Zelim da zivim..zelim da mi je svaki dan  drugaciji,i nije bitno dal patim ili sam srecna .samo zelim da prodje montonija. Zelim da ono o cemu pisem ima smisla. Da je drugacije od.predhnog dana

 Da je svaki dan druga sreca ili tuga. Da prestanem da razmisljam o ljudima koji su davno otisli i koji se.vise nece vratiti. I da prestanem da ih vracam u mislima jer to uzasno boli. Zelim da napisem pricu koja ima smisla i koja je istnita. Da su tu moja prava  osecanja,a ne iz maste. Zelim da ovaj zivot ima smisla.

okay but disabled boys are so beautiful and strong.

disabled boys are so amazing and are just as important as able-bodied men, they are perfect, please give disabled boys love, they need so much more than they get.

To a sailor, honest or not, the sea was always a threat. Even on the kindest days, she could be deceptive. Still waters and clear skies never lasted long, hiding storms behind the horizon.

It was Yurio who first spotted the flash of color in the water, sounding the alarm. Scales of red and gold hiding amongst the glittering blue of the sea under a bright summer sun. Glimpses of a tail flirting out from the wash of the waves, never permitting a solid look.

“How many are there?”

“I can’t tell.”

“Is it a school?”

“I think it’s only one.”

“They’re not like sirens, they aren’t solitary.”

“Look, there, see!”

“It’s circling us…”

“Well that’s freaking great. Exactly what we need. What kind is it?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen one with a tail like that before. Usually mermaids–”

Chris had to seize onto the powder monkey to prevent him from plunging into the water, nearly knocked overboard by the expanse of Yuuri’s wings. The siren had sprung off his perch on the crow’s nest with a sharp cry, diving straight into the water below.

In the split moment before he hit the surface, it broke from beneath with the vibrant flash of gold on scarlet fins. The mermaid leapt into the air, colliding with the siren. Webbed hands grasped onto Yuuri’s feathers, dragging him down into the sea.

Neither reappeared. The surface settled.


“Yuuri– it grabbed him, he’s gone!”

“I don’t see them!”

Victor came running. He threw off the sash tying his pistols to his hip, ready to leap in after his siren.

The ocean erupted. Droplets of water burst up into the air like diamonds, propelled over the ship with the force of Yuuri’s wings. The siren shot up into the sky, twirling as he flew. His arms were wrapped around the mermaid, waist encircled by its tail. 

Yuuri’s forehead was tipped against the mermaid’s, smile split across his face. The sound of combined laughter filled the air, wondrous and uplifting in its power.

Yuuri peaked above the tops of the masts, stilling in his ascent. The two fell back into the water. Yuuri’s wings pushed them across the surface as they rolled in the waves, splashing with abandon. Their chatter barely reached the ship, excited, like that of two friends reunited.

The men on board stared, watching the siren kick up water with his wings, splashing at the mermaid. Who proceeded to grab his shoulders, shoving Yuuri down under the water without any sense of fear. He cackled openly when Yuuri emerged, spitting out sea water with a playful scowl.

“….Your bird’s friends with a freaking mermaid?!” Yurio  demanded, spinning to glare at Victor.

“I had no idea,” Victor answered, pouting a bit as he watched Yuuri’s lips move rapidly, able to see it even at a distance but unable to hear the siren’s hushed words.

“How delightful life on board this ship has become,” Chris remarked, leaning forward to try to glimpse more of the mermaid. “He’s quite cute, do you think the tales of them growing legs on land are true?”

“We’re all gonna die,” Yurio muttered. “Drowned by mermaids, eaten by sirens…”

From out on the water, the mermaid shouted out something in shocked delight. His brilliantly colored tail slashed through the waves as he tugged Yuuri back to the ship by the hand, waving enthuastically at Victor. “Hiiiiiiiiii!!!”

Victor blinked, slowly waving back. From down below, Yuuri blushed. The mermaid beside him grinned, sharp white teeth contrasting his dark skin.

“Yep, all dead,” Yurio quipped while Chris and Victor shouted down a greeting.

Yuuri ripped through the masts of four ships and sunk the lead before anyone could even process what was happening. He heard the shouts below as he tore through the fleet, unable in those moments to feel the ache in his own wings and lungs, in the bloodied claws which had sprouted from his hands.

When eyes and guns turned on him, Yuuri positioned himself at the center of the crippled fleet and screeched at them to forget him. They did.

Yuuri flew past them, biting on fabric shredded off his own clothes against the agony of the strain spasming through his spine and wings.

He choked back cries of happiness when he finally saw Victor’s ship, just off a port. Yuuri crashed into a sail, unable to stop himself, falling hard onto the deck below. Pain shot through his shoulder, his hip, but he scrambled up, hastening across on elbows and knees until he found the power to push himself onto his feet.

“Yuuri, wait, don’t–”

Yuuri did not hear the rest of the words shouted after him, bolting for Victor’s cabin. He found his captain, laid in their bed, with blankets folded neatly over his waist. As still as death.

Yuuri’s wings swept paintings off the walls, knocked maps onto the floor, overturned an entire table. He collapsed at the edge of the bed, groping for the satchel his mother had tied around his waist, and dumped the contents onto the mattress at Victor’s side.

He tore off Victor’s bandages, whimpering at the angry red still concentrated around his gunshot wound. Yuuri smeared the gold of the honey across it, layering it thick even as he kept his touch light.

From the nearby stand, Yuuri grabbed the first drink he saw and poured the medicine powder into it, letting it mix with the liquid.  He grasped for Victor’s hand, for his wrist, searching. “Please… please, please, live…” A pulse beat under Yuuri’s fingers.

The relief which escaped his lips in a whimper was feeble. Yuuri climbed onto the bed, behind Victor, holding his captain’s feverish body against him. He pushed Victor up to sit and tilted his head back against his shoulder. Careful, Yuuri tipped the drink to his lips, gently prying Victor’s mouth open. It trickled in.

Victor choked, sputtering, but Yuuri held him steady, arm wound low around his waist. Silver lashes fluttered.


“Shhh, just drink. Please.”

Victor drank. Bit by bit, until it emptied. And Victor slumped back against Yuuri. “My… my lovebird came back for me…”

“Be quiet and rest.”

“Mmmm, I will… I’d like a welcome home kiss first…” Victor’s head lolled on Yuuri’s shoulder, tucked into the crook of the siren’s neck.

Yuuri wrapped his wings around them both, kissing Victor’s temple. It was hot against his lips.

The entire time that Victor dozed, Yuuri kept him cradled close, a hand covering Victor’s. Sensitive to the weakness of his pulse, he counted the time that ticked, long, between each beat.  

When I was 10, my heart rate reached 200, but I was told the monitor must not be working.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.

When I was 11, I was told my joint pain was just growing pains.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with Ehlers danlos syndrome.

When I was 12, I was called lazy.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome.

Keep fighting my loves. Don’t give up.