matters

One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won’t let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes, you start to see yourself the same way. As someone who matters. As someone who can make a difference in this world.
If you’re lucky enough to find this person, never let them go.
—  Susane Colasanti, So Much Closer
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The Girls on Casting in Hollywood

This video is a hard one to watch. I think it pretty much outlines why representation is so important as well as our struggles as aspiring actresses in Los Angeles.

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Fat girl can’t do what? Revisited.

For this lovely FatAttack 2015 I’ve decided to revisit this often trolled image along side some more recent shots. It’s funny how so many people think being bigger will limit your abilities to dance or your very ability to be flexible. What isn’t funny is how doing the things I do are often lauded in people who happen to be thin, but declared disgusting and unhealthy when I do them. These are the same people who are so blinded by their fat phobia that they see things like this, but still declare that I’m so fat I can’t walk across a room without getting winded or even wipe my own ass. I can literally lift my leg above my head, but my ass is so far out in orbit I can’t possibly reach it. They read that I had heart issues in the past and declare that it’s atherosclerosis. Too bad that’s not what happened. (It was Dysautonomia, if anyone actually cares. Structurally my heart is perfect and my arteries clear. Imagine that.) They tell me I’m diabetic. Nope, A1C under 5 every time. Blood pressure? 120′s/80′s. If it’s not running low. (thanks again, Dysautonomia). It’s always the same things over and over and over again. They’d love it if I fit into their narrow minded narratives, but I don’t. Yes I’ve lost weight, but since I’m still fat I’m still killing myself and the message I’m attempting to spread is unhealthy. Of course. All this to “encourage health” I’m sure, right?  

What they really mean is ‘Stop being so visible.’

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time for fools like that. They can sit in the dark attempting to make others as miserable as they are, I will still dance. I encourage you to do the same. It doesn’t have to be dance, it be can anything that makes you happy. Shine. Share it with others. Remember that representation matters, and that you have the power to represent. I never in a million years imagined that I might be the one to encourage and inspire others to get out there, love themselves and do the things that make them happy. It’s a point of pride for me, and an immense source of joy as well. Try it. See how good it feels when you not only get out there, but put yourself out there for others to see. There may be haters, but they are so easily drowned out by the love and support of others who want to see you succeed. Your body is just that- you body. Fat is not evil, greedy, ugly, slow, lazy or any other thing it’s become associated with, no matter how many people try to tell you otherwise. Shut them out. Find the joy in loving yourself. Dance in any and every way possible. And don’t forget to fly.