mayo was off

Friday Can’t Come Soon Enough - July

Peter Maximoff x Reader

January is available here

Words: 862
Plot: Peter’s mother holds a barbecue for all of the neighbours; when the reader shows up, Peter finally learns why she’s so afraid.
Taglist:  @sweetievalencia, @a-girl-who-loves-disney, @mc-winchester-on-a-unicorn, @lillietheoneandonly, @sarenix, @manmannipanda, @kenziehallo, @fantasticallycaitlin
A/N: It’s 2:30am in the middle of exam season. I really should be doing my history essay, but pah. Peter Maximoff is far more important. You’ve waited a long time for this one, so please do enjoy and let me know what you think!

Originally posted by imaginecabin

Potato salad.
Was it the bane of Peter Maximoff’s existence?
Setting the fifth bowl of creamed potato onto the checkered table in the Maximoff’s garden; he thought it might be. 
Neighbours bustled across the grass; children darting through the legs of a nearby table as Peter awkwardly licked some mayo off of his pinky finger, looking out across the lawn.
His mom had insisted they hold a barbecue for all of the neighbours and their kids; no doubt in some sort of reparation for the amount of times Peter had been blaring music out of his jukebox at three in the morning, waking the whole neighbourhood in the process.
Peter had scoffed at the idea.
He wasn’t scoffing now.

“Peter, for goodness sake, don’t lick your fingers. You’re an adult” Ms. Maximoff sighed, setting a platter of sausages down onto the table and brushing her hands on her jeans.
“Doesn’t being an adult give me a license to do what I want?”
“Not last I checked” she muttered, her brows knitting together as she counted the filled plates on the already overflowing table “I think there’s still a bowl of coleslaw to bring out. Grab it from the fridge, would you?”
Peter scratched the back of his head, loudly sighing as he stepped backwards dramatically towards the patio.
In a split second, Peter felt he was walking into an object, and turned, the world spinning out of focus.
When (y/n) managed to catch her breath; Peter’s arm was already holding her upright, the tray she’d been carrying in his adjacent hand. He could smell the warm smell of brownies in the summer air; her hair flowing against the sudden wind.
“I…” she began, her voice strained as she steadied herself “good catch”.
“Thanks. It’s…it’s good to see you” Peter nodded, handing her back her platter. She took it with a nod, clutching it close to her chest underneath her folded arms.
“It’s great to see you too, actually” she blushed, colour flooding her face. Peter felt his heart twitch painfully, electricity shooting through him so badly it was painful.
“Your mom invited me, and I know how much you love brownies” (y/n) smiled, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear “they aren’t much, but they’re still brownies, right?”
Peter grinned, dimples pressing at his cheeks 
“You’ve got that right”.
“Can we…go somewhere? To talk?”
Peter swallowed, a sinking feeling resting in his stomach. He breathed heavily, his brow furrowing in thought.
“Yeah, sure. Head to my room. You know the way?”
(y/n) nodded, biting her lip softly.
“I think I remember the way well enough”.


Peter’s hands traced along the wall as he walked down the stairs, his heart hammering. His mind was telling him to run; even if it meant revealing himself to a load of strangers.
Even if it meant revealing his secrets to her.
At the bottom of the staircase, she was leaning against his pinball machine; her eyes traced on his face. She blushed, dropping her gaze to her feet.
“Welcome back to the evil lair” Peter smiled casually, leaning back against the wall and folding his arms “it’s still just as evil as ever before”.
“No doubt” (y/n) laughed, the melodic sound filling the room.
“Pete…last time we talked, I…” she swallowed, her feet drawing circles on the concrete floor “I wasn’t thinking straight”.
Peter stayed silent, pursing his lips against the rising feeling of regret in his stomach.
“I’ve never…I mean, I’ve been close to people, but not like this. Never like this. Never with anyone like you.”
Peter swallowed.
“Like me?”
(y/n) looked up anxiously, breathing a heavy breath.
“You trust me, right?”
Peter nodded, his silver hair fluttering, curls mussed around his ears.
Slowly, deliberately, (y/n) crossed the room towards him. With every step she took, Peter felt the electricity in his stomach growing more and more painful; need burning within him like a fire in his veins. When she was but inches from him, her face close enough to touch, she slowly reached out her fingers to touch his.
The world exploded into colour; literally falling away, spinning in front of Peter as though he were moving faster than he’d ever moved. Peter could hardly breathe; the air seemed to be taken from him, right from his lungs, as though he were flying through the air. When the world became more clear, he was standing in the sky; above him and below him, blue horizon stretching endlessly, clouds gently passing in the distance. He felt the sunlight warming his face; the slight coolness of a summer breeze against his palms. He was standing on nothing; on air, on the blue of the sky. He should have been falling, but somehow, he was held in place.
Somehow, he felt at peace.
And then, the image fell away, the world cracking into life as a shiver passed through his body. Gasping for air, Peter found himself on the floor of his bedroom; cool hands holding him as he regained his composure.
“What the heck was that?” Peter gasped, his legs twitching “you’re-”
“I’m a mutant, Pete. And I know you are too”.

people be like...
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  • “go back to your jar, mayo,” “where the fuck have you been?? sealed inside your mayo jar i suspect,” “you can only become a tru white boy when you obtain the white boy seal (a mayo jar lid),” “American Mayonnaise Association”
  • mayo jar, crusty-ass expired mayo jar, cracker-ass mayo jar, all whites look like mayo jars, crusty-and-dusty old white male politician mayo jars, fucking mayo jar, crusted mayo jar, plain ugly mayonnaise jar, mild flavored mayonnaise jar havin’ ass, white mayo cracker piss baby of a thousand mayo jars cry-baby tub-of-mayo, bucket of mayonnaise
  • mayo stain, whiny privileged cultureless mayo stain, piece-of-shit racist mayo stain, ugly-ass mayo stain, “white people are a mayo stain on society,” mayo-stain pasty-white hamster-looking ass friends, crusty-ass mayo stain
  • Reasonable person: Those are racial epithets...
Opening Salvos for the Fifth

@sanerontheinside says:  also had this other thing for the Sass and Murder Qui-Gon Lives AU. Also for reasons. 

lily: You just can’t leave any of my lines alone, can you?  You have to change anything I wrote.

saner:  Yeah well now we have Maul dying in 20 lines instead of 5.

So yeah.  @norcumi, this was the part that was supposed to come first except saner got overzealous and I got (mildly) concussed so it’s getting posted now.  This is the “Qui-Gon lives” part of the Qui-Gon Lives AU.

Here you go:  Revenge of the Fifth post–since we can’t let the Sith have their day ALL to themselves.  *fake-ass innocent looks all around*  Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone?  *goes off to continue being concussed*

Keep reading

Today we celebrate the victory of 4,000 greatly outnumbered Mexican soldiers over an army of 8,000+ Frenchmen at the Battle of Puebla. Who better to celebrate the beating of the odds than the G.o.a.T. John Cardiel? F the odds. You want it bad enough? Will it to happen. “I’m walking home, mom!”

#TBT to John shutting down the skatepark opening in Mexico City back in 2002.

Photo: Burnett



Inspired by all the smashed chickpea sandwiches I’ve been seeing lately. Shallots, apples, and chickpeas are sauteed with oregano, curry powder, garam masala, bay leaves, red chilli flakes, lemon juice, Herbamare, and organic light coconut milk. Kale, pre-marinated tempeh bacon, vegan mayo, and rye bread finish off this delicious sweet and spicy sandwich. 

Another great thing is the curry itself can easily be eaten more traditionally with some brown rice and vegetables!

Got about 1500 notes last night but about 600 of them were mostly non white people defending racism on one of our posts. The notes are disgusting.

“You white with a mentality like yours”
“Its okay to hate white people because…”
“Cry white tears”
“White people are ugly. Black is beautiful”
“Get your ugly white mayo ass off this post”

None of them were real arguments, just a bunch of back and forth hate. A bunch of the negative responders even had feminism in their name (even further hatred of people for how they were born on each blog).

Just sad. People are so eager to hate others for physical appearances that cant be controlled. They are so eager to defend racism and hate. But i guess it is Tumblr. It isnt like i expected too different.