So more with my favorite Turian. We’ll call this: Part 2. Again, this is in no particular order—just how I remembered them. And again, this is not all of Garrus’ dialogue, just my favorites. In fact, I know I’m missing or forgetting so much! You all know the third one is going to kill me, right?
Archangel: *removes helmet* Shepard … I thought you were dead.
Shepard: How’d you manage to piss off every major merc organization in the Terminus System?
Garrus: It wasn’t easy. I really had to work at it.
Garrus: If you were turian, I’d be complimenting your waist or your fringe. So your … um … hair … looks good. And your waist is very … supportive. Hopefully that’s not offensive in human culture—crap … I knew I should have watched the vids.
Shepard: What if we skipped right to the tie-breaker? We could test your reach and my flexibility.
Garrus: Oh! I didn’t … hmm. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars. Well … why the hell not? There’s nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you. If we can figure out a way to make it work … then … yeah, definitely.
Shepard: Since when did you start calling yourself Archangel?
Garrus: It’s just a name the locals gave me for … all my good deeds. Ha … I don’t mind it, but please … it’s ah … just ‘Garrus’ to you.
Garrus: Are we crazy to even be thinking about this? I’m not—look, Shepard, I know you can find something a little closer to home.
Shepard: I don’t want something closer to home. I want you. I want someone I can trust.
Garrus: I … can do that.
Garrus: If I wanted to do more than take your shields down, I’d have done it.
Shepard: You know, Garrus, if you’re not comfortable with this, it’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you.
Garrus: Shepard … you’re about the only friend I’ve got left in this screwed up galaxy. I’m not gonna pretend I’ve got a fetish for humans, but this isn’t about that. This is about us. You don’t ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous … yes. But never uncomfortable.
Garrus: A quarantine zone for a plague that kills turians. Why don’t we go anywhere nice?
Shepard: It’s safer to stick with a squad that’s immune to the plague.
Garrus: It’s your call, Shepard. If you need me, I’m not going to let a cough keep me back.
Garrus: Is it hot in here, or is it just— *begins coughing*. Oh … that’s not good.
Garrus: You ever miss those talks we used to have on the elevator?
Garrus: Come on … remember how we’d all ask you about life on the Flotilla? It was an opportunity to share.
Tali: This conversation is over.
Garrus: Tell me again about your immune system.
Tali: I have a shotgun.
Garrus: Mmmaybe we’ll talk later.
Shepard: So when should I book the room?
Garrus: I’d wait if you’re okay with it. Disrupt the crew a little as possible. Take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me, always like to savor that last shot before popping the heatsink.
Garrus: Wait … that metaphor just went somewhere horrible.
Shepard: I’ll let you get back to work.
Garrus: Riiight … cause I’m in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now.
Niftu Cal: Bah! I will wreak a revenge upon his people! But first … the leader of these mercenaries is in the next room! I shall toss Wasea about like a rag doll!
Garrus: Shepard … this guy couldn’t tie his bootlaces, much less fight.
Niftu Cal: I will tear her apart! My biotic are unstoppable!
Shepard: Wasea will tear you apart. Take a nap—you’ll feel better.
Niftu Cal: Are you mad? I’m unstoppable! Feasting on her biotic-rich blood—
Shepard: *knocks him over*
Niftu Cal: *getting up slowly* But … great wind. Biotic God. I’m … I … what was I saying? I’m … tired. You may be right. Yes … I’m tired. I’ll nap. Destroy the universe later …
Garrus: *watches Niftu stumble away* So much for Godhood.
Garrus: Part of me still thinks we’re crazy for even considering blowing off steam. But I want to try it with you. I want a few moments that are just for us, before we throw ourselves into hell for the good of the galaxy.
Shepard: I want that too, Garrus.
Garrus: Glad to hear it. I’ll do some … uh … research. And figure out how to … you know.
Shepard: *raises brow*
Garrus: Okay, that sounded bad.
Shepard: I couldn’t do this without you, Garrus.
Garrus: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.
Shepard: Have you got a minute?
Garrus: Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.
Mordin: Repurposed Krogan hospital. Sturdy. Built to withstand punishment.
Garrus: That’s unfortunate. Hospitals aren’t fun to fight through.
Shepard: What is fun to fight through?
Garrus: Gardens. Electronic shops. Antique stores … but only if they’re classy.
Shepard: My name is Shepard and I’m here to get you off this ship.
Jack: I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re Cerberus.
Shepard: I’m offering to be your friend. You don’t want to be my enemy.
Garrus: They have a way of dying.
Garrus: Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?
Shepard: Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one will even notice.
Garrus: Ha—ah … don’t make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of these women are krogan.
Harkin: I don’t give out client information. It’s bad for business.Tali:
Garrus: You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck.
My brain agrees with you. My gut says I should jack his suits olfactory filters so that everything smells like refuse! Zaeed:
A rifle butt to the head would be faster. Garrus:
Remind me never to get on your bad side.
Bailey: … Selling illegal VI personalities. Actually, he was selling one of you.
Bailey: Yeah. When you erased a file it would say, ‘I delete data like you on the way to real errors.’
Garrus: That’s pretty extreme, Commander.
Shepard: Laugh it up, Garrus.
Garrus: It’s easy to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don’t know what to do with grey.
Garrus: I’ll find some music and do some research It will either be a night to treasure … or a horrible interspecies awkwardness thing. In which case, fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction. Sooo … you know, win either way.
Garrus: I’ve never considered cross-species intercourse. And damn … saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel dirty … and clinical.