master commander

2

Fanart: @ducere

Fic: Shadow Boxer

Astonishing things that are happening so far in Master and Commander:

I don’t know what I was expecting, given that the entire world plus the back of my copy sincerely calls this the “Aubrey-Maturin novels,” which we all know is just because they hadn’t thought to use a /, but still I was not prepared for this book to literally open with a meet cute. Specifically, a meet cute wherein our solid sea-honed ~presence~ of a British Royal Navy Officer is so overcome by the beauty of the music recital he’s attending that he cannot help banging his fist upon his knee to the melody, and is promptly and devastatingly shushed by this intense little slip of an Irish physician, upon which Jack Aubrey’s response to being sassed by Stephen Maturin is to have even more feelings than he was already having about the music, and then less than 24 hours later run up to him in the street, effuse how very sorry he is, and invite him to become his best friend. And THEN it comes out that this delicate doctor is actually wasting away on account of the patient he’d come to Menorca to treat having died without paying him, and is now sleeping in the fucking abandoned ruins of a chapel up on a hill and calling all his animal roommates by their Latinate names and hasn’t really eaten in god knows when, and Jack is like OMG NO, OMG NO COME LIVE ON MY NEW SLOOP WITH ME AND I’LL FEED YOU ALL THE TIME, and Stephen’s like Could I Possibly? and Jack’s like YES!!, and then rushes around getting his snug little boat ready while daydreaming about when he can get Stephen aboard and at last have someone with whom he can share his thoughts and joys and feelings about beautiful music. And then in Classic™ Plot™ Jack sends a messenger to tell Stephen that he’s going to miss their next meal because he’s taking his ship out for a test sail before they embark, but Stephen DOESN’T GET THE MESSAGE and comes down to the docks with his wee bag to see Jack’s ship sailing away and thinks, I paraphrase but only barely: “this is what I get for thinking I might at last have something nice, I cannot believe I allowed myself to lower my defenses so completely because now I am Heartbroken,” and palely glares the fuck out of the poor kid who finally rushes up to give him the message that Jack’ll be back to fetch him in a couple hours.

Other things that have happened include three four separate mentions of, to use the parlance, sodomy, including the Confirmed Gay aboard having already developed a crush on golden-haired Commander Aubrey. Meanwhile our absolutely hapless Dr. Maturin is belowdecks cracking his head into a low beam so hard he sees stars and then valiantly pretending he’s not dazed when Jack bounds down to happily offer him eggs and bacon and coffee.

And then the other 30% of this is long streams of sailing words that I do not know yet. I AM HAVING THE BEST TIME.

5

Annie Leibovitz’s 2005 Star Wars Vanity Fair Cover

From left: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, master and commander George Lucas, Natalie Portman, Yoda, Darth Vader, R2-D2, Anthony Daniels as C-3P0, Samuel L. Jackson, Jar Jar Binks, Jimmy Smits, Christopher Lee, Liam Neeson, Pernilla August, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, General Grievous, Billy Dee Williams, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca, and Mark Hamill.