maybe that is a good way of describing what i am feeling

Joseph Christiansen Secret/Cult Ending Manuscript

I went digging through the Level 18 gibberish and sorted out all the dialogue into a manageable manuscript if anyone is interested in reading this secret wild ride. None of the dialogue is labeled so I did my best to interpret who was saying what so any mistakes are my bad. It took a few hours to put together but I felt like some people would like more than just a summary so here is the full text:

MC will be short for Main Character or your player.

** edit 07/26/17: minor text fixes, better formatting, the insertion of more images (courtesy of purpledragon42) , and insert of a working readmore **

Level 18- Joseph Bad Ending or True Ending ( Who knows? )

This appears to take place after MC and Joseph Christiansen engage in sex in the yacht, except you don’t wake up to what you expect. This takes place in Cult_Dungeon1.

(Photo Credits: Game Grumps)

START: You’re A Monster

MC:

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. What time is it? Must have been asleep for ages. I wonder what will happen now that Mary is gone? What about Joseph’s kids? And how will Amanda feel about all this? That’s what matters… . Well, we all have each other. I guess time will tell, right? Better get up and greet the day.

Am I tied up?! What the hell?! How did I get here? What’s going on?! Joseph? Anybody?

You’re probably just dreaming. Why would there be a… Don’t panic… . a dungeon. An evil dungeon. Why would there be an evil dungeon here? This can’t be real. Maybe I had too much Twilight Rouge. I’m dreaming, or something.

???:

Oh, I guarantee this is real.

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All About Writing Fight Scenes

@galaxies-are-my-ink asked,

“Do you have any advice on writing fight scenes? The type of scene I’m writing is mostly hand to hand combat between two experts. I’m definitely not an expert so when I try to write it, the scene ends up sounding repetitive and dull.”

Fore note: This post is coauthored by myself and one of my amazing critique partners, Barik S. Smith, who both writes fantastic fight scenes and teaches mixed martial arts, various artistic martial arts, and weapons classes.

I (Bryn) will tell you a secret: I trained MMA for seven years, and when I write authentic hand to hand fight scenes, they sound dull too. 

The problem with fight scenes in books is that trying to describe each punch and kick and movement (especially if it’s the only thing you’re describing) creates a fight that feels like it’s in slow motion. 

I write…

Lowering her center of gravity, she held her right hand tight to her face and threw a jab towards his chin. He shifted his weight, ducking under her punch. His hair brushed against her fist, and he stepped forward, launching a shovel hook into her exposed side.

But your brain can only read so fast. In real life that series of events would take an instant, but I needed a full eight seconds to read and comprehend it, which gave it an inherent lethargic feel. 

So, we have two primary problems:

  1. How do we describe this fight in a way the reader can understand and keep track of? 
  2. How do we maintain a fast paced, interesting fight once we’ve broken down the fight far enough for readers to understand it? 

(We will get back to these, I promise.) But for now, let’s look at…

Different types of “fight scenes:”

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There are roses on Derek’s doorstep.

No note. No scent trail. After determining that there is nothing inherently magical or deadly about them, he spends the entire rest of the day researching symbolism and archaic demon customs, trying to figure out what kind of death threat he’s just been handed.

It doesn’t occur to him until nightfall, when the neighbors start discussing their romantic dinner plans at a decibel he has trouble tuning out, that he realizes the flowers might not have been delivered with malicious intent.

Because, apparently, today is Valentine’s Day. And apparently someone decided that Derek should receive flowers to celebrate the occasion.

Derek Hale has a secret admirer.

He honestly would have preferred the death threat.

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types as people i’ve met irl (infp pov)

ESFP

- in a constant loop between “you know what FUCK SOCIETY I WILL LIVE MY LIFE HOWEVER I WANT AND DO WHATEVER I WANT” and “i still lowkey want to please people around me and not cause too much conflict tho”

- that thing when an ESFP starts describing a situation and they play out all people in it and they do it SO GOOD and it’s SO FUNNY do they all do that

- at the centre of attention is where they will be

- somehow doesn’t exactly belong to any group but is considered a part of every group

- me: oh yesterday I’ve met /that person you have no chances of knowing/

ESFP: ooooOOOH I KNOW THEM

me: how

- is never home but somehow manages to sleep?????

ENFP

- BEST LITERARY TASTES. If ENFP tells you to read that book you go read that book I’m telling you

- “and they told me to do it but you know it’s stupid so i’m not gonna do it”

- can be super annoyed by people they love, but remains loyal to their group

- angry with all their body, vivid gestures included. generally they are moving all the time.

- somehow pretty charismatic and it looks like they feel easy in a leader position

- life isn’t a competition EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT IS

ESTP

- i know only one and they are the class president somehow??????

- “WHEN I SEE MY MOTHER CRY I’M READY TO KILL SOME FUCKERS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW”

ENTP

- awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

- puns

- i mean puns, ready to write to you at 3 AM just to proudly write a pun they’ve just come up with

- oh no you are sad??? it’s okay they will bake cookies or smh

- the more personal conversation gets the more “lmao” there is

- you can say when they feel happy to be around you and it’s just so adorable

- they are so smart & try to act like they aren’t & everyone can see they are smart anyway so you failed, entp

- entp: i’m going to try doing that new thing and it will be awesome and i will love it!

entp, later: it sucks

entp, even more later: NO YOU KNOW IT WAS COOL ALL ALONG

- *drinks awful juice for the first time* *eats awful meal for the first time* “ohhh it’s… pretty good!”

- really happy to be a part of some group but won’t say it out loud

- “and it was THEN when my Fe destroyed me!!”

INFP

- looks pretty egocentric & has the lowest self-esteem around

- “if I don’t like it I won’t do it, it’s just that easy”

- they are all attention whores (me too, infps)

- w r i t i n g

ISTP

- SO LOYAL LIKE IF AN ISTP LIKES YOU THERE’S LIKE 0.000001% CHANCE THAT THEY WILL EVER LET YOU GO

- after reading this will probably try explaining to me why the math comparison was wrong and didn’t fit

- have such a hard time expressing their feelings

- if they like you and they can talk to you about their day they are so happy? just talk about what they were doing, really.

- “i feel bad? well i guess i will just bottle it up forever”

- can be rly rly quiet & needs a lot of alone time

- there’s objective logic everywhere just let me find it logic is my bitch

- they will be frustrated if you don’t make sense to them but they will try to understand - if not because they like you then at least for science reasons because “what is that wild creature and why do they act like that, i must observe”

- “sarcasm is the only way I speak”

INTP

- I LOVE

- when I start talking to an INTP the 7 hours long conversation is almost guaranteed

- they seem so genuinely interested in what you have to say and ask questions and stuff & what they say makes you genuinely interested as well because they have such an interesting knowledge on subjects you’ve never thought about

- “on the other side tho”

- puns

- on most subjects it’s really easy to convince them because they are always open to see the other side’s point of view

- usually remembers all you’ve told them but always asks if they remember correctly

- intp: OKAY I MADE UP MY MIND

intp, a day later: ON THE OTHER SIDE,

- “look at that dog!”

- mood swings

- so adorable just let me hug them all

INFJ

- takes care of your shit since you’ve met them

- “NO YOU KNOW WHAT. I’M NOT DOING THIS SHIT FOR THEM THIS TIME. THEY WILL HAVE TO MANAGE IT ON THEIR OWN. I’M DONE HELPING THEM. *does this shit for them because of course they won’t manage it on their own so someone has to*”

- saves the world since they were born

- will try to help, joke about how they failed to help, beat themselves internally over how they failed to help

- OKAY TIME FOR ANOTHER SELF-DEPRACATING JOKE

- you: *starts feeling bad*

INFJ, a second later, out of nowhere: hey are you okay?

- MAKES PLANS. SO MANY PLANS. HOW CAN YOU MANAGE ALL THESE PLANS.

- “i’ve been planning on reading/watching it one day since 2004 but I haven’t found any time since then”

- “my Fe can tolerate your stupidity but my Ni-Ti is so done”

- always done with humanity

- *snarky commentary*

ISTJ

- “so usually when I wake up I have a strict plan of how this day is going to look like and it’s extremely pissing off when something doesn’t go according to that plan”

- ISTJ: *is doing homework for ten hours*

me: do you maybe want to—

ISTJ: NO I WON’T COPY OFF YOUR HOMEWORK I’M NOT WEAK

- somehow really wants to show you that you are important to them, even if they are awkward with feelings

- that smile they have when they talk about people they love doing stuff

- also that excited voice they have while doing so

- “I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. HOW CAN YOU JUST… NOT BE PREPARED.”

- their anger is so cold and so visible

- some values are not to be touched!

INTJ

- really really REALLY cares about people they like

- is really sensitive for their loved ones’ pain and really awkward when trying to comfort them but boy do they try

- that person that will come back for you after the group wanders off and you are left behind

- INTJ, about really hard situations they’ve been through: “this wasn’t such a big deal tho, I mean eh, it’s over now”

- “HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO STUPID I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND”

- ignorance pisses them off even more than it pisses off other human beings

- it’s Monday and my INTJ dad calls me when I’m at school.

me: yeah?

INTJ: hey, I have something important to tell you.

me: sure, what?

INTJ: could you pick up [your sister] from school-

me: sure

INTJ: –on Friday?

- “you know I just… don’t like it when something doesn’t go according to my plan”

- will plan everything for the trip before you try helping

10 Things I love about Expiration Date

#1.

This face. 

Legend says it only happens within a millisecond, but once you see it, it’s chilling. Like if this screenshot doesn’t describe the personality of Medic idk what else would, guys. Dude is so ready to scare the entire shit outta Scout. You can see it in his cold blue eyes. That boogeyman smirk. His evil (yet groomed) eyebrows. Y’all, this man holds so much unadulterated glee at witnessing the pain and suffering of others, so much madne–

–aaaand he’s back. Everything’s cool. Hey doc what the hell is that?

“TUMORS!” :Dc

k then

#2.

So originally I took this screenshot bc of Spy’s eyebrow and Heavy’s annoyed expression of being awoken from his slumber….

but then I proceeded to laugh my ass off bc I also happened to capture Sniper staring off into space while contemplating his existence in this universe.

(I’m sure this is a common occurrence with him. He’s probably the type of dude that wonders if pigeons have feelings.)

#3.

Still in the same room, only this time Spy has been gravely insulted by the Scoot.

But look at the others. They don’t seem too exasperated with Scout and his doodles of Spy. Maybe it’s because they also think this meeting is dumb, maybe it’s because they actually knew Scout was going to pull this prank, or maybe it’s because they too think The Eiffel Tower Having Sexual Congress With Spy is a hilarious joke.

Either way, it’s nice to see the other mercs genuinely smiling at Scout and his shenanigans. It’s better than the common fandom theme where Scout is The Worst and Everybody Hates Him.

No, the other old dudes know how to kid around too (even though it’s still at the Spy’s expense, oops)

Of course, whether the Pyro is smiling at him too is something we’ll never know. Personally I think he’s just eyeing up that bucket. Imagine how different this whole video would have gone if Pyro took the bucket instead of Soldier. 

Probably not so different actually.

#4.

This goes to show that Medic is not just a sadistic doctor. He’s a sadistic doctor that cares about his friends and smiles at them when he passes by.

It’s like when you’re walking down the hallway to class and you see your friend going to their class and you smile and nod to acknowledge their existence. It’s such a nice thing, and of all ppl Medic was the one who did that.

“Interesting.”


#5.

If there was a looping video of just Demoman and Sniper playing their instruments of choice I would pay to watch it forever. Also, how did they get there? Did Spy just yell “hey assholes who wants to help me create a romantic dinner mood so I can teach Scout how to talk to a girl” and Demo and Snipes were like “ok m8 no problem B)”

I know we’re already used to the fact that these boys are mad talented, but I still love the fact that their instruments aren’t what you would stereotype them to play based on their personality. 

The dude that’s paid to blow shit up can probably play Beethoven, and the Loner Guy that lives in a camper van probably knows the tune of Careless Whisper by heart. 

I love that.

#6.

Once again I take a screenshot in order to capture the character in the middle, only to lose my shit at the person standing at the far left.

Look at Medic’s face. Yes, I get it, in context this is a ridiculous situation. I mean the last line said before that was “I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days”. This is almost Saturday cartoon material here.

But still, look at his fucking face. I just…

MEIN FUCKING GOTT VHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU FUCK

#7.

Speaking of horrified reactions. 

Thank goodness I know what the context is in this clip because otherwise I would have assumed someone died, or Armageddon had arrived, or something else completely unimaginable happened and there’s nothing that can be done at all, ever.

But no, it’s just a mutant tentacle monster. And this is right before Heavy asks Medic to ubercharge him, because he’s metal af.

All jokes aside, though, the reason why I am putting so much emphasis on these little miliseconds of expression is because these characters are 3D animated, and a team of people sat in front of a computer rigging these facial features to move this way. Even though these moments happen for only a second, they are still very telling when you look at them up close.

Besides, Heavy doesn’t make this face very often (as far as we’ve seen) and it’s something worth remembering (amirite, Comic #6??)

#8.

Ok, lemme tell you guys a thing:

If I was fighting a giant-tentacle-whole-wheat-bread-monster and it hoisted my ass several feet into the air, only to fling me back to mother earth with all of it’s strength, I would stay on my fucking back for like five minutes trying to get breath back into my lungs and wondering why tf I even bothered to fight anyway.

THIS DUDE get’s knocked on his ass, arms and legs akimbo and everything, get’s back up mid-fucking-tumble while reaching for his blade, and charges back into the fight like nothing ever happened. 

Seriously, it’s one swift motion, like a damn nature show. You could watch the video again but you’d have to make sure not to blink because it happens so fast.

 And the amazing thing is that all the mercs (and Pauling too) have this insane ability of getting fucked, getting even more fucked, getting back up, and then getting back into the shitstorm with no hesitation. 

Then again, what’s what the Gravel Wars basically are right?

Shit, Administrator was right, these dudes are straight up Plutonium.


#9.

“Good news! We’re not dying! We are going to live FOREVER!”

Oh that Soldier, always giving a laugh. Honestly, though, the reason why I saved this was because I didn’t realize for a long time that the reason why he was able to jump in on the conversation was because he was eaten by the bread monster.

It makes sense, because last time we saw him he was being dragged while screaming something about teleporting bread. He was probably just laying there in the monster’s throat, getting ready to use a grenade, when suddenly boom went the bomb and he received visitors. All this time I never put two and two together that he was stuck inside the bread monster before Pauling and Scout made it cool. Shame on me. That’s definitely a Soldier thing to do.

(Also, you wanna know what a bread monster and Soldier have in common? They both have a talent of cockblocking Scout.)

#10.

And the final one.

There’s nothing like a family portrait. If the video froze at this point with credits I would have expected to hear a 90′s family sitcom jingle.

What a video.

Good Girls Go Bad

Set in the 40’s. Y/N was your stereotypical girl next door, growing up in the apartment right across the hall from James Buchanan Barnes. She had always been the shy, reserved girl; she was the complete opposite of the enigmatic ladies man. Despite their proximity, she was sure that he didn’t even know she existed. What happens when they run into one another during a night out on the town? Is just one night all it really takes? 

Word Count: 3,408

Warnings: swearing, smut


Originally posted by evanstansource


You sighed, adjusting your dress as you gazed into the mirror. Even though it was still rather conservative, you couldn’t help but notice that it was more revealing than you were used to. The neckline plunged rather low, the collar fastened with a bow that drew attention to your cleavage. The waist was cinched, showing off your figure. Paired with the red heels that your friends had chosen for you, you were looking like a regular bombshell. Your friends had insisted that you go out with them tonight. You had turned them down too many times. They said that now, of all days, you had to accompany them. The newest army recruits would be shipping out tomorrow, and it was sure to be a lively night.

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Sweet Tooth- A Remus Lupin Imagine

A/N: Another two posts in one night! This is a little tribute to the fact that I already have reached over 100 followers on here, which is baffling?? Thank you all so much for supporting me so much in the very short time I have been on here. I’m so very glad that I have done this and I hope to be getting to some requests that I have received recently, as well! I digress. I hope you enjoy this Remus smut in celebration. This is my very first attempt at writing anything of the sort so sorry if it is no good! Enjoy~

Warning: SMUT 

Originally posted by perfectfeelings

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Praise Kink

In which Harry is incredibly nervous and y/n knows just how to calm him down.

A/N: WELL I did it. Barely.  I managed to get this finished before Harry’s single dropped so that I’ll be able to freak out in peace tonight.  I hope you enjoy because this is… kinda filthy.  LOVE YA BUY SIGN OF THE TIMES ON ITUNES!

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Boku no Hero Academia Fiction Recommendation Master Post

I have decided my new favorite anime and its fandom deserves some appreciation. Every work I recommend are - in my personal opinion - beautiful and I want everyone to read them. If you see your work up here that’s cause I loved it to the moon and back! I welcome suggestions too!  

♥ - ultimate fav

★ - they do the do

(★) - implied sexual activities

ロ - unfinished

■ - finished

✿ - multi chapters


TodoDeku (Todoroki x Midoriya)

Sumary:  Midoriya Izuku has never been asked out, confessed to, or flirted with, except as a joke.

Summary:  [02:13 AM] todoroki: Are you awake?

Summary:  U.A.’s Heroics Division’s Class A was graduating. Moving on. Never coming back. And Izuku is going to be left behind, solidly trapped in a prison of his own making. There might be a few things that could make it more bearable, though.

Summary:  Todoroki is bad at presents, and worse at confessions.

Summary:  I wrote some silly fluff for Izuku’s birthday. Happy bday, little hero egg!

Summary: Todoroki felt his own breath drop in temperature as the nerves settled in, steam rising with each steady exhale. He continued to stare, as if expecting the same to happen to Midoriya when he caught a whiff of cool mint as the boy spoke, face inches from his. In which Midoriya has a better grasp on the changes happening in Todoroki than Todoroki himself.

Summary: There was no magical moment that played a part in Midoriya’s realization that he liked Todoroki. The thin red string that greeted him every time he looked down at his hand was an obvious factor, yes, but it wasn’t love at first sight either. It sorta just… happened over time.

Summary:  In which Todoroki Shouto is trying to ask Midoriya out and the whole class is in on it.

Summary: The law is clear: whoever correctly answers three riddles will marry the prince, while all who fail are to be executed. The people live in fear as more challengers try and fail, and the throne grows bloodier with every passing year. But a young prince, nameless and in exile from his home, believes there may be more to this brutal challenge than meets the eye. Of course, there’s only one way to find out: ring the gong, and take the trial.

Summary:  It’s been judged safe to send the students of UA home to their families for the first three weeks of summer, much to the relief of everyone whose name isn’t Todoroki Shouto. Luckily, Midoriya has a solution for him, and Midoriya Inko has a lot of love to give.

Note: Part 6 of Send Endeavor to the Shadow Realm series. First part: Spring Cleaning

Summary: Izuku has never been one to curse but the only way to describe himself as his mother hugs him goodbye that morning, is royally fucked.He’s really, truly glad no one in their class has a mind-reading quirk because from the minute his feet touched warm sand, his mind has been screaming in tune to the same famous classical overtures Tenya listens to when they study together. Occasionally, the music pauses just long enough for his brain to point out observations about Shouto that make Izuku want to stick his head under the waves and just breathe in.

Summary:  Note to self: don’t accidentally fall in love with a prince who’s in an arranged marriage keeping your kingdoms from declaring war against each other. Especially when you’re spying on him as his manservant.

Note: Part 1 of the kings & queens of promise series.

Summary: It starts —like all ideas that inevitably lead to one’s downfall do— with something akin to this: Midoriya Izuku. Midoriya Izuku and a five-story house by the beach, completely devoid of any entry-fee –save for the one where Todoroki has to pretend to be Deku’s boyfriend. All-in-all though, not an awful price to pay for the vacation of their dreams, right? Right?

Summary:  It’s Wednesday morning when Izuku’s mother texts him to remind him about his cousin’s wedding coming up the following weekend, and it’s Wednesday evening, when Izuku’s back in his room after classes and has time to call her, that she tells him she can’t go to the wedding with him.

Summary: Todoroki and Midoriya are pro heroes. They’re also dating.These two aspects clash when they’re outed to the entire world as Japan’s first officially gay heroes.

Summary: In his third year at UA, Todoroki Shouto works in a burger place, catches on fire and falls in love. Only two of those things are on purpose. Or…Todoroki Shouto’s exciting adventures in customer service.

Note: First part of the extra-salty/twitter-verse series! The next TodoDeku part of the series: get in loser, we’re going heroing

Summary:  Shouto Todoroki is a cold Pro Hero who never uses his fire side. He refuses to be like his father, Endeavor, but every day it seems like he’s becoming more like him. Shouto meets up with Izuku Midoriya, a quirkless Pro Hero counselor and discovers that his power is his own. Also… he might be falling in love with his counselor. // AU where Deku never received One for All and became a quirk counselor instead!

Summary: Shouto has his first sleepover.

Summary:  In the wake of All Might’s death, Izuku grieves. (Post-Graduation/Future Fic)

Summary: It was a mistake, Shouto thinks, to fall in love with a hero. (Or the one where Todoroki is a Quirkless school nurse and Hero Deku’s longsuffering boyfriend.)

Note: Part 1 of the demolition lovers series.



KiriBaku (Kirishima x Bakugou) 

Summary: … It wasn’t that he was annoyed. Okay, maybe he was a little annoyed, but that was just the lack of sleep talking. Because a certain explosive punk thought it was a good idea to test the flammability of his sheets at 2 in the morning. Every single morning. (In which Bakugou’s quirk wakes Kirishima up, and Kirishima gets way too invested in his bro’s well-being.)

Summary:  The summer training camp of Bakugou’s second year at UA descends upon him with all the untamed fury of- well, himself, honestly.

Summary: "Hey! Wake up you piece of shit! Are you alive?!“ The man winces and scrunches his face in pain but Bakugou continued to hold him in place. Good, he’s alive- Piercing red eyes flutter open and gaze lazily straight at Bakugou’s face and Bakugou feels his heart skip a beat. Oh, Fuck- AKA merman! Kirishima au

Summary: Bakugou sleeping in the common areas like it’s no big deal seems to give everyone else permission to be just as bizarre, and little by little Kirishima starts learning things about his classmates he never knew.  

Summary:  Bakugou Katsuki and Kirishima Eijirou are paired together for a winter survival assignment! It’s inevitable that the two clash, but neither of them could have predicted an accident at the height of their tension. Trapped in the wilderness at the mercy of the environment, how will the two cope with finding help and mending what was broken?

Summary:  Before going into battle, it’s only proper to make an offering to the god of war. But Kirishima’s run out of things to give. AKA God of War! Bakugou au

Summary: “You’re a popsicle biter, you fucking animal,” Bakugou says. “You’re not?” Kirishima says around a mouthful of ice cream. “No,” Bakugou says. “I prefer my teeth unfrozen, thanks.” He wraps his mouth around the popsicle and Kirishima realizes his mistake very, very quickly.

Summary:  Kirishima has always made things easy for Bakugou. But that doesn’t mean that Bakugou’s gotten any better at these things, even after all of these years.

Summary: Bakugou works at a convenience store, flirts like a loser, blows up nineteen aprons, gets a hashtag trending for all the wrong reasons and maybe manages to make a friend. Or…being Bakugou Katsuki is suffering.

Note: Part two of the extra-salty/twitter-verse series

Summary: With phone, money, and keys in his pocket, Kirishima wandered around the city for an age. With his legs on auto-pilot his mind wandered too. To the new movie that peppered the streets in posters and trailers, a new move he wanted to practise for another basketball play, wondering about how the current arcs for his favourite manga would turn out in the next issue of Jump. And, of course, he thought about how many of those things he could see and do with Bakugou.

Summary: Once upon a time a lonely beast lived in a manor deep in the forest. He dreamed of the day his true love appeared to break his curse… When a beauty finally appears in his life, it is not quite as he imagined. For who could have thought a beauty would be more of a beast. Or the beauty and the beast AU nobody asked for but here it is.

Baby, can I?

Yoongi is your friend, but all it takes is one wrong move of his hand for you to start thinking of him as something more than that.

Originally posted by strawberrie-kookie

i’m a slut for yoongi these days, so here we go again 

thanks for the feedback, i appreciate it so much!

word count: 5.5k

genre: smut

masterlist

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Shapely🍑

Summary: Bucky and Steve will never let you know that they’re the heads of your booty’s fanclub.

Authors note: It was so hard to find old timey slang for butt. Like we have so many words now I was surprised lmao.

Warnings: None, Bucky and Steve appreciating that cake


  Your jeans only make it halfway up your thighs before they refuse to budge. You groan.

‘And this was my favorite pair too’

You sigh, before peeling off the jeans and rooting around in your dresser for something that you can wear. You never were the skinniest person, especially when it came to your hips and thighs. But then again you never were exactly bootylicious either. So when you became a SHEILD agent you thought your body would kinda slim down into a  svelte mass of lean, toned muscle like the other female agents.

 Boy were you wrong. 

You gained muscle, and a lot of it too. Every single inch of you had at least some definition and your thighs had bulked up considerably. As for your butt….You sneak a peek at it in the mirror ‘I swear it gets bigger every day’ . Since you had joined the Avengers last year and your training had gotten even more intense you swear your booty had doubled in size. Your body was very… in your face nowadays. Wanda kindly described you as ‘shapely’. You pull out a pair of denim shorts that have some slight stretch to them.

You look at yourself in the mirror sighing. ‘ If I get anymore shapely I’m gonna have to buy an entire new wardrobe.’ 


“Pal, why is ya oatmeal always so…” Steve makes a face “…Soggy?”

Bucky and Steve are sitting eating breakfast, at a table that’s situated slightly back and across from the kitchen, next to an open door. Bucky snorts.

“It’s oatmeal Steve, it’s supposed to be soggy.” Steve rolls his eyes but takes another bite of his oatmeal, making a mental note to make breakfast himself the next morning.

Bucky lets out a soft, low whistle. Steve turns his his head, slowly. He knows what that whistle means. He watches as you enter from the other side of the room, cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cabinets. Or rather he watches your ass cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cupboards. You Steve, and Bucky were pretty good friends. You had surprisingly befriended Bucky first, and then Steve. Bucky had been making a good recovery, but was still kind of shy, except around Steve and Sam, and then you. Your sense of humor and openness kind of disarmed him. The three of you would always hang out, watch movies, and talk about anything and everything. But the one thing that Bucky and Steve would never mention is that they both agreed that you by far had the best body they had ever seen. And they were low-key its fan club. The super soldier’s eyes track you as you gather your cup of tea and cheese danish in one hand and exit the room.

“Now ain’t that a beautiful sight to see in the morning?” Bucky says, smirking and sipping his coffee. 

“Yes,” Steve smirks back “As I always say,the lady is truly blessed.”

“Amen.” Bucky says raising his coffee mug. “I mean have you ever seen such beautiful gams on a dame?”

“No,”  Steve pushes back his bowl of soggy oatmeal and crosses his arms over his chest. A devious grin forms on his face. “But that’s not the only thing that’s beautiful.”

Bucky’s grin widens to epic shit eating proportions. “True, Y/N’s a bit broad in the beam, ain’t she?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 Your voice coming from behind them nearly stops both super soldier’s hearts. They turn, mouths slack, to find you standing in the doorway behind their table, tea and cheese danish in one hand, the other perched on your hip.

“Ah-um-I-um” Steve splutters, unable to form words. Bucky, on the other hand, decides distraction is the best course of action.

“Y/N! Sugar, sweetheart, you look lovely today. How’s that cheese danish? I heard the weather’s going to be nice , maybe we should go to the park?” He exclaims, red slowly creeping up his neck until his whole face is scarlet. You silently look from Steve to Bucky. ‘Well if they’re not gonna spill, Google will’

You pull out your phone and look at it. “Well looks like I have somewhere to be so I’ll see you boys later.”

You turn, hearing twin goodbye’s being called out after you, with at least one voice cracking in the middle.


You retreat back your room and fire up your laptop. Bucky and Steve were always using obscure old timey slang that no one understood. ‘they better haven’t been throwing shade…’ you shake your head. It seemed like they were talking about something physical about you, and not in a bad way. You feel warm and kind of insecure at the same time. You couldn’t deny that the two super soldiers were very attractive.

You open google and type “gams meaning” into the search engine.


gam

/ɡam/

noun,informal

plural noun: gams

  1. a leg, especially in reference to the shapeliness of a woman’s leg.

A giggle escapes your mouth. ‘oh my’ you think.

You type the next phrase into Google, and click on the phrase dictionary that comes up.


Broad in the beam

Meaning:

Having wide hips or buttocks


You stare at the screen for a moment and then  recall the overheard conversation. Your mouth falls open as you choke out a laugh ‘Oh my god’


Later that day you find Bucky,Steve and Sam sitting outside. You join them, and they all greet you, but you notice Bucky isn’t looking you in the eye and Steve’s ears are pink. Sam doesn’t seem to notice the tension and dives into a story about sweeping a girl off her feet in the local coffee shop.

“…then she gave me her number.”

“That’s great!” Steve says “You gonna take her out soon?”

“Yeah this weekend”

“That is great,” Bucky smiles “What does she look like?” he asks curiously.

“Man she had the cutest laugh, and those dimples…” Sam pauses, smiling to himself. “She had short dark hair, and was so curvy…..like damn.” Everyone chuckles a bit at this, and after the chuckles stop you pipe up.

“Curvy? Sam get with the times, you don’t call women curvy anymore, its called being broad in the beam.” You say and smirk at the two super soldiers. They promptly turn bright red, Bucky choking a little bit. Sam whips his head back and forth between the three of you.

“Am I missing something?” he asks.

 Steve clears his throat, holding out his hands imploringly.

“Y/n, sugar, listen. I can explain”


tags: @stephie-senpai @chamongangae

@iamwarrenspeace
on draco malfoy's patronus being a thestral

I AM HERE TO ANSWER YOUR CALLS thestral may seem like a badass / very strange choice of a patronus for draco but I am here to explain WHY I think it should be draco’s patronus!!! I’d love to hear your thoughts / have people elaborate on my thoughts so feel free to!

First off, I feel like a lot of people brush off the idea of him having a thestral patronus because heck, why should draco malfoy of all people have a mythical creature? But that’s one of the reasons why i love it. We all know that draco would absolutely LOVE having a mythical patronus ( you know, being special ) but I stand strongly behind the idea that the ONE mythical patronus he would have never wanted is a thestral.

A patronus is suppose to be a representation of yourself, and why the hell would he like it if he had patronus that reminds him of the war? of him being a death eater? of what he had to do and what it ended up causing? it’s an irony i love to indulge in & think about. Rather than being stuck up and proud i personally think draco would have wished for anything else. I’m pretty sure draco would be the type who would pull a disgusted face if he saw a thestral rather than be happy by it. He wouldn’t want to show this patronus off. Like, can you imagine? Pansy pestering him to show her, “wow i bet it’s a fucking ferret, isn’t it”, and when she actually sees it everything goes to shit because of fucking course, draco malfoy out of all people would have a thestral patronus, that even the embodiement of his happiest memory and his soul would link back to the horrors of the war and what he’s done.

Thestrals as you all know are considered to be dangerous, omens of misfortune and only visible to those who have seen death. They are quite literally representative of death. It spells out /evil/ and /bad/ no matter how you look at how the world portrays them.

This is where I’m grateful for Luna Lovegood. We’ve all seen a different side to the thestrals in the films, with Luna stating that “they’re quite gentle, really, but people tend to avoid them because they’re a bit…different.” Thestrals externally look ghostly, grim with them being dark & skeletal all the way through ( this could be another reason why draco = thestral but i’m not making that connection LOL ) if we place in on a canon timeline, the only place where draco would /really/ be trying to conjure a patronus would be after the war, and keeping that in mind it makes a lot of sense. It’s not a big stretch to say that post-war draco became an image of the war, with him being a death eater. His past haunts him, with people only seeing into his image of a death eater without acknowledging him trying his best to redeem himself.

The whole idea of a thestral being a creature that is representive of death & misfortune but also having the ability to be a person’s patronus, basically the opposite of what a thestral is known for, is SUCH a good way of describing draco. The image of post-war draco malfoy is like the image of a thestral in a flowerfield, they stand out too much for their setting of peace despite them not doing anything but being themselves. People fear/hate thestrals and they can’t help it, just as people can’t help but slap “death eater” on draco.

BUT! despite their external appearances thestrals are gentle, extremely loyal…and cutting away at the war and everything else we know draco is loyal. He is so loyal to his family, and even if its /bad/ he wouldn’t hesitate to defend them even if it’s by taunting / mocking the person. He loves them, and this goes both ways - maybe it’s him being prideful of his blood heritage because of how he was raised, or maybe he truly really loves his family ( which i definitely think he goddamn does ). Thestrals can be representative of both, they are attracted to the smell of blood but will also become aggressive if they view someone as a threat to themselves, their friends or even their owner.

It makes sense that draco’s patronus would be a gentle, misunderstood being who sometimes does the wrong thing out of love, or fear, but for a reason that isn’t purely “ because i wanted to”. I just really like the idea of a thestral both symbolising draco’s deeper, hidden parts that he’s too scared to show to the world while also simultaneously being able to represent his life and what he experiences.

I also do think it’ll be a nice way to make draco get over the horrors of war and let go of his past and just live. Draco coming to terms with him having a thestral patronus would practically be him coming to terms with who he is and the mistakes he’s made.

And just to add onto everything above : draco was owner of the elder wand at a point ( thestral hair core ), and thinking about when he was the owner and what was happening at the time, i think everything works out nicely.

All in all i just think thestral is a really clever choice for draco, and clever just so happens to work perfectly for him.

EDIT: ALL THIS AND I FORGOT TO EVEN MENTION THE FACT THAT THESTRALS ARE CLEVER

firsts ✰ peter parker

summary : a collection of firsts between you and your beloved boyfriend, peter benjamin parker. 

author’s note : y’all okay this is so long my apologies i just??? went so overboard??? because i loved this so much?? also i could probably do more of these because it’s so cute and there are more things that could be added this was just already so long

  • the first time you meet peter, you’re pretty sure, at least just for a second, that you’ve officially met the human form of sunshine
  • seriously he’s always so happy??? and smiling??? and it’s honestly makes him so attractive to you in the first place
  • other than the exceptionally cute face that keeps angling itself toward you ever so slightly in ap chem class that thursday morning 
  • you’re both in lab and he’s sitting at his shared table with ned and he’s supposed to be making the mixture for his webs but oh well he’d rather stare at you like he does in every class you have together
  • (it’s three, three classes and two free periods and lunch and your locker is four down from his, not that he’s paying much attention to that sort of thing)
  • finally ned encourages him to walk up to you in class and ask for an extra beaker one day
    • “do you want my hat for some confidence boosts”
    • “no ned you’re the only one who can wear that hat properly”
    • “you’re not wrong”
  • so peter casually strolls up to your table where you’re sitting alone because your partner is absent and he bumps into the front of the desk 
  • you glance up from your work to see him holding his ribcage and mumbling under his breath
    • “oh, hi peter!” you say cheerfully
    • “wait you know my name?” ohmygodohmygod she knows who i am what the hell oh my god
    • “well duh, we have three classes together of course i do”
  • the best way to describe him in that moment is having lit up from within
  • he instantaneously smiles so wide and so excitedly as he realizes that you’ve noticed him too and maybe not in the same way he’s been noticing you but it doesn’t matter because it’s something 
  • he can work with something
  • and he definitely does
  • from the moment he slid into the empty seat next to you, turning around to give ned a completely obvious thumbs up with another wide grin, you knew you were goner
  • the first time you hold hands with peter you’re on the train with him going to meet may for the first time
  • you’re sort of together but not really but at the same time everyone knows that you and peter are pretty much dating
  • anyways peter really wants you to meet his aunt because she’s his favorite person ever but you’re slowly becoming a contender for that title
  • also may has been relentlessly asking to meet you for the past month and a half of you and peter developing strong feelings for each other so he figures now is as good a time as any
  • especially since he’s planning on asking you to be his girlfriend in the very very near future
  • so you’re taking the train back to his apartment and there’s barely any room for the both of you to sit unless he goes across the cart and the last thing this cutie wants to do is leave you 
  • he’s chilling and holding onto the pole thing by your seat and his other hand is dangling at his side kind of close to yours and he really wants to grab your hand so his fingers are kind of like twitching awkwardly ‘cause he’s not sure whether or not he should just lean down and go for it
  • you’re the one that goes for it in the end, shifting your bag on your lap before you reach out to hold his hand kind of loosely in case he doesn’t really want to
  • but he really wants to
  • and the blood rushes to his face so quickly when he glances down to see you shyly smiling up at him with your hand in his not quite firmly enough 
  • he laces his fingers through yours and makes sure you know he wants to do this more than anything else 
  • peter kind of adores hand holding
  • it makes him super happy and he feels safe and loved and cared for when you hold his hand for that first time 
  • he swings your hands back and forth between you as you trek to his apartment and he does it an exaggerated fashion that makes you laugh
  • he’s happy, so happy
  • the first time he kisses you is that same day, and it’s also the day he officially becomes your boyfriend
  • basically it’s a day neither you nor him would ever or could ever forget
  • you had just arrived at his building and you were both just standing there staring at each other with your hands still clasped together 
  • he had a dopey little happy adorable grin on his face as he bounced on his heels slightly and that made you smile so hard as well 
  • he looked like the most excited little boy ever 
  • which he was, if you really think about it
  • anyway he kind of just moves his hands up to your face for like a second and he hesitates but you nod and tell him that it’s okay so he presses them against your cheeks
    • “i- i wanna… can i… i’m gonna kiss you is that okay maybe”
    • “yeah pete, that’d be okay with me” you smile really softly at him and he nods again and he’s so nervous
  • he leans in and you lean in and you’re so close that you can practically feel his eyelashes delicately fluttering against your cheeks 
  • and then he closes his eyes and he kisses you and it’s only for like four seconds but it’s okay because you’re sure that it’s the best kiss you’ve ever experienced in your life
  • when he pulls back he’s so blushy and cute and shy with his head ducked slightly so you can’t look at him when he asks the next question
    • “so- um, maybe when i- i introduce you to may, i could possibly call you my… girlfriend? maybe? if you’d like to be…”
    • “PETERYESI’VEBEENWAITINGIWOULDLOVETOBE”
    • “OHOKAYIMSORRYTOKEEPYOUWAITING”
    • “IT’SFINEIREALLYLIKEYOU”
    • “ILIKEYOUMORE OKAY COOL LET’S GO MEET MAY”
  • the cutest babes ever :’))
  • the first time he calls you babe is maybe a week or two later
  • he doesn’t really mean to but it slips out and he can’t take it back
  • after seeing your reaction to it he doesn’t want to it back anyhow but before he notices how bright you beam at him he definitely slaps a hand over his face in embarrassment 
    • because like,,, is that even allowed am i supposed to say things like that what are relationship rules is that okay ohmygod
  • so you’re sitting at his desk and you’re going over calc homework with him and you’ve got a pen cap stuck between your lips as you concentrate and he is on his bed with one hand on his cheek and an elbow propping him so he can gaze at you the way an art connoisseur would admire a painting in the MET and he can’t help it
  • it just slips out like
    • “i got really lucky when i met you babe”
    • but he doesn’T MEAN TO SAY BABE AND HIS HEART KIND OF GOES !!!!!!!! but in a bad way
    • he’s like ah fuck i ruined it
    • but you spin around in his little spinny chair that you love and you grin at him and then he relaxes a bit and thinks hey ok good job peter so suave and charming nice one man and pats himself on the back a bit
    • “babe huh”
    • he tries to play it cool but he squeaks out “ummm yeah well like if you’re cool with it ya know haha” 
  • spoiler alert ! you’re v cool with it
  • the first time he says i love you isn’t during some big grandiose argument about him being spider-man
  • in fact it’s probably the lamest fucking thing ever and he kind of regrets not making it a bigger deal to tell you that he loves you but like whatever
  • it makes for a funny story
  • he’s been up with you the past two weeks studying for a history final that has you stressed out you haven’t kissed him hello in like… two days
  • you get out of your final and you’re like sweating from the stress of it and from holding your breath while answering questions because half of the shit you studied for isn’t on the test??? and like??? american education system whatever bye
  • he doesn’t even have a test that day but he waits outside the room for the hour and a half anyway
    • “you probably aced it babe you’re so smart i bet you did wonderfully i’m so sure of it”
    • “when i go to summer school you’re gonna wanna take those words back peter benjamin parker”
      “shut up let me supportive gosh y/n… anyways wanna go get celebratory donuts, my treat obviously”
    • “yes let’s go right now”
  • so another few days pass and you’re getting the tests back and peter skips the last ten minutes of his advanced english class to linger outside your door so he can be the first to greet you when you leave
  • the bell rings and you’re the last one out 
  • (this is mostly to tease peter because you know he’s outside the door he’s not good at being inconspicuous even if he’s spider-man)
  • you finally come out and he bounds over to you with wide eyes and places his hands on your shoulders 
    • *drmatically* “tell me the news”
    • *sadly* “well i…” *dramatic pause* “acED IT WITH FLYING COLORS PETER I PASSED !!!!!”
    • he practically squeals with happiness and he hugs you so tightly you’re lifted off your feet as he babbles on “oh my gosh i knew you could do it i’m so proud i love you so much you’re so smart i can’t believe i’m with a genius wow”
  • you step back with your mouth sort of agape in shock and peter tilts his head at you in confusion because he didn’t know that he said it just came out like words tend to do with him
    • “peter”
    • “what?????”
    • “you just you loved me”
    • “wait i did” he takes a moment to remember what he said and then he does and he just goes “aw damn it that’s not how i wanted to say it now it’s ruined god damn it”
    • and you’re just like the epitome of the heart eyes emoji because he looks so distraught that he ruined the moment 
    • “peter shut up for a second you dummy i love you so much too”
    • “oH REALLY WOW THAT’S AWESOME
  • he’s a huge dork
  • but you wouldn’t have it any other way because this is the nerd that you love and would love for as long as possible

Keep reading

Morties Feeling Worthless Is Dangerous

We remember that amazing episode of season 1. We got a bit of depth with the show and learned of Rick.

But with season three, I noticed something. Rick is getting rougher with Morty- right? Right?

What if Cocky Morties are less dangerous than insecure Morties?

Let’s talk of Evil Morty (Eye patch Morty)

What did he say?

“Morty’ are no match for their Rick.”

Originally posted by l-l-lickmyballs

Even Evil Morty finds himself valueless, he finds himself so worthless that he tortures his other selves.

His hatred of Rick is so deep he allows himself to hurt Morties, ruin multiple versions of his families’ lives and so much more.

Unless this Morty was a sociopath, he doesn’t feel he is worth it. A lot of Morties don’t.

This comic by the tumblr user — really shows what I want to describe.

(Comic by tumblr user @ahkaraii)

This shows how being feeling so small and useless jades a person. Morty, children in general, emotional abuse can turn people into something completely different.

Let’s look at the comics (they’re canon) it shows a Morty being a Rick and a Rick being a Morty.

(Rick and Morty issue 3) It shows a Rick dealing with the abuse Morty usually deals with, and snaps. Our Morty is slowly breaking, in the newest episode, where they detoxify themselves, Morty is shown sociopathic.

I don’t think in the first season he was this way, but he has seen awful things, and dealt with a worse grandfather. He is desensitized.

In the vindicators episode, Morty was shown to be extremely smart. He knew all of Rick’s tricks. He knew how to defuse the bomb and had a present of if it works.

Originally posted by awesomejustgotawesome

In the interdimensional cable episode, Morty explained it pretty well. I am sure he is more than 20% right, Rick is a genius, Beth is smart too. (Though blinded by emotional trauma), and summer, though emotional, is clever.

Why would it skip Morty? It didn’t, his doubt, dread, and overall teenage angst holds him back. At the beginning, maybe, but if pushed hard enough he will learn how to survive on his own.

Let’s look at Miami Morty, he lazes around the beach all day and dances. He’s happy, dumb and happy.

Morty in season 1 was dumb and happy, feeling loved by his family and unknown of his parents’ marriage issues.

But now he’s aware, aware of so many things. He’s angry, depressed and feels good for nothing. His emotions are high, showing his toxic self he has so much more dread and hatred for himself, for his parents and even his sister.

He is starting to be resentful towards Beth and Jerry. He’s isolated, barely at school and going to terrifying adventures. He has no escape, no socializing of children his age and spending so much time to himself.

Too much time alone with your mind as a child is toxic. My niece when she was with her parents more, used to lock her in her room for hours when she was in trouble. She grew violent, upset easily and jaded. When she was able to socialize, play, and see other children in her age group she became her normal, sweet self again.

Our Morty is not Evil Morty, the creators told us time travel is off the table.

However, Morty is down the same road as Eye patch Morty. Do I believe Rick is Eye Patch’s Rick? Maybe.

But people’s theories and learning the actual twist to the show made season 3 take so long and I think ruined the storyline.

But that’s just the theory.

Oh, and remember how Morty shot Rick in episode 1 of Season 3 because Rick was attacking him verbally?

Originally posted by c-132caps


Yeah… that happened.


Here’s more examples because fuck Morty got dark.

Originally posted by c-132caps

Originally posted by total-rickall

If you had told Dex even a week ago that he would willingly be sharing a blanket with Derek Nurse on the floor of the Haus living room all afternoon, pressed together so close they’re practically in each other’s laps, he would’ve laughed in your face.

Now, he just bangs a fist against the side of the old space heater in front of them and subtly pulls Nursey a little closer into his side. Not that there’s all that much closer to pull him.

“I told them,” he mutters. “Draft fucking central.”

He not so much sees as senses Nursey roll his eyes. “Rans and Holtzy not letting you replace all the windowpanes last year is not why the heating went out, yo.”

Intellectually, Dex know this. But it’s easier to blame their former captains for their current predicament than it is to blame the fact that he’s let routine Haus maintenance slide so much this semester that they’ve ended up here. Because if Dex doesn’t keep a close eye on things like the barely functioning water heater, or the garbage disposal that’s missing two blades and is about to fall out of the sink entirely, who will?

Except, well, he’s been distracted this year. From the moment he got back from summer break and moved into the attic with Nursey, he’s been… distracted.

Nursey is distracting.

Keep reading

Fuel to Fire (intro)

Stucky x reader

Notes: fluff, tattooing, some angst, smut (m/m and m/m/f) 

Summary: Living their dream, Bucky and Steve run their tattoo shop ‘American Ink’ together, happily married for several years and business is going well. When a girl walks into their shop and inevitably into their lives right after they’ve received some exciting news, they have no idea how their lives are about to change with some harmless but straight-forward flirting. 

A/N: This is the introduction to the tattoo-shop AU, a Stucky x reader story that could be compared to my earlier series: Savages. I have no idea where this is going or how long it’s gonna be. I’m just gonna see where it takes me. 

“Buck-.. you think we’re gettin’ boring?” Steve muses, his arms behind his head, relaxing against his pillow as he stares up at the ceiling.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Steve” Bucky groans, popping up somewhere below Steve’s belt, pushing his hair away from his eyes. “m’Tryin’ to suck your dick here, you mind?”

“I don’t, actually” Steve grins. “I was just thinkin’”

“Yeah. I know” Bucky shuts him up, pinching his husband’s side, earning a yelp in turn. “Stop it and let me suck your pretty cock”

“Baby, c’mon, hold on a minute, okay?” Steve pleads, putting on his best pouting face and big blue eyes.

Bucky groans, rolls off his husband, “Okay, okay. Stop with the eyes already. What’s on your mind?”

Keep reading

Cracker Jacks and kiss cams

Summary: A story in which Bucky Barnes is very smitten, there’s a baseball game between the New York Mets and the Chicago Cubs, and Cracker Jacks are consumed.

Prompt: “I never thought you’d break my heart”
Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: None. A bit of language maybe, but this is all just sappy fluff. 

A/N: This is my submission for @just-some-drabbles​ Rom-Com writing challenge, thanks for letting me join last minute and congratulations on reaching 4k! This story came about because I really love baseball, I really love the Chicago Cubs, and I really love Bucky Barnes, so all in all, it felt like a win-win.

MASTERLIST

(Bucky, opening Google search)

“how do you know if a woman is interested”
“when do you know if a woman wants to kiss you”
“how to tell a woman you love her without saying it”
“why do I suck at talking to her”
“oh my god why can’t I just ask her out” 

Keep reading

Jake English is the most intelligent character in Homestuck. And he hides it deliberately.

For a given value of “intelligence”, anyway. I don’t hold that much truck with the concept in general–there are different kinds of intelligence that run the gamut of human skills, and reducing that to a single concept is reductive, to say the least.

However, it’s hard to deny that there are real cultural forces in our society that do treat intelligence as a monolithic descriptor of skill and worth, and it’s a cultural idea as pervasive in reality as it is in Jake’s character arc.

For that reason alone, I’ll be using “intelligence” as a term referring to Jake’s awareness of and competence at identifying and solving problems throughout this sequence. The term as I am using it here is only relevant in the context of the themes and language Homestuck sets up. 

Intelligence, competence, and awareness are key parts of Jake’s relationship with the people around him, and particularly with the way he is dehumanized, taken for granted, and abused. 

In fact, almost every character Jake is close to in canon questions his intelligence at some point:

And this dynamic isn’t just present in the characters. It’s in the fandom as well. 
Fandom perception of Jake English often considers him comically unaware of his surroundings and reality, dense and slow or even straight up unable to pick up on ideas that come naturally to many of the other characters.

This is true across the board of opinions of his character: Some consider Jake a self-absorbed, thoughtless asshole, others still consider him a helpless victim who isn’t quite quick enough on the uptake to keep up with how he’s manipulated by others.

It’s hard for us–the fandom, I mean–to be sure of just how much Jake understood about how badly Lil Hal treated him (and by association, Dirk, in much of the fandom’s eyes). Or that Jane liked him. Among other things. It’s part of the general air of helplessness and incompetence that surrounds Pages, I guess, and air set up around Jake for quite a lot of his narrative:

(Note: This is Brain Ghost Dirk specifically questioning Jake’s intelligence.  
I hope you’ve got some good note taking pens, because this is going to be important later.)


It’s pretty much accepted that the degree and reach of Jake’s intelligence is, at the very least, a matter of debate. I am here to say that it is not. At all. And I can prove it. By allowing ourselves to doubt Jake’s intelligence, we–the fandom– have performed the equivalent of deciding Dave’s cool guy act is the real deal. 

We have fallen for Jake’s bluff. I’ll explain. 

Plenty of people are aware that Knights, as a class, tend to act out personas that reflect ideas about how they think they should act. 
For Dave, that’s the stoic Cool Guy archetype, which he eventually grows out of:

For Karkat, it’s his ideas of being a Ruthless Big Shot Leader, which he also outgrows by the end: 

And Latula has the thing about being a R4D SK4T3R G4M3G1RL!!! I don’t really think we need a quote to establish that–Dave and Karkat prove my point well enough, and this is pretty much common fandom knowledge. 

What I don’t think is common fandom knowledge is that Pages do the same thing, but for a different purpose. Pages and Knights both set up Personas that they project into the outside world. And both of them do it to control how other people perceive them. But for different reasons.

Knights do it because they want to be perceived as capable, in control, and unflappable, basically. Karkat wants everyone to rely on his executive ability as a Leader. Dave wants to be admired and validated by his friends, or. Well. Anyone. In essence, Knights want to be relied on by others. 

Pages, on the other hand, develop this fabricated identity for themselves. At this point, I should mention I’ve come to agree with Tex Talk’s view that Knights are a passive class and Pages are an active one. 

Knights use their aspect to benefit others. Pages use it to benefit themselves.

Horrus develops a strangely blank persona, so conspicuously fake it is hard to tell if he even reacts to input–so it’s easy for him to just pretend he didn’t hear it when Rufioh tells him he wants to break up–again, I don’t really feel like going through all of Openbound to get all the screencaps and I don’t think they warrant that much space on this post. 

Tavros does the same thing, enveloping himself in his games and fantasy so much that he veers away from almost any responsibility in the session, and does only what he wants to…unless Vriska is stealing that ability from him. However, even through her abuse,  Tavros manages through sheer presentation of his person to encourage the other trolls to help take care of him. 

Specifically, by giving him increased mobility–mobility and freedom of movement being concepts closely related to Breath. It’s worth mentioning Tavros is able to inspire this care not just in Kanaya, but in Equius, who looks down upon lowbloods and whose culture would have encouraged him to KILL Tavros for his weakness rather than help him. 

But because of Vriska’s exploitative and cruel influence on him, I’m not sure to what extent he really lives up to his full potential. That said, he DOES manage to completely live out his own personal fantasy, coming to embody both his childhood image of Peter Pan…

BUT ALSO being the only one of the Alternian trolls to accomplish his original childhood goal: Becoming a Cavalreaper.

Get it? He’s literally cavalry. Ha ha. Is this kind of a fucked up victory? Maybe, yeah. But it’s fitting that the character obsessed with the Peter Pan fantasy of leading a troupe of “Lost Boys” never really grows up with the goals he sets for himself. Maybe it says something about Tavros, or about the nature of Ghosts–either way, it definitely seems intentional. 

Anyway, the Ghosts are another essay for another time. Time to talk about the kid I actually want to talk about:

Jake English has a fabricated persona, too. For Horuss, it’s nothingness. For Tavros, it’s endless childhood and Peter Pan. But Jake’s persona is a contrast to Dirk’s (and Dave’s) Cool Guy persona. Personas that, for each of them, sit at the dead opposite end of the spectrum from who all three characters actually are. 

And for Jake’s constructed persona is that of the Hot-Headed Hero.

And like Horrus and Tavros, Jake indulges this fantasy version of himself even when he actively knows it makes no sense to do so, simply because it’s the fantasy about his life he wants to live out. 


But like Dave and Dirk’s presentation of themselves as cool guys unphased by anything, this persona is a complete lie.

Jake is demonstrably extremely nerdy…

He collects pointless minutiae about his favorite movies and comic books. He looks up to comic book heroines so much he wants to dress up like them. 

And also intelligent, curious, and good at evaluating the potential consequences of his actions–traits he literally willfuly holds himself back from. 


His Modus is by far the most complex of all the kids. He uses a Puzzle Modus that allows him to fit any amount of items he wants in it’s storage space…so long as he can successfully spatially fit every single object within a finite space. 

And Jake captchalogues a LOT of shit. Meaning he has to keep all of this inventory and know how to spatially navigate it to fit everything he wants at all times. And he does this casually, as a part of his daily interactions with the world around him. 

But perhaps more telling than that is how Brain Ghost Dirk describes his own creation: 

Brain Ghost Dirk implies that he is a Dirk splinter, but specifically a Dirk splinter that exists entirely through the ideas Jake has about Dirk. 

In other words, Jake knows and understands Dirk so well that he can pretty much perfectly remember his body, movements and mannerisms on command. Again, not even actively, it’s just kind of how Jake English rolls-thinking about Dirk all the time is the status quo. 

And Brain Ghost Dirk claims to be Jake’s literal brain, talking back to him.

Which means when Brain Ghost Dirk calls Jake out on something, he is forcibly communicating important information to Jake that Jake is actively choosing to ignore. It’s Jake talking to himself, not Dirk giving Jake information he doesn’t have by talking to him through Brain Ghost Dirk.

We have reason to believe the Ghost about this, since Dirk never expresses having any awareness of Brain Ghost Dirk’s existence. 

So what important information does Jake willingly ignore? Well, earlier we saw him justify beating up a random alien girl even though a part of his brain knew she wasn’t actually Sea Hitler, and he kind of just wanted to play the part. But surely we can do better than that. How about everything about his friends’ feelings about him that makes him uncomfortable?

Callmearcturus wrote this brilliant thesis outlining why she thinks Jake deliberately manipulated Jane into failing to confess to him
, but I’m gonna run over it real quick to ground it in this context and sell you on the idea that this is, in fact, not a theory and explicit canon.

Because we don’t need to guess at this by reverse-engineering Jake’s well-established feelings for Dirk. Roxy literally tells him Jane has these feelings before Jane herself does:

Jake recognizes what Roxy is saying, and guesses what she was alluding to on her own. Roxy doesn’t deny it by any measure, and when she asks Jake to drop the issue, Jake says he understands the dilemma this puts her in with Jane. 

To stress: He received this information in confidence and knows it for a fact. And he trusts the information he receives so much that he then ACTS on it. After talking to Roxy, Jake messages Jane himself, OPENING by mentioning Roxy told him Jane was going to be contacting him.

And then he himself broaches the subject of their romantic feelings for each other:

But when Jane outright asks him if he has something he wants to say to her, Jake expertly dodges the question, keeping his options open while putting the onus of taking the first step and revealing her feelings on Jane again. 

And then, once he’s got her trying to answer…

He KEEPS asking her, interrupting her several times while she starts to try sorting out her thoughts. He puts Jane under a LOT of pressure here, which…considering Jake literally KNOWS the answer, is a pretty shitty thing to do! Even if Roxy hadn’t LITERALLY TOLD HIM mere minutes ago, Jane’s reactions here would have confirmed Jake’s suspicions beyond a reasonable shadow of a doubt. 

Unless, of course, one has a reputation for not thinking things through or being aware of their surroundings. 

Once Jake has his answer, he doubles back, making sure to ask her AGAIN while she’s off balance….

And he then shuts her down when she tries to take the initiative on taking it back and being honest, quickly following up by IMMEDIATELY letting her know he’s relieved about this–signaling his disinterest BEFORE she has a chance to reveal she actually does have a stake in the matter.

He then uses his goofy, unaware, trusting persona to set up a status quo where Jane continually helps him by acting as a sounding board for all his thoughts about Dirk–essentially, putting Jane inside a gender-flipped version of the laughable stereotype of The Friend Zone.

But wait a minute. Jane is one thing. But if Jake is actually this smart, aware, and capable–then it kind of has ramifications across all of his character interactions. What else changes if we read Jake this way? I know I said my next post would be on Roxy, but, uh…yeah. This one kind of got away from me. 

In our next entry, we’re going to talk about Why Jake does what he does, and Why he seems so genuinely confused about it later into his narrative. We’re also going to look at some of the other consequences his Jake’s approach to his friendships has for his friends. 

We’ll also make a case for Why exactly Jake ultimately falls in love with Dirk Strider, how and when Jake demonstrates and acts on that love, and if I can manage to squeeze it in–maybe even uncover the way the Heart aspects’ two different themes of  Souls and Romance/Shipping are conceptually connected.

And on that note, it’s worth pointing out that there’s one notable exception to the list of people fooled by Jake’s presented persona. One character who not only never talks Jake’s intelligence down…

But instead talks Jake’s intelligence UP when he talks badly about himself. 

Dirk Strider.

See you again soon, everyone. 

Until then, Keep Rising. 

3 Kinds of INFP

All INFP’s share the same cognitive functions, however differences in behavior and motivation can be quite drastic. The best explanation for these kinds of differences is Enneagram. Enneagram is a personality theory that assesses trauma, motivation and behavior, it can be used along side MBTI as they do not cancel each other out in any way. Any MBTI type can potentially be any Enneagram type. Unlike MBTi, where the point is to develop INTO the best your type can be, the point of Enneagram is to develop OUT of your type, basically categorizing it as a self-help tool. INFP’s are often enough one of 3 types. It is absolutely possible to not be one of these types, and my description of each kind of INFP will not correspond directly with the broader scale of each enneagram type (example; I’m explaining what a type “X” INFP looks like not what a type “X” looks like) I have met or am each of these types of INFP and here is my assessment:

Type 4 INFP

Type 4′s are often called the “Individualists”, “Romantics” or “Artists”. This makes up the biggest portion of INFP’s. I’d say almost half. This is the classic INFP. The feeler, the lover, the emotional and rhapsodical idealist. The princess in her castle, the poet writing in water, the passionate artist. This type of INFP puts alot of weight on Fi and the Fi truly “wields” the Ne. This Fi is organic, true, and uncompromised by anything. Type 4 INFP’s are likely to feel the greatest depths of pain and sorrow of any of us. Type 4 INFP’s might describe emotional pain as so real it physically hurts. With that passion comes poetry, art, and beautiful written word. This type is likely to have deep moral convictions based on ethics and empathy. This type of INFP is highly dramatic, bringing to mind shakespearean theatrics. This can manifest as scathing drama, emotional appeals to the heart or just general hellfire and brimstone. Certainly the most likely type of INFP to cry and/or throw a fit when they feel overlooked or invalidated. Has the speech pattern of someone writing in their diary. This type tends to be a wallflower due to being unable to conform to social norms or put on a face for anyone. May be a person of few words due to only being able to be honest. This kind of INFP is highly individualistic, craving authenticity more than any other type of INFP. They’re likely to see trends, fashions, cliques and fame as highly detestable. The type of INFP to hate and never want to be “the cool kids”. This kind of authenticity is very attractive to those who love authenticity and originality, as these INFP’s have it in spades. Always interesting and always unique, these INFP’s can be highly cherished by friends and family and highly sought after as lovers. This subset of INFP’s might be the most romantically minded of any other subset of any other type. However, they are plagued by fears of being abandoned, and when alone, wish for someone to come and save them. Type 4 INFP′s believe that someone (or something, maybe a religion or philosophy) is going to come into their lives and make them whole, and can have trouble generally feeling whole in and of themselves. Overall, this kind of INFP’s personifies on of the most lovable subsets of human beings. Genuine, authentic, passionate, and creative. This kind of INFP is capable of the most beautiful and genuine expressions of human emotion of just about anyone. 

Type 9 INFP 


This type of INFP is also very well known but less of the population than Type 4′s. Type 9′s have been called “The Peacemaker” or “The Mediator”. This Type of INFP is very sensitive to conflict and great at seeing others perspectives. This INFP is great at giving advice and helping with others problems and generally being a caring shoulder to cry on. Often being mistaken for INFJ’s, Type 9 INFP’s still have staunch values and an openly hyperactive mind, they’re just less pushy about their views. This Type of INFP can be seen as having a very balanced function set, not weighing to heavily on any functions. They are very laid-back, non-judgemental, and sensitive to others thoughts and feelings. This type is likely to have a weak definition of self, seeing themselves in everything. They might see themselves as “a little of column A, a little of column B, quite honesty”. They might outwardly appear to not greatly enjoy or strongly feel about anything. They may struggle to say exactly who they are and what they stand for, being cautious of taking any harsh or finite stances on things. They really don’t want to offend anyone or be offended. They just don’t want a conflict to break out. This type seems to have the strongest shadow Ni of any kind of INFP, easily seeing other perspectives and views. They are still, however, separate from INFJ because they are still associative creatures rather than dissociative, relaying new information through the lens of their own understanding and experience. This kind of INFP was often neglected or silenced as a child and taught to not think of themselves as important. As a consequence of this, they are likely to see other people as having more intrinsic worth than they do. (not in a type 2 way, mind you, or in an Fe way, in a self-depreciating way) This can cause this type of INFP to think nothing they do is important, and kill any drive for them to do anything. Because of this, this INFP is kind of a loaner and maybe pretty lazy and slothful. However, these same qualities can make these type 9′s, self-sacrificing and loving friends. They are a wonderful, understanding and compassionate shoulder to cry on. They are just as happy talking about any topic with you as any other, and the most imaginative and flexible people you will ever meet. 

Type 6 INFP

Somewhat lesser known, but about as common as type 9 INFP’s, Type six INFP’s are cautious, inquisitive and loyal. Type 6′s are often called “The Loyalist” “The Detective” and “The doubter”. This kind of INFP focus’s much more on the Ne/Si axis than the other kind of INFP’s and can seem to effortlessly match even ENFP’s in outward intuition. However, this comes at a price as this type of INFP tends to use that ability to worry quite a lot. This type of INFP is highly insecure, spending a lot of time in “what if” scenarios and wondering if things will turn out okay. Due to just how much time they spend doing that, they get rather good at guessing outcomes and asking the right questions. 
This type of INFP craves security, they value unconditional love and stability above just about anything. They are plagued with doubts in their relationships, personal struggles, and careers. They can really bring down the mood and bother people with this behavior. They image countless scenarios in which things can turn out bad, and really just need guidance and a gentle push out of such thinking from friends and loved ones. Guidance, security and reassurance are paramount to a type 6 INFP, and anyone who gives them this will receive a loyal and passionate ally. This kind of INFP is also highly opinionated as they become very attached to things that mean something to them. They might go on a rant at or about people who disagree or ideologically oppose them due to their deep and inseparable attachment to their owns thoughts, preferences and philosophies. 
This is they type of INFP to seem to be really into a handful of things and talk about them non-stop. “I have all their albums” “I’ve been going here for years” “I have a blog about it” “I’ve read tons of books about it” They’re very loyal to bands, ideas, philosophies, values, ideologies, artists and people. 
Valuing stability, this kind of INFP is much more sensible and practical than the average INFP, and less likely to be emotionally turbulent. They stand in solidarity with thier self-concept and values. They rarely question thier identity or the validity of their feelings. Due to this, much more energy goes into the Ne/Si axis and allows type 6′s INFP’s to be great philosophers and thinkers, asking the right questions and stead-fastly seeking answers. All makes the type 6′s a fierce debater, playful philosopher, and loyal companion. 


Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you INFP’s out there find yourself in this. There are also many type 2, 5, 1 and 7 INFP’s out there but i wanted to focus on the common ones here. The roughly 10% or so of INFP’s who aren’t a 4, 9, or 6 should feel special! I hope you’ve enjoyed this very much!

~INFP-sama