I think about losing you and I can’t stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers will come around again. But you and I, we are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us. Shepard, you make me feel…human.
Shenko. 3.6k. Transcript of Kaidan’s audio logs after the Destroy ending. Paragon Shepard can be read as any gender. Written for Kaidan Appreciation Week 2016, Day 4: Loss. (And Day 5: Romance)
This is long as heck and full of feelings.
Normandy Data Backup: Audio
Log Entries >Major
Shepard. I’m supposed to make this sound as much like a real message
as possible. Dr. Chakwas thinks it’ll help, I guess. Feels kinda
strange, just sitting here talking to myself. It’s not like you can
hear me. I wish you could.
supposed to tell you– tell my omnitool all the things I wanted to
say to you, before… before… yeah, right, like hell. I’m not doing
For Day 4 of Kaidan Appreciation Week I’m looking at how Kaidan deals with loss, and I thought I’d explore Kaidan from my fic Lights in the Sky. I know this isn’t Shenko, which is what a lot of people expect for Kaidan week, but hopefully you’ll enjoy this glimpse into my bravest and strongest Kaidan. (Art by Leo-fina)
By now he should have been used to the lonely ache in his
He should have been used to the heavy weight on his
shoulders and the constant burning fear that hung behind his eyes.
The word hung large in the back of his mind in neon lights,
surrounded by everything he’d lost and all the people who he’d had to leave
Jenkins, Ashley, his father, Shepard, the Horizon colonists,
and now … her.
Some nights, as he lay awake trying not to think of the woman
he missed more than any other, he wondered if he was cursed. Destined to always
lose the people he loved, to spend his days alone wondering what he could have
done different to keep them safe. There was an endless march of figures inside
of his head, of the people who had touched his life only to be torn away.
Leaving him alone.
Rahna had been first woman he’d ever loved and she still
held a place in his heart. He’d fallen in love with her beauty, her softness,
and with the idealistic way she’d looked at the world. She was so delicate and
gentle, a stark contrast to BAaT and all the pain and hurt they suffered. When
he’d jumped to her defence and killed Vyrnnus he’d also killed a part of
himself. He hadn’t meant to take that life, and he hadn’t meant to hurt Rahna,
but he had.
Hurting her, losing
her, had cost him his innocence.
But he soldiered on.
Years later he’d met Shepard and he’d fallen hard for the second
time in her life. Their romance had been fast, passionate, born of blood and
battle. He’d fallen for the fire in her eyes, for her fierce battle cry, and for
the sting of her biotics against his. They talked of love, of marriage, and planned
a future together before they’d even explored the present.