may the lord forgive me

Shy in the streets, freak in the sheets

TITLE: Shy in the streets, freak in the sheets
AUTHOR: fanfickittycat
GENRE: Smut, Romance
FIC SUMMARY: The morning after a one night stand, shy OC is hoping to escape after revealing what a freak she is in the sheets
RATING: M (smut and bad words)
AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: Oh, my God what have I written? Please be very, very kind because I’ve never written smut before but I had the idea and well… I guess you’ll just have to read on to find out what happened. Warnings are as mentioned above and I haven’t edited because I’m lazy.

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Rabbi ‘j'alni muqima’s-Salati wa min Thurriyati, Rabbana wa taqqabal du'a’

Rabbana'ghfirli wa li walidayya walil-Mu'minina yawma yaqumul-Hisab.

• “Lord, grant that I and my offspring may keep up the prayer. Our Lord, accept my request.”

• “Our Lord, forgive me, my parents, and the believers on the Day of Reckoning” (14:40-41)

Lemonade Starters

Pray You Catch Me.

  • ‘ you can taste the dishonesty. ’
  • ‘ even that’s a test. ’
  • ‘ i pray you catch me. ’
  • ‘ when it’s only in my memory it don’t hit me quite the same. ’
  • ‘ maybe it’s a cause for concern. ’
  • ‘ what are you doing my love? ’

Hold Up.

  • ‘ hold up, they don’t love you like i love you ’
  • ‘ slow down. ’
  • ‘ back up. ’
  • ‘ step down. ’
  • ‘ there’s no other man above you. ’
  • ‘ what a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you. ’
  • ‘ something don’t feel right. ’
  • ‘ i’m not too perfect to ever feel this worthless. ’
  • ‘ how did it come to down to this? ’
  • ‘ i don’t wanna lose my pride, but i’mma fuck me up a bitch ’
  • ‘ i kept it sexy. ’
  • ‘ i kept it fun. ’
  • ‘ there’s something that i’m missing, maybe my head for one. ’
  • ‘ what’s worse looking jealous or crazy? ’
  • ‘ i’d rather be crazy. ’
  • ‘ they had you labeled as a king. ’
  • ‘ still out there movin’ it in them streets. ’
  • ‘ never had the baddest woman in the game up in your sheets. ’
  • ‘ would they be down to ride? no. ’
  • ‘ you know we were made for each other. ’
  • ‘ you let this good love go to waste ’
  • ‘ what’s up? ’

Don’t Hurt Yourself.

  • ‘ don’t hurt yourself. ’
  • ‘ who the fuck do you think i is? ’
  • ‘ you ain’t married to no average bitch, boy. ’
  • ‘ keep your money, i got my own. ’
  • ‘ bad motherfucker. ’
  • ‘ god complex. ’
  • ‘ you can’t recreate her. ’
  • ‘ we just got to let it be. ’
  • ‘ when you hurt me, you hurt yourself. ’
  • ‘ i am a dragon breathing fire. ’
  • ‘ i’m the lion. ’
  • ‘ i know you’re lying. ’
  • ‘ you ain’t trying hard enough. ’
  • ‘ you ain’t loving hard enough. ’
  • ‘ i realized i’m just too much for you. ’
  • ‘ this is your final warning. ’
  • ‘ if you try this shit again you’re gonna lose your wife.’ 


  • ‘ sorry, I ain’t sorry. ’
  • ‘ i’m not picking up. ’
  • ‘ i don’t give a fuck, chucking my deuces up. ’
  • ‘ i’m not thinking about you. ’
  • ‘ middle fingers up, put them hands high. ’
  • ‘ tell him, boy bye. ’
  • ‘ now you want to say you’re sorry? ’
  • ‘ now you want to call me crying? ’
  • ‘ he should of been home. ’
  • ‘ i regret the night I put that ring on. ’
  • ‘ he’s always got those fucking excuses. ’
  • ‘ let’s have a toast to the good life. ’
  • ‘ he only wants me when i’m not there. ’
  • ‘ he better call becky with the good hair. ’

6 Inch.

  • ‘ she walked in the club like nobody’s business. ’
  • ‘ she murdered everybody and i was her witness. ’
  • ‘ she’s stacking money every she does. ’
  • ‘ she’s mixing up that ace with that hennessy. ’
  • ‘ she loves the way it tastes. ’
  • ‘ that’s her recipe. ’
  • ‘ she fights for power. ’
  • ‘ she’s too smart to crave material things. ’
  • ‘ she’s pushing herself day and night. ’
  • ‘ she’s worth every dollar. ’
  • ‘ she’s worth every minute. ’

Daddy Lessons.

  • ‘ daddy’s little girl ’
  • ‘ daddy made a soldier out of me. ’
  • ‘ daddy liked his whiskey with his tea. ’
  • ‘ we rode motorcycles. blackjack, classic vinyl. ’
  • ‘ tough girl is what I had to be. ’
  • ‘ take care of your mother. ’
  • ‘ watch out for your sister. ’
  • ‘ he told me not to cry. ’
  • ‘ my daddy said shoot. ’
  • ‘ he swore it on the bible. ’
  • ‘ he held me in his arms. ’
  • ‘ he told me to be strong. ’
  • ‘ here’s what you do. ’
  • ‘ trouble comes to town and men like me come around. ’
  • ‘ my daddy warned me about men like you. ’
  • ‘ baby girl, he’s playing you. ’
  • ‘ Good job, ___. ’

Love Drought.

  • ‘ ten times out of nine, I know you’re lying. ’
  • ‘ nine times out of ten, I know you’re trying. ’
  • ‘ i’m trying to be fair. ’
  • ‘ you’re trying to be there. ’
  • ‘ all the love I’ve been giving goes unnoticed. ’
  • ‘ you’re my lifeline. ’
  • ‘ are you trying to kill me? ’
  • ‘ i don’t care about the lights. ’
  • ‘ the only way to go is up. ’
  • ‘ you and me could move mountains. ’
  • ‘ i’m only human. ’
  • ‘ what did I do wrong? ’
  • ‘ i’m so tough. ’
  • ‘ wassup? ’ 


  • ‘ we built sandcastles. ’
  • ‘ I made you cry. ’
  • ‘ I promised that I couldn’t stay. ’
  • ‘ every promise don’t work out that way. ’
  • ‘ I scratched out your name, and your face. ’
  • ‘ what is it about you? ’
  • ‘ your heart is broken. ’
  • ‘ show me your scars. ’
  • ‘ I won’t walk away.  ’


  • ‘ best foot first. ’
  • ‘ just in case ’
  • ‘ it’s time to listen. ’
  • ‘ it’s time to fight.’
  • ‘ we can be open for a while. ’
  • ‘ i love you more than this job. ’
  • ‘ please don’t work for me. ’
  • ‘ go back to sleep. ’
  • ‘ just next to me. ’


  • ‘ lord forgive me. ’
  • ‘ i’ve been running. ’
  • ‘ may the last one burn into flames. ’
  • ‘ i can’t move. ’
  • ‘ cut me loose. ’
  • ‘ where are you? ’
  • ‘ i need freedom too! ’
  • ‘ cause a winner don’t quit on themselves. ’
  • ‘ don’t move. ’
  • ‘ i’ma riot. ’
  • ‘ call me bulletproof. ’
  • ‘ i meditate for practice. ’
  • ‘ eight blocks left. ’
  • ‘ don’t cry for me. ’
  • ‘ try for me. ’
  • ‘ live for me. ’
  • ‘ sing for me. ’
  • ‘ i could be more than i gotta be. ’
  • ‘ what do you want from me? ’
  • ‘ hear me out. ’
  • ‘ i had my ups and downs. ’
  • ‘ i was served lemons, but i made lemonade. ’

All Night.

  • ‘ i found the truth beneath your lies. ’
  • ‘ true love never has to hide ’
  • ‘ i’ve seen your scars. ’
  • ‘ so many people that i know, they’re just trying to touch you. kiss up and rub up and feel up on you. ’
  • ‘ i’m going to kiss up and rub up and feel up on you. ’
  • ‘ sweet love, all night long. ’
  • ‘ we’re together. ’
  • ‘ our love was stronger. ’
  • ‘ beyond your darkness, i’m your light. ’
  • ‘ dry your eyes. ’
  • ‘ true love’s the greatest weapon to win the war caused by pain. ’
  • ‘ every diamond has imperfections. ’
  • ‘ with every tear came redemption. ’
  • ‘ my torturer became my remedy. ’
  • ‘ how i missed you, my love. ’ 


  • ‘ i’m back by popular demand. ’
  • ‘ y’all haters corny. ’
  • ‘ i’m so reckless. ’
  • ‘ i’m so possessive so I rock his Roc necklaces. ’
  • ‘ i got hot sauce in my bag. ’
  • ‘ i did not come to play with you hoes. ’
  • ‘ i came to slay. ’
  • ‘ i like cornbread. ’
  • ‘ you best believe it. ’
  • ‘ i see it, i want it. ’
  • ‘ i work hard, i grind ‘til I own it. ’
  • ‘ sippin’ Cuervo with no chaser. ’
  • ‘ I go off. ’
  • ‘ take what’s mine. ’
  • ‘ i’m a star. ’
  • ‘ okay, ladies now let’s get in formation. ’ 
  • ‘ prove to me you’ve got some coordination. ’
  • ‘ or you get eliminated. ’
  • ‘ when he fucks me good, I take his ass to Red Lobster. ’
  • ‘ if he hit it right, i might take him on a flight on my chopper. ’
  • ‘ i might get your song played on the radio station. ’
  • ‘ you just might be a black bill gates in the making. ’
  • ‘ you know you’re the bitch when you cause all this conversation. ’
  • ‘ always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper. ’ 

“ Excuse me my lord, may I request my lord, permission my lord to speak? Forgive me if I suggest my lord; you’re looking less than your best my lord, there’s powder upon your vest my lord, and stubble upon your cheek. And ladies my lord are weak. ”


“…though the union of the fëar of the wedded is not broken by distance of place, yet in creatures that live as spirits embodied fëa communes with fëa in full only when the bodies dwell together.”  
- “Laws and Customs Among the Eldar”, Morgoth’s Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien

“But Morgoth himself the Valar thrust through the Door of Night beyond the Walls of the World, into the Timeless Void…”
The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien

“When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë, the herald of Manwë…"
The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien

It hit Mairon like a blow. He staggered, clutching at the stone wall that ran alongside the path they walked.  Eönwë’s eyes widened in alarm as he glanced back to determine why Mairon had stopped.  But Mairon paid no heed to the other Maia’s concern.  In truth, he did not notice.  His thoughts were on another.

“My lord…” Mairon gasped, sinking to his knees amid dust and rocks.  Tears rose unbidden to his eyes.  No, he thought, this cannot be.  Even in the time of Melkor’s captivity, when the Elves were new, and the Valar kept him chained, Mairon had always been able to sense him.  No matter the distance, he had known Melkor was alive and that he would return to him.  The two were bound; the union of their spirits had formed an indissoluble connection. But now that bond had been severed. In his soul, he felt only a ragged, aching hole where Melkor should have been.  Mairon felt as though he’d been rent in two.

Gravel pressed sharply against the palms of his hands as panic gripped him.  Surely, the Valar would not have killed him, the Maia reasoned desperately.  Despite all that he had done against them, he was still of their kind. They would not, could not, have destroyed him utterly.  Eru would never allow such a thing.  Manwë always followed the will of Eru.  Always. But then why can I not sense him? Mairon’s mind shrieked in anguish.

“They have sentenced him to exile,” Eönwë supplied hesitantly, seeming to realize the source of Mairon’s distress, “and shut him into the Void, beyond this World.  Just now they must have closed the Door of Night; that is what you felt.  I did not know that you and he…”  His voice faltered as Mairon looked up at him, a paradoxical mix of pain and relief etched onto his fair face.  “I’m sorry,” Eönwë said instead, turning away.  “Brother,” he continued, “you are of my order, and thus I cannot pardon you. Return to Aman and seek the mercy of Lord Manwë.  Your sins may yet be atoned for.  Forgive me, but I must leave you now.  There are other matters that I must attend to.”  Then Eönwë departed from Mairon, leaving him to mourn alone.

Mairon waited until Eönwë had left before rising shakily to his feet.  Melkor was not dead; that fact was enough to calm him for a moment.  And yet, though not destroyed, he was still beyond even the reach of Mairon’s soul.  The lack of his beloved lord burned hollowly within him, but the despair that would have broken his heart turned instead to hatred, hardening it.  

“Return to Aman, Eönwë says,” Mairon muttered through gritted teeth, his voice low and seething. “Return to Aman, I shall, but not to seek pardon…”  For when I next meet the Valar, he vowed, it shall be to overthrow them.  And I shall throw open the Door of Night and take back he whom they have taken from me!  But even in the rage of his wrath, Mairon was not so rash as to rush into action, not when so much was at stake.  Though his heart quailed and his soul quaked at the thought of the long ages he may have to endure, sundered from the one whom he held most precious, he stood tall and defiant.  

Much there was to plan and prepare.  Mairon turned back down the path he had walked beside Eönwë.  Clutching the ache in his soul, he moved forward.  Mairon left the ruined lands of the North, the kingdom he had helped his Master hold for hundreds of years, and he did not look back.  There were other lands now that he must conquer.

Through lies and subtlety, wars and destruction, he would prevail.  However long it took, whatever suffering he must endure along the way, Mairon would defeat the Valar.  He would be reunited with Melkor, and he would be whole again.  This is what he told himself, in the dead of night, when he was utterly alone, and his spirit trembled with loss and longing.  This is what he whispered to the Darkness that could not hear him.  I will be with you again.

Fic: Tidings of Joy (M)

Author’s note: After many months of waffling, I’ve finally written a priest!Killian story. Blame @jscoutfinch​ and @optomisticgirl​. Ladies, this is for you! Warning: if you’re easily offended or very religious, you may want to skip this. Dirty with some sacrilegious themes. Otherwise, enjoy!

Also found: / AO3

Tidings of Joy

Killian scrubbed his hands over his face. Midnight Mass was in two hours, but it might as well be two minutes. In his distracted state, he was sure to mess something up. He’d participated in the Mass several times since taking his vows, would have sworn he could do it in his sleep. But that was before. Before he’d come to this parish, before he’d broken his vows, before he met a certain blonde siren.

Not that any of this was her fault. He was the one with a sacred vow. He was the one who fantasized about her. He was the one who couldn’t control himself.

He was lucky he believed in a God who forgave.

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My teacher tripped over a box the other day and whispered ‘the devil may try to bring me down but my lord always picks me back up again’ and we was all silent just watching her and she started humming and singing hymns to herself in the corner and shouting MY LORD MY LORD and she had to be taken out and we had a supply for the rest of the lesson but he looked like Jesus