marvin's room

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Leonardo DiCaprio Profile Then & Now

i fucked three different men the weekend you told me you just want to be friends.

i took down numbers, never names.
i drank until i threw up.
i only looked at people that looked nothing like you.

i told myself that i was done with meaningless sex with strangers.
but -
the alternative means: meaningful sex with you.
and well -
there’s no choice here.

i go through with the motions,
sometimes it’s even nice, sometimes i could stand to call them ‘honey’,
and sometimes in the dark, i could pretend it’s you.

the scratch of a beard,
the slope of broad shoulders,
hands on my hips.

“no talking,” i always warn.
talking always ruin things.

the after is the hardest:
i feel numb and sad and tired.
and i am relieved when they’re gone in the morning.

i guess what i’m trying to say is -
i am not doing so well for myself, honey.

—  letters from drake’s ex; i don’t think i’m conscious of making monsters outta the women i sponsor till it all goes bad