maybe my clock just started ticking

RIP To My Youth

and you could call this the funeral

My first Jughead imagine, this is part one, if you guys enjoy it I’ll keep it going. 

Pairing: Jughead x Reader 

Description: Jug and the reader have been best friends since they were kids, but lately, things have changed, Riverdale has changed, Jug has changed and Y/N thinks maybe it’s time she changed too. 

Warnings: ANGST ANGST SO MUCH ANGST YO (maybe a couple o swears)

Word count: 2088

Part 2https://thatsadbreakfastclub.tumblr.com/post/158505761114/rip-to-my-youth-pt-2



It was getting to the point where I was having internal battles with myself every night. ‘Y/N he’s working on the novel and the newspaper, of course, it’s going to be harder for him to spend time with you’ versus ‘he’s moved on, he’s closer with Betty now, he and Archie are closer too, you’ve lost him, you’re irrelevant’. These were the thoughts that had been consuming my brain for the past couple of weeks. Jug was my best friend, right? Maybe I should text him? Maybe not. I started playing with my pale grey cap, my nervous tick of sorts. Jug could always tell when I was nervous because I would fiddle with the cap “Y/N” he’d say “spill it, you can’t hide anything from me, I can read you like an open book”. Thinking about this little memory was bittersweet. How can someone who’s practically by your side every day suddenly just have no real interest in talking to you? Ever since the murder of Jason Blossom, it really feels like everything in Riverdale has changed.

I glanced at my clock perched on my bedside table, 7:45 pm sigh. Maybe doing some homework will take my mind off all this bullshit, who’s idea was it to put me in advanced algebra anyway? Oh, that’s right my father, who I really wish was here right now and not away on some business trip. Tonight would have to be a lonely one. That’s when I remembered I had Jug’s math textbook, there it was sitting on my desk. I flipped it open and sure enough on the bottom left-hand corner was a small ‘property of Jughead Jones’. Perfect I could use this as an excuse to text him. 

Hey Jug, I forgot I had your math textbook? Want me to come drop it over? The two-hour wait to get a reply just built up more and more anger inside of me Hey Y/N, I’m working on an article with Betty right now, could you drop it off to me in the newsroom in free period tomorrow? This was it, this was fucking it, oh I would take his textbook to him tomorrow and I would also confront him about this whole thing, that’s what I’d do straight up ask him why I was suddenly dead weight, I’ve had his guys back for so many years and now I’m just nothing, I won’t have it. Will do I sent back, cool calm and collected and then I was going to give him a piece of my mind tomorrow.

Getting ready for school was never a difficult task for me, I pretty much did the same thing everyday. My Y/H/C was tied into a ponytail with the front strands falling onto my face framing it. I put on my classic ripped boyfriend jeans and a black t-shirt, accompanied by my army jacket. To finish off my classic look I added my signature grey cap and put on my favourite dark grey lipstick. I wasn’t the girliest of girls, that was for sure, but everyone seemed to identify me by my style and in this I found comfort. After giving myself the once over in the mirror I grabbed Jug’s textbook from my desk, shoving it into my bag and I set off for school.

The day dragged on and on, I had a tonne of classes with Kevin and Ronnie today so it was nice to hang out with them for a change. This was of course until Kevin pulled the “I haven’t seen you and Jughead together in a while, what happened you two are usually joined at the hip?” line “You guys are my otp, I hope there’s no trouble in paradise” Veronica added. “Ronnie we’re not dating, why does everyone always think that and honestly, I don’t know, I guess he’s been too busy with this whole novel and newspaper thing to remember me as well” I replied giving my best interpretation of a fake smile. Veronica and Kevin gave me sympathetic looks. 

As the bell rang, signaling our release I was packing my things together when Veronica grabbed my arm. “Y/N you need to tell Jug how you feel, I don’t know if you’ve even admitted it to yourself yet but it’s pretty obvious you’re in love with him, I can see how much not seeing him is hurting you and I think it’s best if you face this head on” I was so taken aback by this, I mean for years I’ve always had people ask if Jug and I were dating but no one had been this blatant with me. Was she right?, No he’s my best friend, I couldn’t be in love with him no way. I let out an awkward laugh “I don’t love Jughead, we’re just friends” It came out so defensive that Veronica raised both her eyebrows and folded her arms “the fact that you’re being so defensive about this just further proves my point” She said in a sing-song voice. “I gotta go Ronnie” I replied standing up from my seat and walking out the classroom “I only say this cause’ I care” she yelled after me.  

Making my way towards the newsroom, I’d never felt so nervous in my life, like get a grip girlie it was just your friend, surely this whole not speaking to me thing was just, not even a big deal and I was hyping it all up. I was still going to have a go at him though because he was angry when Archie ditched him and now he’s okay with doing it to me? Not on my watch.

I had the math book in my hand as I was walking up to the door of the newsroom, I had my best ‘pissed off face’ going on I was ready.

I had my hand almost on the doorknob when I took a quick glance through the doors glass window. That was when my stomach fell, my jaw dropped and my heart involuntarily shattered. It was just a glimpse that’s all I could allow myself to watch, but inside that dusty old newsroom was one Jughead Jones kissing Elizabeth Cooper. The feelings hit me like a truck, and then everything went numb.

I didn’t know what to do so without giving any sign I was there I dropped the math book and ran, I ran out of the school I ran past pops and all the way home. By this time the tears were free falling, I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t care. Once I was in the safety of being inside my house with the door locked I gave in to my emotions and just slid down to the floor.

Wow, I felt so stupid and so naive, why didn’t I see this coming, it all made perfect sense now. I guess this was me also coming to terms with the fact that as usual Ronnie was right, I was painfully in love with Jug and now I was too late to ever do anything about it.

The more I sat there and thought about it the more I came to realise that this was my fault. I held Jug up to this crazy high standard and just assumed it would always be him and me at the end of the day. I had sacrificed so much to hang out with him, to keep my “image”, I avoided making too many other friends, I avoided parties, extracurricular activities you name it I wasn’t a part of it. Now it was all going to change, it had to change. Maybe this was the wake-up call I needed. I had to work on myself, be better, be stronger. Most of all this needed to happen because this meant I could quite literally not be around Jughead anymore, I think seeing or talking to him would make me cry, something the new me will NOT be doing.

I picked myself up off the floor and headed to the bathroom to wash my face. “Get a grip Y/N, ” I told myself staring into the mirror. It’s like as soon as I come to terms with the feelings I think I may have had for years, I have to immediately try to get rid of them. I think this was a coping mechanism for me, and I think the reason I’ve never let myself admit that I had feelings for him before was because I fear rejection so much so very much, and I had to do what I knew would keep him around and that was to continue to be his friend. Well, little girl it’s time to grow up.

And what’s the best way to look more mature and confident, change your style. From what I’ve witnessed from the media, what you wear can have a profound impact on how people view you. This is what I had to do first, get rid of the “old me” look. This meant bye grey cap, bye dark lipstick ( I mean what was I even trying to do with that? Look like a corpse?) (oh wow corpse jokes really funny, maybe a bit too real in light of recent circumstances.) And also a very big goodbye to my jeans and army jacket, that would have to go too.

Looking through my closet it was apparent I didn’t have much to work with, I would definitely have to go shopping this weekend, I’ll bring Ronnie and Kevin along, they know fashion and are probably more than willing to help me out. AH HUH eureka! The dress I’ve been looking for! About two months ago I bought this really nice burgundy skater dress that I was planning to wear on a summer trip away, but when that got cancelled I never really had an excuse to wear it, until now. It showed a lot of leg, which I was surprisingly pretty comfortable with. The thought of people seeing me in this tomorrow made me feel a mixture of excitement and nausea.

The next thing that would change was the hair; no more would it be hidden by a cap and just randomly pulled back behind my face. I would wear it down and give it a curl. I think that would give me a nice elegant edge. God, I really don’t think anyone’s even going to recognise me tomorrow, kinda funny really. The next thing I had to do was go on to the school website and look for an extracurricular I would be willing to do. Hopefully, this would be a good way to make new friends and keep me busy.

I went and grabbed my laptop from my desk, as I did this I heard my phone vibrate, which meant I had a message. The name that made the screen light up made my heart skip a few beats, it was from Jug Hey, I just found my math book outside the newsroom? Why did you leave it there and not come inside? SIGH, reading that was like a knife to my chest, I immediately deleted the message, this may be immature but I needed time, I can’t bring myself to talk to him and if he can do it to me I can sure as hell do it to him. 

Shaking those thoughts away I was brought back to the task at hand. Logging onto the schools web page I found the list of extracurricular activities going on at Riverdale high. Chess club? Pass. Girl’s soccer? Hard pass.  Mathletes? No way in hell. Come on there has to be something here. After fifteen minutes of looking to no avail I scrolled past the extracurricular activities. Eventually I saw an ad posted by the she-devil herself Cheryl Blossom, apparently, one of the river vixens had broken her ankle and a new vixen was needed immediately, auditions were tomorrow after school. Hmm, could I do this? Maybe I could? The old me would never dream of being a cheerleader but the new me, maybe she could. You know what, fuck it. It was decided, I caught myself slightly smiling as I clicked ‘attend’ on the event. It felt like a breath of fresh air, tomorrow I would walk into school confident and new. I was going to cure my own broken heart. I just hoped a run in with Jughead wouldn’t make it all come crashing down.

Tick-Tock

“Tick-Tock”

Tick-tock.
The clock struck five.
Another minute passed.
Time controls our lives.

Can I turn back the dials?
No one has to know.
I’m just so very tired.
Watching the time go.
The clock doesn’t care.
An objects mocks our hearts.
Numbers arranged in a circle,
Could be wrong from the start.

Tick-tock.
Hours passing by.
There’s nowhere you can hide,
Before it’s time to die.

Can I wake up?
Maybe it’s a dream.
Can I turn the hourglass around.
And then go back to sleep?
The sand drips like water,
Flowing freely in a space,
Reminding sons and daughters,
One day they’ll be erased.

Tick-tock.
This noise is in my head.
Not much longer now.
I don’t want to leave my bed.

I want to break this clock,
But even if I did,
Time will still continue.
Time can not be hid.
Time will beat us all,
As it quietly counts down,
If not in the moment,
It will break us down somehow.
The pounding of our hearts,
As time marches on.
Indeed we’re here now,
But one day we’ll all be gone.

No one means to fade.
There’s nothing left to do.
The pendulum swings fast.
Faster than you knew.
Perhaps we’re all the same,
When we suffer and mourn,
From the moment of our death,
Until we are reborn.
Time is a speed trap,
Reminding us what’s left.
Reminding us of values,
And who to not forget.

Will you be there at our time,
When our time arrives,
Or will you pass me by,
When time controls our lives?

More on Oblivious!Gabriel Agreste

Nathalie, right? 

 “God Nathalie, your boss is so oblivious to his natural surroundings, you could dye your hair fire-engine red and he’d never notice.” Said Higher level guy. Maybe a senior designer. They’ve both been there a long time. 

 There’s a devious glint in the woman’s eye. “Care to make a bet on it?” 

 “I’ll call my stylist.”

 Nathalie comes to work with red hair two days later, only to discover that there’s an office-wide betting pool now, and the clock just started ticking. 

 She thought it was going to be a small joke. 

 The entire board of directors and senior designers all hand her checks, clips of cash, vintage sketchbooks valued in the millions, stock, as well as individually typed predictions for how long it would take for Gabriel to notice. 

 Nathalie leaves the office, and places everything in a safety deposit box, along with 20£ and a bet of her own. She bets that he’ll notice immediately, and she’s hoping for an early retirement. 

 It’s two years later. Nathalie forgot about the bet. So did most people, but they’re all rich bastards and forgot about all the stuff they bet, as well. 

 "Your hair is different. Very fashion-forward, Nathalie.” His voice is approving. It’s never approving. 

 She freezes in her tracks and stares at him. “Are you-are you just now noticing?” Nathalie asks him carefully, in complete disbelief.

He blanches. “When did you have it done?" 

 Because he knows he’s oblivious. He’s got enough self-awareness to figure himself out. 

 The date is scheduled on her tablet. She’s been keeping count since the bet started. "Two years ago, sir." 

 Gabriel is cool, slightly frustrated, but cool. "I must’ve been busy that day, my apologies." 

 There’s a company-wide meeting between the board of directors, Gabriel, and the senior designers. Nathalie retrieves the contents of the box, and doesn’t tell anyone what it’s about. 

 Nathalie is smirking as she takes the head seat, and stares down the entire room with satisfaction. The bet is over.

 "As you may or may not recall, two years ago, I dyed my hair red.” She glances over to Gabriel. None of them are getting fired, they’re all too valuable. “The bet is over. Monsieur Agreste noticed yesterday afternoon, bringing it to one year, eleven months, and sixteen days.”

Gabriel almost spits out his coffee. He clears his throat, and there are multiple employees chuckling. 

Nathalie frowned. “The winner has been selected, but considering that the pool is valued at over £20 million, I would like to offer you all then opportunity have your bets returned to you and call it off." 

Gabriel collects himself, and smirks. "If it’s a bet at my expense, I would be insulted if you all didn’t see it through to the end. The winner will receive what they have won.” Nathalie swallowed. 

He’s furious, but he’s taking it with a grain of salt. “Then that’s settled. Per the rules of the betting pool,” -she reads off a notarized sheet of paper- “‘If it is discovered that Gabriel Agreste was informed by an outside source of Nathalie’s hair, all contents of the pool will be retracted and returned to their original owners.’" 

She shoots her boss a pointed look. "Did anyone mention my hair to you?”

“No one informed me.” He replies indignantly and stands. “You are all morally reprehensible. Good day.”

 He walks out. 

 "Do you think we hurt his feelings?“

 "Monsieur Agreste? Feelings?” The senior designer from two years ago laughs, “Now there’s a betting pool we can start.”

1. You were the type of girl someone stays up for when they have a fever
wiping your head with a damp cloth making sure you’re okay.
2. You were the type of girl who could make you forget a bad day with your stupid laugh.
3. You were the type of girl people write poems for.
4. See I would dip my hands into infinity and give you my heart
Infinity doesn’t seem too long a wait for you.
5. I would nail my heart on the night skies hoping that people admire it.
Maybe to spite you.
Or maybe to let you know that no matter how far we were…
I’m here. Under the same sky.
6. You made me tired of wiping your tears with my words and not my hands.
7. Seven. That’s how many letters there are in your name.
Go on. Check. This is all for you. If you looked close from the start,
You’d know this is all for you.
8. You were the type of girl I wanted to buy a cat with…
9. I’ve become so familiar to the ticking of the clock in your room
10. I just loved the way your cheeks would almost burst smiling when I spoke to you.
 
Ten. Talking about your smile makes me lose focus
Ten. After remembering your smile ten things aren’t enough
Ten. I wanted to know how beautiful your heart sounded when it’s beating next to me
Ten. I wanted there to be an “our child"
Ten. You used to make my face warm
Ten. I have never seen someone’s eyes outshine the brightest stars in the sky
Ten. I think the stars are jealous of you
Ten. I think of your voice when I wake up to birdsong
Ten. How beautiful is it then when I force myself to pray on time, I think of you?
Ten. Alhamdulillah
Ten. I was intrigued by your flaws
Ten. I wanted to make you tea and coffee before you wake up and blow on it because it’s too hot until it’s just right for you to sip
Ten. I wanted to look at the stars with you. My own star
Ten. You know more secrets than the walls in my bedroom
Ten. The sky wasn’t the limit for us. But we were both afraid of heights
Ten. You said you like people too easily. Was I a phase or was it real? I’m tired of being used for target practice
Ten. Arrows hurt
Ten. Our life isn’t The Notebook
Ten. I’m sorry for all of this. I’m not trying to make you come back
Ten. I’m not scared of the monsters inside me or the monsters in the dark anymore. But now I’m afraid of the monsters that walk past everyday with a pretty smile and a gentle heart
Ten. I used to belong.
 
I’ve stopped being and now I just long for you.
—  not a poem, letters from big bean

Maybe you should bake a cake
A cheesecake
Or just give him some attention 
Or just a miracle
That would be amazing 
Is it right?
Tick tock the clock is ticking
I’ll sing a cliche love song
No prejudge please or I will let the silence storm inside me go
But after it is the calm after the storm
But hey I didn’t talk about my mother yet
And that she want a moustache and she’s not alone
So she keeps running with the hunters of the stars
Hoping for something better when she’s coming home
Then she can start a fire and will rise like a phoenix with her wild soul
It’s time for her to shine

12 points for who knows which eurovision 2014 songs I used