maybe one day ill be good at this


maybe one day ill actually sit down and make a cohesive story thing but for now i just scream ideas to my v good friend who is so sweet to put up with me

anyway yah this is the princess of mboy aleems planet who becomes queen at some point and also they might actually be twins who knows (at the bottom right is he before he started his transition yeh)


Hey, blossoms! There are times when we get ill, which is perfectly natural. To be honest, I am currently sick, so this is kind of a refined version of my thoughts from a few days ago. I was worried about missing school, and I thought that some ideas I have could help you!


 The most important thing to do when you’re sick is to take care of yourself and get better. This may mean putting your studies aside, but health always comes first. Here’s some tips:

- Certain types of tea, like chamomile and ones with lemon, can soothe sore throats.

- (Side note: I’ve heard that marshmallows are also able to help sore throats because of the gelatin they contain, but that may not be true and I don’t have a credible source for it.) 

- Make sure you drink lots of fluids, like juice, milk, and most importantly, water! One of my personal faves is Tang, which is this orange powder that you dissolve in water. It used to be really big in America a while ago but I don’t know widespread it is elsewhere. 

- Try to shower regularly if you’re congested because the steam will clear out your sinuses. 

 - If you can’t shower regularly, nasal rinses will work just fine too! You can get a  system for that at your local pharmacy. (There’s also this thing you can do where you fill a sink with hot water, put a towel over it, and stick your head underneath the towel. This allows the steam to build up, which means you can decongest a little.)

- Medicate regularly!! Check the directions on whatever type of medication you’re taking to see when it wears off and set a timer so you can stay on top of it. This will help your recovery process along a bit faster. However, DO NOT ABUSE MEDICATION. Take only as much as is prescribed because taking too much can actually be worse for your health. 

- If you’re on antibiotics, make sure to eat well because antibiotics are designed to take out all types of bacteria within the body, even the good ones in your digestive system. (I’d personally recommend eating foods with fiber and protein and staying away from dairy if you can. That’s just my personal experience! It may be different for other people.)

- Get some rest!! You may want to catch up on your studies but you’ll be able to catch up quicker and understand material better if you’re well rested. 

catching up 

So, you’re feeling alright and ready to begin making up work. Where do you begin? 

- Here’s some posts on catching up after being away for a while (note some of these are travel based, but there’s still some good information in there) 

- Email your teachers! Text your classmates! Ask for notes, for homework, and for additional help if you’re unclear about what’s going on. 

- If you’re feeling well enough, you could run in to your classes in order to get the homework and briefly conference with your teachers, but it’s always best to make sure you’re not contagious or feeling poorly before doing so. Email is pretty much just as effective. 

- Start small. Trying to catch up on all your work in one day is never good. Try to do the work for maybe one class, and if you’re feeling well enough, do another.

- Do what’s most important first. If you’re in a group project and they’re waiting for your input on a presentation or something else, get that in ASAP. Don’t affect the grades of others with your illness.

returning to class 

As you return to your usual schedule, here are some things to note:

 - Before going back to class, ensure you’re in a good place mentally and physically. For example, if you’re still running a fever or you still feel very ill, take some more time and wait. 

- Make sure your study space is functional so that you can begin to return back to your normal schedule. The desk reflects the mind. 

- Keep up on your fluids! If you’re still a little under the weather or you haven’t finished that course of antibiotics, keep taking those meds! 

- Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t understand something. Being gone is hard. Ask for help and self-advocate.

- If you’re on a sports team or doing some other strenuous activity, it’s okay to take a couple more days away from that to let your body recover completely. 

- The most important thing is to take it easy, even after you’re well enough to come back to class. If you overwork yourself while still recovering, that can lead to backslide, so please be careful!!

I hope this will be useful, darlings!! Take care of yourselves and remember that so many people are rooting for you to do well, including me :]

All the love,

elle (@etudesthetics)

My other posts: Cheap Socials, Pre-College Masterpost, College: A (Terrifying) Learning Experience

Height placement and its significance regarding shiro and keith's potential as leaders

Preface: I’m studying animation and recently started looking into storyboarding. If there’s anything I’ve taken away from it, is that every shot has a purpose. 

So I thought about some scenes in VLD and realised that there might be more to episode 1 than meets the eye. Long post ahead.

Keep reading

Close Call ~PART 1

Some writing to celebrate VLD’s one year anniversary! This may be a bit late in the day, but I was really busy… whoops.

This is the first of four parts, and the parts are just going to get longer, so sorry if this is too short. The next three parts should be up soon. Yes, I’m posting a multi-chapter-ish thing. Today seemed a good day to do it.

Vague Summary: Lance and Keith get captured while on a solo mission… and separated. Lance is very badly injured already, which is not a situation one wants to deal with when in a Galra prison cell. And Keith is worried. (This is also kind of inspired by Jeremy Shada’s “I mean, Lance dies, so that’ll be fun,” when talking about season 3).

Catch this fic on AO3

Psst: @voltronpaella the best beta, @dogsahoy this is the thing I was telling you about,  and @taylor-tut you’ll probably like the other parts better, but I wanted to tag you with my angst anyway if you want me to stop tagging you in my whump/illness/injury stuff just say the word

Keith woke up to an empty cell. The room was dimly lit, a faint purple glow  making it just possible to see. As his eyes adjusted, the ache on the back of his head reminded him of exactly how he ended up here.

Keith supposed he should feel lucky. After all, once the sentries surrounded him, he figured they’d just kill him. Still, it was hard to feel optimistic when he was stuck in a Galra prison cell with no hope of escape.

It’d been no one’s fault, really. The rebel group Matt was a part of had been reported captured, and taken into this prison base. They had to act fast, before the prisoners were sent off to other locations. Two of the Paladins infiltrated, while the rest monitored from the castle, opting for a stealth job.

And, like so many other plans before it, everything had gone to shit.

Keith had been holding off a large crowd of sentries, but once Lance’s location was discovered—


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Studying with Mental Illness: Self-Care
  • Eating and Drinking:
    Make sure you eat food, and drink water regularly. Carry a water bottle everywhere you go if it helps. I always have a water bottle, and something I can snack on in my bag, because I tend to forget otherwise. Eat healthy foods where you can, but honestly, something is better than nothing. Take the time to eat, and drink. Nutrition and hydration is important for fueling your body and will help you focus, and stay focused. 

  • Taking breaks:
    These are necessary. It doesn’t have to be long, but you should aim to take at least five minutes every hour, and some longer ones here and there. It can be hard to stay focused, and you can burn yourself out easily if you try and study for hours on end, day after day. Listen to your needs. Getting a headache? Take a short break. 

  • Mental Health Days:
     We’ve all had those days where we’ve had good intentions to write notes on some chapters, maybe work on an assignment, read a chapter in the text book, or whatever, only to wake up, and feel like our mental illness is getting the better of us, and study just isn’t on your radar. It’s okay to take a day off to do something mindless, or enjoyable, or relaxing. It’s important to take these days when we need too. Don’t feel ashamed to take a day off for your mental health. 

  • Socialising:
    Go to that party, catch up with that friend for coffee, Skype with that friend, catch up with your dash board, or Facebook news feed, whatever it is, it’s okay to do those things. Just as long as you don’t always do those things. Not letting yourself do those things, especially when you’ve been struggling with mental illness and motivation to study, and you take your socialising away from yourself entirely as punishment, can contribute to the cycle of not studying. Find a balance that works for you.

  • Talk to someone:
    A therapist, a friend, a significant other, sibling, parent, teacher, whoever. If you trust them, and ask if it’s okay to talk to them about things that are bothering you/going on for you, then you should talk to them. Talking about things can really help you to start working through things one by one when it all seems overwhelming, and upsetting. Also, don’t be afraid to let your teachers/professors know that you are going through difficult times. Utilise the programs and resources your school/college/university has to offer. Ask for that extension if you need it.

  • Exercise/Stretching:
    It’s good to not only have a regular routine for your overall physical health, and fitness, but during your study sessions, it’s also good to get up, and move around, and do some stretches every once in a while. Just like with taking breaks, you can use those break times to incorporate some movement. Get up, walk around the house, stretch, do some star jumps (I think some people call them jumping jacks???). I am terrible with exercise regimes. I am working on trying to include walking around the block, weights and resistance, and other things into my week, because I know that exercise is supposed to help with focus, and my overall physical health. And it’s supposed to help with mental health too.

  • Sleep:
    Get some sleep, and get some good sleep! 7-9 hours of good quality sleep per night, is ideal for most people. Know yourself, and how much sleep you need. I personally need about 8 hours, anything less and I struggle. Sleep can be hard if you’re struggling with insomnia (I do) but giving yourself as much opportunity to sleep as possible (within reason), will really help. Also, taking naps during the day can really be helpful. I often take short naps when I get home from classes, because I find it helps me to consolidate the knowledge better, and revitalises my body, and my mind for me to continue with my day, as classes take a lot out of me mentally, and physically. Don’t stay up all night, you’re better off getting some sleep earlier, and getting up earlier. And take naps if you need too!

  • Be fair to yourself: 
    This is really important. Know your needs, and treat yourself fairly. Even if you don’t get everything done that you wanted, even if you had to take a mental health day when you have so much to do, it’s okay. Your feelings are valid, and you are not weak/worthless/incompetent/insert other self-hating statement here. You’ve done so well to accomplish what you have managed today. You are amazing. 

    This is the last post to my post series Studying with Mental Illness:  Some Ideas for Studying, Motivation, and Self-care. Here can find my general post, studying post, and motivation post. Thank you for reading. I know these ideas won’t work for everyone, but I hope that they might be useful to someone. Take care. 

Shout out to all the trans aces who:

  • Don’t feel ‘truly’ asexual because you don’t know whether your dysphoria is having an affect on your sexuality
  • Feel that your trans-ness can’t be removed from your ace-ness but are told it should be
  • Don’t feel comfortable in hypersexual LGBT spaces
  • Have had your asexuality invalidated by people who say you can’t be ace and trans
  • Have had your trans-ness invalidated by people who say you can’t be ace and trans
  • Are happy that you’re trans and ace
  • Are sad that you’re trans and ace

Your feelings are valid. Your identities are valid. And you are amazing (ace, even!).

Reasons to stay alive: 

- I can’t know what the future brings and i don’t want to throw away my chance to see it

- dead people can’t laugh and i don’t want to give up my chance to laugh, even if i don’t have much to laugh about right now

- I can and will learn to love being alive 

- my pets wouldn’t understand why i’m not coming home

- the moon is beautiful and yes, even small things like that are reason enough to not kill myself

- in a year or two or maybe ten, i’ll be thankful that i stayed alive, even if i don’t think so right now

-  there are so many books i didn’t read yet, songs i didn’t hear yet, movies i didn’t watch yet, conversations i didn’t have yet 

- my future friends i didn’t even meet yet will be happy i do

- my depression can go f*ck itself

- one day, i’ll be covered in tattoos and love my skin 

-  dead people can’t go to concerts

- i deserve to be alive 

- my favorite band members would want me to 

- i can just accept my suicidal thoughts as something i do not need to act on. I’ll distract myself. I can want to die but i do not need to act on it.

-  life has music and music is a pretty amazing thing

- so what if all i ever achieve in life is watching a whole tv show in 3 days? I still have value as a human being and i deserve to be alive!

-  there are reasons to stay alive. Even when my mental illness keeps me from seeing them, they’re still there.

-  a bad day is no reason to end my life. Even a lot of bad days in a row are not a reason to end my life. Better days will come!

- maybe one day my story will inspire somebody else to stay alive

- i know i can do good in the world and i will not throw away my chance to

- staying alive itself is a brave thing to do and reason to be proud of myself

as a healthy person 

  • you don’t get to tell chronically ill people you wish you were ill because they can stay home and don’t havee to go places or do this and that
  • you don’t get to act like you know everything about someone’s illness, be it just because or because you know someonoe else with a similar illness, you don’t get to act like you know better than them, suggest they try yoga or drink more water or do this and that.
  • you don’t get to act like chronically ill people are not doing enough and if they wanted to, they could be healthy and it’s completely their fault they aren’t
  • you don’t get to argue with chronically ill people about being ableist, if someone chronically ill says you are being ableist, then what you need to do is listen to them and learn 
  • you don’t get to make someone’s illness the only topic of your conversation, you don’t get to act like it’s suddenly okay to keep pointing out the way their body looks or doesn’t look because they’re ill 
  • you don’t get to tell people ‘but you don’t look sick!’ or on the contrary ‘you look terrible, just do something with yourself!’, some illnesses are invisible and that doesn’t make them less an illness, some illnesses are visible due to acommodations etc. but it’s not up to you to decide whether a person is ill depending on their appearance
  • you don’t get to tell us ‘everyone gets tired sometimes!’ or ‘everyone feels a bit bad sometimes’ and dismiss our struggle like that. 
  • you don’t get to act like you know what it is like to be chronically ill or in chronic pain if you are not the one experiencing that 
  • you don’t get to act like chronically ill people owe you an explanation, have justify their limitations etc. 
  • you don’t get to act like people who are friends with chronically ill people are saints and are doing the world a huge favour by putting up with a chronically ill person and how brave they’re for that ,,, truly what the hell
  • you don’t get to guilt trip disabled people and yell at them because them being ill is difficult for you 
  • you can educate yourself and be respectful and supportive instead

as chronically ill people 

  • sometimes we just don’t have a choice, we get limited, we can’t do many things we wish we could do, we have to give up activities that we used to love, being limited by an illness is not a choice and it’s not fun and it’s not us being lazy 
  • we face sexist system in which women are often dismissed, told they are exaggerating when it comes to their pain, are told they’re just sensitive girls, our symptoms are dismissed and yet when i bring up sexism in healthcare many people don’t believe it actually exists
  • we are told ableism doesn’t actually exist 
  • we are the ones who determine what doing our best means 
  • we don’t want pity, we don’t need your pity, saying all we want is to be pitied is just plain wrong 
  • we face many difficulties every single day that become just normal or part of a routine
  • for some of us there is constant pain 
  • maybe we have better days, for some of us no days are good by your definition, it doesn’t mean that by wanting to do something fun we are suddenly healthy and all other things were made up and we are using the illness as an excuse
  • we are allowed to love things and want to experience things and have fun and we have feelings? and yet some people act that the only way you can be fully human is to be healthy   
  • we also face ableism in a form of healthy people who think they can somehow ‘save us’ or change us 
  • we really fucking rock and are incredible
halloween but worse

pairing: jeremy heere/michael mell

words: 3135

warnings: mention of nsfw stuff, not bad

ao3 link

Jeremy couldn’t believe his eyes.  This couldn’t be happening, not tonight, not ever.   His thumbs hovered over his untouched keyboard, his new picture message staring him straight in the face.  Jeremy’s stomach did a strange little flip, making him feel things he certainly should not be feeling.

From Player One:

like my costume for tonight? xoxo

One attachment.

Was Jeremy, honest to God, getting hard off of the picture Michael sent?  Maybe a little.  Could he not wait to see Michael’s costume in person?  Absolutely not.  Jeremy rolled over in his bed, hugging his dolphin stuffed animal closer to his chest.

He never wanted to see Michael in those black cat ears in person: never, ever in a million years.  He didn’t think he could stand the embarrassment.  Then again, the other, small part of him screamed hurry up, Michael!  

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i have. a dilemma

The Universe with Red Towels

Title: “The Universe with Red Towels”
Word Count: 4.015
Warnings: Child abuse, language, blood, injuries

Pairing: Evak

Notes: Set back when Isak still lived in Kollektiv with Noora, Eskild and Linn (and Even)

Summary: The parallel universe where the curtains are the same colour, but the towels are stained with red because Isak’s mom isn’t all that nice


Keep reading


Request: Imagine request for Pan? The reader is extremely shy so she barely talks at all and if she does it’s merely a whisper, all the lost boys have trouble talking to her, including Pan. Pan makes it his mission to make you talk and hear your voice by trying almost everything, from jokes, teases, tickles, etc. Thank you! :) I love your imagines!

Warnings: child neglect, speech disorder

Notes: I took this from a different approach, so hope it’s okay xx

The quietest thing on Neverland wasn’t what you’d expect. It wasn’t the wind or the plants. Not even the bugs and other animals. It was Neverland’s one and only Lost Girl. You never spoke. Ever. And if you did, it was such a delicate whisper that no one would ever hear your exact words.

Peter and the Lost Boys would always try to get you to speak. They never reached that goal, but they never stopped trying. The Lost Boys would try to scare you or prank you. Hoping you’d scream or laugh. When you would find something funny or get scared, that’s when your voice would come out more of a whisper. Sometimes it’d get a little loud, but still very quiet. No one knew why you were this way, however.

“Y/N, please, I need you to speak. Talk to me.” Peter begged, dying to hear your voice and get to know you. “I want to know your entire story. I want to know why you’re lost.”

You only shrugged, an innocent smile on your mouth. You tried using hand motions, but Peter had no idea what you were saying. 

“C’mon, you have to make some kind of sound! You can’t be entirely mute!” He groaned, becoming annoyed. 

That’s when Peter would tickle you. It was the usual routine, and you were far used to it. He would either tickle you or do something funny in hopes you’d laugh. But again, it would always come out faint.

“I will get you to talk, I won’t stop until I do.” 

Again, you only shrugged with an innocent smile. You walked away aimlessly, gazing at the tall trees. You were in your own world and it blew Peter away. He was floored by how mindless you were. Nothing mattered. You never seemed afraid of the perilous forest that was Neverland. Nothing fazed you–unless the Lost Boys played a good trick on you.

Little did peter and the boys know that you were raised very differently…

As the next couple of days passed, Peter still tried with everything he had to get you to speak. Even is magic didn’t work. He couldn’t see into your mind because there wasn’t really much there. He began to question if maybe you were mentally ill. Or if you had a special disorder. You didn’t seem to know much except for how to walk and keep balance.

“Y/N, please. Just say one word.” peter once again begged.

You grinned. “M…Ma…”

“Yes, what is it? Say it.”

Your voice was still quiet, but louder than normal. “Mama.”

Peter cocked an eyebrow. “Mama? Mama? Why would you say that? You’re around the age of twelve, you have to know more than the word mama.”

You were young, and Peter knew he had to be patient. He didn’t want to scare you too hard because then you would never speak. He had to analyze you from your physical actions. But all he gathered was that you weren’t all there.

“Okay, how abut we write something.” Peter stared at you once he realized you weren’t going to say another word. He made pencil and paper appear and handed them to you. You held them both in your hands as if you didn’t know how to hold them.

“Please write something. Anything.”

You held the pencil in a weird way, and only scribbled on the paper. You handed it to him afterwards.

“This says… nothing. They’re all scribbles.”

Then it clicked in Peter’s head.

“You… You never learned basic cognitive skills did you? Or basic communication skills? No one ever played with you. No one ever taught you how to properly speak, or read or write. You’re like a baby almost… a baby who can keep their balance, which is weird.”

You furrowed your brows together. “N-No.” 

“We have a lot to work with then, huh? We can get you started right away then. I can teach you words. I don’t know how, but here we won’t need to know how to read and write. Just speak. We’ll get you there in no time.”

With that, Peter made it his new mission to teach you words. Back home, your mother was never around to teach you basic, everyday skills. You really were like a giant toddler, only knowing a handful of words. The only reason you knew how to keep balance so well was because as a baby learning to walk, you learned to grab hold to things. Eventually you were able to teach yourself walking without help. other than that, your mother was never there to teach you anything, or put you in school. You really only stayed in one room for your first twelve years of life. You knew nothing. But Pete would help you, and so would the Lost Boys. They would try their absolute hardest to help you learn basic skills. It would just take time.

as promised here are the fics that were recommended to me– just in case anyone else is interested! 

included are rough estimates of word count and any particular thoughts if ive read them before

  1. cracks in the pavement will lead you home (12.5k, this one is really good)
  2. right in the head (52.7k, i stay away from zombie aus but i liked this a lot)
  3. you are an angel, i am an astronaut (42k)
  4. what are the chances? (60.8k)
  5. quiet (41k, iconic)
  6. rules (120k)
  7. 35mm (20.9k, i like chill stories like this. also at the end i was like :O)
Noticing and appreciating improvement with BPD

Today in therapy I learned something that completely blew my mind, so maybe it’s just me but I thought I’d share🙂

I have BPD and I started getting good treatment nearly exactly one year ago. Today we talked about what changed, what got better, what improved. And as I thought about it and we talked I realized that I cut down cigarettes from 35 to 10 a day and I got from cutting almost every day to once every 6-8 weeks. But I did not see that. What I saw was that I still cut and I still smoke. Which is right, but I beat myself up about it without being proud of myself for improving even if I’m not where I want to be yet.

I hope that this makes any fucking sense at all, I have trouble putting it in words.
I mean, I know that depressive episodes will probably belong to my life forever. So I have to start giving myself credit for getting through it alive and managed to cope without hurting myself instead of blending that out and focusing on that I was depressive again, I was suicidal again. Yeah, I was. And I probably will be again. But I definitely improved in getting through it in a healthier way than i used to.

My therapist was so so excited as I realized that and finally allowed myself to see the good in the bad. I needed my time for that. But maybe someone reads and can realte☺ hope y'all have a good day!❤

mutant-riot  asked:

I'm not sure if I'm doing this the right way, but I was wondering if you could draw Charles and Erik from XMEN?

i tried to be original and then had an existential crisis and then drew a dumb outline of the scene 

and then found this rad color palette to use and i have this saved as dumb.png which is about right

mayb one day, when im actually good at drawing, ill draw some wuality cherik material

Math Class

HELLO My Sistas Hope Everyone’s Day Is Going Well This Is My First Story Time So It Might Be Kinda Wack Sorry ..

Okayy Soo This Was A While Ago But I Would Like To Share My Experience. I Was In My Freshmen Year Of High School ( I’m A Senior Now Yasss) And The School Kept On Messing Up My Schedule ,First They Put Me In The Wrong Dang P.E Class (There Were Some Fine Looking Guys up in That Class Too) So I Had To Move To Another Class With Other People ,Then It Was Biology ,And Lastly My Math Class. I Didn’t Mind Moving My Math Class Because It Was First Period And Who Wants To Do Math As Soon As They Get To School😑So I Walked Into This Class All Happy Like It Was My First Time Ever Going To School And Everyone Stopped What They Were Doing And Just Stared At Me Like I Was Crazy That Is When I Started To Get Nervous, So I Walked Up To The Teacher And Handed Her My Schedule And She Introduced Me To The Class And They Are STILL LOOKING CRAZY!!

So She Tells Me To Go Sit At This Table With Two Girls And Two Boys And Mind You There Is No Room At This Table So I Am Sitting At The Very Edge. I Sit Down And I Say “Hi”  In A Shy Voice Tell Me Why Not One Of These mothertucker’s Say Hi To Me I Was Like Okay Fine Forget Yall Then. So For A While I Was Just Sitting There Looking Around ,And Then I Hear Someone Say In  A  Low Voice Say “Hello Im A” (let’s Just Call Him A ) He Was Taiwanese .So I Look Up In Shock Like “Someone Is Finally Saying Hi To Mee” And I Was Like “Hello I’m _____” So We Start Talking And I Am Like “Thank You For Saying Something To Me I Was So Nervous” And He Was All Like “You’re Welcome I Would Be To If I Walked In And Everyone Was Just Looking At Me ” So That Whole Class He Was Talking To Me And Making Me Laugh So We Kept On Getting In Trouble For Laughing.

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simon imagine - destruction (trigger warning)

REQUESTED: “you have a history with depression and self harm and one day you decide to explain to simon what all the marks are on your skin cuz you know he’s seen them.. and he feels very desperate cuz he doesn’t know how to help you so the promises to himself to be the best boyfriend ever”

mentions of self harm, if this is triggering pls do not read!

The room was somewhat dark, lit only by an old lamp flickering on the bedside table. Simon lay naked next to me, the duvet strategically tucked under his arms, leaving his chest uncovered. While admiring his thoughtful face I let my fingers glide over his body. His sharp collarbones, toned biceps and broad shoulder blades. I watched as his mouth formed a smile before he turned to face me.

“What are you doing?” He asked a genuine question as his eyes met mine. I flashed a small, appreciative smile.

“Just…exploring you,” my fingers continued to glide up and down his torso. I felt his body tense and relax continuously underneath my touch. “Getting to know your body a little more.”

I watched as his eyes flashed. Apprehensively, he reached out a hand, softly grabbing my wrist. 

“Can I get to know your body a little more?”

His fingers pressed against the flesh softly and I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut. I knew what Simon was asking. He wasn’t just looking to explore me, or touch me generally - he was asking about the scars. After all these months, I knew I owed it to him to tell him. He deserved to know the truth, and I had no doubt he would learn to love it anyway.

I nodded, and he pulled his arm closer to him. As he sat up to examine the marks more I felt as if I was in a clinic rather than a bedroom. It felt like being back at hospital. I shuddered at the thought.

“I’m sorry - am I hurting you?”

“No, no,” I reassured him, shaking my head eagerly. “It’s just…a painful memory.”

“What happened, Y/n?”

His soft, warm voice was laced with intrigue as he brushed over the scars so gently with his finger tip. I avoided his eye. Suddenly I felt so guilty. Like I had failed him.

“I did it to myself, Simon. Cliche I know.”

“But why, Y/n?”

The disappointment and hurt in his voice shot at my heart like a dart to a board and I looked away.

“I was going through a rough time. I was a teenager, I had so many issues. I was so so broken.”

“Did it help you? At the time?”

“No, it didn’t help. If anything it made me feel worse.”

“So why did you…do it?”

“I wanted help. That began as a scream for help. I thought if people saw the cuts and bruises, they’d magically know what was going on without me having to go through the humiliation of actually telling them.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “I wanted to be saved.”

As I looked back up at Simon his eyes watered.

“You don’t still feel that way…do you?”

“I don’t wanna hurt myself anymore, no. But the depression doesn’t go away. There are good days and bad days.”

In the poor, sepia light I watched as Simon brought my wrist to his mouth, pressing gentle kisses to each and every cut. His lips felt warm and comforting. A tear rolled down my cheek.

“Y/n, I don’t ever want you to feel this way again. It pains me. It hurts me so, so much to think…” He choked on a sob, a tear escaping his eye. “To think you ever did this to yourself. The thought of you being anything other than so over the moon happy makes me so, so sad.”

“I know nothing I can say will change the past but I wanna change your future. I love you, Y/n. I always have and I always will no matter what. I love you, and I’m gonna be the best damn boyfriend you have ever had.”

More tears fell into my lap and I wiped them away with the back of my spare hand.

“And once I’ve been the best boyfriend, I wanna be the best fiance one day. And then the best husband. And the best father to our kids, and grandfather to their kids. I just wanna be good for you, Y/n.”

I climbed on top of Simon, straddling his waist and pressing a long, intense kiss to his lips. 

“I love you, Simon. I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/n, always.”

PLS READ - not trying to romanticise mental illness AT ALL. i wrote this bcos it was requested, and maybe it is something the person that requested thinks will help them. Pls remember in the real world pretty boys don’t cure mental illness - doctors, treatment, and self care are your best damn friends. i love you all