maybe even the whole world

On living with a family that doesn’t value academia

When I got home for the holidays my grandma asked me how my keystone was coming along, and it’s hard to explain so I said I’d just show her (something I do for very few people). This post gives a very brief overview of what I’ve done so far. It’s quite abstract and sometimes difficult to justify to myself why doing this is productive (despite my academic mentor being excited about it). She looked a bit skeptical throughout my explanation and at the end she asked how, specifically, it’s useful. And I tried to explain that the product isn’t really the valuable part of this project, but rather the skills and experience gained by directing my own “research,” for lack of a better word. After all, not many people are going to produce new and valuable academic work in their undergrad.

And she said “no, what actual, tangible skills are you getting that will help you get a job.” Since apparently nothing I do matters unless it helps me make money. It was a little disappointing to disregard everything specific to the work I had done and say that, if nothing else, learning about how to communicate with technology through code is incredibly useful and widely applicable. Her own lack of understanding of how technology works means that she still wasn’t satisfied, and that I was left basically telling her to trust me that it’s not useless.

A couple days after that my dad made a comment about living with four women (my mom, my two sisters, and myself, so far as I can be considered an “woman”), which he frequently does as if it was somehow a burden on him. Ignoring the fact that neither of us are very feminine (not that it’s relevant to my argument anyways), I tried to explain how relying on socially constructed gender stereotypes when he says stuff like that completely undermines his argument. I brushed over the fact that I feel nothing like a woman whatsoever. My sexist, hypermasculine brother refuted the fact that gender is largely socially constructed by saying, “girls are fucking crazy!” as if men, by contrast, are somehow not.

This led to a whole big discussion about gender, to which I brought my academic perspective, having talked a lot about gender in various courses, and to which my mom brought her experience of raising kids and seeing her friends raise their kids. She argued that there definitely are specific (biological) gender differences. I tried to explain that unconscious bias is quite powerful and might have influenced her observations and interpretations, and so they are not in fact 100% objective.

The crux of this debate was the fact that my ideas were purely academic and my mom’s were purely experiential. While both types of knowledge are important, neither one can get you to the place of the other. It is often the case that someone goes their whole life, maybe even being successful, knowing very little of the world around them simply because they haven’t been educated. Of course, life experience can expose you to quite advanced academic ideas, but any student will tell you that many things you learn at school (maybe even a majority depending on your field) cannot be learned through life experience. Academic education informs life experience, in every possible case.

My biggest issue here is that my family is not academic and doesn’t value academia. Every one of us has been successful in school, and are arguably quite bright, but I haven’t even completed my undergrad and I am officially the most educated person in the family (like even my extended family). Not only am I the most formally educated, but I have spent my life being curious, so I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things. So when my sister, to no one in particular, asks why lactose intolerance is so common, and I explain that actually the majority of the world can’t digest lactose because of agricultural evolution (a simple google-able fact), my family laughs in my face and says that probably isn’t true. They undermine everything in my knowledge base that they don’t already agree with, or think they know.

I’m not an expert, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to justify my existence to anyone.

anonymous asked:

Hi, i would like to request a BTS reaction. Could you please do either BTS finding out that their wife/girlfriend who is pregnant is having a girl or BTS ho,ding their daughter after the mom gives birth(and after the baby is cleaned). I think that would be so cute~! Thank you~

Having a baby girl

This took a lot of time xD I haven’t been feeling it before today but today I finally finished it, I hope you like it <3


You didn’t want to give Jin any false hopes from the start so you didn’t tell him anything until you were 100% sure that you would be having a baby. However, Jin had started to get worried when your eating habits changed drastically and when you were randomly throwing up multiple times a day. So when you said that you were going out Jin started having his suspicions. You were never a good liar so it was evident that you weren’t just going out. While he waited for you to come back he was going over possibilities that would explain your strange behaviour and he eventually came to the conclusion of pregnancy but just like yourself, he didn’t want any false hopes so he waited until you were home so he could check with you. Once you walked through the door with a big smile on your face he didn’t even need to ask. You spent the evening watching movies and cuddling, with his hand on your stomach, knowing that in nine months a small mix between the two of you would be running around your home.

Once your little girl was born Jin couldn’t stop looking at her, and he definitely couldn’t stop smiling. Your daughter was wrapped in a towel where she was resting in Jin’s arms, she was smiling just like her father and Jin noticed that they had the same smile, this fact only made him smile bigger. He walked over to you, handed you your daughter and grabbed your hand, kneeling beside the bed and resting his chin on your shoulder. As Jin watched you and your newborn smiling at each other he couldn’t help but think that he had a queen and a princess now.



You would find Yoongi laying on the couch, trying to get a minutes rest before going back to work. He looked very peaceful almost snoring, with both his arms on his stomach and a bit of drool on his chin. You were hesitating, debating if you should tell him once he’s woken up so that he could get his beauty sleep or not, however you decided that this couldn’t wait. So without further ado, you gently shook sleeping beauty awake. He would whine for a bit before opening his eyes, seeing the positive pregnancy test that you held up in front of his face and then he would be off the couch in a matter of seconds. This would be the only time you’ll see Min Yoongi wake up so quickly. He would ask you if you’re serious and without a word, you would nod and he would be embracing you with a hug in no time, laughter falling from his lips and the sentence “I’m going to be a dad” would be uttered many times during the following nine months.

His gummy smile would be huge on his lips as he held your daughter for the first time. Even though she wouldn’t stop screaming Yoongi would still coo at her, loving every sound wave coming from her. You would joke about her having the same temper as her father but he would just laugh it off, letting you say anything you wanted because this moment was perfect and nothing could even ruin it. He glanced over at you and saw that you were ready to hold her too so he handed her to you as careful as if she was made out of glass. As soon as she was comfortable in your arms she fell asleep. Yoongi cooed some more at her and you laughed, joking again by saying “yep, definitely her father’s daughter.”



I feel that Hobi is a family man so when the realization dawned on him that both of you would become parents he would be the happiest man on earth. He would be even more of a sunshine than what he normally is if that’s even possible. Calls would be made to his family, to the boys and maybe even to mere acquaintances he had, he would want the whole world to know that he was going to be a father. He would run over to you, pick you up and spin you around, making you laugh. Then he would realise once again that you were pregnant and put you down in an instant, not wanting to hurt you or the baby. For the following months, he would treat you like glass and do everything for you. He wouldn’t even let you get off the couch.

Holding his newborn girl in his arms Hobi would be shaking slightly from excitement, however making sure not to drop his baby girl. She would be laughing, and you would realise from your position on the hospital bed that your husband and your daughter were both brighter than the sun. Hobi wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off his little girl and you would almost have to beg for him to hand her over so that you also could hold your newborn.  His smile would never leave his lips and you knew that your daughter would grow to love that smile at least as much as you do.

(I can’t find the gif again to source it, I’m sorry ;_; )


You were not slow with telling the leader that he would get yet another child to take care of as if the boys already weren’t enough. However, once you told him the amount of happiness he felt at that moment caused him to break one more vase in the house, making you jump. You would not get angry though since this is supposed to be a happy moment for the both of you. He would be the one to be the most prepared out of the seven boys. He will be reading up on how to be the best parent ever and also how to make the birth of your daughter as comfortable as nature allows. He would not freak out too much when the time came because he was so prepared.

Once the worst part was over and he finally could hold his little one the scary aspect of everything would hit him, he had prepared so much for the last nine months but he could never have prepared enough for the moment he saw his daughter for the first time. She was so small and fragile that he was so scared that he would drop her or hurt her in any way. You would be able to see that he was on the verge of a freakout so you quickly asked him to give her to you. Once he did that he stood beside you watching her with adoring eyes, holding your hand to make sure he didn’t faint right then and there.



You were worried about telling Jimin about your pregnancy since he was at the top of his career and he was only 21, that’s still pretty young to become a father. You knew he wouldn’t leave you because of this but you didn’t want him to give up his dreams because of this. You found him playing games with Tae the day you planned on telling him. You asked him to talk to you alone for a moment and once you were in a secluded place you would break the news to him. Instead of seeing his face fall or a scared expression on his face he broke out in a huge eye smile and started freaking out in a positive way. He couldn’t believe it and when he wrapped his mind around it he engulfed you in a big hug. He held you for so long that Tae wondered what was taking so long so he went to see what happened. That’s how both of the 95-liners found out about your soon to be family.

When he first held his daughter in his arms he couldn’t stop speaking in a baby voice. It would almost be like aegyo, however not as cringy as it normally is. He would be cooing and rocking her back and forth as he started singing for her. You had to stop him so that you also could hold her before she fell asleep. All the worries that Jimin may have had in the beginning would not be there anymore and both you and he knew that you would be amazing parents.



Our Tae Tae wouldn’t stop smiling for days on end once he found out that he was going to become a father. He would be a lot like Hobi and tell everyone he knows that you were pregnant. He would also be a lot like Joonie and read some about pregnancy so that he can be a bit prepared for when the time came and also because the circumstances would peak an interest in him. His favourite thing to do during your pregnancy would be to feel your stomach for the baby’s kicks and also talk to it because he wanted her to recognise his voice when she’s finally in their arms.

Once holding his daughter Tae would be so excited for the milestones to come so he would try and get some of them to happen right in that moment. He would be really busy trying to get her to say “appa” even though she’s not even a day old. You would find the whole situation extremely entertaining and giggle a bit at him because he just became even more cute to you. He’ll soon enough hand her over to you and while you started rocking your baby back and forth he would play with your hands and freak out over how adorable she is when he gripped his finger.



Kookie would definitely be the most scared of them all, he’s only 19 and probably not that ready to have a baby so he would be really shocked and not believe you, to begin with. Then he would go ask Joonie and Jin for advice but instead, he would be rewarded with a bit of scolding for getting you pregnant at such a young age. Afterwards, when they’re sure he realised the severity of his actions they would come with some advice, like how he should be to you during this time and how it could be after the baby is born. Jungkook would spend the next nine months worrying himself to death.

When he was able to hold his little girl for the first time all of those worries disappeared in a second. The way the baby was staring at him made him feel so sure of himself, he felt like he couldn’t do anything wrong. You saw the change in his posture, how he relaxed, and you knew that everything would be just fine. he turned around towards you, the baby still in his arms and a big smile on his face. He took two big steps and put the baby in your arms instead, then he grabbed one of your hands, crouched down next to the bed and rested his chin on your shoulder. He too knew that everything would be fine as long as you three were together.



All-Time Favourite Ships!

From books, movies, Broadway, and TV shows!

(list not in any particular order and may contain spoilers).

1. Bellarke: Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffen from The 100 (TV)

Okay, I know I said that the list is in no particular order, but this ship is my all time OTP since I started watching The 100. And I can’t sleep at night knowing that they are not officially canon yet, even if it was pretty clear in Praimfiya that it will be endgame! So exited for their reunion in Season 5. I spend hours on end reading Bellarke fan fiction all day, every day. And Bellamy is my baby and I love his so much. And I can’t wait to see how he is after the six-year time jump on the show. Sometimes, I think that I watch the show just for these two.

2. Haleb: Hanna Marin and Caleb Rivers from Pretty Little Liars (TV)

Again, like I said that this list is in no particular order, this ship would defiantly be in my top 5. Anyway, I still have to properly sit down and watch Season 7B of Pretty Little Liars so don’t spoil anything for me. Haleb in my opinion, is the best ship on this show, but I think towards the early seasons I used to ship Ezria more but when Caleb showed up with his long hair, I died. And therefore, they became my favourite ship. I remember, I put watching the show on break after Caleb left to do his own show is either season 3 or 4, I don’t remember exactly. But yeah, these two are pretty cute together and I hope it stays that way.

3. Stydia: Stiles Stilinksi and Lydia Martin from Teen Wolf (TV)

Okay, again, probably in my top 7. So, the thing with Stydia is that they dragged it out for so long that the anticipation killed me. But I love them still so much. And Dylan O’Brian is just on a different level of awesomeness (and cuteness). And Lydia, even though she used to annoy me at first, and Teen Wolf is probably not my favourite TV show, but it’s still good, and Lydia’s character started to grow on me and I need to catch up on Season 6, (don’t judge me guys, the past few moths for me have been really busy) and I just recently started to watch this show, like maybe two years ago, but still, love love love.

4. Linctavia: Lincoln and Octavia Blake from The 100 (TV)

Okay, so another The 100 ship, but oh my lord I scream every time someone mentions them! They are so adorably cute and the flyest of power couples who don’t give a damn about what people think. And every time I think of Lincoln, I just might well cry because he didn’t deserve what he got. Fucking Pike. I’m glad Octavia killed him. And the song to which Lincoln dies to, and the one where Octavia’s scream and cries are kinda muffled, it’s called Cloud by Elias, and it’s in my playlist and then I have a mini breakdown when it comes on and think of Lincoln falling on his knees in the tiny puddle and Octavia and I just cry a little more on the inside. Anyway, probably the best couple to ever exist on the show and maybe even ever in this whole damn world. They were so fucking badass together, I loved every minute of it.

5. Sciles: Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf (TV)

Okay, so this is like my favourite BROTP of all eternity. I just think that their relationship is so cute and how much they care about each other, and the hug in season 3 is my everything, ahhh, I just love them so much it hurts. And throughout the show we can see their friendship grow even though they have been friends since they were little. Damn, I wish I had a friendship like that. 

6. Chair: Charles “Chuck” Bass and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (TV)

Ahhh, Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair! I don’t think anyone will ever know how happy I was when the endgame for their endgame actually happened. Honestly, I was rooting for them since Blair’s birthday episode in the first season, even when everyone was after Nate and Blair, but no, not gonna happen. I just thought that Nate was very innocent and nice for Blair. Blair needed someone like Chuck and I don’t think anyone ever loved anyone else as much as Chuck loves Blair. I love them, they are so perfect for each other, with their games. I wish I had a Chuck. Blair’s lucky. Haha.

Keep reading

No one is perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. But we do have these annoying things called feelings. Sure they can be great at times. And obviously they make you want to just cry your heart out almost every night.

You see, these feelings, they’re here forever. You can’t get rid of them. And everyone has some form of feelings. No, not everyone is going to feel the same at the exact same time. But we all experience them at some point in time.

And the ones considered heartless, have felt too much. They went through things that pushed them last their limits and they just broke. Once you break, you’ll never be the same. Sure you can glue and tape the pieces back together, but it’s never going to be exactly how it was.
The heartless ones are afraid. They’re afraid of these feelings we get every once in a while. Becuase the heartless feel the worst. They are left forgotten, hated, disliked. They are left with the sense they are unloved. Of course they know it’s becuase they’re heartless. But the heartless are broken.

They don’t want to feel anymore. They want to go through life and just be an object that lives and dies. Feelings are just a distraction. And the heartless have realised that. They know what life truly is and they’re disgusted by it.

So yes, the heartless once cared too much. Either for themselves, another human they though would be there forever, or maybe even the whole world.

But we, the heartless, still feel. And don’t think we don’t becuase we sure as hell do. We’ve just learned how to hide it sooner.

|~ LittleSadAddict ~|

Prompt: We were childhood friends but since you moved, we haven’t been in contact in years. And my family keeps bugging me about dating, so I lied and said I was in a relationship with you. But all of a sudden you come back to visit and I don’t know how to tell you that everyone thinks we’re dating.

Hurriedly you made your way down the road as cars hummed in to action around you and the early morning sun began to warm your skin, but the only thing you could focus on was that message. You stared at your phone as you continued on your way, paying so little attention to the world around you, you marginally missed walking into someone, sending your feet stuttering around the corner and causing one of your shoes to be left several paces behind you before you had regained control of your feet again.
Slipping your shoe back on again, you made your way up the road, reading each forking road sign so that you didn’t miss the road you were looking for. Finally you came across New Park Avenue, and turned left, slowing to the pace of the snail as you re read the message for what must have been at least the thirtieth time:

“Hi Y/N, I’m visiting home for the summer holidays and have rented a small apartment on 16 New Park Avenue. I’m apartment 5. Can we meet up, haven’t seen you in aaaaagggeeeessss and I’m BORED OF OTHER PEOPLE! Tom :)”

“Maybe.” Had been your response.

As you edged along the road you realised it was only 7:43am…and Tom was not a morning person. At all. You almost kicked yourself. There was no point in you going home though, your family were surprised you had weren’t spending the summer with Tom after you’d told them you were supposedly dating.
Ten, twelve, fourteen, sixteen. You stood in front of the short apartment block. Red bricks, some potted plants on a few of the balconies to make it look easier on the eye. Pathetic, you almost laughed out loud. Approaching the door you rang the bell for number 5. It rung and rung and rung, as you awkwardly stood there shuffling your feet, twisting your hair and pretending to text people on your phone. You decided to phone him to wake him up, he always had his phone near his bed, and it was his alarm so the sound would have to be on.
You called him, and rang the bell again, double whammy you thought, smirking to yourself. Finally, after several rings a groggy voice sounded through the speaker; ‘Y/N, I am actually going to batter you.’
‘Well, Thomas Stanley Holland, you can only do it if you let me in, which I would highly recommend unless you want me to ring the doorbell again?’ You put on a tone as sweet as honey.
‘OKOKOK! Just come up, I’ll let you in, but don’t expect any breakfast.’
You shook your head, smiling to yourself as he hung up and as you were let into the building, climbing the stairs to apartment 5. You stood there taking a few seconds to adjust yourself and catch your breath, before knocking politely. When there was no answer you went to give the door a hard bang, and as your arm swung down, the door opened, causing you to punch thin air and fall into a hysterically laughing Tom’s arms.
'I HATE YOU SO MUCH!’ You shrieked through tears of laughter, as he stood you up.
'I missed you too.’ He chuckled.
Stepping back you looked at Tom for the first time in one year and eight months…but something was slightly off, he wasn’t the Tom you remembered physically, his hair was a bit lighter, styled in a certain way, a slick wave? He was more muscly than you remembered too, and slightly more tanned.
'So, care to divulge why my best friend wasn’t leaping to my apartment door as soon as you found out I was visiting?’ You didn’t answer. 'Don’t tell me you’ve secretly always hated me because I will make you like me again, and if that means giving you breakfast,’ he let out an exaggerated, exasperated sigh, 'I suppose I will.’
'Or I can get you a big cuddly teddy!’ He wrapped his arms around himself and hugged tightly, making his tight T-shirt scrunch up.
'OR EVEN BETTER, AN ACTUAL BOYFRIEND TO GIVE YOU A BIG HUG HIMSELF!’ He threw his arms around you, squeezing you tightly in a big bear hug, causing you to giggle as you hugged back.
'Yes, yes that would sort out everything!’
He pulled back from the hug, walking further into the flat and invited you to sit down on a tired looking couch as he sat on an armchair perpendicular to you.
'So, tell tell, what’s been happening while I’ve been away?’ He wiggles his eyebrows, a mischievous glint in those warm chocolatey eyes, 'and why didn’t you want to visit me?’ He asked, slightly quieter this time just as you’d been taking an intake of breath, those warm chocolate eyes slightly melting. You could see the hurt. He was tearing up behind all those smiles and hugs.
You had a choice, you could lie…tell him you’d been busy, applying for jobs, going out with people, making connections, a visit from him wasn’t your top priority. But that was a lie. He was so special to you…so so so special in fact, you woke up each day wishing he was here, missing him like hell. You couldn’t lie to him like that, it would break you.
Or you could tell the truth, how you’re parents had been constantly on your back about your relationships and how you hadn’t found anyone yet, how you weren’t trying or how you were ruining your life, all of which you didn’t believe and honestly thought was just parents trying to look out for their child…but in a moment of madness you had snapped and told them you and Tom were dating.
You lifted your eyes to his and met his gaze, your eyes beginning to melt with his. 'Tom…look, basically….oh I’m so so sorry, it was so stupid of me!’ You almost cried.
'Hey hey hey!’ He was by your side in an instant with his hanky he’d had since you’d known him, the little wonky green ’T’ in the bottom left corner still there. He dabbed your tears, and said the most Tomish thing, and it was beautiful, 'Whatever you’ve done it’s not going to be as stupid as when you thought alcopops didn’t have alcohol in them and you ate about eight, and then wandered to the park, tried to climb the wall, got stuck on the fence, and I found you dangling upside down fifteen minutes later and we had to call the fire engines to cut you down.’
There was a pause.
Followed by side splitting laughter from both of you, causing more tears to roll down your cheeks, from the laughing and from the fact you may have ruined this beautiful friendship in a moment of idiocy.
Taking a deep breath, you looked at him. 'Ok, so,’ you giggled childishly, 'my parents have been going on at me for not having a boyfriend.’
'So, there was this one day when they wouldn’t shut up about it,’ you mock clenched your fists and gritted your teeth as you remembered that day, 'like 'when are you getting a boyfriend?’ Why haven’t you got one?’ You’re going to die alone.’ Etcetera, etcetera.’ You flourished your hands dramatically.
'I feel like I know where this is going.’
'So, in a moment of madness, I said…well, not said…probably more like screamed at the top of my lungs at my mother 'me and Tom are dating!“
'Ohhkayyy.’ He winced comically. 'And you’ve been avoiding me because?’
'Well it’s just awkward! I mean, as soon as my parents found out you were here they were surprised I wasn’t staying with you or vice versa, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and stuff…’ you trailed off.
'Y/N, think of the amount of times we could’ve said 'I HATE YOU” and decided not to be friends anymore…I don’t think a little rumour about us dating is going to ruin us.’
'Also…it’s not just my parents that think we’re dating.’ You looked sideways and giggled nervously.
'What?’ Came his flat response. He hoisted himself onto the couch next to you as you turned to face him.
'Well, obviously my parents were overjoyed that I had a boyfriend…so it kinda spread around and stuff.’ You mumbled the ending.
He blinked in mock shock.
'So as in, if it wasn’t awkward enough for me to see you,’ you continued, 'any time we now leave the house we’re going to have to pretend we’re dating and be all lovey dovey and stuff eeeyuck.’ You said, exaggerating how awful it would be to have to pretend to be his girlfriend. You let your mind wonder slightly, what would dating Tom be like? Would it be that much different than just being friends? Obviously the distance was something, but really, it would probably be the exact same as you both being best friends, maybe with more time spent together, or even living together if you moved with him? Maybe it could even open up a whole new world for you? There’d obviously be more Tom hugs, which you weren’t opposed to, you adored them. Then there might…no there would be kissing. Sneaking a quick glance at him, you acknowledged him gazing into the distance, his face crinkled slightly in thought. He slowly turned to face you and his features softened drastically, revealing that raw caring expression you knew so well.
'Well…I can pretend if that’s helpful?’ His eyes flickered anywhere but your eyes, they almost seemed nervous. It must just be the awkwardness of the whole situation.
'Yeah. It would be. Thanks.’
An awkwardly long silence followed. He started playing with his hands as he always did when he was in an awkward situation, or didn’t know what to say. You flicked your nails rhythmically.
'Um, so, Y/N?’ Tom cleared his throat, and looked at you out of the side of his eyes.
'Yes.’ You took a nervous breath, but you didn’t understand why you were nervous, well you did, you just didn’t want to admit it. You turned to face him, encouraging him to do the same.
'Well, say after a week of pretending to be dating, well, say we really like it, do you want to continue it…without the pretending.’
Neither of you blinked. You both stared at each other in shock one of you’d finally admitted it.
'Can you ever say something simply?’ You quirked an eyebrow up, a small smirk creeping up with it.
'You know that’s almost impossible.’ He wrinkled up his face and shrugged his shoulders carelessly.
'We can if you want though…I wouldn’t mind.’ You said carefully looking at him again seriously.
'Really!’ He bounded over the one cushion divided like an overexcited toddler, and threw his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. You could see him smiling. You felt safe, and comfortable, it felt a bit like two jigsaw pieces had finally connected that had been missing for years. You hugged back, smiling ear to ear and feeling whole.

Focus is my life now.  I’m not to the point yet where I’m zoning out sometimes because my brain gets hijacked by muscles football gear but I’m at a point where sometimes I think about having jacked arms and ripped abs and firm pecs and that’s the future now that’s just how it is.  Even if at some point I was like whatever the life of the mind yeah, now that’s not for me not anymore.  I’ve already got a pile of books (gettin bigger) in the corner of my room that I’m gonna get rid of it.  Every day I add another one or two or three or four to the pile.  My bookshelf is gonna get emptier til I dont even really need a bookshelf why would I own a bookshelf?  Need another fuckin dresser for my fuckin gear that’s what I need, I’ll tell you that’s a fuckin addiction right there, all my fuckin gear.  I get so many packages in the mail my roommate must think I’m smugglin drugs or some shit and it’s funny cuz I kinda am.  Haha my drugs.  Gear, bros.

I focus best when I watch football.  It might take me awhile to kinda get into it especially if it’s two teams that aren’t my teams but after awhile (1 quarter at most) I’m into it, I’m glue to the screen, Im tense, sometimes a yell even slips out of me when a kicker shanks a field goal or a punter fucks up the punt and the offense has less yardage to cover (40 yard line, their own territory) or if a ref makes a shitty call, who knows what could happen?  It’s football.  You stare at it until you dont even realize you’re starin at it, the game is everything.  And in a week it’s fuckin playoff season.  Now the teams start fallin, one by one, and the true champs emerge.  After that maybe hockey.  But football is king.

I focus best too when I’m in the gym.  When I’m clamped down on a bar and I’m pulling or pushing and I’m counting one and I’m counting two and I think it might be my second set or maybe my third or maybe even my fourth and last set, and my whole world is whether or not I can push or I can pull one more time, kill one more rep, then CLANG goes the weights and I can stand up wobbly but a fuckin champ, sweat porin down my face and arms but a fuckin champ.  Drink some water, walk it off, keep fuckin goin.  When I finish a workout Im kinda like OK, what’s next?  Fuckin grab some protein and some food for tomorrow and go home and turn on fuckin football!

And it’s all real it aint fuckin roleplay it aint a dream its really fuckin happenin.  My life is changin cuz I focus.  I dont think about goin out and drinkin with people I know, I think about my muscles growin and whose goin in the playoffs.  I dont pick up that book or watch any smart shit, I choose to not to, I turn on football or do some research about football or muscles.  Surf eBay for more fuckin gear. 

Thats this chapter.  Focus.  Dont really remember the ones before.  Kinda fuzzy, like a long way back in the rearview mirror.  Wonder what the next chapter’s title is gonna be, and will I even remember this one

Away (HTTYD)

A short little story I’ve been working on. Read it till the end,, it’s worth it, I assure you. ;)

“…leaving. We’re leaving,” Hiccup exclaimed as he entered the cove. He let the soft breeze wash over his face. His muscles felt less tense when he saw the familiar pond and the tall trees overlooking the small canyon. It felt as though the cove had become his second home during the past few weeks.  

He won. He was chosen to kill the Nightmare – that was never part of the plan. It was never supposed to happen. He was so absorbed with finding out all the new tricks that the thought of winning the competition had been pushed to the back of his mind.

Now, backed into a corner and with furious Astrid on his case, he was lost.

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Title: endlessly

Pairing: RoyalChaos

Rating: T

Summary: Anthony’s not exactly sure when he realized it, but the door was always open to him. He only has the one to himself, but there are a million, billion others he has the ability to walk through. Linearity doesn’t exist, but at the same time there are a million, billion lines all travelling parallel and perpendicular to each other. No one else knows, and he thinks he might be the sole person in the whole world, maybe even the universe, to know. What he doesn’t know is why he’s so special.

Notes: time traveler!chilled, offscreen physical abuse, onscreen verbal abuse, implied sexual abuse, offscreen deaths, i swear it isn’t as grim as this makes it seem okay it’s actually pretty happy

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Sterek Week 2016 Day One: Scene Stealer.

Hi everyone! Today is the first day of Sterek week and I’m super excited! Today’s theme is Scene Stealer, and I decided to write a Pete’s Dragon AU. 

Stiles’ Wolf [2,432 | 1/1] 

Warnings: Major Character Death (not Derek or Stiles) | Age difference | Pre-relationship | Mentioned Kate Argent

Stiles watched with wide excited eyes as the trees flew by. They were so tall and there was so many, he imagined what kind of animals lived in there. Deer, squirrels, bunnies, and maybe even foxes! Stiles loved foxes, they were his favoritist animal in the whole world. 

“Mama?” He asked excitedly, “Where are we going?”

 Stiles’ mom turned in her seat grinning brightly, “We’re going on adventure!” Her amber eyes twinkled with mirth as she answered. Stiles’ daddy grinned at their antics.

“I love adventures!”

 “I know you do my brave boy, and when we get to our new home we’re going to go on tons of adventures!” Stiles’ mom smiled brightly, her eyes lighting up as she laughed. His mama was the prettiest, and Stiles loved when she laughed. Stiles’ daddy said he had mama’s eyes, and daddy always said that mama had Bambi eyes. That meant Stiles had Bambi eyes, too. 

“Can I come on these adventures?” Stiles’ daddy asked seriously, glancing at Stiles in the rearview mirror. 

“What do you think, Stiles?” Stiles mama asked conspiratorially, “Should we let him come with us?”

Stiles nodded clutching his wolf plushie, “Daddy can come too!” Stiles said nodding seriously.

“Hmm, okay, I suppose,” she answered shooting a wink at her husband.

 “Well thank you, Stiles,” his dad said huffing out a laugh.

 Stiles looked out of the window again watching as the sky began to change colors. His mama said that was called sunset, and his mama was the smartest. Mama loves sunsets, she says they’re her favorite because she met daddy at sunset.

 “John look out!” His mama shouted before his daddy swerved.

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Characters: Gabriel x Reader, Dean & Sam x Reader (siblings)

Words: 1325

Summary: The reader bumps into a stranger named Gabriel, and neither cane seem to forget the other.

Part 1 in Dreams Series.

Here we are- the long awaited first part in my new Gabriel series!! :D I have some great plans for this series, and I am so excited for it. Let me know what you all think! :) Enjoy!

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anonymous asked:

Question for you. I understand that Slytherin's founder was racist and terrible but how do you console Pottermore in its original form with the books? The former makes out Slytherin to be not as bad as seems (explicitly having their house intro state that they tolerate Gryffindor and Ravenclaw's intro state that they 'aren't all bad' with the implication that the two houses get along even though Slytherin's own intro says otherwise) which completely contradicts the latter.

Well. I mean, it’s possible for Slytherin to be all those contradictory things at once? 

I think that Slytherin is very much a case of a few good apples do not a good barrel of apples make. There are good people in there, people like Andromeda Tonks, Horace Slughorn and Mafalda Prewett (who was cut out of canon but like, she exists in my heart & on JKR’s cutting floor and I’m not letting her go fight me), but their existence does not overwrite the existence of the overwhelmingly large population of pureblood supremacists that exist in the house.

We can argue to hell and back again that being cunning and having ambition pretty much excludes half of canon Slytherin, but the way I see it is sort of like, a system of socialization. These are all kids who come from a) pureblood families, who we know have a pretty sizeable amount of power in the wizarding world and b) a good number of them come from families who were listed in the pureblood directory as the pureblood-est of the purebloods (Blacks, Flints, Slughorns, Greengrass, Nott, Malfoy, Lestrange, Avery, Rosier, Mulciber - okay you get the picture). I assume these are also families who would have raised their kids to believe the world was there for the taking and that the sky was the limit insofar as they were concerned. You definitely get a sense of that with Draco and, to an extent, with the arrogance of Sirius in the memories that Harry sees from when they’re young. They seem to believe that the world exists to revolve around them. 

That isn’t directionful ambition, but its a form of ambition which stems from entitlement: the whole world belongs to you and exists for your taking. It means you could do anything you want, so what you suffer from is a problem of imagination - what can you imagine yourself doing? But you definitely believe that you deserve all that power and what’s more, because you’ve been raised to believe that the world is your birthright, you come into school determined to take everything you get because goddammit, its all yours. They’re the kind of kids, I guess, you see being raised at like, English public schools - they’re self-assured and they know that the world is going to belong to them anyway, so they don’t need to have a direction for their ambition. It can exist as a nebulous state of wanting & claiming. Direction is for the plebes and the lower classes.

And like, I think it ties a lot into cunning as well - if you’ve been raised to believe that you are supreme, you don’t have to follow the rules that everyone else follows. For one, your wealth and your blood status and your family history protects you. For another, you start to believe that rules are for the people who don’t actually have the right to claim all of this (mudbloods. half-breeds. filthy creatures.) and that you, personally, are allowed to find a way around the rules. All you have to do is maintain a bit of plausible deniability. That’s basically Lucius Malfoy’s modus operandi. Hell, you even see a bit of it shine through in Sirius when he demands James ‘entertain’ him (which like, there’s an interesting question to be asked there re. James’ own pureblood arrogance and whether the fact that he interprets ‘entertain me’ as a direction to pick on Sn*pe is because Sn*pe is conveniently a morally questionable Other in this circumstance - versus muggleborns who don’t, as a rule, do morally questionable shit). It’s a perverse form of cunning, it doesn’t involve hiding, so much as carefully skirting around but being self-assured about the fact that if you break the rules in a way that maintains just that smallest amount of plausible deniability you could get away with everything, even murder.

I mean. The Imperius defence. That’s a pretty solid example of what I’m on about.

Slytherin makes me think a lot about the Tory party & the whole upper class British social sphere. I’m sure there are some very nice people in there and that a good number of them have done very good things. But it doesn’t mean that there aren’t also terrible people in there, who have a good amount of ambition and intelligence but also have the capability to squander it because they know their future is more or less a given - that’s why shit like the Bullingdon club & the Piers Galveston society exist. It’s all based on the premise that a certain amount of power resides behind locked doors and that only a select few can access it, and because only a select few can access it, that select few can do whatever the hell they want because anyway, they’re all going to be MPs or bankers one day.

And I mean, at some point you’ve also got to start asking the question - who isn’t all bad? Which Ravenclaws and Gryffindors are saying this? Are they purebloods? Are they people like Hermione and Dean Thomas? 

So no, maybe not all Slytherins are blood supremacists, but a good number of them benefit from pureblood supremacy and a good number have the traits of Slytherin ingrained into them from birth because of the way they’ve been raised to believe that their blood basically makes them powerful and invulnerable and entitled to the whole damn wizarding world. Maybe even the nice Slytherins get along with the horrendously blood supremacist ones because they’re used to that kind of atmosphere of entitlement - and it’s easy to ignore people’s shitty worldviews if they don’t directly affect you. Or it’s easy just to ignore them and live with it if you think it’ll make life easier rather than direct conflict (and I say this from deeply personal experience). So no, I don’t think canon!Slytherin and Pottermore!Slytherin are incompatible: merely that they reveal a complicated view of Slytherin as a house of contradictions - but those contradictions themselves are not inherently irreconcilable, once you remember that purebloods are actually a pretty powerful group in HPverse & that Slytherin is only relatively knocked about reputationally in school

I hope this makes sense.

OMG Twitter drama is so hilarious! People be pissed off because OnceABC said Emma sacrificed for Regina, 😂 and some (many) shippers be whining it was for the whole town; for the whole world - maybe even the GALAXY, mothafuckas. Believe what you will, but Swan Queen sacrifice is canon AF! 

Yes, Emma sacrificed for the world. Her world: Regina Mills. ;)

to some people, staring for hours at the ocean is what makes them calm, what makes them feel like there is still beauty left on this earth.

to others, it’s a forest full of trees, leaves which are falling down and a cold breeze on their face, or sitting in a coffee shop all day long surrounded by others, knowing you are not alone.

but for me, it’s not the ocean, the forest or a coffee shop.

it’s his eyes, like an universum but a billion times more lovely than that.

the way they take me away from every evil thing which is trying to catch me, every knife that got stabbed in my heart, every scar that’s left on my skin.

if i could find the right words to describe what it makes me feel like when i look into his eyes, i would let the whole world know.

but i guess, maybe, even if there comes a day i will find enough words, i won’t write about it, because i want to keep it all for myself.

—  he is magical

Maybe Cooper collects stamps.

It started when he was small, Clint was away with work and Laura opened a letter from him. And Cooper looked at the picture on the stamp, a picture of the Australian coast, and he was fascinated. He’s never been anywhere like that, so Laura said he could keep it.

Cooper treasured it, and when Clint’s next letter came, Laura gave him that stamp too.

The collection started in a box, until Cooper saved up his pocket money enough to buy a book. He transferred everything over to there, organised by country and continent, alphabetically.

And the collection grew as he found more stamps. Clint sent them from across the world. Even if there wasn’t time to write a letter, he always found a stamp.

Sometimes he’d be home in a few days and would give it to Cooper, unused. Those were Cooper’s favourites, not because they were spotless, but because they meant his dad was home safe.

Sometimes Clint would find a special one, a particularly old stamp, or a collector’s set a country’s post office were selling, and he’d pick that up for Cooper, but that wasn’t often. Cooper didn’t mind. His collection was about seeing the world, and about making it that tiny bit more real, about making it that tiny bit smaller, so it didn’t feel like his dad was so far away

@asy-kyuhyun  liked for a  💧 starter

It was sort of a ridiculous scene, at least if you were watching it from the outside. It was a very late night, and with difficulty, Joonmyeon hoisted his friend more securely while he tried and failed four times to call his friend Kyuhyun without dropping Minseok on the ground.

They had been out, supposedly to have a good time. Joonmyeon was feeling like the whole thing had been a mistake now as he waited for the ring. He felt guilty, guilty about bringing him out and letting him get so drunk, guilty about possibly waking his friend. It was so late, but he couldn’t risk taking a taxi, as someone might recognize them, and have the whole country and maybe even the world knowing that members of EXO were doing massive amounts of drinking- To the point where one had to be carried home. His only chance was to park Minseok on Kyuhyun’s couch until he could walk on his own.

“It’s me, Joonmyeon, hyung I am sorry I must have woken you up, but I need to ask a favor.”

hello school.

well, it’s been a month.

by the end of August I got this awesome study vibe, i was excited to start this year, to dive into the sea of education. it all seemed interesting and exciting - I can’t think of another word to better express my feeling. I was psyched to make notes during lectures, to participate in discussions, to practice solving problems at home, to learn new things about pretty much anything.

a month has passed.

and what has school done?

i am sick and I don’t want to go there. I am repulsed by the idea of going there. school bores me. there is too much unnecessary shit in the whole system. there are too many formalities that nobody benefits from. there is just too much crap. and too little interesting and useful information. they want us to do the wrong things.

wasn’t school supposed to be an institution that would encourage kids and teenagers to be curious about the world? wasn’t it supposed to teach us about the world?

and the saddest part of it is that it’s not just my school. it’s not just the schools in my city - I know some of them have it even worse. it’s the schools of the whole country. maybe even the schools of the whole world.

I don’t know how exactly school system needs to be changed, but it is obvious to me that the changes are necessary. I don’t want the world to be gradually filled with people repulsed by the idea of education.

personally, I’m still going to do my best and try to keep my motivation with me. I’m going to try to separate the idea of school and the idea of education. because one of them repulses me and the other one seems exciting. it shouldn’t be like this. it shouldn’t. kids are curious, and we shouldn’t let schools kill this curiosity.

this started as my letter to school. it finishes as a letter to people.

brendon urie’s eyes are very brown and warm and forgiving and i think maybe they are even the best eyes in this whole world just a hypothesis just a scientific theory

Jim Kirk had been drifting for most of his life. He’d been drifting from one place to the next, waiting to step onto ground that finally spoke to him, calling him to stay and make a home. At some point he realized it wasn’t so much a physical call he was waiting for as it was a spiritual one. All his life, Jim had been waiting to feel a passion to drive him that wasn’t the angry fight against the expectation of failure. By the time he stepped onto that shuttle at the age of twenty-two he’s stopped looking for it. He’s embraced the bitterness that motivates his actions and he has no qualms about tearing the world a part to prove his point. 

When Leonard McCoy sits next to him, drunk, terrified, and more than a little broken, Jim figured he’d found a kindred spirit. This man is as bitter as Jim and the world was breaking them down so they would scream, bite, and claw until the world was as torn as they were. 

Then Jim saw Bones–really saw him–for the first time. 

In an ethics class of over 300 people, Bones usually kept to himself. He took notes, asked questions, but he never put himself in the spotlight on a topic of discussion. At least he didn’t until someone expressed their view of abuse in relationships. The cadet felt that anyone who couldn’t bother leaving such a relationship shouldn’t bother asking for protection. 

The words were hardly out of their mouth before Bones was turning on him with a white hot fury, the likes of which Jim had never seen. 

Bones’ demand for an explanation of the cadet’s lack of compassion left the class speechless. His challenged the cadet to stop thinking of people as faceless, nameless, beings and start recognizing that everyone, every single soul, had a story, a reason for being, a family, fears, dreams and hopes, just like them. The cadet shrunk in his seat when Bones’ final statement hit home. 

“What right do you have to decide who deserves to be protected and why? People deserve to be safe, people deserve to be cared for and if you don’t believe that, you’re in the wrong damn operation.”

Bones wasn’t just the listless shell orbiting his ruined marriage like Jim had thought. Bones wasn’t angry or bitter; he was passionately kind. Maybe not to himself, maybe even to an individual, but to the world as a whole, to life itself. 

Nothing had ever called to Jim like the desire to be the kind of man he saw in Bones.