maybe because it knows that i won't have a lot of time for it in the next months

I read way too much Malec fics and love them all. Then I thought, I should make a post that no one actually asked me for. All of these fics are work in progress.


Destiny Calls by clockworkswan (@swans-hooks-and-books )

(Imagine Malec in a fairytale or maybe in a world like LOTR’s. It’s just that good.)

Chapter: 11/?   Word Count: 109k   Rate: Mature

Summary: A Knights of the Round Table inspired AU.

When Prince Alec of Idris and his knights are tasked with finding the legendary Mortal Cup, they must risk venturing through the Shadowlands; home to many fearsome creatures, and downworlders.With the reluctant warlock, Magnus Bane as their guide, the quest soon becomes something more.A war is brewing in the Shadowlands. Dark magic has begun to call to creatures and mortals alike. A race to prevent the Cup from falling into the evil, exiled Lord Valentine’s hands adds even more danger to the prince’s quest.Loyalties are tested and hearts are swayed, but who will destiny call to?


Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (Or Something Like That) by @lecrit

(Read the story of world-class thieves and see how they suffer or fall in love or actually both.)

Part two of The Avengers Initiative. This will make no sense at all if you haven’t read part one. 

Chapter:11/?   Word Count: 73k   Rate: Mature

Summary: The thing is… Their plans have a history of not going accordingly so when they finally do, maybe they build a confidence a bit too quickly. Breaking Magnus out turns out to be indeed a formality. Selling the ruby, too. So what could possibly go wrong now?

In which our team of misfits has to deal with the consequences of messing with a dangerous man and again, everything goes according to plan. Or not.


I Won’t Let You Fall by @jezthemadficster

(Poetic, full of dance and emotions. Your heart might stop while reading.) 

Chapter: 6/?    Word Count: 75k    Rate: Mature

Summary: Alec Lightwood is the most beautiful and talented classically trained ballet dancer at the New York Arts Institute. He’s pressured by everyone in his life to carry the honor of the Lightwood name in the New York performing arts world, he feels trapped in a box. Magnus Bane is the most liked, respected, gorgeous, and innately talented hip-hop freestyle dancer who was accepted to the Institute on scholarship. He puts on the happy face for everyone around him, but inside he is broken and badly scarred by his past. When Alec finds himself wanting to branch out and add free movement to his final senior piece he seeks the help of the one person he’s been secretly drawn to for years. The one person he knows lives very much outside of the box.


Kiss With A Fist by clockworkswan (@swans-hooks-and-books )

(I don’t know how but this fic kills me everytime.)

Chapter: 17/?   Word Count: 124k   Rate: Mature

Summary: When agent Alec Lightwood is given his first kill hit, he doesn’t expect much trouble. Of course, he also doesn’t expect it to be a cheerful assassin who lands him in a whole load of trouble.
Enter Magnus Bane: an assassin turned thief who reluctantly teams up with Alec - and The Clave - after he pisses off a very important and powerful crime boss, Valentine Morgenstern.
In a world of violence and unjust laws, can the two put aside their differences and work together?
Aka: in which Alec is sent to kill Magnus, doesn’t, and then really wishes he had. Enemies to friends to lovers.


Magnus Bane’s School for Young Warlocks by Insomiak (@chairmanmeow-and-church)

(When you love a fic so much and you can’t write a proper comment on it because of your emotions.)

Chapter: 21/30   Word Count: 98k    Rate: Mature

Summary: Alec had never dreamt he’d be a father by the age of 25, let alone the father of a Warlock. He’s sure he can handle it alone, though. He doesn’t need anyone and neither do his kids.

(Or: Alec takes Max to Warlock School and finds himself falling fast for his teacher).


Set Me in Motion by @lemonoclefox

(Read the story of being a boyfriend of the wrong neighbor. But the right one is Magnus, so there is nothing to worry about.)

Chapter: 12/?   Word Count: 72k   Rate: Mature

Summary: Magnus spots a handsome stranger in the elevator of his apartment building – which wouldn’t be a big deal if said stranger didn’t turn out to be dating Magnus’s neighbor. In other words, his and Magnus’s paths end up crossing more than once, causing a friendship to slowly develop. Magnus should be complaining, but he’s not.


Take Me To Church by @m-aleciseverything

(My first Malec fic so I’m very emotional about it. :’) Are you ready for one of the slowest burn in history?)

Chapter: 18/?   Word Count: 201k   Rate: Mature

Summary: Alec is the acting head of the Institute trying to deal with the new pressures this title brings. A string of Mundane murders and strange demonic markings leads him to seek help from the nearest High Warlock, Magnus Bane. Upon meeting him, Alec realizes that his secret is at risk of being revealed. He tries to keep his growing attraction for Magnus hidden as best as he can. With the support of his sister, Isabelle, who is trying to find love herself; they both try to discover if they can let their worries go and accept love with open arms.


The Children of Merlin by @lecrit

(Imagine Auror Alec and shameless Professor Magnus!)

Chapter: 7/?   Word Count: 64k   Rate: Mature

Summary: Magnus Bane has everything he could have hoped for: a job at Hogwarts, a chaotic made-up family that he loves more than anything and the freedom of doing what he wants whenever he wants.

When his friends manage to drag him to a Quidditch game, he doesn’t expect it to change his life. For better or worse.

They call themselves the Children of Merlin and they are going to make his life a living hell.


Under New Management by Thessili (@highwarlockkareena)

(It just seems like a fake marriage because we all know Malec can’t be fake, ever.)

Chapter: 11/?   Word Count: 42k   Rate: Mature

Summary: Alec and Magnus never met each other. They didn’t join forces to fight the Circle when they attacked his lair, they never met to help Clary recover her memories.When the Clave refused to investigate the rumours about the rise of Valentine, Magnus, Luke, Raphael and the other Downworlders saw the problem coming for them. They banded together and rose up to stop Valentine.This story is set six months after his defeat.


Wild Life by crazyellephant

(I looove road trips and now I love ‘em more.)

Chapter: 3/?    Word Count: 39k   Rate: Not Rated

Summary: Alec Lightwood likes to go on road trips. He doesn’t pick up hitchhikers. But the one time he does, it’s Magnus. He’s in for an adventure or maybe even fall in love.


A Matter of Time by darcenator

(Imagine Malec as they are like Doctor & River Song.)

Part 2 of A Matter of Time Series. Must read Part 1.

Chapter: 4/?   Word Count: 19k   Rate: Teen and Up Audience

Summary

Excerpt from the Prologue: 

Magnus: “As a time traveler, Alec visited him in different eras of his life and yet time itself never distorted. Time obeyed in his presence. When he would eventually vanish back to his present, Magnus would discover new interests, spells, and pleasures in his absence until the next time they meet and time fixes itself again.

The ultimate curse of immortality: being left behind.”
____

Alec: “It’s agony being anywhere Magnus was not. Being immortal means having been abandoned by loved ones more times than he deserved and yet he would still choose Alec.

Time travel is cruel that way. Always going where Magnus can’t follow.”


Blue, Yellow and Green were our little cars by Realitysucks

(Gotta read if you wanna see cute little Malec in kindergarten.)

Chapter: 3/?   Word Count: 33k   Rate: Explicit

Summary: “For $200, Alec has to kiss a boy !” shouted Lily before raising her glass of vodka.

Alec stared at her with a frown. $200? he thought. It was a lot. He wondered with confusion how many books it would make and could already imagine them in his room. He really wanted those $200 now, but he didn’t know who to kiss and even less how.

He didn’t want to kiss a stranger, the only people whom he thought about were Jace and Magnus. His choice was quickly made, Jace was straight and had Clary whereas Magnus had no one.

Alec hoped he wouldn’t mind a little kiss.

For $200, he motivated himself before standing up under the encouraging and alcoholic cries of his friends.

A Monster Of A Deal - Chapter 4

Warnings: swearing, brief descriptions of violence

A/N: Merry Christmas lovelies! And to those who don’t celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful winter afternoon. Hope you enjoy this extra chapter today, there will also be a chapter posted on the usual Wednesday. 

Tag List: @fandomsandanythingelse   @tinysidestrashcaptain   @fanfictionsideaccount   @prplzorua   @beholdagay   @imthemayan   @redundant-statements-for-400   @paranovigilant   @these-anonymous-pancakes   @sombraplayslazertag   @artisticdrea   @poorlittleanxiousbaby   @that-space-gay-writes   @irrelevantbutfabulous   @justanotherpurplebutterfly   @leafyhill910   @tree4life25   @migraine-marathon   @superwaywardangel   @bookwormravenclaw   @v-blue-writer   @thefamouszombiebouquet   @icecoldparadise   @roxiefox23   @abigail-diane   @slayinghappiness   @thebaagelboy   @hanramz-the-fander   @walrus-flail   @annimooz   @lizzysperil    @sugarblob0   @tiger1029   @peachpandabear    @doesdanielhowelisgay

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September 23rd, 2014 10:00 AM

Creativity woke up that morning feeling refreshed and stress free. He climbed out of bed and walked over to the balcony overseeing his entire kingdom. The sky was clear, people were out talking and trading in the streets below, and orange and yellow colored leaves fluttered about and covered everything in their path. He thought that today would be a good day. A day full of new ideas and inspiring notions. Unfortunately, his original assessment had been wrong. Creativity’s section of Thomas’s mind was a world of possibilities, a world the self proclaimed Prince ruled. Complete with a kingdom, a castle, other villages half a day away, and a massive forest circling and dividing it all. And it was all created by the Prince. Except, the interesting thing about creative thoughts is that they tend to do whatever they please regardless of their creator’s wishes. Which is why the Prince was concerned, but not entirely surprised when something went wrong.

“Your highness!” A guard rushed into the prince’s bedroom, very out of breath. “A messenger has come from one of the smaller villages on the outskirts of the kingdom! She says there’s something wrong with the weather.” The prince raised an eyebrow. Now that was a new one. Creativity had never heard of something going wrong with the weather before, and it was made even stranger by the fact that it seemed to be a perfect day out.

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Why Taimi is awesome~
  • [Origin of Madness – at Twisted Marionette]
  • Taimi: Hi hi hi. Are you a friend of Braham's? I am. Or rather, I will be. Soon.
  • -
  • Taimi: Braham! There you are.
  • Logan Thackeray: Somebody care to tell me why this child was on the battlefield?
  • Braham Eirsson: Hey! I'm not a child!
  • Logan Thackeray: Not you. This asuran girl. I found her out there, trying to get to Scarlet's twisted marionette. Who does she belong to?
  • Braham Eirsson: Oh. Her.
  • Taimi: Help! Help! Save me from this creepy human!
  • Logan Thackeray: It's okay. I'm a Krytan Seraph. The kid's in no danger.
  • Taimi: Braham! Don't let him take me away! Please!
  • Logan Thackeray: Are you her guardian?
  • Braham Eirsson: Who me? Wolf's teeth, no! I've never seen her before in my life.
  • Taimi: Braham, you're so mean. Can't we just go home now?
  • Logan Thackeray: Listen, buddy. I don't know what your game is, but you better get this kid to safety. She's got no business on a battlefield.
  • Braham Eirsson: What? I swear I've never seen her before in my life.
  • Braham Eirsson: Hey! Where's he going? You're not my responsibility!
  • Taimi: It's okay, Braham. You can take me home now. I live in Rata Sum.
  • Braham Eirsson: Huh? What?
  • Taimi: Where do you live? Maybe we could go there instead.
  • Braham Eirsson: No. You found your way here. You can find your way back.
  • Taimi: Fine! Here I go. By myself. Off into the big city. You'll probably never see me again, Braham.
  • Braham Eirsson: Good luck, kid.
  • -
  • Logan Thackeray: What does a little squirt like you know about Scarlet, anyway?
  • Taimi: As it so happens, I know a lot. I've been studying her for months. I came to meet her, but she didn't show up.
  • Marjory Delaqua: To meet her? Why would you want to do that?
  • Taimi: Because she's brilliant, of course. My theory is that she knows something about the dragons, and that's why she's building an army.
  • Logan Thackeray: Your theory, huh? You don't think she's just a big ol' meany?
  • Taimi: Do you always talk like a four-year-old?
  • *Burn Logan BURNNN*
  • --
  • [Edge of the Mist]
  • Braham Eirsson: What's your story anyway, Tiny? How does a little thing like you get into such big trouble?
  • Taimi: It's Taimi. And I'm a progeny prodigy. I've got important people fighting for the right to be my teacher.
  • Braham Eirsson: Important people, huh? Are they real people, or just big-eared figments of your overactive imagination?
  • Taimi: They're real, but they all want to tell me what to learn. I'd rather be like Scarlet and pick my own courses.
  • Braham Eirsson: Wolf's tail, girl! Don't be too much like Scarlet, okay? One's way too many.
  • -
  • Taimi: Braham? Are we still going to be friends when we get back?
  • Braham Eirsson: Wait—are we friends now?
  • Taimi: I think so. You don't boss me around as much as other adults. And when you ask a question, you let me answer it.
  • Braham Eirsson: Well, I'm friends with Frostbite and he can't even talk. So yes, Tiny. We'll still be friends.
  • Taimi: Not if you keep calling me "Tiny."
  • -
  • Taimi: Braham, will you tell me a story while we wait?
  • Braham Eirsson: After you ran off on me? And all the abuse you heaped on me since we got here? I get plenty of that back in Cragstead.
  • Taimi: You don't spend much time around asura, do you? We only abuse people we like. Or those we're trying to improve.
  • Braham Eirsson: Fine. I'll assume you like me. Ahem! "Once upon a time, there was a brave and handsome norn named Braham..."
  • Taimi: Aww, I've heard this one already. From you. Twice.
  • --
  • Braham Eirsson: Did you get in trouble for roaming the camp?
  • Taimi: No. Yes. Zojja gave me extra calculations as a punishment, and I never got to see Scarlet.
  • -
  • Taimi: Hey, Braham.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Taimi: You wanna hear about the new aetherphaser I invented for my golem? I modeled it after Scarlet's tech.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Taimi: It works just fine, but I have to keep adjusting the gorometer.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Taimi: I had to shave down the minious array wheel in order to get it to fit on Scruffy, but I got it.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Taimi: Next, I'm gonna make him a panmetric listening device so he can warn me in advance if someone's sneaking up on me.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Taimi: Hey, Braham.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Taimi: I like you because you're big and dumb.
  • Braham Eirsson: Uh-huh.
  • Braham Eirsson: (laugh) Shut up!
  • Taimi: (giggle)
  • --
  • [Gates of Maguuma]
  • Taimi: That structure is unstable. It would be unwise for us to go in. Scruffy's scan confirms that it won't support all our weight.
  • Taimi: According to my calculations, the most efficient combination would be you, Marjory, and Kasmeer. The rest of us can wait out here.
  • Rox: Did she just call us fat, Braham?
  • Braham Eirsson: Yup, she sure did.
  • Taimi: Facts are facts. The three of us together weigh as much as nineteen Kasmeers.
  • Kasmeer Meade: Great, I'm a unit of measurement.
  • --
  • Kasmeer Meade: That gap is too large. I can't get us across from here.
  • Taimi: Have no fear. The option to have Scruffy toss us over is still—
  • Rox: No.
  • --
  • [Prosperity’s Mysterious Room]
  • Taimi: Look, look, look! This is a historical find!
  • Marjory Delaqua: Careful, now. You'll pop a gasket.
  • Taimi: She hasn't been here in a very long time. This—oh, and that! Great glarrgh!
  • Marjory Delaqua: Language.
  • Taimi: Sorry. I didn't know you spoke ettin.
  • --
  • [Entanglement]
  • Taimi: Okay. It's all yours. Use the console to fry some Inquest.
  • Braham Eirsson: It isn't going to blow up in our faces, is it?
  • Taimi: Don't be silly. The chances are so slim as to be negligible. About..oh, fifty-three percent. I've tagged us all nonhostile.
  • --
  • Taimi: Hold on. Activating defenses.
  • Marjory Delaqua: You're absolutely sure this won't kill us?
  • Taimi: Absolutely. I'd give it a solid fifty-three percent chance.
  • Marjory Delaqua: I beg your pardon? Maybe you shouldn't—
  • -
  • Kasmeer Meade: It's...beautiful.
  • Marjory Delaqua: And we're still alive. That's a plus.
  • Taimi: Of course we're still alive. I was joking about the the fifty-three percent. It was more like seventy-eight.
  • --
  • [The Dragon’s Reach]
  • Taimi: Don't touch anything!
  • Councillor Phlunt: Progeny, do not speak to your elders in such a tone! I won't have it.
  • Taimi: I thought you'd never get here. Did you stop off at the Dead End for a pint and a pie or something?
  • -
  • Taimi: Well, Councillor Phlunt, I'm sorry to report that I've completely wasted your time and the waypoints will now be destroyed by Mordremoth.
  • Councillor Phlunt: What?
  • Taimi: Just kidding. My patent-pending waypoint recalibration device is now complete.
  • -
  • Taimi: I've checked and double-checked the settings on everything. I'm 59.6 percent certain nothing will blow up in our faces. Don't worry.
  • --
  • [Credit: GW2 Wiki]
Baby, Won't You Smile For Me?

A/N: For Admin M at ragheeba ^__^ wHY SO LITTLE BAEK LOVE GUISE? i hardly ever get Baekhyun requests ._.

Pairing: You x Baekhyun

Summary: When you find him annoying when you first meet

“Yah. Hey, I’m talking to you! Why do you always ignore me?”

I rolled my eyes for the nth time that day before I took a deep breath through my nose, repeating the words through my head.

Don’t attack him. Whatever you do, do not hit him. You can’t afford to have something like that on your school record…

I tried to compose my nerves, but it was easier said than done. I had known Byun Baekhyun for all of one week, where he had been assigned to sit next to me for our math class on the first day of senior year, and already I was cursing our teacher for organizing such a seating plan. What had I done to deserve a plague like him?

“You don’t like me, do you?” Baekhyun said, sounding a little amused as he gave my arm a prod with his long, slim fingers. Mr Wu was practically sleeping behind his desk, meaning that the entire class was chattering instead of doing work like they were supposed to. Besides me, of course, my pencil scratching diligently across the surface of my notepad. Except right now I had it clenched tightly in my hand, wondering if I could cause some serious damage if I stabbed Baekhyun with it.

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bleep0bleep  asked:

you broke my poor heart with earnest liam trying to fix his dad stiles and wanting to get scott to help but he promised stiles he wouldn't tell and it's all messed up and wrong but liam helped stiles through the panic attack and helped him get through it but they won't know what to do next and stiles is scared and liam is scared BABIES AAAA AAA AAA *collapses in your askbox* *also showers you with love and appreciation*

WHY DO YOU THINK I HAD TO END THE FIC THERE?? OF COURSE THEY WON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT!! EVERYONE SHOULD BE SCARED!

Seriously, though, I considered too many different endings. 

(if you are confused, read this first.)

Does Stiles drag himself back together, force everything down, and then demand that Liam keep quiet about it? Does Liam agree because Stiles points out everyone is too busy, it doesn’t matter, Scott can be distracted right now. Or because the force of Stiles’ glare is just as effective as Scott’s? Or maybe because he wants it to be alright. He wants to believe Stiles when Stiles says this was just a temporary thing, that he’ll give over it (most PTSD symptoms decrease naturally over six months, Liam. Stiles assures him. I looked it up. I’ll be fine. It’s fine. Just ignore me.)

(and, god, Liam wants to believe that. He wants to believe that for all of them.)

But, he doesn’t, not really, and he has his mouth open to argue when Stiles catches his eye and his eyes go flat and dark and Liam was there, didn’t know, but he’d heard and-

“This isn’t the first time,” Stiles says and the words sound like he’s confessing but his voice is hard. “It’s been my fault before.”

Stiles pats Liam on the shoulder a hair too hard to be casual but he’s gone the next moment and-

Liam doesn’t tell.

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anonymous asked:

hi, im very scared for the queer community and i could just do with some reassurance that is gets better? bc im kinda a queer rep in my school for the kiddos but ffs im only 16 and i shouldn't have to feel this scared!! im trying to protect these 12/13 y/os from our own teachers. i walk them between lessons so they don't get beat up and i stand guard for them by their lockers and i just need to know that it won't always have to be like this please? you're brave and queer and okay right?

i was actually talking abt this yesterday w a few friends (one of whom i fell in love with when i was 19 & am maybe even falling a little back in love with now) & one of them had asked me if i could tell my 17 year old self who had just come out smth, like go back in time, what would i say? 

& i got kinda teary, bc its been five years since then. & i was like idk firstly i’d give my lil self a big soft fierce hug & then i’d prolly say like yknow what kid for a bit here this is gonna suck. ur gonna hurt & ur gonna be hurt & its gonna be messy & a lot of parts of ur world wont have caught up w you yet. ur blood family won’t feel like that anymore & they will say all the bad things you’ve always feared abt yourself. it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna be rly terrible & ur brain is gonna lose it for a while. u might want to die sometimes. it’s gonna suck. but then, one day, ur gonna meet someone you fall in love with. that’s gonna be hard too, but you will kiss her & it’s going to break you open. it’s going to write poems in your skin forever & it’s going to change your life. you’re gonna be brave that one time, & then again, & you’ll hold her hand & meet her parents, who won’t hate either of you, & things are gonna get a tiny bit better.

& then you’ll get older. your brain will calm down & you’ll have to take medication but it’s just going to make you sleepy sometimes after it smooths out the scars on your hands. you’re going to make friends who act as balms. you’re going to get your heart broken & you’re going to love people who stitch it up a bit. you’re going to graduate from university & you’re going to love what you studied, you’re going to be good at what you learned. you’re going to have a soft bed & you’re finally going to sleep without nightmares. & things will start to feel better then too, completely outside of anyone else.

& then!! you’re gonna see a lot of the world!! it’s gonna be kind of exhausting & draining & it’s gonna be the most beautiful thing. it’ll take your breath away in the sort of moments that don’t gut you but instead give your lungs something back from another life where maybe you weren’t always so sad. you’re going to see 17 cities from rooftops & not once want to jump. you’re going to fall in love in the middle of a blizzard & your hands are going to sting but not because your body is unhinging but just because they’re thawing from the cold. 

& then here’s the best part: you’re gonna move somewhere & finally, finally, want to stay. it’s not going to be easy & you’ll spend a good part of a very cold winter being pulled between longing & belonging. but it’s not because you aren’t accepted, it’s just because your love is gonna be big & confusing because you’re young. you’re the youngest you’ll ever be. it’s going to be 1:30 am in january & you’re going to be laughing on a couch while your best friend from high school is visiting you in this new home, & it’s going to be snowing, & she’s going to be in the hallway telling her girlfriend that she’s safe, that she loves her. you’re going to scoot closer to the person you love, have loved, will love, & when you kiss her she’ll taste like whiskey & cigarettes & maple syrup: smoke & sting & sweet. she’ll smell like snow & there will be some caught, still, on her eyelashes. it’s going to make things complicated & it won’t solve anything but it’ll be magic. 

months later it’s going to thaw, & you’ll be in your living room surrounded by balloons & your friends here, who have been sutures: they heal you all the time by leaving evidences of themselves. you’ll be drunk on beer & wine & turning 23 & you will have reclaimed your body in so many ways: you ate enough for dinner, you have as many tattoos as years of your life & some cover some scars that were too big to fade & some are just because you thought they were beautiful, or funny, or a little bit of both. it’ll be late & everyone will be loud & loving & for some reason you’ll scream the lyrics to natasha bedingfield’s ‘unwritten’ & it’s funny but later that night, when you open your bedroom window to let the smell of lilac in, it’ll seem sort of true (the rest is still unwritten). you’ll get a text in the early, early morning from a girl you loved so gently when you were younger, & you’ll get to talk to her again the next day for the first time in years. 

you’re going to have picnics with your friends in parks & at the beach & you’ll wear a swimsuit without second thought because it’s hot & your body is your own. you’ll hold girls’ hands sometimes, even if you don’t want to kiss them, because they’re your best friends & because you like them: delicate bones & gentle fingers & strong, radically unapologetic palms. you’ll ride bikes home like you’re little kids. like you’re in a music video where you’re a girl who gets to be young & who gets to fall in love in the middle of the night in the middle of the honeysuckle warmth (it’s been a long time wondering why the summer smells like sin & wonder).

it’s going to take a lot of suffering—to bear, you will bear a lot of the world—but someone you love will tell you that the word in urdu that sounds phonetically like suffer means ‘journey’ & it’ll make you smile. you’re going to have pressed a lot of needles into your skin to survive. you’re going to be sad sometimes still, because people you loved will have died young & it doesn’t get easier for everyone. but you’re one of the people who have made it this far. that’s going to mean something. you’re going to want to go help other people, feel like you can, & that’s going to get you through the days that still press against your ribcage like stones. you’re going to sit down & think about this a week & a half before pride, be interrupted by your groupchat to plan where you’re meeting for the parade & where you’re going to dance afterward.

you’re going to dance. you’re going to be brave & beautiful. not every day, not all the time—but you’re going to be warm, & fed, & loved—& it’s going to get better.

anonymous asked:

W/r to Bellarke, most of me really wants them to become properly canon at the end of season 4, because the slow burn would be oh so delicious, but there's a smaller (read: louder) part of me that wants Bellarke like right this minute (i.e this season), but I worry it won't be as satisfying? Clarke still working through her grief etc? Plus there's the insy matter of her having not even acknowledged any romantic feelings for Bell. When do u personally envisage them coming together? And how?

I totally agree that if Bellarke starts to happen (read: anything more than what we’ve gotten already–lingering touches and Looks– plus an acknowledgment from Bellamy that he’s got some Maybe Feelings for her) this season, it won’t be satisfying for me.  I’m a little leery of the writers right now with all their “Clarke has to mourn Lexa; she can’t move on right away” talk mostly because they said the exact same thing when Finn died, and then Clarke was kissing Lexa (the woman who sentenced him to die) eight goddamn days later.  Yeah, she said she wasn’t ready, but…I don’t buy her even being attracted to anyone barely a week after she killed the boy she supposedly loved.  But that’s a whole ‘nother can o’ worms.  

Anyway, I do think (read: hope) that the writers will treat Clarke’s relationship with Lexa more seriously than they did her relationship with Finn, if for no other reason than they seemed more invested in Clarke/Lexa than they ever did in Clarke/Finn, and they clearly like Lexa as a character much more than Finn.  So that’s a point in their favor and I am cautiously but warily optimistic that they will actually give Clarke time to work through her loss.  

I do think 3B will start to lay serious emotional groundwork for eventual bellarke, though, because 3x02 and 3x05 happened– and in a season with so much corner cutting thus far, leaving in an entire episode of “Bellamy slowly loses his mind at the thought of Clarke being in danger” as well as their exchange in 3x05– even though (say it with me, folks)–THEY COMPLETELY AVOIDED HAVING ANYONE REMEMBER THAT IT HAPPENED FOR THE NEXT THREE EPISODES is highly significant.  While I firmly believe that Bellamy in 2x16 would have said “I love Clarke but not like that” and Bellamy post 3x05 would be all “What no I don’t love her I mean sure I’d die for her but not like that and also I’m mad at her why are you looking at me like that,” they’ve done a good job of showing his slow slide into Clarke Feelings Town over the course of this season.  3x02 was probably the closest he came to admitting that yeah, he’s got a Clarke Boner in his heart, but then 3x03 happened and he got set way back.  I expect he’s going to have Other Shit to deal with in the immediate future, mostly Octavia-related, but I suspect by the end of the season we’re going to see some sort of admission from Bellamy that his feelings for her are Real and A Lot– maybe not to Clarke herself, but I think we’re going to get confirmation that Bellamy is in Loves Clarke Town, Population Him.

But then there’s the problem of Clarke’s feelings, because she loves him, of course, but not romantically.  Bellamy also threw a lot of awful things in her face in 3x05– some of them true, some of them not– and I know I’ve focused a lot lately on how Clarke showing up to give him orders that episode were his worst fears come to life, but those things he said to her?

Those were her worst fears.  

Think back to how Roan needled Clarke about abandoning her people.  We got some excellent silent acting from Eliza there, where you realize she is worried they don’t want her anymore.  She’s worried that her people (and I don’t think it’s a stretch to say Bellamy is foremost in her thoughts when she thinks about “her people”) resent her for leaving.  She’s also been running since 2x16 because she can’t face them for what “she” did, but there’s also the fact that Bellamy was at her side in Mount Weather and Clarke knows exactly how much he gave up so she didn’t have to do it alone.  She even tells him that in 3x05: “I need the guy who wouldn’t let me pull the lever by myself.”  She is well aware of the burden she placed on him by leaving, but she comforted herself by telling herself that Bellamy was strong enough without her.   She can’t bear the alternative: that he isn’t, and that by leaving she hurt him.

So when Bellamy accuses her of leaving her behind, of using him, of giving him orders and not caring about him, she was caught off guard because of the moment they shared in 3x02, because Bellamy’s smile in the subway station seemed like confirmation that he didn’t resent her and that she would be welcomed back. Clarke put those worries behind her and then when she sees him again Bellamy throws every single thing she’s brooded over for the past three months at her, his voice breaking in pain.

And Clarke shuts down.  I am endlessly annoyed that nobody brings this up after 3x05 (seriously I manage to work this gripe into every goddamn meta I write because it’s so glaringly “we’re trying to avoid love triangles” obfuscation and you’re better than this, show) but I do think it was on purpose.  Lexa was a safe choice for her, because with the exception of Emerson, Lexa supported Clarke’s choices and was constantly reassuring her she’d done what was right.  Clarke was hiding in Polis, and I’m not saying her feelings for Lexa weren’t real, but note that it took threat of total war to get Clarke to even consider facing her people (read: Bellamy) again.  She’s terrified of seeing him, because she thinks she’s lost him.

Clarke has already lost so many people: her father, Wells, Finn, and now Lexa.  She thinks Bellamy (the person she’s trusted through everything) hates her.  He doesn’t, of course, because you can’t hate someone you love as much as Bellamy loves Clarke, but he is fucking furious with her.  She’s going to be so fragile when they meet again, so full of fear that she’s lost him completely.

She hasn’t though, and I think the upcoming Blake Sibling Showdown is going to change things because Bellamy will start to turn his anger inward– that’s how he copes, after all.  By hating himself.  I think Bellamy letting his anger towards Clarke go will help her put herself back together, because right now she needs to know she isn’t alone.  Bellamy will be there for her, maybe reluctantly, maybe frustrated and confused because Lexa was their enemy and Clarke still loved her, but he can’t just watch her be in pain.  He couldn’t in 3x05 and he won’t in 3B, and I think that will help Clarke a lot.  I also think Clarke is going to have some serious work to do in order to unlearn the lesson the Ground has taught her, which is the people she loves die.  Once Clarke learns that Bellamy is in-love-with-a-capital-L with her, she’s going to push him away.  She wants to keep him safe and loving her is pretty much a death sentence, so I foresee some rough times ahead.

But they’ve been saying all goddamn season that Love is the Key and Love is the Flaw in ALIE’s code, and I think Clarke is going to end the season with a choice: stay in the City of Lights with Lexa, the woman she loved and lost, free of pain but also free of humanity and love, or destroy the City of Lights and return to the man who loves her.  

Clarke’s going to have to decide that fear and pain are worth it if it means loving Bellamy.

Bittersweet | Carmilla AU | Chapter 6: It Was NOT A Date!

it totally was, though even though neither of them know it

Read it on AO3 and/or FF.net

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“It was not a date.” Laura groaned as LaFontaine grinned at her. “Besides, why are you here?”

“Well, we were supposed to study for finals, but someone neglected to tell their girlfriend about it.” LaFontaine grabbed a soda from the fridge and plopped down next to Laura on the polyester couch (which was a light tan colour, which contrasted rather nicely with the bright yellow pillows).

Laura’s apartment’s layout was similar to Carmilla’s, except it had two bedrooms and the colouring and decorations were entirely different. A sort of modern-meets-secret-nerd.

“She- Carmilla is not my girlfriend!” Laura’s cheeks were literally on fire. How hot could a human get before they overheat and die? Surely, she was past that temperature by now. “She- we’re just friends.”

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