matt walker

10

The Defenders + Text Posts

the foxes as popular text posts #1

neil josten: i hate that my first reaction to stress is always Time To Die™ like ok calm down edgelord.

andrew minyard: they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

kevin day: me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

nicky hemmick: *walks up to straight couple* which one of you is the bee and which one of you is the fully grown adult woman who left her fiance for the bee?

matt boyd: *begins breakdancing gently* what’s wrong, son

dan wilds: listen, I’m a nice person so if I’m a bitch to you, you need to ask yourself why.

renee walker: it’s all fun and games until you remember the person you were from 2007-2010.

allison reynolds: how to kiss a boy: 1. grab his waist, 2. slip your hand in his pocket, 3. steal his wallet, 4. dont even kiss him, 5. just run.

aaron minyard: Why are there 2 A’s in Aaron? Why not 6? What’s stopping us?

david wymack: you gotta put your heart into it! no. no, not literally– not your actual– no. how did you even manage to get that. is it even yours. put that. away.

betsy dobson: [at a session with neil, about andrew] It’s weird to think that people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long.

abby winfield: always practice safe sex!! until you have mastered it. then you are permitted to practice Danger Sex

I cannot stop thinking about @local-astronaut‘s a look into Matt’s phone post and the “we love neil” chat gave me ideas.

  • Renee adds Andrew to the chat
  • Andrew doesn’t ever respond, but doesn’t block them or ask to leave the chat either
  • He just straight up doesn’t acknowledge the chat
  • Everyone in it assumes Andrew is just ignoring them in the chat and carries on, pretty much forgetting he’s even in it
  • At one point they decide to have a competition to see who can get the cutest picture of Neil
  • They give it a week and whoever sends the cutest picture by the end of Thursday gets 10 bucks each from the others
  • Andrew of course doesn’t acknowledge that, just like he doesn’t acknowledge anything else they send him
  • But he watches the pictures coming in even more than usual all week
  • The one of Neil smiling after Matt called him one of his best friends
  • The selfie Dan took of her hugging Neil with their cheeks smushed together
  • The one Allison secretly took from the back of Matt’s truck of Neil staring dreamily at Andrew while he’s sitting on the trunk of his car smoking
  • The one Renee takes of him sitting between Dan and Matt on the couch in the girls’ room, all wrapped in a blanket
  • The one Nicky sends of Neil standing in the kitchen, yawning and stretching, two minutes after getting up
  • The one Dan sends of Matt standing behind Neil, grinning as he slouches with his forearms resting across Neil’s shoulders while Neil scowls at the camera
  • The one Allison takes of Neil looking super confused after she purposely referenced a movie he hasn’t even heard of
  • Late Thursday they’re all arguing over which picture is cutest and asking how they’re supposed to pick a winner and questioning if there was any way they could convince Andrew to judge or if they should all just have to vote for one that isn’t theirs to be cutest and see what wins that way
  • Andrew sends a message to the group chat for the first time ever at 11:59 pm on Thursday
  • It’s a picture of Neil being so cute that it physically pains Andrew and he 500% wants to kill him for daring to make him feel like this
  • Neil’s curled up in the fetal position asleep cradled in one of the bean bag chairs and his hair is sticking out in every fucking direction and his arm’s reaching out so that he’s still holding Andrew’s hand in his sleep and there’s the faintest hint of a smile on his lips
  •  Neil’s curled up facing where his and Andrew’s hand are intertwined, resting on the edge of the beanbag chair, because he definitely fell asleep staring at Andrew so that he wouldn’t miss one extra second of Andrew’s beautiful face
  • With the picture Andrew sends “I win, fuckers.”
  • None of them argue and Andrew doesn’t respond to the group chat again, but they know he’s watching it
  • Neil looks super confused when the next morning at practice Matt, Dan, Renee, Allison, and Nicky each cough up ten bucks to Andrew without even being asked
The Foxes as things my roommates have said
  • Renee: (when asked if she could beat us in a fight) Well I didn't want to brag but I could destroy all of you.
  • Kevin: I have training in the morning but that's for sober me to worry about.
  • Andrew: I only like two things in life: being gay and getting into fights. And I just got done being gay.
  • Aaron: I'm going to the library. If you see me there, please pretend you didn't.
  • Nicky: oh man you're heterosexual? what a shame. what a fucking shame.
  • Dan: My mom was artificially inseminated. I didn't need a man to be born and I don't need one now.
  • Matt: You guys are my friends and I love you but you're fucking idiots.
  • Neil: I'm starting to realize I didn't have a happy childhood. Should I, like, see a therapist or something?
  • Allison: I'd invite you to thanksgiving at my family's summer home in Vermont but I can't let you see me and my family wear matching polo shirts and khakis
  • Bonus from my RA:
  • David: I want you all to consider me a friend! But also remember that I can get you kicked out so don't pull any shit.
  • Abby: No need to call 911. I have some bandaids in my room and also some vodka but don't tell anyone about that.
  • Bee: You can talk to me at any time, day or night. But I know you won't, you emotionally stunted bastards.

i think it’s really funny when ppl write the foxhole court series in real life and neil and jeremy and jean are on twitter and shit and they have fangirls who ship them and stuff. like,, i guarantee you that if tfc was happening right now, zero people on this website would give a shit. no one cares about sports enough to actually ship two sports players together on twitter. we don’t even use the right kind of court in our edits.

The first time the team sees Andrew and Neil kiss is in the airport when Neil is about to leave to go see Uncle Stuart.

  • No one trusts Neil to actually go visit Uncle Stuart
  • So the whole team (including Wymack and Abby) goes to the airport with him to make sure he actually gets on the plane he says he is going to get on this time
  • Even Aaron shows up in time to come along, although he doesn’t say a word to Neil and mostly looks completely uninterested in anything to do with Neil
  • But he does glance to check that Neil is actually headed for the right plane
  • Andrew meant to get Neil alone to say his goodbyes before Neil left, but that did not work out
  • From the moment they woke up to the moment Neil has to leave them at the airport, they do not get a single second alone together
  • They wake up to a big breakfast Nicky made specifically for Neil
  • And by the time they’ve eaten, the upperclassmen are streaming into the room while Neil is still getting ready
  • Their room is so full and the upperclassmen are looking around at the monsters’ dorm room and chattering away at Neil
  • Dan makes Neil promise to call and check in every night
  • Matt insists that if anything goes even remotely wrong or if Neil needs anything, that Neil should call him right away
  • Allison tells him, “Try and come back looking like you weren’t on the wrong end of a meat tenderizer this time.”
  • Renee wishes Neil luck on his trip and says how they’ll all miss him
  • She also keeps an eye on Andrew who is standing back from everyone else

Keep reading

the foxes at the gym

part 2

  • people are always asking about the foxes’ gym routines now that they’ve gotten to be such big contenders in the game
  • nicky takes it upon himself to make a film and upload it to the internet
  • it’s all crack
  • what did you honestly expect
  • he zooms in on kevin on the treadmill at a decent pace, on like setting 7 or 8, and he’s sweating like crazy
  • “i fucking hate running”
  • then the camera jerks to the side where neil is running on the treadmill next to him on the highest setting with his arms pumping insanely fast like
  • ZOOM
  • dan over by the weights doing arm curls and matt standing next to her grinning at the camera
  • “this is my girlfriend. she could kill you. she could kill me. look at those biceps”
  • everyone expects renee to be doing something cutesy and tame but
  • nicky catches her pounding into the punching bag with her fists and elbows and knees like some kind of muay thai artist
  • her teeth are bared and her hair is sticking to her face like she’s ready to murder someone
  • the bag is t h i s close to flying off the chain
  • then she turns around to see nicky and just gives this surprised little “oh!” before smiling at the camera and fluttering her fingers
  • allison on the mats doing clap push-ups while the foxes gather around her and count
  • “33…34…35!”
  • everyone goes crazy and nicky drops the camera
  • andrew and aaron on the bench press taking turns spotting each other
  • every time one of them goes they add a weight
  • it becomes an unspoken contest of who can bench more
    • ((they tie. neither one of them will admit defeat))
  • kevin doing The Thing where he lifts up the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face and every one of the foxes turn to the camera and swoon
  • neil refuses to leave the treadmills so matt slings him over his shoulder and dumps him in the pool
  • during a break andrew reaches into his gym bag and pulls out a cupcake. he shoves the entire thing in his mouth and walks away while staring directly into the camera
  • the whole video is a trip
  • the fans appreciate this more than workout routines

ok but can we talk about this?

· this breaks my heart every time because neil really was thinking he would eventually have to tell andrew he had fallen in love
· and that he was trying to accept the heartbroken because he was the fool who forgot where the lines were
· but then andrew fought for him
· he broke aaron’s promise to keep neil
· and then neil knew he didn’t cross the line alone

you know what I think about a lot? Kevin being a total Big Brother towards Neil.

  • Kevin rustling Neil’s hair after he does something right
  • Kevin heartily smacking Neil’s back with a giant grin on his face after Neil shoots an awesome goal
  • Kevin and Neil shoving each other’s faces lightly on camera with happy smiles after winning yet another game
  • Kevin calling Neil a loser after Neil does something silly/stupid
  • Kevin standing in front of Neil with his arms crossed after some dick tries to get in Neil’s face
  • Kevin throwing the nearest object at Neil after Neil says something offensive to him but purposely missing because he doesn’t want to actually hit him
  • Kevin pulling Neil in for a giant bearhug after Neil has a breakdown (and Andrew isn’t around to comfort him)
  • Neil sending Kevin a stupid meme and Kevin replying with “why are you like this”
  • KEVIN CALLING NEIL “KID”
  • Kevin drunk-texting Neil saying “i kno i yell at u alot but i still lov u”
  • Neil texts back “I know, Kevin.”
  • Neil telling Kevin that he’s going to try something new and Kevin responds with “I know you can do it.”
  • Kevin calling Neil frequently and Neil jabbering about his adventures with Andrew and Kevin smiling while listening to how happy this boy and being so proud of all and how much he’s accomplished
the foxes  as popular text posts #2

neil josten: I hate when I’m in class, working on my personal writing and someone leans over and goes “WHat R U wRITing” like your eulogy if you don’t back the fuck up you soggy lampshade

andrew minyard: you’re yelling? at ME? the one person who has never done anything wrong ever?????

kevin day: I’m so ready to be able to legally drink. only eating all these years has left me very thirsty. I have heard very good things about water

nicky hemmick: Yes mother I have slept for thirteen hours straight but Jesus slept for three days straight and started a religion so I don’t wanna hear it.

matt boyd: got yelled at by my mom cos i kept pronouncing "Dwanye" The Rock Johnson the same way one pronounces “Kanye” West

dan wilds: “if feminists want equality does this mean we can punch women now?” go ahead chicken shit punch me in the fucking face. i will shove your entire upper body into your own ass and make you fuck yourself from the inside out

renee walker: do you ever want to gently float up to someone and whisper “this isn’t a debate; i am actually educated on the subject and i’m telling you you’re wrong”

allison reynolds: anonymously tell me your credit card number ill reply with what I bought

aaron minyard: i watched my brother drop a remote on his foot and the only thing he said was “i am so sick of being alive”

david wymack: I used too much No More Tears shampoo in 1973 and haven’t felt a single emotion since then

betsy dobson: [to andrew] *therapist voice* you are stupid and gay

abby winfield: fun drinking game: take a shot of water every couple hours to make sure you’re healthy and hydrated

+ BONUS

jean moreau: once in the fifth grade this kid called me a homo and i thought it meant homeless and i was so confused i said ‘jeremy you’ve been to my house’

jeremy knox: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that one time i didn’t understand that my waiter was just trying to give me my change so i fist bumped him instead 

sara alvarez: if the phantom of the opera has taught me anything it’s that if all else fails you set the place on fire and cry

laila dermott: I’m in love with this girl. She’s gorgeous, smart, talented, funny as hell, and totally badass. That girl is me.

erik klose: white lips, pale face, im gay, outer space

riko moriyama: back by unpopular demand: me