mayo was off

Friday Can’t Come Soon Enough - July

Peter Maximoff x Reader

January is available here

Words: 862
Plot: Peter’s mother holds a barbecue for all of the neighbours; when the reader shows up, Peter finally learns why she’s so afraid.
Taglist:  @sweetievalencia, @a-girl-who-loves-disney, @mc-winchester-on-a-unicorn, @lillietheoneandonly, @sarenix, @manmannipanda, @kenziehallo, @fantasticallycaitlin
A/N: It’s 2:30am in the middle of exam season. I really should be doing my history essay, but pah. Peter Maximoff is far more important. You’ve waited a long time for this one, so please do enjoy and let me know what you think!

Originally posted by imaginecabin

Potato salad.
Was it the bane of Peter Maximoff’s existence?
Setting the fifth bowl of creamed potato onto the checkered table in the Maximoff’s garden; he thought it might be. 
Neighbours bustled across the grass; children darting through the legs of a nearby table as Peter awkwardly licked some mayo off of his pinky finger, looking out across the lawn.
His mom had insisted they hold a barbecue for all of the neighbours and their kids; no doubt in some sort of reparation for the amount of times Peter had been blaring music out of his jukebox at three in the morning, waking the whole neighbourhood in the process.
Peter had scoffed at the idea.
He wasn’t scoffing now.

“Peter, for goodness sake, don’t lick your fingers. You’re an adult” Ms. Maximoff sighed, setting a platter of sausages down onto the table and brushing her hands on her jeans.
“Doesn’t being an adult give me a license to do what I want?”
“Not last I checked” she muttered, her brows knitting together as she counted the filled plates on the already overflowing table “I think there’s still a bowl of coleslaw to bring out. Grab it from the fridge, would you?”
Peter scratched the back of his head, loudly sighing as he stepped backwards dramatically towards the patio.
In a split second, Peter felt he was walking into an object, and turned, the world spinning out of focus.
When (y/n) managed to catch her breath; Peter’s arm was already holding her upright, the tray she’d been carrying in his adjacent hand. He could smell the warm smell of brownies in the summer air; her hair flowing against the sudden wind.
“I…” she began, her voice strained as she steadied herself “good catch”.
“Thanks. It’s…it’s good to see you” Peter nodded, handing her back her platter. She took it with a nod, clutching it close to her chest underneath her folded arms.
“It’s great to see you too, actually” she blushed, colour flooding her face. Peter felt his heart twitch painfully, electricity shooting through him so badly it was painful.
“Your mom invited me, and I know how much you love brownies” (y/n) smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear “they aren’t much, but they’re still brownies, right?”
Peter grinned, dimples pressing at his cheeks 
“You’ve got that right”.
“Can we…go somewhere? To talk?”
Peter swallowed, a sinking feeling resting in his stomach. He breathed heavily, his brow furrowing in thought.
“Yeah, sure. Head to my room. You know the way?”
(y/n) nodded, biting her lip softly.
“I think I remember the way well enough”.

***

Peter’s hands traced along the wall as he walked down the stairs, his heart hammering. His mind was telling him to run; even if it meant revealing himself to a load of strangers.
Even if it meant revealing his secrets to her.
At the bottom of the staircase, she was leaning against his pinball machine; her eyes traced on his face. She blushed, dropping her gaze to her feet.
“Welcome back to the evil lair” Peter smiled casually, leaning back against the wall and folding his arms “it’s still just as evil as ever before”.
“No doubt” (y/n) laughed, the melodic sound filling the room.
“Pete…last time we talked, I…” she swallowed, her feet drawing circles on the concrete floor “I wasn’t thinking straight”.
Peter stayed silent, pursing his lips against the rising feeling of regret in his stomach.
“I’ve never…I mean, I’ve been close to people, but not like this. Never like this. Never with anyone like you.”
Peter swallowed.
“Like me?”
(y/n) looked up anxiously, breathing a heavy breath.
“You trust me, right?”
Peter nodded, his silver hair fluttering, curls mussed around his ears.
Slowly, deliberately, (y/n) crossed the room towards him. With every step she took, Peter felt the electricity in his stomach growing more and more painful; need burning within him like a fire in his veins. When she was but inches from him, her face close enough to touch, she slowly reached out her fingers to touch his.
The world exploded into colour; literally falling away, spinning in front of Peter as though he were moving faster than he’d ever moved. Peter could hardly breathe; the air seemed to be taken from him, right from his lungs, as though he were flying through the air. When the world became more clear, he was standing in the sky; above him and below him, blue horizon stretching endlessly, clouds gently passing in the distance. He felt the sunlight warming his face; the slight coolness of a summer breeze against his palms. He was standing on nothing; on air, on the blue of the sky. He should have been falling, but somehow, he was held in place.
Somehow, he felt at peace.
And then, the image fell away, the world cracking into life as a shiver passed through his body. Gasping for air, Peter found himself on the floor of his bedroom; cool hands holding him as he regained his composure.
“What the heck was that?” Peter gasped, his legs twitching “you’re-”
“I’m a mutant, Pete. And I know you are too”.

people be like...
  • SJW: mayo, mayo demon, mayo faggots, mayo white people, mayo cracker, mayo nation, mayo land, nasty mayo cracker, mayo sandwich whitey, mayo man, mayo clump, may-bro, mayo white crusty twink, mayo as hell, mayo white devils, mayo on white with the crust cut off, mayo-white sun-wrinkled skin, mayo-pale cracker white bullshit, mayo-coloured people, mayo culture vultures, mayo inbreds, mayo asscracks, mayo-saxon, mayo-filled wannabe black ass, mayo shitty trash, mayo and butter-looking asses, “mayo-filled countries with pasty-ass white shits," racist mayo, crusty mayo, crusty old mayo, typical mayo, white vanilla mayo, “stop the mayo” mayo bitch, stuck-up mayo bitch, mayo bitches wearing bindis, white mayo powder cream bitch, bitch-ass mayo, racist-ass mayo bitch, mayo hoe, lil mayo hoe, mayo queen, mayo pours from her mouth/ mayo drips from her eyes/ mayo foams from her pores/ mayo rapidly pours from her ass, pasty mayo bitch, mayo-washed brown boy
  • pasty mayo on white bread sandwiches, pasty cracker honky mayo, expired mayo on soggy white bread, precious mayo ancestors, fuckin mayo cracker pale skin non-melanin having ass sunburnt piece-of-shit, fuckin mayo piece-of-shit, rancid mayo people, mixed mayo crackers, piss baby mayo piss baby piss tears cum man, complainy little mayo eggs, ghostly white mayo pale, people of mayo-saxon descent, colgate mayo mccracker, wrinkly mayo bitch, racist crusty mayo spread on cracker shit, ugly sour white mayo men
  • white-mayo cracker demons, white-mayo racist colonials, white-as-in-wonder-bread mayo fucks, white as mayo, white fucking mayo plain white bread, “white identity is mayo,” white cracker mayo-lookin mayo honky, white-trash picture-stealing tumblr hipster mayo-bitch wanna-be whore
  • “that pasty mayo you call skin,” “your mayo blog is looking awfully crusty,” “this is some next-level mayo,” “beastiality amongst mayo kind,” “Hispanic is a mayo-white person from Spain,” “don’t pretend you’re not full mayo,” “only brown person in a sea of mayo,” “She looks like she bathes in mayo,” bland dollop of mayo, "Saying Europe has multiple cultures is just describing 50 shades of mayo"
  • grown-ass mayo, bland-ass mayo tapioca, old-ass expired mayo, boring-ass mayo lives, boring-ass mayo love interests, boring-ass plain mayo, aggy-ass mayo, crazy-ass mayo, uneducated-ass mayo, ugly-ass mayo cracker, ugly-ass mayo-looking fuckwads, racist-ass-mayo-loving society, pasty-ass lumpy mayo looking mother fucker, pasty-ass mayo cream, nasty-ass mayo lookin’ Monster drinking redneck nasty motherfucker, silly-ass flamboyant mayo fuckboys, cracker-ass mayo boy, hairy old ass mayo, trash-ass piece-of-mayo, pasty-ass mayo-lovin frat boy, hoe ass biscuit slathered in mayo and egg yolk, “weak-ass, bland-ass food ya cook, ya wrinkly-ass no-melatonin-havin-ass, age-in-dog-years-ass, greasy-ass-hair-havin ass, didn’t-believe-in-showering ass, caught-the-bubonic-plague ass, too-lazy-to-build-ya-own-country ass, so-you-enslaved-Africans-and-took-advantage-of-Native-Americans-then-killed-them-with-ya-damn-diseased-small-pox-havin asses, gluten-free ass, “I-fucking-hate-you-mom!”-ass, wet-dog-and-bologna-smelling asses, no-rhythm-havin asses, flip-flops-in-all-weather-wearin asses, mayo-eating asses.”
  • mayo ass, mayo-ass bitch, mayo-ass cave dweller, mayo-ass fuckboy, mayo-ass garbage, mayo-ass white boy/ boi, mayo-ass white guy, mayo-ass people, mayo-ass parents, mayo-ass writers, mayo-ass students, mayo-ass skin tone, mayo-ass white america, mayo-ass vampire, mayo-ass terrible hair job, mayo-ass tumblr hipsters, mayo ass horse (you look like one), smeagol mayo-ass fucking goblin looking bitch, crusty mayo-ass white girl, ugly mayo-lookin ass bitch, mayo nasty-ass boyfriend, nasty mayo/cracker-ass race, mediocre blue-eyed white mayo-ass dude, ugly mother fuckin mayo-ass cracker, mayo-looking ass, mayo-lookin ass team, old mayo ass, autistic mayo ass, mayo-and-sour-cream ass, mayo sunburnt ass, boring-mayo ass, teeth-bumping spoiled mayo ass, lame mayo ass, pasty mayo ass, blotchy mayo ass, whiny mayo ass, mayo basic white ass, mayo pudding ass, racist mayo cracker saltine whip cream ass, white mayo-saxon toilet-seat-complexion-lookin-ass-bitch ass, kraft mayo-lookin ass
  • mayonnaise, mayonnaise children, mayonnaise child, mayonnaise boy, mayonnaise man, mayonnaise musketeers, mayonnaise name, mayonnaise devil, mayonnaise gremlin, mayonnaise mediocrity, mayonnaise tears, mayonnaise face ass people, mayonnaise wonder bread salty cracker-looking bitch, mayonnaise bitches, mayonnaise bullshit, mayonnaise feminism, mayonnaise-ass bitch, mayonnaise-colored foundation, queen mayonnaise, nasty mayonnaise bitch, redneck mayonnaise bitch, rotten mayonnaise-ass lil girl, straight mayonnaise feminism, “a mayonnaise packet is Iggy Azalea to-go,” “Iggy Azalea is the embodiment of mayonnaise,” “Iggy Mayonnaise,” “white latinas are spicy mayo people,” mayonnaise cunt, mayonnaise-faced cunt
  • mayonnaise ass, mayonnaise-ass people, mayonnaise-ass motherfuckers, mayonnaise-ass mofos, mayonnaise-ass philosophers, mayonnaise-as-fuck, mayonnaise-colored piece of shit, mayonnaise meth-head demons, mayonnaise-loving ass, mayonnaise women shamer, mayonnaise-encrusted southern hell hole, mayonnaise at his very core, mayonnaise lizard men, mayonnaise-skinned loser, mayonnaise-complexion people, mayonnaise-crispier-than-thou-dry-ritz-cracker, mayonnaise cracker ass fucking mayonnaise, cinco de mayonnaise, exotic mayonnaise, pasty mayonnaise, packet of rotten mayonnaise, mister mayonnaise, satan in the form of mayonnaise, saltine cracker dipped in mayonnaise, bowls of day-old mayonnaise, atrocious glob of mayonnaise, white people are lipless all-white wonder breads that are spread with bottles of expired mayonnaise
  • nasty mayonnaise-lookin' ass, nasty clump of mayonnaise, fucking vanilla-nilla-wafer plus mayonnaise racist trash, king of the white gay mayonnaise boys, you and your mayonnaise self, mayo wonder-bread soggy-ass mess, mayo wonder bread sandwiches, fucking mayonnaise egg, mayo dick-sucking asses, assholes of the mayonnaise community, slender-man-corpse-bride-sickly-ass-mayonnaise-mother-fucker, nastiest grossest mayonnaise fuckwad, crusty mayonnaise-ass fingers, ugly mayonnaise bucket, white mayonnaise tears, white mayonnaise cracker ass satanic ritual shit, fucking mayonnaise creature, lying-ass expired mayonnaise on the side of the road besides dog shit, racist-ass mayonnaise-ass honky-ass bitch-ass ugly-ass motherfucking cracker, “you mayonnaise-ass toilet seat,” piece-of-shit disrespectful mayonnaise ass, disgusting ignorant dog-fucking unable-to-season-food no-rhythm-having mayonnaise cracker ass, rich college mayonnaise boys, fuck-ass hoe white-boy cracker-mayonnaise whore, rotten white bread mayonnaise sandwich, thin pony tail rotted-skin disgusting-ass mole rat mayonnaise-ass bitch, average-ass mayonnaise gays
  • bleachy mayonnaise crackers, slightly browner mayonnaise crackers, disabled mayonnaise crackers, LGBTQA+ mayonnaise crackers, ugly-ass mayonnaise crackers
  • “get your mayonnaise noodlehead out of your bootyhole,” “the pantheons of white culture are essentially mayonnaise, guns, and electronic dance music,” “white culture consists of shooting up schools and mayonnaise,” “James Blake is a washed-out, mayonnaise-toned version of Drake,” “your ethnicity is 100% mayonnaise,” “i dislike mayonnaise of the food and person variety,” “your personality is like curdled mayonnaise, you moldy marshmallow white bitch”
  • mayo skin, mayo skin complexion, mayo-skinned, mayo-skinned devil, mayo-skinned beast, flimsy gay mayo-skinned men, mayonnaise-skinned demons, stringy-hair mayo-skin wet-dog-smelling cave bitch, pancake-ass cracker-ass mayo skin
  • jar of mayo, jar-of-mayo family, jar-of-mayo average-as-hell male celebrity, jar-of-mayo that got bleached white, ugly-ass jar-of-mayo, crusty-ass pasty jar-of-mayo lookin ass cookie-cutter white boys, crusty-ass jar of stale-ass mayo, straight-ass jar-of-mayo, weirdo jar-of-mayo with no life, ignorant irrelevant jar-of-mayo, walking jar-of-mayo, expired jar-of-mayo, stale expired jar-of-mayo, bigoted jar-of-mayo, spoiled-ass disgusting jar-of-mayo, platinum blond-ass jar-of-mayo, wasted jar of moldy mayo, spoiled shitty over-privileged jar of rotten mayo left out in the sun to bake
  • “go back to your jar, mayo,” “where the fuck have you been?? sealed inside your mayo jar i suspect,” “you can only become a tru white boy when you obtain the white boy seal (a mayo jar lid),” “American Mayonnaise Association”
  • mayo jar, crusty-ass expired mayo jar, cracker-ass mayo jar, all whites look like mayo jars, crusty-and-dusty old white male politician mayo jars, fucking mayo jar, crusted mayo jar, plain ugly mayonnaise jar, mild flavored mayonnaise jar havin’ ass, white mayo cracker piss baby of a thousand mayo jars cry-baby tub-of-mayo, bucket of mayonnaise
  • mayo stain, whiny privileged cultureless mayo stain, piece-of-shit racist mayo stain, ugly-ass mayo stain, “white people are a mayo stain on society,” mayo-stain pasty-white hamster-looking ass friends, crusty-ass mayo stain
  • Reasonable person: Those are racial epithets...
  • SJW: NO SHIT. YOU COULDN'T TELL I HATE WHITE PEOPLE?
Opening Salvos for the Fifth

@sanerontheinside says:  also had this other thing for the Sass and Murder Qui-Gon Lives AU. Also for reasons. 

lily: You just can’t leave any of my lines alone, can you?  You have to change anything I wrote.

saner:  Yeah well now we have Maul dying in 20 lines instead of 5.


So yeah.  @norcumi, this was the part that was supposed to come first except saner got overzealous and I got (mildly) concussed so it’s getting posted now.  This is the “Qui-Gon lives” part of the Qui-Gon Lives AU.

Here you go:  Revenge of the Fifth post–since we can’t let the Sith have their day ALL to themselves.  *fake-ass innocent looks all around*  Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone?  *goes off to continue being concussed*


Keep reading

Today we celebrate the victory of 4,000 greatly outnumbered Mexican soldiers over an army of 8,000+ Frenchmen at the Battle of Puebla. Who better to celebrate the beating of the odds than the G.o.a.T. John Cardiel? F the odds. You want it bad enough? Will it to happen. “I’m walking home, mom!”

#TBT to John shutting down the skatepark opening in Mexico City back in 2002.

Photo: Burnett

CURRIED CHICKPEA AND APPLE SANDWICH WITH TEMPEH BACON

[vegan]

Inspired by all the smashed chickpea sandwiches I’ve been seeing lately. Shallots, apples, and chickpeas are sauteed with oregano, curry powder, garam masala, bay leaves, red chilli flakes, lemon juice, Herbamare, and organic light coconut milk. Kale, pre-marinated tempeh bacon, vegan mayo, and rye bread finish off this delicious sweet and spicy sandwich. 

Another great thing is the curry itself can easily be eaten more traditionally with some brown rice and vegetables!

Got about 1500 notes last night but about 600 of them were mostly non white people defending racism on one of our posts. The notes are disgusting.

“You white with a mentality like yours”
“Its okay to hate white people because…”
“Cry white tears”
“White people are ugly. Black is beautiful”
“Get your ugly white mayo ass off this post”

None of them were real arguments, just a bunch of back and forth hate. A bunch of the negative responders even had feminism in their name (even further hatred of people for how they were born on each blog).

Just sad. People are so eager to hate others for physical appearances that cant be controlled. They are so eager to defend racism and hate. But i guess it is Tumblr. It isnt like i expected too different.