Send one of these to my character || Portal Edition
We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one.
Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur.
Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test. First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit.
Please do not attempt to remove testing apparatus from the testing area.
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.
Do not touch the operational end of The Device.
Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device.
Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially.
Well done! Remember:The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.
Warning devices are required on all mobile equipment. However, alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the high energy pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety.
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an ‘unsatisfactory’ mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!
No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response.
Quit now and cake will be served immediately.
Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism.
For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.
If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out.
An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.
When the testing is over, you will be missed.
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It’s true!
Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids.
The experiment is nearing its conclusion.
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence.
What are you doing? Stop it! I… I… We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.
We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success.
Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party.
Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye’ and you were like [no way] and then I was all ‘we pretended we were going to murder you’? That was great!
Someday we’ll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back.
This is your fault. It didn’t have to be like this.
I’m not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you.
I’m going to kill you, and all the cake is gone.
Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart.
You’re not smart. You’re not a scientist. You’re not a doctor. You’re not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?