Isn’t it funny, how we try so desperately for people that we want to claim as our own. We look our best for them, make the best jokes, invest all of our time into them, so maybe, just maybe, they’ll give us a chance.
We spend weeks, even months, even years, trying to get their attention and love. We worry constantly that someone else is giving them more and better. We hope that we’re the ones they’re thinking about at night.
Then two things could happen. They either break your heart, or fall in love with you. You could sob and scream and curse yourself for not being good enough for them. You could be bitter for so long wondering why you did so much for them. Or, they will notice all you’ve done. You’ll get what you wanted.
But time will pass and you’ll get comfortable. Start to forget why you tried so hard and you’ll start to try less because humans are naturally lazy, and why try when you already have what you want?
Isn’t it so sad, that we try so hard, just to one day take it all for granted.
Tips for young trans boys going on HRT [From two dudes already going through it]
Ok so since not everyone is actually fortunate enough to go through an actual Gender Service, I’m going to write some Will and Probably Won’t things that come with going on T. For ref, I’ve been on T a year and my bf has been on for two. Let’s start;
You’ll wake up one day and sound like Morgan Freeman.
Going on T will deepen your voice.
For some people it may happen quite suddenly, for others gradually. Most likely you’ll sound like you have a bad cold for a while and then it’ll even out and be different. If you like to sing, be aware of voice cracks and suddenly being unable to sing as high as you used to. Some guys get lucky and still retain singing prowess, but be aware there’s a high chance you won’t.
Each person’s vocal change is different. My voice cracked literally after the first injection, whilst my bf had to wait a while for changes. Don’t be worried if it appears your voice isn’t changing and be aware it may not go incredibly deep. It will probably be more noticeable to others than you and eventually it’ll feel like your normal voice. Your pets will recognise your voice, they will always come to know you.
Face shape will change drastically to become more masculine.
After a while on T, you may experience some change in face and body shape.
A lot of trans boys I know seem to believe they’ll wake up one day and just have the perfect masc face. Everyone is different, I can’t stress this enough. You may experience a huge change in the face, you may experience almost nothing. My bf always had a very round ‘moon’ face and his cheeks have started to slim down but his facial shape is more or less the same. As for myself I’ve not noticed anything too considerable yet.
The same goes for the broadening of the shoulders. If you’re very slender to begin with, you’re probably never going to be Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, but you might experience some changes. Again, don’t be disheartened, everyone is different.
The fat in your breasts will break down from going on T and make you look a lot more flat, if your chest is small you may not even have to wear a binder.
If you have A cups, then maybe the breakdown that happens with T will mean you don’t have to bind. However, the breakdown from T alone is very small unless you’re on it for years. Also be aware that a lot of the fat in your body in general is going to start focusing on your stomach. It’ll become easier to gain muscle once on T, but if you don’t exercise, the weight you lose from other areas will go to your stomach. But also, muscle weighs more than fat, remember that. You may drop clothing sizes, which can be a pain if you’re already quite small and have trouble finding masc clothes to fit you, trust me I know.
Also a note on binders: Do not use bandages or cheap binders. Do not. Binders can cause damage after prolonged use when you’re using a proper binder nevermind anything else. Bandages are made to contract and not let in moisture, they are not good for being tight around the chest! Cheap binders are also usually not breathable and will hurt more than they should! It could cost a lot, but forking out for a proper binder from places like lesloveboat is really going to be worth it. There is the sports bra method if you can’t get a binder because you’re not Out yet and couldn’t justify getting a binder to your parents etc but even then it’s not as safe as a proper binder.
Any binder shouldn’t be worn for longer than recommended, and will most likely rub especially when the T starts to make you sweat more. There’s also going to be an increase in acne on the chest around where the binder fits. If your chest ever really starts to hurt, find somewhere to take the binder off. I don’t care where you are, if you’re getting huge chest pains, take the damn thing off. If you damage yourself the chance of being able to get surgery reduces drastically, not to mention a whole lot of health problems you don’t want to deal with. It’s harsh, but it’s a lot better for you. Get a binder in the next size up and try again.
My periods will stop immediately and I’ll never have them again.
Eventually your periods will stop, though you may spot occasionally whilst you still have the necessary organs.
Though everyone is different, don’t be disheartened if you still have a period or two after starting T, you’ll stop eventually. You could also go a while without a period and then spot before stopping again. If the spotting continues for a while, or if you start to experience severe cramping, go and see a doctor.
I’m going to get angry and aggressive a lot when on T!
Your emotions will be doing a whole lot of different things. Your may get angry, and you may also find your sex drive increases. You might also get upset more often or at things that never upset you before, or aren’t necessarily sad. I cried listening to that Chick Chick song, it’s ridiculous. It won’t last forever, be patient with yourself, there’s nothing wrong with you it’s basically just puberty (again).
Last things -
Hair growth all depends on the person, the face being the last place that will probably grow hair and even then you’ll probably only have a tiny fluff for a long time, unless you’re lucky. My bf is experiencing hair in places now that I started growing extremely quickly right away. It could be to do with my having dark hair and him being a redhead tbh. But you will grow hair, all over. All over. Be prepared for that. You will get hair in places you never had much if any hair before. I have hair on my chest now. Not a whole lot but it’s there. The stomach is another hotspot for hair growth on T.
You will get acne, you will start to stink, sweat more and you may get growing pains. Look up Male Puberty, seriously, it’ll give you a good idea of some of the stuff that will start happening to you. Until your hormones calm down, your acne will not ultimately improve even with skincare. If you’re under 21, you might grow a little and the pains will be considerable. I gained like maybe an inch so I’m still short af but that’s something.
Your clit will start to get bigger. I know talking about the female genitalia we have is a big dysphoria bomb for a lot of us, but you need to read this. Your clit will get bigger, maybe considerably, maybe so much that the lips won’t hide it any more (if they ever did). It will rub against your underwear and/or your packer. For me it’s just mildly irritating, though for my bf it actually hurts (stings) him. It will be really sensitive either way. Be aware of that.
Some people you don’t see every day or aren’t very close to may not recognise you when considerable changes occur. Use this to your advantage! Reintroduce yourself!
If you self-inject, be prepared to mess up. There will be pain, swelling and bruising. If you have a nurse to inject you (like we do) there’s a change that they too might occasionally catch a nerve and you may bruise. Do not inject directly into a vein.
It’s perfectly fine to cry because of growing pains, pain from rubbing etc. You can be a man and still cry and complain but at least be aware of what to expect.
Most changes will be so gradual that you’ll never look in the mirror and see a stranger, it’ll be like this was always the way you were.
If you do however, start to become really distressed by the changes or start to see nothing but a stranger in the mirror, please reconsider whether HRT is the right thing for you. The last thing you want is to be stuck with changes that are actually distressing you. It’s ok if you thought you wanted/needed this but then realised you didn’t/don’t.
Last (gosh this was long). Every guy is different. Some changes come fast, some don’t. Some may be huge changes and some only small. Don’t compare yourself to other trans guys especially your own friends/loved ones. Every guy is different, be proud of your changes as they come and don’t let anyone bring you down just because those changes aren’t ~*significant*~ to them.
I wanted to choke her,
Not with my hands or my mouth, but with my words,
I wanted her to choke on my laughter when we kissed in the most gentle way possible, with grins too big to even call what we were doing kissing,
I wanted to choke her with our bodies pressed together while we slept after a day of exploring in another country,
I wanted her to choke on my eyes as they watched her ,
So that maybe just maybe she would feel what I felt every moment she existed,
okay, so, maybe, just maybe, you are not the mythical creature that I made you to be.
maybe you are just a person and we weren’t destined to meet.
nothing cosmic about the way you showed up a year after I fell in love with a pretty boy at a party.
nothing special about the way you kept secrets and played your cards right.
maybe, you are just a person who got a little lonely.
and maybe, you are just a person, who needed to save something.
so, maybe, none of this had anything to do with me.
maybe that is why you seem so surprised, when I ask you for a reason.
you just didn’t know that you were supposed to have one.
what if tony keeps visiting one orphanage and the kids change and he plays with them all, but this one kid stays. maybe they’re sick, maybe they’re just unlucky, but tony watches this tiny little toddler who was barely walking grow up and learn to speak and always recognise tony with a smile
and tony thinks, well, he’s getting older, less superheroing, and he has friends with kids, and maybe … maybe …
so he gets his lawyers on it
and the next time he visits the orphanage, he doesn’t leave alone. he carries the baby in his arms, and they’re clutching him tight, still afraid tony will disappear
and tony understands and makes sure to always show he’s there and it’s a long time before he can put the kid to sleep without them fearing tony will be gone in the morning
but they get there, because they’re family now
(but he still keeps going to hospitals to hug babies who need it and to orphanages to entertain the kids bc he adopted his kid and he loves them but he doesn’t want to abandon all these other tiny little humans)
A/N: I’ve always kind of liked reading these arranged marriage scenarios cuz they can get to be a little angsty, and y’all know I’m a sucker for angst. Let me know if you want a part 2, or I’m not going to write it hehe. I don’t think this will end up being 10 parts like IDMI, but ya never know.
You never thought it would happen to you, but it did. You always imagined falling in love with a boy, dating for a year or two, and finally get married to someone you were sure about.
But instead, your parents pushed you into a marriage all because of some promise your grandparents had made way back in the past. You didn’t even know about said promise until you were quite literally forced to get engaged to some stranger.
Your parents tried to ease your way into the marriage, saying you could date this man while you two were engaged. And since you weren’t exactly the best at scoring a date, you thought that maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe it would be one of those fateful connections. You thought that maybe you would just happen to fall in love with him while you were engaged.
But if anything, you grew to dislike him. Park Jimin didn’t like you, and he made sure to let you know. Like you, he also didn’t know of the promise between the grandparents. And he was fuming.
So there were no happy dates. No hand holding, no hugs, and definitely no sweet kisses. You were engaged, exchanged a few short words, and before you knew it, you were getting changed into your white wedding gown. Your friend had to constantly tell you to stop crying because it was going to ruin your makeup.
You always dreamed of this day. To be the happiest day of your life. But instead, you felt like you were being sentenced to life in hell. Because what else is living with a man who despises you?
A day passes into a week and a week eventually turns into a month. You wished it went by quickly, but each day was incredibly slow. You didn’t even know if the days were passing as each day was the same.
You would wake up, get ready for work, and quickly make a breakfast for you and your “hubby”. He would eat without a word and quickly retreat back to his room. Hell, you didn’t even share a room. Thankfully, the parents bought you a house with a few rooms, allowing you and Jimin to sleep in rooms in completely opposite ends of the house.
You would leave for work after cleaning up breakfast and after a long day at work, you would come home to an empty house. You don’t really know when Jimin would come home from work, but you made it a habit to always a have a meal waiting for him if and when he came home.
You rarely talked to each other and the silence was slowly eating you away. You had managed to convince your parents that this was, in fact, a happy marriage to keep them at peace at least. And apparently, Jimin had told his parents the same.
Some nights, you had to cry yourself to sleep, cursing your fate. But little did you know, that this fateful encounter was one that was going to change your life, more than it had already done so already.
A/N:I know this was kinda vague, but I intended it to be. I promise the next part will be more in detail…if you want a second part that is. Let me know, or I won’t write one!
Harry sat on the edge of his bed in Los Angeles, his head in his hands, as he tried to hold back the tears and will his breathing to stay even and calm. His phone lay beside him, the screen still lit up to show him his recent calls - the last of which had just turned his world upside down.
He eventually sits up, letting out a large sigh as his large ringed hands push through his short floppy hair, pushing it back from his forehead. His green eyes look across the room where on top of the chest of drawers sat a picture of the person he cared about most in the world. He stared at your smiling face, his own smiling face next to you and that’s when the tears came. He was going to lose you, he knew that he was.
Just then his phone began to ring beside him. He dreaded it was her, the person who had called a few minutes before him and broke the news but instead he saw your face appear on the screen and that, in that moment, may have been worse. He picks up the phone, staring down at your picture as the phone continues to ring.
He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hear your voice, happy and still in love with him, when he now knew what he did. He couldn’t tell you over the phone. He had messed up, he knew that, and he had to say it to your face. After the phone finally stopped ringing he gave a sigh and pulled himself up and off the bed.
He had things he needed to do in LA, meetings to attend, interviews to be done but he couldn’t. He needed to get to you and tell you as soon as he could so he called Jeff. He couldn’t say it though, he couldn’t tell him exactly the situation, just that he had to go home - and now.
Once he landed in London the next day, his hands were shaking, his palms were sweaty and his breathing was shallow as he sat in the back of the car headed towards your house. He kept trying to play out and plan his words for this conversation. How would he go about it? Where could he possibly start? He had so many confessions to make and what he was most afraid of was the inevitable - losing you. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that hurt, devastated, and heart-broken face that he was soon going to see before him.
The idea brought tears to his eyes. He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, grinding away the tears harshly. He hated himself, his entire body was full of regret, remorse, and dread knowing that he could never take this back.
“Hello?” Harry calls a few moments later as he enters your shared home. He knew you were home, it being your day off work and your car was parked out front but he heard nothing. “Love?” He calls out again.
“Harry?” He finally hears from the kitchen. He couldn’t will himself to move towards your voice. He wanted to run back out the door to never have to face this situation, he wanted to pretend everything was okay. But it just wasn’t. And never would be again. “Harry!” You gasp once you see your tall, tattooed and handsome boyfriend standing in the entryway of the living room.
“Hey.” He mutters, barely able to get his voice above a low gravel. He clears his throat and puts his bag down at his feet, sliding off his jacket. He was trying to delay this, anything to keep the truth from coming out.
“What are you doing home? Why haven’t you answered my calls in two days?” You were full of questions but then in that moment you didn’t care. You had missed Harry so much and if he was home - that was all that mattered. So, you cross the room and burrow yourself into his chest. You wrap your arms tight around his torso, taking in that familiar scent of his cologne while his arms wrap around your shoulders. He buries his face in your hair, his eyes closing as the tears began to slide down his cheeks. This was surely the last moment he would hold you in his arms and he wanted it to last as long as possible. “What’s going on?” You question, looking up at him. You gasp when you take in his tears. “Harry, what is it?” Your mind was racing. What possibly could have happened to cause him to act like this? You reach up, brushing your thumbs under his eyes along the tracks his tears were making.
“I messed up, love.” He finally says, his voice a quiet whisper as he stares down into your eyes. You frown, shaking your head a bit in confusion.
“What do yo-”
“I slept with someone.” The words were out before he could over think it. He watched the gears turn in your head as you processed this. As soon as he saw it click, you backed out of his arms, distancing yourself from him just as he knew that you would. “Please, love, i’ was while we were going through tha’ rough patch a few weeks ago. I was angry, you were angry, I didn’ know where we stood-”
“So you fucked someone else and never told me?!” You interrupt as your blood began to boil. “You came back here acting like it was all okay?! As if nothing ever happened!” You also felt your heart break, a dull ache began in the center of your chest. Harry was the love of your life, the man you were going to spend forever with and yet .. he had hurt you in the way he always vowed he never would.
“I jus’…” He scratches at the back of his neck, shaking his head a little as he gave a sigh. He looks at the floor, anywhere but at the hurt and angry face before him. He also noted the fact that your eyes, those gorgeous eyes of yours that he loved so much, had begun to well up with tears. “I don’ know how to make up for this bu’ tha’ isn’t all.” He knew he had to say it, he had to get everything out so just maybe, maybe, the two of you could start trying to work it out.
“What else is there?” You cross your arms over your chest as the tears slide down your cheeks. What else could there be? Had he slept with her again? Was he leaving you for her? Your mind was racing and you weren’t sure you would be able to handle anymore of this. Harry was your life and even with him standing in front of you still you felt it might not be for too much longer and you already felt lost.
“She called me yesterday mornin’,” He began, his eyes peaking at you through his lashes as he kept his head slightly down.
“Okay?” You urged but felt that sense of dread begin to creep up in your head as you surely knew what was coming next. Why would you contact the man you slept with weeks before? There was really only two reasons - wanting to get together again or being pregnant. Your blood ran cold at the latter possibility. It couldn’t be that, it just couldn’t.
“She’s… she’s pregnan’.” The words pained him to say out loud. He hadn’t spoken it since he heard her mumble it through her sobs on the other end of the phone the morning before. He saw your face crumble then. Your eyebrows furrowed together, your eyes swimming with tears, and he saw your breath hitch in your throat.
“You got another girl pregnant.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t accusatory, it was just a statement as you took to trying to process this. Harry was going to be a father, and it wasn’t with you. This just couldn’t possibly be happening.
“I don’ know what I’m goin’ to do, bu’ what I wan’ first is to try and make things work with you. Please, love…” He trailed off when you shook your head vigorously, the tears now falling freely down your cheeks.
“You expect me to just forgive you for this?” You give another shake of your head. “Would you forgive me if I got pregnant by another man? If I cheated on you and got knocked up? Would you be willing to move past that?” Harry bit at his lower lip and stared at the carpet under your feet. He knew you were right, he would probably never be able to move past it if you had someone else’s child.
“You won’ even try? For us? We’ve been together for-”
“I don’t need you to remind me how long we’ve been together, Harry! I don’t need you telling me about the life we’ve started here together because I remember, I know!” You felt your anger begin to flare up. “It was you that seems to have forgotten the life we have together while you were busy fucking someone else!” He cringes at your choice of wording as well as your now raised voice but he knew he deserved it all. You were of course right, after all.
“Please,” He takes a step towards you, holding his large hands out towards you, his cheeks wet with his still falling tears. He felt a sob building in his chest as he felt this was it, knowing you would most likely never forgive him. “I made a mistake, I will pay for tha’ for the rest of my life but I need you.” His voice dropped off to a whisper. “Don’ give up on me.” It was then that the sob finally fell from his lips and he felt his knees give out.
“Harry,” You whisper as you watch the man you loved fall to his knees right there in front of you, his face pressing into his hands as large gasping sobs fell from his mouth. You feel a sob of your own and you take a step closer to Harry. You fall to your knees in front of him and bring a hand up to brush through his brown hair. He lifts his head up, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes meet yours. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you.” You watch his face crumble even more as he takes in your words.
“I’m so sorry.” He whispers and the sobs resume. He then falls into your chest, his cheek burrowing into your t-shirt and his arms wrap tightly around your waist. You support his weight, your arms going around his shoulders, your fingers brushing at the hair on the back of his neck. “I’ll never forgive myself either.” He whispers through his sobs.
You sat and held Harry, both of you crying and clinging to one another, knowing that this was it, for a good while until finally you pried him off of you and both of you stood up.
“I think it’s best if you left.” You whisper as the two of you stood awkwardly facing each other. Harry gives a small nod, closing his eyes for a second. His eyes burned, the tears drying his eyes out but he knew he would probably spend the entire night crying.
“Can I do somethin’, one las’ time?” You frown at him but he then takes a step closer to you and as his hand comes up to rest on your cheek you understood what he wanted. You don’t move as his face dips towards yours. You try not to return the pressure his lips press into yours but you couldn’t help it. As if by reflex you were kissing him back and bowing your body against his as your arms wrap around each other. It was as the kiss intensified and his tongue slid against yours that the reason this was to be your last kiss together reared back into your mind and you pulled away from him, breaking all contact together.
“I can’t. I can’t do this, Harry.” You mutter, seeing that hurt and aching look in his green eyes as his chest heaved. He had hoped there for a second as he held you close again, your lips melded together perfectly like they always had, that just maybe you could forgive him. “I can’t be with you, I’m just going to picture you with her every time and I just can’t.”
“I understand.” He gives a nod, hanging his head a bit. He pushes his fingers through his hair and looks back up at you. “I’m so sorry that I hur’ you.” He stares at you for a few seconds before backing towards the door. “I’ll always be jus’ a phone call away. I love you, with every piece of my soul.” You ignore the fresh tears sliding down your cheeks and simply give a nod. You look away from his heartbroken face and look anywhere but at him as he reaches for his bags and then a minute later was gone from the house.
You fall to your knees right there where you stood and begin to cry into your hands, feeling like a piece of your heart had just walked out that door with Harry.
Harry meanwhile had gone into the garage and got into his Range Rover but as soon as he was behind the wheel he rested his forehead against the steering while and let the sobs return. They were loud, chest heaving, sobs. Not only had he just lost the love of his life but he also now had to decide what he was going to do about his child on the way.
This started out as a simple idea: I wanted to portray a possible season 3 scenario where a battle (with Toffee?) just took place, Marco is on Mewni with Star and lately he’s been realizing why his heart always jumps out of his chest when he sees Star. Realizing this was one thing - actually confessing is a whole ‘nother deal … (yes, he already broke up with Jackie)
This is a purely fanmade storyboard by me. I put a lot of effort, time and dedication into this though, so I would love, love, love if you guys share this so maybe, just maybe, @arythusa, @hug-bees or any other member of the Star vs the Forces of Evil crew could see this. It would mean the world to me.
Thanks for reading and enjoy this piece of shameless Starco fluff!
harry continues to remain ambiguous abt the meanings behind his songs and has said multiple times now that he wants ppl have their own interpretations and doesn’t want to ruin what they mean to anyone so maybe…just…maybe ppl could not be aggressive assholes abt ppl’s interpretations of a song. if u don’t agree w/someone’s opinion…great. maybe just try to stay hydrated n in ur lane and enjoy your interpretation and don’t go @ them abt how wrong and bad their interpretation is bc u don’t get to tell anyone what a song means to them !
I’m so addicted to all the things you do When you’re rollin’ round with me in between the sheets Oh the sounds you make, with every breath you take It’s unlike anything, when you’re lovin’ me… From Addicted by Saving Abel
You spent the next hour pretending that Dean hadn’t said anything. The idea that he would say something like that was too much for your brain to process. You didn’t know if he meant it but you weren’t sure why he would say it with such passion if he didn’t The feelings bubbling up in you were the most confused you had felt since your crush on Ben Harris in third grade. You had ended up with a scraped knee and a broken heart from that one.
You chewed your lip as you watched Dean nursing his beer across the table. You had abandoned the thought of the game when all that shit with that asshole had gone down. You had suggested to Dean about leaving but he had dismissed the idea. He told you that he wanted to spend the that time with you. You had ordered several shots and downed them all at once at the news.
Your attention was shifted from your thoughts when you felt the tickle from the buckle on your garter belt. You had moved in your seat and it brushed along your thigh. The feeling made your skin crawl, so you stood up to reattach it and felt glad Dean had chosen a dark corner of the bar. You placed your foot in your chair and pushed your skirt up so you could inspect what was happening. You found that one of the front buckles was loose and you rolled your eyes in annoyance. Once it was reattached, you leaned down and smoothed your hands over your stocking.
Dean sat with his beer pressed to his lips as he watched you. When your hands graced over your thighs, he had all he could take and stood up abruptly. Your head snapped to him in a second and you were met with his hands suddenly on your shoulders. He turned you around and swept his hands under your thighs. Lifting you with easy, he brought you to sit on the table. You hadn’t protested as you were shocked from the sudden display. Your eyes had widen to an impossible size as you stared up at him. His eyes were blown wide open and you could feel the lust radiate through him. A lump formed in your throat and it went down painfully.
“Dean?” You managed to whisper.
The only answer you received was Dean’s hands pulling apart your thighs. He stood between them and shift your hips so that you were pressed to him. His harden cock pressed harshly into your pelvic bone and you let out a low moan. Your brain felt dizzy and fogged over. You reached up and caught him by the belt loops in order to press him closer. Never in your life had you felt so sincerely desired and it made you want him to bend you over that table.
“Dean…” You whispered again as you tilted your head up to him. He was looking at you adoringly and you felt yourself fluster under his gaze. The man was making you feel like you were the only woman in the world. His hand caught your chin as he laid little kisses along your jaw. They were so light that it felt like a caress from the wind. He moved up your jawline until he rested his lips against the shell of your ear. You giggled as his hot breath tickled you there.
“I swear to God, Y/N. If I wasn’t trying to take this slow for your sake… I’d rip those red panties down and have you on this table. I’d have you screaming my name for this whole bar to hear.” He breathed against you.
A moan slipped from you as a pooling of desire snaked its way down to your aching core. Your slickness built in your panties and you could feel the fabric becoming soaked. You whined low in your throat when Dean ever so slightly bumped your sensitive sex.
“Deeaaaannnnnnn.” You groaned as you pulled him closer. Your hips lifting to grind yourself against him. Dean’s eyes lulled back in his head as the friction from your movements cause his cock to twitch.
“Fuck.” He hissed through his teeth as you continued to buck against him. Your clit was bumping against his hard on as you moved desperately. The feeling building in you was foreign and it made you want to scream. You bit the inside of your cheek to keep yourself quiet and snapped your hips up one last time. This wasn’t the place to cream your panties and bring all the attention to yourself.
“Dean….” You sighed before gently pushing him away. “This isn’t the time or the place.”
Dean groaned as he stepped back to look at you. The view of just how wet you had gotten as your legs were laying open for him made a shudder rip through him.
“God damn, Y/N. How the fuck can you be real? Cute, funny, smart, sexy, and tough as hell.” He rumbled almost too low for you to hear. For the second time that night, Dean shocked you into complete silence. You quickly slipped off the table as you excused yourself to the restroom. You’re heart pounding in your ears as you flung the door to restroom open.
Darting into the free stall, you slammed the door closed and locked it. You clutched your hand to your chest and pressed yourself up against the cool metal. What the hell was going on between you and Dean? You were beyond perplexed at your own feelings. Your heart squeezed painfully in your chest as his words danced their way through your head. Did he really have feelings for you? Was this all just a ploy to get you in bed? Knowing Dean, it was the latter.
You frowned at yourself and sighed. That wasn’t fair. Dean was a nice guy and he cared about your feelings. Sure, he had been flirting with you and that display just a moment ago was something. You knew deep down that he would never use his feelings for you as a way to get into your pants. He was a broken wreck of a man, but he wasn’t a monster. So maybe. Just maybe. He did have feelings for you.
Then there was you….
Did you have feelings for him? You had spent the last few days trying to get a little revenge, but you had never stopped to think what that meant. You knew that you were afraid to lose him as a friend. That was the most profound feel swirling in you, but then something else was there. Something new and frightening. A feeling you had sworn off long before you had met Dean. You chewed your lip and racked your brain about what to do. Your thoughts shot back to the pool game and the desperate need for Dean to just give up his pursuit of you. You just wanted things to go back to the way they were.
You didn’t bother to return to the table. Instead, you set up a new game of pool for you and Dean. Pulling your phone out of your purse-you shot him a text to come and join you. A few minutes later, he was standing beside you looking so damn good you could devour him. His cheeks were flushed and he looked like he was breathing heavily. Your eyes widen when you realized what he had just done. The desire that knifed through you was almost too much for you to keep your composure. The thought of Dean cumming while thinking of you was enough to make you not be able to sit right for a week.
You bite the inside of your cheek again. A painful reminder to keep yourself grounded in reality. This wasn’t going to happen. You and Dean could never be anything more than friends. His heart depended on it.
“Ok… So I thought we could pay for real this time… Same stakes… You know if we actually get to play.” You said with a frown at the horrible memory of that asshole from earlier in the night.
Dean shot you a look before nodding in agreement. He didn’t know what to make of you. The idea of you being hot and cold was an understatement. One minute you were burning hot and then next you were freezing cold. Neither his heart or his cock knew what the fuck to do.
Half an hour later, you were eyeing up the eight ball and you couldn’t have felt happier. There was no way you could miss such an easy shot. With great care, you called the shot and it rolled triumphantly into the pocket. You jumped for joy as your hands came over head in excitement. You never got tired of winning at pool.
“Yes!” You cried fist pumped. “I won. Now you have to stay here with me a few more days.” You said in a sing songy voice. Your eyes were lit up like every star on a clear night. This was the ticket to getting your friend back. Dean would realize after a few days with you just what a bore you were and things would go back to the natural order. You being a lone wolf virgin and him being a sex god. In your excitement, you hadn’t noticed the way Dean’s eyes danced with a softness that he rarely displayed. The man could admit that he was head over heels for you.
“Best fucking few days of my life.” He mumbled as he smiled inwardly. You didn’t know what was coming your way. He was about to show you that everything you thought was right was wrong. You did belong with him even if you didn’t know it yet. The two of you spent the next few hours just goofing off at the bar. There was no flirting or sexual deviance. Just two people sharing their lives.
“Come on Dean. My feet are killing me and my ass is cold.” You said as you looked at your phone. It read 1 a.m. and you groaned. Dean chuckled at you and grabbed your hand. The trip back to the motel was silent and still. You didn’t know what to say to him except that you really wanted for him to understand why you needed him to stay.
“Dean, you don’t have to stay a few days. I know you and Sam are busy.” You hummed as you looked through the window. The stars passed by in a swirl of white light.
Dean glanced over at you before answering you. He wanted to stay but only if he got a chance to make you his.
“No. I already told Sammy. He’s fine without me. Probably happier even.” He said with a low chuckle. You turned to give him an inquisitive look.
“Sammy needs you Dean. That’s obvious to everyone.” You said flatly. Dean and his brother were a close as anyone could be and that was just how it was. You admire the bond between the brothers.
“What about you? Do you need me?” He asked unexpectedly. His eyes never left the road but you could tell by the way his body braced itself- he was expecting an answer. You half wanted to just pretend that you didn’t hear, but you couldn’t do it. Dean didn’t deserve that.
“Dean. I do need you. I couldn’t take losing your friendship.” You mumbled in reply. Your eyes had returned to the stars and in that moment you wished you could be among them.
“I’m not talking about friends sweetheart.” He rumbled lowly. His right hand slipping from the steering wheel and onto your upper thigh. He gave it a squeeze and you felt yourself sigh. You turned quickly and grabbed his hand.
“Dean… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you. Not to something as silly as sex.” You whispered as tears prickled at the corner of your eyes.
“You’d never lose me, Y/N. If it was just about sex then I would have already taken what I wanted. This is different. I want something more.”
AN: :D Hope you enjoyed the update. Please let me know what you think and I’ll be back Friday with a new chapter. Does this feel forced? Is this a good pace for their feelings. And the humor and flirting war isn’t over yet!
Tags are under the cut. Sorry about that! If you want to be added to the list please send me an ask. Sometimes tumblr is a cunt and eats my notes. I might not see your comment. :) Also some usernames will not tag. :( Tumblr needs to get it together.
u know what im thinking about? how neil slept with andrew’s armbands under his pillow. he didn’t have to like he had a perfectly functioning dresser i am sure but nah they had to be right under his head!! he needed to keep this last physical part of andrew safe and close ((but also sleep is when you’re most defenseless, so maybe just maybe he needed to feel safe too))
There wasn’t much to be said about Lance that was abnormal or out of the ordinary, at least for 3 weeks. You see, as a 17 year old boy you don’t exactly plan to fly into space in a giant blue lion, never to return home. You don’t exactly pack heavy for a one night adventure to go and see what’s up with a crashed alien ship.
You don’t pack clothes.
You don’t pack food
You don’t pack bathroom necessities.
“Oh fuck.” A stabbing pain attacked Lance at approximately 3 o'clock in the morning. His hands flew to his gut and he winced. “Fuck fuck fuck!” He hissed under his breath, a chain of curses followed, though he wasn’t sure if it was out loud or in his head. “No no no no no” almost as soon as he realized what was happening he was in the bathroom with his boxers down and blood covering his inner thighs. “FUCK.” He thought he’d cry, he really did, but his face stayed dry and he got progressively angrier. It was a dry anger, a “I hate everything that’s ever been near me and whatever god cursed me with periods.” Instead of a wet anger like “I don’t have any cookies to cope and my parents are billions of miles away” and suddenly the tears came, but only with the thought, the sudden realization that he didn’t have anything to stop the bleeding with.
He was standing in the bathroom with only a shirt on, he had booked it down the hallway, thanking the stars that his bedroom was closest to the bathroom out of all the paladins. There was a moment of hesitation before he made a decision. He cleaned up and booked it back to his room with a roll of toilet paper. Throwing pants and tighter underwear on he stuffed toilet paper into his briefs. “Well I mean at least I don’t have to pack if I’m stuffing toilet paper in my crotch.” He tried to laugh at himself, he tried desperately to laugh at his joke but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He sat awake that night, not even considering sleep, every time he felt any cramp, any time he moved, every single change and he looked down with an uneasy frown. It was one of the longest nights of his life and when morning rolled around he tried not to get up and search for allura before she was awake or before Lances usual awake time.
He walked out of his room around 7:30, about a half an hour earlier than usual but if anyone asked he’d blame it on a bad sleep. Allura was in the main piloting room with Shiro, as usual she was doing the morning check up on the castle, chatting with the Black paladin. The synthetic light hummed with a light orange, the colour that reminded him of daybreak. “G-Good morning Allura.” She jumped slightly, not used to morning visits, especially from Lance.
“Oh! Lance! You’re up early.” She noted lightly.
“Good morning Lance.” Shiro smiled at him and Lance walked over to them both, leaning against the panel that Allura was working on and Shiro was standing next to.
“Um I have… I kind of have a small… uh…question.” Lance avoided eye contact and put his hand over his face so Allura couldn’t see her- him, couldn’t see him. Lance kept trying desperately to remind himself that he was, in fact, a boy.
“Oh? What is it?” Lance uncovered his eyes to see Allura had paused what she was doing to look at him, Shiros curiosity peeked as well.
“Do alteans, you know…” he sighed, deciding to spit it out instead of beating around the bush. “Do alteans get periods?” The bluntness looked like a physical push at allura. She leaned back in surprise. Shiros jaw physically dropped, but he caught it quick enough.
“Well I- um you see we really-”
“Lance that’s not the kind of thing you just… ask someone.” Shiro cut in, his dad mode flicked on and a stern look in his eye.
“N-No shiro I didn’t mean it to sound!-” Lance clinged desperately to justification.
“Lance I said that’s enough.” Lance scowled back as shiros brow furrowed and allura stood there, usually opinionated she allowed shiro to continue.
“Please I need to know!” Lance spat back at shiro, he too was surprised by Lances words and pulled back as if he’d been struck, much like Allura had. “Please just-”
“Lance!” Shiro spat back at him, his soothing voice turned harsh. “It’s a personal question AND none of your business! You didn’t just go around on earth asking girls these questions did you? No. You didnt. And besides that how do you think you’d feel if you were female and had to go through these issues?” Lance stood there, taking in every word shiro said as if each syllable were a thousand daggers. “I think you need to go and cool down, Lance, come back when you’re ready to apologize, or you can say you’ve experienced these issues and are a girl, you’re not a girl, are you Lance?” Lance backed up and looked at Shiro in shock.
“N-No! Of course not! I’m not a girl! I’m a boy!” He felt his chest tighten, “a boy I’m a boy! Lance is a Boy!” He started repeating this to himself more than anyone else before looking to allura, snapping back into the present, she was confused and he looked to her and sighed, turning to leave.
“That was a little harsh, it WAS just a question.” Allura soothed Shiro who still fumed.
“It’s just.” He sighed, cooling into dad mode “he doesn’t have any respect for women, he always flirts with them mercilessly and I just think that this crossed the line.” His hand went up to massage his temples.
“Hm, maybe so, maybe he needed to hear it…”
Hunk. Gotta find Hunk, gotta find Hunk, Hunk knows, Hunk can help. Almost as soon as he left the Piloting area he started bolting around the castle looking for hunk, the only human who he told after coming out. His best friend. He veered around a corner and clashed with Hunk instantly. “WOAH!” They were on the floor and right as hunk was about to sit up he was pushed down again by Lance wrapping his arms around his neck in an enormous hug. His shoulders scrunched up and his head buried in hunks chest. “L-Lance?” Hunk was wary, Lance didn’t cry often, something must’ve happened, that’s when He noticed. Hunk squeezed tighter, in a comforting way. “Shh it’s ok.” His fingers ran through Lances short brown hair. “Shark week?” Lance weakly nodded his head and Hunk nodded in confirmation of what he already knew from a small red stain on Lances groin.
God knows how long it had been when Hunk was sure Lance was asleep and Allura and Shiro rounded the opposite corner Lance had come from, there was quiet conversation between them and he heard Lances name mentioned. It took a couple seconds but Shiro looked down the corridor and took off “Hunk?!” He was by Hunks side in a second with Allura. “What happened? Is Lance ok?!” Hunk grasped at any thought to come up with so he didn’t out Lance.
“I don’t know it must’ve been 40 minutes ago he was bolting around and ran into me crying, eventually I calmed him down but I didn’t hear why he was crying.” Hunk lied as best he could.
Shiros gut dropped and he groaned, he made Lance cry, what did he say? He was just defending Allura. At that second he noticed something and felt like a complete asshole. “Here let me carry him to his room.”
Hunk noticed shiros realization and denied Him this, continuing to not move “we’re fine right here thank you.” He was abrupt and Shiro looked like he was going to argue but decided that if Lance woke up to find Shiro carrying him it would end in an argument.
“I don’t understand is he ok?” Allura chimed in, innocently.
“He’s perfectly fine, I’ve got it covered.” Hunk glared at Shiro and they walked off, The black Paladin glancing over his shoulder just in time to catch the yellow paladins look.
Not all people relate to the hero. Sometimes we don’t see a hero in ourselves. Sometimes we relate to the villain and redemption, someone who is conflicted because we think, if they can change, maybe so can we. Then maybe we can become a hero.