maureen*

so i got the iasip book recently and i wanted to share some of the more interesting tidbits in it that i haven’t seen posted around as much

  • mac says that dennis loves him “with the fury of a thousand suns” because he KNOWS it will prompt dennis to leave the room (i’ve seen this one around before but i didn’t know it came from the book until now so here u go)
  • dee reversed the DENNIS system to create the SINNED system, which she uses to manipulate men and steal their money
  • in high school, dee would lend dennis money, do his homework for him, and listen to him cry about his multiple breakups with maureen ponderosa
  • charlie doesn’t know what the word anonymous means– he assumes the gang is calling him “a nanny mouse” and gets so upset about it that he starts crying
  • frank claims to have possibly slept with miley cyrus
  • the waitress has another “bad” stalker that charlie apparently keeps tabs on– could possibly just be someone the waitress is seeing
  • dennis and dee are still addicted to crack and dennis still smokes it sometimes
  • dennis admits to having been fingered and enjoying it before, and then a page later stops talking about attracting a woman and starts talking about attracting a “mate,” saying THEY should have a personality weak enough for you to mold
  • frank was physically and emotionally abused by his father
  • charlie still worries about peter nincompoop
  • THIS IS A BIG ONE I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT!!! most of us know that mac taught charlie that his name is spelled “cat,” BUT the book also provides evidence that charlie actually knows that it isn’t. in charlie’s poem, “hans wermhatt: dream bastard,” the rhyme scheme is consistent and includes the lines “i’m chased like a rat/but i’m not. i’m cat.” given what we know about charlie’s penchant for writing music we know he wouldn’t just fuck up a rhyme like that, and so he wouldn’t have used the word cat if he thought it spelled charlie. more damning, in the accompanying drawing of charlie running from hans wermhatt, charlie has cat ears, so he clearly KNOWS that cat spells cat. so why is he using it as his name anyways? either he wants to appear as stupid as the gang thinks he is, or he’s just using it because mac gave him that name and, after all, CAT <3 MAC 4EVR. charliemac confirmed
  • for all his posturing and “intelligence”, dennis doesn’t know what punctiliousness means and mistakenly used the word diffidence when he meant difference
  • charlie and artemis still talk and seem to be pretty good friends
  • frank mentions a lethal weapon 7 (future episode ???)
  • charlie met john oates once when he was the only one at paddy’s and he got really adorably starstruck by him. when oates says the song title “you make my dreams come true” charlie thinks he’s just talking to him and nearly faints on the spot. charlie’s gay for john oates
  • dennis quite possibly had some gender dysphoria issues as a child– he talks about feeling lesser and feeling like he couldn’t be fabulous because he has a dick
  • one of mac’s top 10 movie quotes is “he’s got a real pretty mouth” from deliverance
  • dennis admits in a roundabout way to thinking that mac is a solid 7 in terms of attractiveness
  • dee will deliberately start acting batshit after sleeping with a guy in an attempt to make him leave quicker
  • charlie was in the cub scouts/boy scouts as a kid
  • dennis once cut off part of his nipple while shaving his chest

i can provide actual screenshots/book excerpts on any of these if people want me to!

At first, heartbreak made me beautiful.
My skin fluoresced. I hypnotized trees.
The orphans followed me around town,
drunk on my pain. I ate only my own
hunger, gave off a scent like bitter oranges
or chlorine. Loss left me strangely whole,
as if my sadness, were it strong enough,
could turn your ship around. That was back
when I aged. Now, like an astronomer
who seeks no first causes, but only to map
the connections pinned out over the sea,
I want to diagram the light that shines out
through the holes you pricked into me.
—  Maureen Thorson, from Applies to Oranges
  • friend (excitedly):what's your favorite Christmas Eve movie?
  • me:Rent
  • friend:haha that's odd why?
  • me:*starts tuning a guitar*
  • friend:wait no
  • me:dECEMBER 24TH 9PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME FROM HERE ON IN I SHOOT WITHOUT A SCRIPT
  • friend:not again