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Um. Okay, the longer you stare at this picture, the more things jump out.

  • Andre, wedged firmly between his two dads, is now trying to cuddle Nicky, who seems amused by it.
  • A small child is side-eyeing the hell out of Ovi.
  • Braden Holtby somehow looks fucking flawless in goofy reindeer antlers.
  • Taylor Chorney looks… less flawless and like an amorous reindeer giving Evgeny Kuznetsov the eye, and Kuzya doesn’t know how to feel about it.
  • Tom Wilson, the biggest kid of them all.
Caps True Nicknames

You’ve heard of nicknames like “Ovi,” “Nicky,” “Kuzy,” “Beags,” and “Burracuda,” but get ready for the true nicknames of the caps players:

  • Karl “Iron Man” Alzner
  • Nicklas “MVP” Backstrom
  • Jay “Lord and Savior” Beagle
  • Andre “Needs Adult Supervision” Burakovsky
  • John “Beanie” Carlson
  • Taylor “Rhinoceros Horn” Chorney
  • Brett “Steel Jaw” Connolly
  • Lars “Good Genes” Eller
  • Philipp “Pure Soul” Grubauer
  • Braden “Sock Enthusiast” Holtby
  • Marcus “Silent but Deadly” Johansson
  • Evgeny “Wizard Boy” Kuznetsov
  • Matt “Murder Face” Niskanen
  • Dmitry “Hip Check” Orlov
  • Brooks “Grandpa” Orpik
  • TJ “Baby Face” Oshie
  • Alex “hahaha )))))” Ovechkin
  • Zach “Nipple Piercing?” Sanford
  • Nate “Sunshine” Schmidt
  • Jakub “Favorite Son” Vrana
  • Justin “Ridiculously Good Looking” Williams
  • Tom “Sin Bin” Wilson
  • Daniel “Lord of the Beard” Winnik
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I like to save the feature bits (usually all the derpy player survey stuff) from Breakaway, the monthly game playbook the Caps give out at Verizon. Here’s December 2016, and January/February/March 2017 (I uh sorta forgot I was doing these). Click to embiggen. Notable:

  • Ovi and Nicky both list Gladiator as their favorite movie. They are clearly soulmates.
  • Everyone except Holtby said their role model growing up was their mom, their dad, or both. Not Holtby. Holtby picked… Patrick Roy. This explains so much.
  • Karl Alzner’s favorite sports team is the Washington Nationals because he has excellent taste and is an excellent person all around.
  • Not gonna lie, as much as I’ve gotten fond of him, it still gives me a pang to see Brooks Orpik take sole possession of the Brooksie nickname.
  • Still not over Tom and Andre’s favorite television shows being “One Tree Hill” and “The O.C.” respectively.
  • Lastly, it took them three months to correct but Taylor “Chroney” Chorney finally got his name spelled correctly. Drinks all around!

Previous Breakaways

alright a bunch of people wanted it, so here’s the family tree i made awhile back

brooks orpik is everyone’s grandpa, beags & carly & alzy & nisky are brothers to nicky, holts & oshbabe are brothers to ovi (basically they’re all brothers). Mojo is nicky’s child but also brother to andre, orly and kuzy are ovi’s kids, and the rest of them belong to both nicky and ovi. also beagle is andre’s step-dad

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#CapsCasinoNight winners paint the town Red on Segways with Nate Schmidt, Braden Holtby and Matt Niskanen.

Washington Capitals Nicknames Masterlist

Karl Alzner: Alzy

Nicklas Backstrom: Backie; Papa; Nicky

Jay Beagle: Beags; Beagler

Andre Burakovsky: Burkie; Burracuda; Burt

John Carlson: Jumbo; Carly 

Jason Chimera: Chimmer; Ice Cheetah; Chimdawg

Taylor Chorney: Chorns 

Stanislav Galiev: Gally

Philipp Grubauer: Grubi

Braden Holtby: Holtbeast; Beast; Holts 

Marcus Johansson: Mojo; Jojo

Evgeny Kuznetsov: Kuzy; Kuzya; Kuz 

Brooks Laich: Brooksie

Michael Latta: Lats; Steam; Steamboat 

Matt Niskanen: Nisky; Niskannon; Tuna

Dmitry Orlov: Orly; Snarls; Scoarlov 

Brooks Orpik: Batya; Orpie; Brooksie; B&O Railways; Warrior

T.J. Oshie: Osh; Broshie; Yoshi

Alex Ovechkin: Ovie; Destroyer; the Great Eight

Nate Schmidt: Schmidty; White Lightning; Jeff Daniels; Lloyd Christmas 

Justin Williams: Willy; Stick; J-Will 

Tom Wilson: Willy; Whip; Tommy

*Please add any I missed!!*

Ovi has his arm around Nolan Trotz.. Lars Eller’s kid has an amazing glare. The red hair gene runs strong in the Kuznetsov and Backstrom genetics. Also, Tom Wilson needs a hug.

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Jimmy Fallon NHL Playoff Superlatives

Youtube HERE