WARNING: This is angsty as hell. DO NOT READ if you don’t like angst. It’s basically April’s POV about the season 13 finale. I got asked to write this by some anons, and @alyssbliss wanted the angst while @japril12 and @averysanatomy held strong oppostion. Love you girls. ;)
It’s probably what’s best for you,
I only want the best for you
And if I’m not the best then you’re stuck
Maybe she’d always given sex a lot more importance that she probably should have. It was, after all, for some people the equivalent of a bubble bath, something that relaxes you, that gets rid of your nerves, that soothes your raging mind. Maybe that’s how she should go about it from now on.
She doesn’t regret it. Not even for a second. She doesn’t regret what happened in that hotel room in Montana, doesn’t regret it no matter what the outcome of it might be. They made love that day, well at least she did. He probably had sex. There’s a difference, she’d come to know. Maybe she should have just had sex too. But she knows that’s a lie, she could never just have sex with him. She loved him too much for that. She’d never stop. She’d honestly believed that it was the same for him. Stupid, really.
And now, he was probably moving on. To better pastures, she thinks. Better than her, at least. Good for him. He deserves that much. Sucks to be her, though. Sucks to be her.
“Harry! Harry! We just want to ask you a few questions!”
“Come over here, come on!”
“Harry! Stop being a jerk, talk to us!”
Pushing off the comments, Harry continued to push his way through the mob of people. He thought that even though the boys weren’t with him, it wouldn’t be as crazy as this.
“Yo, Harry, wait up! Why did you walk out?” Niall yelled over everybody, reaching up to him with the boys at a steady pace.
“She was out here” Harry whispered, shaking his head.
Maybe he was going crazy. Maybe he was just imagining her near him even though she wasn’t anymore. Maybe he just wanted to believe she was.
“What?!” Niall yelled again, not making out the words Harry was saying.
“Y/n! She was out here, I swear! I saw her out here!”
Niall shook his head, looking down at the ground before turning the other way. He’s heard this too many times to react anymore. No matter how many times Harry says he sees her, she was never there.
He didn’t think he was crazy, he knew Harry was never the same without her. He couldn’t even step into his own house without breaking down. He was never the Harry everyone knew and loved. He was somebody completely different, refusing to go out often, struggling to accept things he didn’t need. Every single thing he did made him miserable, thinking about how all of this happened.
He’s completely destroyed.
Everyone seemed to be moving into a bigger mob, causing Harry’s pace to slow down rapidly.
“No” he whispered, looking every direction around him.
There was no sign of her anymore, all he was able to see was mobs of cameras and people, moshing all together.
“Harry! Harry! What do you regret most about breaking up with Y/n?” A young man shouted, shoving a camera in his face.
Harry’s jaw clenched, fisting the inside of his coat sleaves harder to calm himself.
“Why did you break up with her? What happened?”
“Stop asking me about her,” Harry growled, “Never mention her to me again.”
“Is she for sale yet? I want to get some of that.”
Harry could feel his body begin to stiffen. His breathing became harsh due to his chest tightening. A side of him was unleashing, and everybody around him started to back away.
Zayn immediatly placed his hand on Harry’s back, a way to snap him out of him angered phase.
The same man went against Harry’s body, pushing him back.
“I asked you a question. Where the hell do I find Y/n so I can fufill my dreams?” The man smirked.
“What the fuck did you just say to me?!” Harry barked, grabbing a fistful of the man’s shirt and backing him up harshly against the nearest wall.
Everyone surrounding them cleared the way, leaving the space for what was to come to only themselves.
The man laughed, throwing his head back against the wall.
“You can’t hurt me. You’re a little boy in a boyband, don’t want to ruin that over someone putting your little booty call in her place.”
Before he could even blink, Harry had the man straddled on the ground. His fist was almost pounding into the man’s face, unleashing the worst side of Harry, but the boys stopped him before he had the chance.
“Harry! Stop!” The guys yelled in unison.
Once they were able to pull him off of the man, Harry was already fighting their hold.
“You never speak of Y/n like that! I will make sure your life is hell if I ever hear you speak about her ever again!”
“Calm down. Just walk away from him, he isn’t worth it, man.” Liam whispered.
Harry shook his head, his jaw clenching at every word he spoke.
“He’s a dick! He deserves to be fucking beaten until he cant fucking move anymore!”
The rage radiating off of Harry was too strong to stop, the force of his movements making the boys weak against their hold.
The man put his hands up in defence, wearing a wide smirk as he tisked at his words.
“What? A guy can’t fancy a young, beautiful, sexy woman anymore? What’s so wrong with having fantasies?” He smirked.
Harry groaned loudly, trying everything he could to maneuver himself away from the boys, but it was useless. All he wanted was to let out all of his anger onto him, that was the only desire he had.
“She’s mine!” Harry roared, “She is my fucking girl and no one, especially a fucking prick like you goes fucking near her!”
“Oh, Styles,” the man let out a breathy laugh, “You broke up with her months ago. Game’s over, kid. She has every right to be with anybody she wants.”
Harry squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget about the image of Y/n being with another guy. It was too much for him to handle, especially in a moment like this.
“Make him fucking stop” Harry mumbled.
The boys held him tighter, afraid of any dangerous actions Harry could participate in. They knew what he was saying was driving him crazy, but if they loosened their grip on him they know what would happen.
“Look, lets just back away from this. This is getting us no where.” Louis spoke up.
“He’s right, lets just drop this.” Zayn agreed.
“Yeah, drop this.” A familiar voice said.
All of the boys gasped, turning around to find Y/n standing behind them. She was wearing a sweater and black jeans, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she sniffled, looking down at her feet.
“Y/n?” Harry whispered, his entire body under shock he could barely speak.
This is the first time he’s heard from her within the last four months. He had so much to say to her. He had countless apologies, countless things to say to her, but now he felt as if it wasn’t worth it. She didn’t deserve anywhere near half of the things he put her through. He knows that now, someone like her doesn’t deserve him.
“Look,” Y/n started, walking quietly between Harry and the man, “I know that Harry wasn’t the best person in this relationship, I wasn’t either. When someone is given the entire world, and all this money, and all this fame, they forget about the things they truly need. The forget about the important things. It’s normal. It’s how humans work. We feed off of the things we are believed to be fed off of. I’m not saying I’m understanding everything that went on. I’ve been confused as hell the last four months. But after all of that, I know that he still loves me.”
Y/n lokked over at Harry, tears rolling down their faces as they look deeply at eachother. Harry walked over to her, forgetting the amount of people surrounding them. All he could focus on was her, and that she was here now.
He grabbed her waist, pulling her body against his before smashing his lips to hers. The sound of the crowd cheering was distance, everything was blocked out.
It was just them. How it will always be.
so on a happier note I have this headcanon that even though Qui-Gon can’t become a proper Force ghost, he still sometimes appears to people like golden sparkles (like he does to Yoda in the last tcw arc). My idea is that Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Anakin all go “beyond the veil” or whatever because they all had very hard lives they need to heal from, but Qui-Gon’s life was comparatively pretty great and so, golden sparkles. He doesn’t do it often - and as time passes less and less - but even centuries later, occasionally, some Jedi having a particularly hard time, meditating alone somewhere - the forests of Yavin IV, the clean hard desert of Tatooine - will feel this strange but comforting presence…
and of course he came to Obi-Wan as often as he could, though at first Obi-Wan’s inability to believe that Qui-Gon could really come back got in the way (see: the Mortis arc)
but one night while he was meditating in the desert, feeling more alone than he thought possible, feeling like the only hope in the galaxy was a couple of little kids who might someday have to kill their own father….and like that hardly counted as hope at all… and fighting as always to remember how to be a jedi and let go and he sits there for like 3 days straight and finally at the end, empty of everything, there’s this one thread left and he follows it and it’s Qui-Gon who was somehow, against all hope, there all along…
I did watch it (twice, first the raw and then the sub once it showed up). I don’t have too many thoughts since honestly it feels like not a lot happened. But just my general impressions, under the cut for spoilers:
AN/ All fluff will leave some details to your imagination ..lol
The moment you pulled up to the bunker it hit you that moment how much you missed this .When you could walk in and see the guys again and see Dean again you knew that you would feel complete again. It had been your idea to leave in the first place. You had told Dean that even though you weren’t a hunter you needed to step back. Living with hunters was hard. Loving one was even harder. The weeks that would go by that you waited for him to come back and praying that every phone call wasn’t the call to tell you he was hurt or worst. The late nights of endless research and all the death and violence it was just to much to take. You had to get away for a while. You though Dean would understand he was the one who had told you to think real hard about what you were getting into when you came to live with them. When you told him you were going away for a while he just seem to distance himself from you at that point .He wasn’t mean or anything ..but when you woke up alone the next morning instead of wrapped up in his arms you knew then you had hurt him without meaning to.
He wouldn’t let you fix it either. When you tried to talk to him about why he said he understood and to go and do what you had to . He had left for a case before you left . Sam had just gave you a warm hug and told you to hurry back *********************************** Now here you were here but you didn’t see Dean’s car so you figure they were out. You climbed out of your car pulling your cell phone out . You dialed Sam ’s phone because you were nervous to talk to Dean .. What if he had decided while you were gone that you weren’t worth it.
Maybe he decided that he needed someone stronger that could handle this life better.. A hunter that could actually go out on the case with him and not sit at home buried in books. The though made your heart hurt. Sam phone went to voice mail after 6 or 7 rings " hey Sam it me just wanted to let you know I am back at the bunker but you guys are not here “ hope you guys are ok .. Call me ’ you said and hung up Since you had the extra key you were able to pull you bags out of your car and head inside. It was quite but so familiar .. You sigh already feeling a little bit better.. You knew when the guys got back it would get better. You walked down the hallways and paused at the closed door to Dean ’s room where you been staying before . But now doubt filled your mind . .Maybe he didn’t want you in his bed anymore .. .the way he acted before you left would have you agreeing with that statement. So you walked on to the other spare bedroom that you knew was made up . You walked in and shut the door behind you . It was pretty late and you were tried . You put your stuff down and sat down on the bed Maybe you just need to get a good night sleep and tomrrower if Dean was back you sit down and talk with him. If he doesn’t want you anymore then you would accept it and go from there. Even though you knew it would break your heart into a million pieces. So you quickly changed your clothes and slip into bed looking at your phone one more time before you rolled over and quickly feel asleep tears still on your cheeks.
****************************** You slowly came around when you felt yourself being lifted up off the bed. You struggled a little when it hit you that someone was carrying you ..” hey settled down it only me “ the warm voice spoke softly in your ear. You lifted your head and blink when you realize it was Dean who you had you and you were being carried back into his room. "What are you doing?” you asked sleepily as he laid you down in the bed you watch from you position on the bed as he walked over shut the door and then tugged off his before crawling in next to you pulling you into his arms. “Going to sleep … I drove 12 hours today on 2 hours of sleep ” he said as he buried his face in your neck.. You heart sped and you body warmed by feeling his body so close to yours.
"I though you were mad at me ?“ you said quietly .. He looked up at you ” I know and I am sorry for acting like a jerk when you left…Sam lecture me the whole time you were gone “ he said . You smiled .. "Remind me to thank him ” you replied He grinned then he looked at you serious “ is that why you were sleeping in the other room ?” you though I was mad ?“ he asked you sigh and shifted in his arms were you could wrap yours around his middle. ” yeah I didn’t know if you wanted me here anymore.. I though maybe these last few weeks you had decided you didn’t need me .. Maybe you had decided that you needed someone who could hunt with you.. “ you said pushing back the tears .. But he must have noticed the look on your face because he leaned in and kissed you softly . ” how you could ever think that I don’t want you ..“ he said softly .. That really did bring tears to your eyes ” I am sorry for the way I acted .. But when you told me you need a break and were leaving for a while.. I got scared “ he said not meeting your eyes.. You reached out and touched his cheek . "Why ?’ you asked ” because I was scared that once you left you wouldn’t come back .. That maybe you wouldn’t want to come back to me" he admitted. You grinned and kissed him this time.. You felt his hands start to roam that when you pulled back he groan. " how could you ever think I don’t want you “ you said using his own words.. ” I love you and that all that matters.. “ you replied. He pulled you even closer now your whole body was pressed up to his as his mouth crashed down yours. You both moaned at the contact. ” I missed you “ you said softly as he moved his mouth down your neck with both hands slipping underneath your shirt. ” missed you too “ he replied as he rolled you over onto your back and in one simple movement had your shirt over your head and then onto the floor somewhere beside the bed. ” and I am going to show you how much I missed you “ he said with a grin . You reached up and pulled him down meeting his mouth with yours.. *******************************
Much later after you had calmed your body down you rolled over sliding your body up against his side. Laying your head on his chest . He was already asleep breathing heavy and content . But as you settled into his side . His arm came up wrapping around you holding your close. You let yourself smile sleepily and your eyes falling shut as the last though you had before drifting off was the best thing about coming home was coming back to this .. To him… and you hope it never would change.