Earning less than your spouse makes you more likely to have an affair

The new study on the economics of sexual infidelity also shows this effect is strongest in financially dependent husbands. The author, Christin Munsch, a sociologist at the University of Connecticut, calls this the “masculine overcompensation thesis.” “…Simply put, threats to masculinity incur more of a loss of status than do threats to femininity.”

PHOTO: Fotolia

My Personal Gender Issues

I’m hispanic and filipino. I have broader shoulders and wider hips.  I gave birth, so my hips and my ribcage are wider now. I have a large nose and a longer face. My hair is thin. In humid areas, it’ll curl, and it not-so-humid areas, it’ll fall limply. I have wide feet and large thighs. 

Ever since I was really small, I was made fun of for looking like a man. “How do you hide your Adam’s apple, Larissa?” “Do you always wear dresses because you’re trying to look like a girl?” I was called, “Larry,” and “Gu-Dyke-O” (my last name is Gudino). So, yeah, I did always wear dresses. I wore earrings. I wore make up and I obsessed over having a tiny waist so that I would look more hour-glassy. I used to wear heels all the time (so glad I don’t do that anymore). I wanted to look like a “girl” looks. I wanted to look more feminine. 

When I got older and I realized that all of these things are just social constructs, I looked for role models with similar bodies/stronger noses/of the same ethnic origin. 

I wish words like “masculine” and “feminine” could be redefined because I have less “feminine” shoulders than other girls. I’ve always wanted to be frail and tiny and to look like I could just be picked up, and not like I could fight someone (though, I admit, I kind of like that). I’m trying to be proud of what I look like, and it’s so fucking hard. 

But the real problems are the expectations for women to look feminine and the expectations for men to look masculine, and these archaic definitions of words that were set by old christian straight white men. 

I feel like so many people on Tumblr are so body positive and gender proud. They know exactly where they lie, and even if they still have issues, they’re so sure of themselves. I feel like a woman, but I just don’t feel like I look like a woman. It’s making me manic and crazy. It’s making me not want to eat and want to constantly exercise which is making me feel more manic. I want to be able to say, “I am woman. This is what I look like. So women look like this.” But it’s really fucking hard.

Transphobia is difficult to pin because gender binaries are so relentless and ingrained and unnoticed.
The idea that men have penisis and women have vaginas, even without including transgender people, is inherently wrong. And yet those who do not fit the gender binary are ridiculed for being that way.
To a cisgendered man, to be accused in jest of not having a penis thus making him “unmanly” or a woman is damaging to his ego. His masculinity. The social constructs that have been built around him.
To a transgender man overhearing this jest, his whole being is non existent in the eyes of the perpetrator. He is nothing. A pretender. A woman.
To a cisgendered woman, wearing “men’s” clothing to a formal event may be empowering, attractive and comfortable. Until she says “lol I’m a man now, when do I have the sex change?” And it becomes funny, silly, a joke.
To a transgender man this is disheartening, distressing, embarrassing. The likes on that photo say “women dressing up as men is a joke”, “women can’t be men, not really”, “transgender people don’t exist, or at least they haven’t hit my radar”.
The lack of thought is surely the perpetrator of these intolerances. And is the person really to blame? Well yes. But it is also the blame of our culture. Our education systems, our media. Our single sex schools, our gender segregated toy stores, our picture perfect wedding of bride and groom in dress and suit.
Transphobia is real. And it slips by so easily. Don’t let it catch you please. Simply take a moment to think.

Note: I’ve only spoken about transphobia towards men because I am a trans guy and I don’t feel it would be right for me to say things from a trans woman’s point of view. These points I’ve raised are my personal experiences. Please feel free to add to this though if you feel you can.

filthyhetero2 asked:

Pure tops are rare and frankly I'm glad. Total bottoms I can live with but strict tops often come with mental bullshit like "don't touch my ass bro that is gay". I do like a dominant aggressive guy to spit on me but it's always just role playing. It's too early for me to be thinking of this lol

dude that is 100% how i think i love dominant tops but that is just like game you’re playing with someone, at the end of the day i don’t wanna be dating a basket case with masculinity issues im publishing this so show everyone what a whore u are and also to raise awareness about this issue tbh

The best thing about Mad Max hysteria is that our efforts to make this become a meme may not have gone entirely to waste…

i think i like sam more than dean (even though he is universally agreed to be less hot) because dean’s issues manifest themselves through anger/rage/lashing out/punching things because he is very repressed and masculine whereas sam’s issues manifest themselves through him drinking demon blood and screaming in a sad way not a mean way and becoming emotionally attached to every woman who speaks to him regularly and crying a lot. also he has nicer hair


Issues Project, 2015

For this project, I was looking into Embroidery and femininity and how the two have been directly interrelated over the years ( I was reading The Subversive stich -Embroidery and the making of the feminine by Rozsika Parker).

Also, I looked into different male contemporary embroiders, that break the stereotype of only women doing embroidery throughout the years. I started of by making samples with fabric and vinyl stickers, experimenting with the male figure and words around embroidery and men.

For my final piece, I chose a photograph that I took a few years ago, of a girl playing football, and made it into a cross stitch (on a piece of found fabric with floral pattern). Football, has been always associated to men, and masculinity, and even today, seeing a girl playing football seems a bit strange to some people. The softness of the embroidery and the cross stitch, as well as the mainly pastel colours I used, almost contrast with the strong, pose of the girl, who is playing a “male” sport.

Actual mens rights issues:
-Masculinity demand
-uneven chances in custody battle
- zero recognition for prostate cancer awarness/ other mens health issues
- murder/ incarceration rate of African American men
- zero recognition for male victims of abuse sexual or phisical

What meninists/ MRA focus on:
- holding open the door
-paying for dinner

I love girlfriends but I have issues with how it deals with issues of masculinity ut I know in ways its portrayed correctly but I’m over it

Why I Fell in Love with my Husband

The other day my husband and I were having an argument, and in the heat of it all, he asked why I married him.  He was really angry, and whatever I was saying or communicating what making him not feel good enough. Isnt that why he would ask?

I have so many reasons why I fell in love with him and why I decided to marry him.  First of all, he has the biggest and sweetest heart of any man I know.  I fell in love with him for this reason.  Many men that I have met in my life seem to have their hearts closed off. I am not sure if it is due to masculinity issues, the ego or fear of being hurt.  My husband was a tough nut to crack actually. He was very stoic in the beginning, and I even remember asking him if he was every going to be “mushy” with me…. I could see the glimmer of a man with a big heart, but he was someone who couldn’t quite communicate or express it at that time.  

Through getting to know him, I came to know all the difficulties and struggles he had in life that he was able to overcome.  I also came to realize the struggles and challenges that he still faced. His life conflicts molded him into the man he is today.  A wiser man than he was yesterday, or the day before, and the day before…

I fell in love with him when I learned that he loved listening to reggae.  Reggae music has been my love since I was a little girl.  When the reggae vibe is in the air, my heart chakhra opens up and I feel A-okay.  I realized that Todd felt the exact same way. It was like we both had an inner rasta and our inner rastas connected and fell in love.

My husband is super nurturing. Although he can come across as bossy and somewhat neurotic about our diets, he cares very much about what I eat and that I am eating healthy foods that are organic, and nothing but the best.  He makes me smoothies in the morning, and great cafe lattes.  I feel cared for by this man of mine. 

My husband has had many careers: landscaper, plumber, massage therapist.  I like that he has dabbled in a few professions here and there.  He has a green thumb and its always great to have a handy man in the house.  Its something that I find very attractive and masculine.

Given that he is a Registered Massage Therapist, he has a vibe about him that is very relaxing to me.  Almost too relaxing at times… I have a busy profession, so I feel that he is good for me because he slows me down and really gets me into the present moment.

My husband is so supportive of my career, my desires in life (spending $5,000 on Yoga Teacher Training), where I spend money (like clothes and shoes), family time with my mom and sister, and working out and my meditation practice.

He loves his mother with all his heart and has the greatest respect and appreciation for her. Unfortunately his mother is in the process of leaving this world, and transitioning into the next stage of this existence of ours.  His mom is for the most part completely immobile and unable to communicate. When he goes to visit her, he takes her to the park, takes her out for coffee and cake, and even takes her to the spa for manicures and pedicures.

Family is number one for him, and it is also for me too.  We have similar core values.

He is very deep, and spiritual too. Although we have different philosophical beliefs on religion and spirituality, we can understand each other.

My husband is a wellness and healthy nut! He knows just about everything about any kind of non-traditional healing modality like homeopathics, acupuncture, chiropractic, naturopathy,etc.  I feel like he has tried just about every supplement, homeopathic medicine and vitamin gauging my our kitchen cabinets.  He knows how to take good care of himself, and me too!

I have seen him rock a baby to sleep.  Although when we first met, he was very open about the fact that he didnt want kids (because of a very hard experience he went through), he is wonderful with children and even his  own son.  One day, one of the babies in our family was crying, and he picked her up, took her outside because we were in a restaurant, and rocked her to sleep. Like I mentioned, he has a very soothing nature about him.  Babies can feel it too.

Oh yes, he is also a wonderful friend. He has many relationships with women.  I think guys should all have good girl friends too!  He is also not jealous of me with other men.  I have had jealous boyfriends in the past, and it can be very annoying.  My husband fully supports me with having good male friends, and this shows me that he is very secure about himself.

My husband has a lot of gay friends and clients.  It surprises me how many men are out there that do not feel comfortable around gay people, or having gay friends. I really like this quality about my husband because I feel that he is really secure about his sexuality, and that he can be friends with everyone.

My husband is friendly to everyone.  He talks to all the homeless people in our neighbourhood, and often gives them money and food.

He is always willing to lend a helping hand.  Once he took a full day out of his weekend while we were up at a friends cabin over the long weekend to help fix an ATV that a friend broke accidentally. It saved our friend a lot of money. He was so selfless to give his time and energy when he really didnt have to.

He is always trying to save food for the birds. Whenever we have old breads, he leaves it out to dry with the intention of feeding the birds at the park. I dont know another man that does this. 

I can go on and on with a list of the reasons I married him. 

My husband and I have our arguments, spats, disagreements… sometimes we yell at each other, sometimes we raise our voices, sometime we tell each other to shut up. Sometimes we just drive each other absolutely crazy.  I know that sounds awful, but its the God honest truth.  

I love my husband with all my heart, and I have been in love with him since the first day we met. It was love at first sight.  I fell in love with him so quickly too.  He is my best friend, and I feel so blessed every day, and every moment to have him in my life as my husband, my love, my true friend.

“Well, it’s a nice attempt at addressing issues of masculinity, despite the limitations of being a film from the 1950s, when you couldn’t talk about sexuality… a lot of things detract from it. Vincente Minnelli was probably the wrong choice of director, because his frame is so big and wide that we don’t get many close-ups or even medium shots so that we can read emotions better. It’s in color, and the colors distract from the drama. It’s far too melodramatic to take seriously at times. It’s too bad, because the performances–especially Deborah Kerr’s–are quite good. There’s also a framing device that’s just bullshit to mollify the censors. It’s an admirable try, but it never quite makes it.“

Tea and Sympathy (1956; directed by Vincente Minnelli)

Original review: 31 August 2005


Hey guys, need advice.
I want to get bangs cut and keep my hair long (withough bangs my hair gets in my face and messes with my sensory issues) but I also want to have a haircut I can style for masculine presenting days. Any suggestions? I’m at a point where getting a haircut that will add to the “young lady”/miss comments is just kind of depressing, but I’m having trouble functioning at all outside where the wind blows my hair in my face.

ok i’m trying to work it out but like, men do suffer from misogyny?

like, this fear and hatred of women leads directly to the toxic masculinity that permeates our culture? And that toxic masculinity leads to a hatred of, most obviously, gay men but less obviously men who are perceived as weaker. men who are perceived as weak are perceive so because weakness is associated with women and women are bad.

the attempt to purge men from ‘feminine’ traits like caring, domestic senses, fashion, sensitivity, etc. are acts of violence in and of themselves, but they also pave the road for future violence against men. this purge creates hollow adults who cannot function in wholesome ways. they are forced to stifle their gentler emotions. they become angry and unfocused and seek out targets to vent their frustration and pent up internal disgust (which is another huge part the sheer disgust some men have within themselves as well as at outside stimuli of perceived weakness)

and these targets are almost always women or gay men or their sons

little boys are, like any small children, extremely susceptible to outside persuasion and all children are incredibly intuitive. they are able to pick up and internalize the unspoken emotions of the adults they spend time with and are able to gauge from very early ages reactions, emotions, and desired results by examining facial expressions. when these little boys become targets of their parent’s misogyny they suffer for it.

Wiseguyz, a nonprofit based in Calgary, Alberta, is working to broaden what “sex ed” can teach youth — specifically, boys between the ages of 13 and 15. Their participants instead talk about weighty issues like masculinity and the hyper-sexualized portrayal of women in media.