may i stab you

His || Jungkook || 0.17

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

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DBZ Abridged Broly The Legendary Super Saiyan Quotes Meme

-“Is this the worst, or what?”

-“Surprise, you worthless runt! It’s time for your hourly beating!”

-“I beg of you, *Muse name*, please stay! For roughly…three–maybe three and a half hours?”

-“See, he’s slow, and he gets it.”

-“I’m a foot and a half taller than you, but, whatever…”

-“I don’t know what’s going on anymore.”

-“What’s your power level?”

-“You’re not supposed to start all-out. You’re supposed to start off small and then work up to it.”

-“Someone fetch me a better dagger so I may properly stab this baby!”

-“What the f**k are you doing back here?!”

-“As my first decree, you shall only call her Princess/Queen *Inster muse name*”

-“How wise you are, my lord/lady/queen/king. How about we take a tour of your beautiful new palace?”

-“All Hail Princess/Queen *Insert muse name*”

-“A genuine demon?“

-”All Hail Lord *Inster muse name*”

-“While you’re here having this "crisis”, we’re out there getting beaten into a bloody paste!”

-“You’re new. What is your power level?“

-“No, please! If you are angry, use your whip on me. I can take it…“

-“That’s hot.”

-“Pretty sure when you rule over a planet, the planet is your kingdom.”

-“Explain, shitstain”

-“I’m confused. Am I being pranked? Cause I don’t do jokes.”

-“Our talks are nice.”

-“SAY MY NAME!”

-“And now, my lord. Behold! Your magnificent new kingdom.”

-“You promised me a kingdom, but I have no subjects, no infrastructure, and a throne made of wood! What am I, the Space Pope?!”

-“Actually, we much enjoy the slavery.”

-“I woke up this morning for a gay wedding… I did not expect this.”

-“You said your power level was pretty big, right?”

-“You know me so well.”

-“HUG. HUUUUUUUG!”

-“ Are you drunk already? The reception just started.”

-“I want a divorce.”

-“ But now is *Insert Muse Name*! NOW *Insert Muse Name*!”

-“I am starting small.”

-“He has devolved into only saying a single word.”

-“There’s no way we’re going to miss sadism like this!”

-“What is sadism?”

-“But I like baths.”

-“Okay, first of all, calm down.”

-“Princess *Insert muse name*”

-“You dirty boy/girl”

-"Got it. Leaving.”

-“Are…you sure?”

-“I’ll end it in One Punch Man.”

-“Then what is a God to anon-believer?!”

-“Oh, that’s so cool.”

-“Your hair looks like lavender but smells like strawberries…”

-“What’s wrong, *Insert muse name*?! Don’t you care if I kill your son?!”

-“My power… My power is…MAXIMUMER!”

-“Man, this just isn’t my day.”

-“I suggest we all run.”

-“What is a king to a God?”

-“Do you believe now?”

-“That’s f**ked up, man.”

@raburine suggested I draw Fukawa! I just finished Ultra Despair girls too, so the timing was pretty funny.

I think it’d be cute for her and komaru to do a uniform swap! Fukawa probably wouldn’t know what to do with such a short skirt ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_

Hideyoshi x MC- the spring

“Lord Hideyoshi and his men have returned!” Chisato shook my arm with delight. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

I stood in the wispy grass on the outskirts of camp and nodded in agreement with her; understanding her excitement- I was always glad when everyone returned safe with minimal casualties. But seeing Hideyoshi on a regular basis was another story, he always left me feeling confused.

Hideyoshi was one of the most caring people I had ever met (Sengoku or modern times)-that’s one of the things I loved liked about him. It didn’t matter if it was Lord Nobunaga or a vassal, Hideyoshi genuinely cared for everyone. He watched over others even at his own expense sometimes- asking healers to take care of vassal’s wounds before his own, working more so others could rest, checking in on everyone in Azuchi without a second thought.

That’s why it hurt so much. I always felt so special with him, like maybe I was the only one he looked at that way -but I had to frequently remind myself that that was how Hideyoshi treated everyone- it was in his nature to be caring. I was no different. I was not special to him.

Watching from a distance, I saw him greet Lord Nobunaga and the vassals. He took the time to chat with each of them, listening intently to their concerns.

The ache in my heart made my chest tighten and I realized I was chewing on my bottom lip. Gah, since when did this guy get me all bent out of shape? He was merely being friendly to me and I was taking this way too seriously.

In the crowd, his eyes found mine and he gave me a wave. I returned the gesture, my heart sinking in my chest. With a sigh, I returned to my duties.

“There you are,” Chisato called to me later. “Would you do me a favor?” She held a bundle of towels in her long, slender arms. “Will you take these to the men where they are washing up in the nearby springs?”

“Sure,” I took the armload from her, she was a lot taller than me so I had to set my chin on the top of the stack into order to get a firm handle on the mound of linens.

“Thank you!” She said as I set off down the footpath.

I set a steady pace for the woods where the springs were, and began handing out towels to the men. It had been a hot and sticky day, turning into a balmy evening, and I felt beads of sweat trickle down my temples.

“Miss, will you please give one to Lord Hideyoshi - he’s on the other side of those bushes.” A vassal asked me as I handed him a towel.

“Of course,” I nodded.

I ducked through some heavy undergrowth, my sandals crunching on the dead leaves and twigs.

“Hideyoshi-?” I called to him as I made my way through the bushes, “I have a towel for you,”

I caught my breath when I saw him, he was stripped down the the waist, and standing with his back to me in knee deep in water- bending over as he combed his fingers through dripping wet hair.

I had to check myself for a moment, surely I had fallen back to the present in some sexy commercial shoot…

“You’re not very stealthy,” he teased, not even taking a look at me. He cupped the water in his palms, splashing it on his neck and chest. “I could hear your noisy self before you called my name. It’s not very safe to go trying to sneak up on warlords like that- had it been someone else they may have just stabbed you before you could speak.”

I stopped just short of the spring with the last towel hanging over my foreman. “I wasn’t trying to sneak up- I was just bringing you a towel!”

With feet planted he turned at the waist toward me and I caught a glimpse of his muscular chest. I heard him chuckle and my eyes darted away.

“What?” He asked.

“Nothing!” My eyes looked anywhere but at him. I was glad it was hot, it was a good excuse for my face to be flushed.

“You act like you’re looking at something you’ve never seen,” his mouth quirked.

“I have too!” I retorted. “Just not… like that.” I side-eyed him for a split second.

Hideyoshi’s strong frame carried layers of muscle, from biceps to pectorals, down his abdomen, even his forearms were defined. And I got all that from a glimpse.

The water didn’t help, even in the overcast evening his wet skin was gleaming, and droplets from his soaked hair dripped onto his face before sliding down his nose and cheeks.

“You’ve had a long day too,” he said. “Maybe you should wash up as well.”

“No, I’m fine, thank you.” Although I was wiping sweat from my brow as I spoke.

He sloshed through the water toward me and I held out the towel, still avoiding eye contact with him.

“Here you go,” I said, thinking he’d retrieve the linen. But no- instead the sound of his palm skimming across the water was all I heard - just before feeling a splash of cold water on my face and neck.

“Ahh!” I shrieked and he was already laughing. “Hideyoshi!” I hissed.

“You are all sweaty- I can see it dripping down your face,” he teased. “You need a bath.” Using both hands now he splashed again - a huge amount of water- nearly soaking the front of me as I clamored backwards.

“Hey-! You’re going to get the towel wet!”

“Well you’re all wet now,” he was laughing now, so much I could see his abs twitching with each huff. “Might as well join me.”

“I’m not-“ I spat, “I’m not doing that.”

I felt some bittersweet ache grow in my gut. Of course I wanted to join him and wash up, but I didn’t want to get hurt anymore than I already was- This was just too personal for me.

Scrambling on the bank, my foot slipped and my legs gave out - I fell on my backside with a thud. “Ouch!” I closed my eyes as a shooting pain went down my leg.

In less than a second, Hideyoshi was there. “Are you ok?”

“Ehh, yes?” I nodded. Feeling drops of water splattering on my face, I opened my eyes and looked up. Hideyoshi was standing over me, his expression had changed from provocation to concern.

“It just hurt for a second.” I said.

“Here,” he reached out and caught my arms in his strong grasp, lifting me up. Even in the hot, humid air his touch made me shiver all the way up my spine- and of course the pain left me in an instant.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He was completely serious now. “I didn’t mean for you to get injured.”

He was still holding me tightly as he stared - my body practically smushed up against him. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest and my mind went elsewhere… Is he nervous? Was he afraid for me?

“Uh, no- I’m fine.” I smiled. “I’m just accident prone.” I chuckled. “Probably just a bruise,”

Slowly he released me, still quiet for a moment before returning to his usual self. “Well, now that I’ve been close to you I know for sure you need to wash up,” he took the towel from my hand and playfully tossed it onto my head. “You won’t be attracting any bed companions smelling like that!”

“Hideyoshi!!!” I flung the towel back at him as he bent over letting out a boisterous laugh.

His eyes were dancing with amusement as he laughed and I couldn’t help but crack a smile back at him. He dried himself as I tried to put myself back together a bit, brushing grass and leaves from my kimono.

“But don’t just go being reckless,” he said in a more serious tone. “Don’t choose someone who might be a danger to you,”

“Right,” I felt a little heart broken that our “moment” was over.

“And of course I’ll be looking out for you,” he said, “I won’t let you just jump into bed with anyone.”

“Can we please stop talking about this,” my face was about to be on fire again, but not for the reason I wished it had been. This “sex talk” was not the kind of talk I wanted to be having with Hideyoshi.

He smiled at me and stood up straight, reaching out to pat me on the top of the head as if I was a child. Once again there it was -that ache in my heart. Oh Hideyoshi, would I ever know how you really feel?

  • Kusanagi: Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
  • Ema: Lol no “Den City sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
  • Go: “Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
  • Yusaku: “Den City crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
  • Aoi: Pro tip: Don’t do this if you recently applied for a new job.
  • Ignis: I feel like that pro tip is told from experience.

Caius X Reader Imagine - Tutoring the Hybrid?

Request: Hi! Can you do a Caius x reader where the reader is a witch, who is hired to babysit Renesmee, and Esme accidentally double books her when the Volturi are supposed to come over and visit. I also need Caius - her mate, to get annoyed at the whitewashing of Julius Caesar’s history and to rant about how much of a manwhore he was while the reader is trying to tutor Renesmee? I would die laughing.


Note: This is the first imagine I have ever wrote, so it may not be exactly the most perfect one ever, but here it is! Enjoy!


When you arrived at the Cullen’s house, you could tell everyone was tense. There was something about the atmosphere that just didn’t…feel right. So naturally when Esme came up to you with a smile that seemed a little forced, you were confused to say the least.


“Is everything alright?” You asked. You didn’t want to overstep; you planned on just saying hello and hoping she hinted at what’s going on, but your curiosity got the best of you. She laughed awkwardly.


“Well (Y/N), a lot of things have been hectic this week and I forgot that the Volturi were supposed to come observe Renesmee tonight. Would you still be able to watch her? I realize it may be a bit uncomfortable for you, given that they might walk in and just stare at the two of you…”


“Of course. I don’t mind at all.”


“Thank you so much! That takes a load of pressure off. I was worried we were going to have to leave her by herself if Aro wanted to talk about her…future.”


“Ah, I see. It shouldn’t be a problem. If they decided to try anything, I would be able to stop them.” Esme hugged you tightly for a moment before letting you go and smiling, more genuinely this time.


“I always forget you are a witch, (Y/N).” You laughed.


“Sometimes I do too.”


“Renesmee should be upstairs if you would like to head up there.” You nodded and walked up the stairs, glancing out of the windows as you did.


You knew the Volturi were supposed to be in town tonight. Your mate, Caius was supposed to take you out on a date tonight. However, you unfortunately had to turn him down tonight and reschedule for the next day, because you had already planned on babysitting. You never told him who you were babysitting for and he never told you why he was coming to town. Funny how things work out sometimes…


“(Y/N)!” You heard a voice exclaim as you turned around to find the little hybrid run at you and tightly wrap her arms around your waist.


“Can’t…breathe…” You managed to choke out. She let go and laughed.


“Sorry…” Renesmee said sheepishly.


“Don’t sweat it kid.” You replied. “So what’s our plan for tonight?”


“I need help on my history homework. It’s about Julius Caesar.” You raised an eyebrow.


“Aren’t you a little young for that?” She shrugged. You shrugged back. “Alright then. History homework it is.”


The two of you moved over to a table on the side of the room and began looking at the questions. She read the question to you, and between the two of you, you were able to find the answer in her textbook. However there were a couple answers you couldn’t find, so you skipped over those questions and saved them for last. The work seemed a little advanced for someone so young, but then again she was more mentally mature than she looked. You and Renesmee were so focused that you never noticed Caius and two lower guards walk in to observe.


“Question five: How did Julius Caesar die?” Renesmee read aloud. You two began flipping through the text book. You did this for about a minute until you heard a voice speak up.


“He was stabbed twenty-five times.” Caius said. Your attention moved to him while Renesmee kept looking.


“Caius…hello…”


“Hello, Love.” He spoke so smoothly that it made you shudder. He noticed this and smirked.


“The book says he was stabbed twenty-three times though.” Renesmee told him.


“Well you see, I was there when it happened.” He moved closer to the table. The guards stayed against the wall opposite of where you were sitting. “I counted each time he was stabbed you know. I may have lost count child, but it was more than twenty-three. Those men were very angry…”


“Since the book says twenty-three, I would suggest you go with that.” Caius laughed and pointed his index finger at you and snapped. The sound echoed through the room.


“But that’s not correct. What are you doing anyway?”


“Homework.” Renesmee responded.


“Well even though it’s not correct, that’s what her teachers will think, so she’s going to have to put that in order to get the question right.”


“Oh great. Next you’ll tell me that they will approve of the…what is it called nowadays…the whitewashing part of all this.”


“What does whitewashing mean?” Renesmee tilted her head to the side, similarly to how a confused dog would look.


“Not the point.”


“But it is the point, my dear (Y/N)! I saw him, he was not white skinned. That generalization is false.”


“So whitewashing is when people call people white when they aren’t?”


“Yes Renesmee, that’s the right idea. To get into the details of precisely what that is would take too long for our purpose. There is a lot of covered up truths in history, especially from this time period.” He waved his arms ecstatically and paced as he spoke.


“Well why don’t we go on to the next question then?” You said, trying to change the subject.


“That was the last one we had.”


“Great! We are done!” You shut the textbook and sighed.


“Now we can get into the interesting stuff. Caesar was such a…well to put it nicely he really liked women.”

“Caius…” You scolded.


“What did he do?” Renesmee asked. You slapped your forehead.


“Well he had many, and I mean many mistresses. He was such a manwh-“


“Thank you Caius for the delightful history lesson.” He raised an eyebrow at you before rolling his eyes.


“You are too protective you know. Mentally, she’s older than she looks. She wouldn’t be looking at this sort of content if she wasn’t.” He reasoned. Then he turned back to Renesmee and smiled.


“Now back to Caesar. He was very much a…”


At that point you zoned out and smiled. Caius was acting so much happier now than he was when you first met him in Italy. He just seemed so much angrier then, but now he seemed so much more at ease. Though you couldn’t put your finger on what changed, you moved that thought away and listened to Caius talk on and on about all the lies in Renesmee’s text book. Of course, you interjected when the subject turned PG-13. Nevertheless, you would remember this night for years to come.

TWC's Challenge Celebration!

So it’s official- we’re doing a writing challenge! I’m so excited to read what you guys come up with. As a celebration of hitting 1 500 followers, I’m really looking forward to reading everything you post.

There’s just a couple of ground rules:

1) When you write, make sure to tag me! I’ll try to like/reblog/queue it within a day or two of it being posted, but PLEASE send me a message or something if I don’t. I’d hate to miss any:)

2) Write a fic (obviously)! You can write for any pairing, reader insert or not. Remember to put warnings at the beginning of the fic if there are any. If your fic is longer than around 400 words, then please insert a Keep Reading.

3) Post them to your blog and tag me by September 1. If you need an extended date for whatever reason, let me know. I would like to have all the works posted on my blog as of September 10, but that may be subject to change. If it’s not up and I haven’t given a reason, let me know; I’ll probably hit something other than post.

4) Most importantly, send me an ask for the prompt you want! Unless I get an ask from you, I won’t reblog your fic- and I really want to!

If you have any further questions, PLEASE send me an ask.

Writing Prompts

- “Don’t make me hurt you.”

- “You lied to me?”

- “How long before we’re safe again?”

- “I’d let her step on my face.”

- “Is that… A penis?”

- “That better be a gun or so help me…”

- “Guava’s are a social construct.”

- “Does family mean anything to you?”

- “I haven’t slept in six days and to be honest I’m not sure I can tell reality from… I don’t know what the opposite of reality is.”

- “Chuck, I’d just like to personally thank you for mango smoothies.”

- “Doritos? What are we, desperate?”

- “There’s no time to explain, but I think I may have been stabbed. It’s cool though.”

- “Yeah, you shot me, but I kinda had it coming to me.”

- “I have a method.”

- “You could totally be a drag queen.”

- “Bitch I’m gay as fuck what are you talking about.”

- “Check out that Moose Caboose.”

- “You should wear spandex more often.”

- “That was not okay.”

- -“Will you come back?”

- “Guess again, Gordon Ramsey.”

- “You’re my new favourite sibling.”

- “I’m fired?”

- “Please don’t pursue a career in comedy.”

- “The meatball says no.” “The meatball can go fuck itself.”

- “That was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.” “As a what now-”

- “I’m gonna die.” “You say that every day.”

- "Ho don’t you dare eat my chips.“ ”… Did you just call me a hoe?“

- “What did you say?” “I said I could kick your ass, blindfolded.”

- “… Furries?” “Wow, ______, you must feel right at home.”

- “Go suck an egg.” “Okay.”

- “You don’t really speak French, do you?” “Allez-vous faire foutre.”

- “-I want to die.” “And I want a four cheese lasagna. Maybe it’s all for the best.”

- “On a scale of Taylor Swift to Beyoncé, how do you feel today?”

- “Her boobs are almost as big as Sam’s.” “Yeah- wait, what?”

- “Dean the Bean. That’s your stripper name.” “Do I want to ask why?”

TAGS:

@zeusmyster @assbutt-still-in-hell @mogaruke @emfrodo @spn67-sister @sammysbeanie @bluewhisperstale @littlewinchester67

sunsetsanddaisies  asked:

How would the boys react to their (only) daughter bringing home their first boyfriend ?

Shu: So your her boyfriend…? (Yes sir, I am.) I’m gonna let you know I’ve fought polar bears before……and if you hurt her im gonna treat you like a polar bear. So your gonna end up dead.

Reiji: You are who my daughter is dating. (Yes I am) You should address me with the proper pronouns. (Yes sir.) That’s better. You better treat her well.

Ayato: Do you think your good enough for the best daughter in the world aka mine? (Yes..) If she come to me complainin’ I will break your face and body.

Kanato: Why are dating my daughter? (Well um…she is pretty and.) Did you really have to think about that? No duh thats shes pretty. (Im-) Shut up. I dont like you. If i hear a tiny complaint I wont hesitate to murder you.

Laito: Do you love her? (I dont kn-) What do you only want her for your personal pleasures? (No thats not-) Shh…you only want to use her dont you? (No-) Just pleasure without love…. Hurt her? I will drain you of your blood.

Subaru: Hurt her you die okay? (Okay..) If I can break the wall in one punch imagine what I’ll do to you.

Ruki: Don’t hurt her. You will surly regret it. (yes sir..) Now get out of my house.

Kou: I have a ton of fangirls you know. (Yes) They love her a lot. If you were to hurt her they would rip you apart.

Yuma: Are you feeling intimidated by my height? (kinda….) Good. If you hurt her I will sit on you, most likely crushing your insides.

Azusa: I have…a knife collection… (oh cool…) I may talk slow……..but I can stab….you mighty…fast.

Carla: (Hello Mrs. Tsukinami.) Im Mr. Tsukinami. (Im sorry I really am. Your name is Carla and you look like a lady.) Do you know who your talking to? (yes.) No you dont. You are very close to being decapitated or executed.

Shin: Im a wolf. (Thats funny..) Im being honest, you know what I could do to you? (No..) Use your bones as a toothpick if you hurt her.

Cupid’s Chokehold

In which Klaus is Caroline’s dirty little secret.

Okay, so obviously I have this thing about season 4 and how good it was, so I decided to make a few Klaroline-inspired changes to the overall canon in this drabble, and hopefully you enjoy! Oh, and this starts after 4X01. And it does contain dialogue from the various episodes between 4X01 and 4X13, so just putting it out there that I don’t own any of that, nor do I own Caroline or Klaus (oh, but how I wish I did).

Oh, by the way, there is smut in this, so you may want to avert your eyes if it makes you uncomfortable.

“Hello, Caroline,”

Caroline groaned, tipping her head and staring up at the sky, as if praying for deliverance.

She turned around, carefully, hoisting her bag firmly over her shoulder. “What do you want?” She asked, coldly.

“I wanted to clear the air, so to speak.” Klaus said, rocking back on his heels.

“Yeah, well, not interested.” Caroline scowled, making to leave when Klaus sped in front of her, halting her departure.

“Just… listen to what I say, Caroline.” Klaus was almost pleading with her.

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anonymous asked:

does chara bite? if not, i would like to give them one pat please.

Chara does not bite. They may, however, stab you with a plastic knife. But…

*…I suppose one pat is okay.

CHARA has accepted the pat. They feel marginally better.