ive been told by my doctor that im underweight. ive always been skinny but now that my mom is pressuring me and this new bit of info i got from the clinic, im becoming worried about myself.

for the past two years, i would skip lunch (and sometimes breakfast) because i would stay in the library where food is prohibited. now my stomach is so small i cant really go further than 2 full plates without feeling bloated (which is quite something for the girl who used to be called the bottomless pit). now that i have a small stomach is hard for me to bring the weight i need to be a healthy size again. ontop of that, im eating less at home due to my mother making the same plate (beans and rice) everyday for the past 2 years, thanks to her Brazilian boyfriend. short story, im tired of eating that food so i only eat small quantities.

my mom refuses to change her cooking, so now i have to make tiny sandwiches to make up for food i dont eat. thats okay i guess but it wont make much of a difference overall. the fat i do produce seems to go to my thighs and not places like my arms or legs.

some people say that i would be great for modelling, and while thats cute of them to say, its not possible for me to become one. my scoliosis makes me look like a shark took a bite out of my right side. and i doubt anyone wants to see that.

so all in all, my mother calls me a deformity and talks bad about my appearance all the time. my self image has gone from being ugly to being deformed. ahaha great

i need to eat more