things to consider; agender magnus chase
• magnus has a pretty good concept of gender and identity. he always has, at least, when it comes to others - reading himself has always been a little harder for him.
• he imagines he’s probably a dude. people have called him a dude up til now, so, theyre probably right. he never really thinks too much on it
• until alex makes a silly comment about “getting together ever thursday to question our gender like a team”. magnus laughs and it makes her smile, but it sticks in his head for a long time. he starts to really wonder what makes someone a man and what makes someone a woman.
• he thinks it might be rude to ask alex, but he cant think of anyone else who would have a better handle on it. he doesnt ask her anyways - he goes to sam. “what makes you a woman?” he asks. she goes quiet for a moment, like she isnt sure. “strength” she answers. “the thing inside me that makes me a woman is my strength.” she shrugs. “its different for everyone.” this wasnt the answer he was expecting and it doesnt help much, but hes glad he asked anyways.
• he goes to hearth next, asks him what makes him a man. hearth signs “rebellion” lazily, then shows the edge of what magnus thinks is a tank top under his shirt. magnus makes a face of confusion and hearth signs “binder.” he shakes his head. “i wont be his sweet little daughter. never.” magnus brings his hand towards his face without thinking about it, signs his thanks. “you always surprise me” he says out loud, almost to himself. hearth shrugs. “i know” he signs.
• magnus is at a loss. he knew gender was confusing, but this? this is ridiculous. neither answer helped him feel anyway towards the other, and maybe that was just the thing - he didnt feel particularly like a boy or a girl. he’s about to go ask blitzen when alex cuts him off.
• “okay, maggie. you and me. we’re settling this.” he doesnt understand what she means until she crosses her arms and says much more quietly “samirah told me.” she tucks a lock of shockingly green hair behind her ear, much more withdrawn than usual. “are you asking for yourself or-” magnus nods immediately. she seems to relax a bit, tenseness leaving her muscles. “oh… i mean. you can talk to me, if you want. if anyone can help you with gender, its me - ive got two of them.” he laughs a little. “practically makes me an expert.” he grins at her and she grins back. they leave for a more private location.
“i just dont get it” magnus admits when they get there. they’re sitting side by side in alex’s room, enjoying the wide open space. theres something sacred and secret about it. something they share. “is it possible to have no gender?” he continues. “is it possible to just… be nothing?”
alex blinks rapidly. “well, sure.”
his head turns towards her quickly, eyes wide. “seriously?”
alex shrugs and says again, “sure. i mean, you arent ‘nothing’ - that would make you agender. neither man nor woman, not nonbinary, and not fluid like me. but not ‘nothing’.”
magnus falls backwards, letting the back of his head touch the ground. he’s staring up but his eyes aren’t seeing. “wow. im.. that? agender?”
alex lays next to him, some of her hair falling over his face. he absent-mindedly blows it away from his mouth and she laughs. “if you think so. you can always… i dunno, try it out and see if its right. i used to think i was only a girl.” she shrugs again. “its okay to be wrong about stuff like this. you find your way to yourself eventually.”
theyre quiet for a moment. then he says “youre being very nice to me right now.”
when he turns his head to see her, he sees shes cracked a wicked smile. “im just warming you up. that way youll never see it coming.”
he raises an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth lifting just a little. “see what coming?”
alex hums. “it.”
they go back to staring at the expanse of sky above them, both smiling. magnus wasnt sure how he expected the day to go, but this wasnt it. he feels… good. he feels like something has shifted, something that was always meant to be has come to be.
magnus has never noticed it before, but for the first time, things just feel right.