kill myself or anything like that, but I was on the edge of something, and it was scary.

I didn’t know I was on the edge until he pulled me away and loved me in the most pure, friendship-way possible. He didn’t want anything from me. He didn’t need anything from me. He didn’t even love me so that I’d love him back. He has a girlfriend, he has what he needs in that department. He was pure giving, and guys, I sobbed after youth group. Sobbed. In the car. Because of how blessed I am to have him in my life.

It’s times like this when I wonder why I ever forced myself to move on from him. Why I ever forced myself to stop liking him. Why he didn’t remain my only love from the start. But then I realize that we probably wouldn’t be as close of friends as we are now if I hadn’t. Because I suck at relationships and would have screwed it up somehow, but since he didn’t like me it didn’t go in that direction. And I’m so thankful to God that it didn’t.

Spencer was just what I needed. I love him so much. And not in that selfish way. But in the pure way. The grateful way. The thankful way. The unassuming way. The unexpecting way. The way that says, “I’ll always be here for you, even if we drift back and forth, and I know you’ll be the same.” Because he’s amazing. And he saved me.