alex :-((((( modern au where thorin is a policeman and he goes to bilbos house door asking abt some ruckus thats been reported around the neighborhood and his,,, uniform is tight across his chest and his belt makes his waist look so good and hes taking off his sunglasses and his bearD IS SO N ICE AND BILBOS KINDA LIKE /?? /? WHA ... WHAHTHA THA WHAT /?? NO... NO..... but u committed the crime of hot... whats ur #
Botfa rambling or Why I Will Forever Cry About This Blasted Film
Alternative title: I have too many feels about the Durins.
So momoejaku suggested in order to cope I should just write down all my feelings over this film and since I cried all over her shoulder in the cinema this is the least I can do to make up for it.
It’s been over a month now since I first saw Botfa and I’m still not over it. In the following, I will basically list up everything that makes me cry gets me thinking, what I liked and disliked or just plain shipper trash rambles, conveniently divided into categories. Keep in mind that there are obviously spoilers ahead and please, don’t take this too seriously. Enjoy!
What made me really angry
Well, can’t change anything really with the original storyline but isn’t ‘The Hobbit’ a children’s book? Because there are a lot of cute, little hobbits and stubborn dwarves that children can’t help identifying with, right? And they’re going on a quest and see lots of new, adventurous things but also have to go through many hardships. So why, I wonder, isn’t it that at the end they get somewhat of a reward for all their efforts? Isn’t that what you would want to teach children? To give them hope? To not give up? No matter how hard times are and how impossible things seem, even though you’ve lost your home to a dragon and the whole world is apparently against you, you can still make it in the end. You can still win. If you really want to, you can make it. Wouldn’t that be what you would want your children to believe in? Instead you have an ending where each and every attempt at regaining Erebor turns out to be futile as every character having a righteous claim over the throne fucking dies, leaving the kingdom in chaos and disarray with a devastated Dain as a stand-in king. And doesn’t that feel so very wrong? And not only that, an innocent, maybe somewhat naive hobbit who just wanted to see the world and have an adventure got more or less involuntarily involved in this whole mess. And what good came of that? None. Bilbo gets to go home disillusioned and alone. Sure, he has learned many important things and experienced the world and has grown so much as a person but is that really the price to pay for that lesson? The price you have to pay to become a proper adult? If this is the message a child gets from reading this book, well then, have fun growing up!
The fight against Smaug felt too short. I always imagined it taking up at least half of the second film because he’s just a boss like that. But instead they had it over and done with really quickly. Even though you can’t have them fighting a dragon that is burning down the entire town for more than 45 minutes screen time, since Smaug got so enormous lead up in DOS, I would’ve figured his appearance to last longer.
Fili’s undeserved death. Seriously, how could you do that to such an important character? Fili is the second in line considering the succession to the throne which, in fact, makes him even more important than Kili (who got more screen time than him because of his romance sub plot which I won’t actually argue too much about because I’m shipper trash). Let’s face it, Fili barely had any lines. I honestly can’t remember him having said anything remotely important during this third installment and isn’t that just pitiful? Coming to think of it, most of the Company had fewer lines than Alfrid. Which brings me to the next point…
Alfrid! Just mentioning his name makes me so angry. Why did they let him have so many scenes when he is such an utterly unimportant character concerning plot evolution… Was it worth it for the sake of some cheap comic relief here and there?
Those fucking Mary Sue!Eagles. They show up out of thin air whenever there seems to be no way out of a situation and act as a convenient solution to whatever is the problem at that instance. And then one single time, right when it counts the most, they are too late. Fuck those birds. You had one job…
Random earth-eaters and overall over the top over-effects. This is something I’ve noticed during the other Hobbit movies as well and maybe it’s just how cinema works nowadays. But can you remember how it was back then in the LOTR movies? They didn’t need to have one special effect and overly choreographed battle scene after the other in order to leave the audience in awe. It was perfectly fine with the storyline of each movie building up, suspense growing sometimes even quietly, towards one epic battle at the end. There were no other things needed for a film to leave an impression and be really enjoyable. And I feel like, these days, movies need to keep up a fast pace and thrill the audience non-stop in order to have a decent level of entertainment. This is why BOTFA to me seemed rushed as well at certain points and I couldn’t really catch my breath the whole ride through, making it somewhat exerting to watch it. And let’s be honest, some fighting scenes (I’m looking at you Mario!Legolas jumping up the Minecraft blocks as they fall) were so over the top that they appeared downright ridiculous (well, at least that way they were easily funnier than scenes with Alfrid).
I was positively surprised about
An unexpected ship. I have to admit, I didn’t ship Bagginshield until recently and I thought I never would because I was like okay guys, come on, there is a limit to how far the cast and staff will go and then I found out THERE IS NO LIMIT. Seriously, BOTFA made me ship Bagginshield to Erebor and back and it’s all entirely Peter Jackson’s fault. I went to watch this movie with solely Kiliel shipper expectations and I honestly didn’t prepare for it to turn out this way. Let’s take the acorn scene as an example. My friend who sat next to me that time isn’t all that much into the shipping business (or at least not the m/m side of it) and even she noticed something being off as the screen altered between Bilbo’s tentative smile and Thorin’s answering smile and Bilbo’s smile getting bigger because of that. And the whole scene seemed so incredibly long to us that we awkwardly looked at each other, wondering what was going on on screen or why they didn’t cut that scene shorter to have enough time to include another unnecessary Alfrid moment. And the whole thing just kept on going from there… The Mithril scene with the inexplicably soft and intimate soundtrack when the dwarves laugh in the background as Thorin says that it’s a token of “friendship” actually had me cracking up. The fact that Thorin managed to momentarily surface from his gold sickness because of Bilbo. That he excluded him from all suspicion and trusted him more than his own kin. The tears welling up in his eyes as he finds out Bilbo has, in fact, betrayed him. And let’s also not forget that Bilbo stole the Heart of the Mountain which – and here I want to quote the book explicitly - “is also the heart of Thorin”. This is literally gold, guys. Shipper gold.
That one acorn (see also: What I cry over)
Kili’s “Amrâlimê”. And with this all the Kiliel moments even though this was the best, I have to admit. I love dwarves / elves using their respective languages, especially when it’s interracial and used as a term of endearment and the other is slightly confused yet enamored by it. And the fact that Kili gives Tauriel the rune stone, as if he’s more worried about her safety over his and that she might not be able to return to him is simply bittersweet in retrospect.
Things I liked
The whole Smaug fighting scenario and general opening of the film. Despite it’s shortness I really liked this atmosphere of devastation and hopelessness of the citizens. And I think that was captured quite well. I was at the edge of my seat as I watched Tauriel, Kili and the others making their escape through the burning city. Even though I think the Master should have been killed when that rope pulled tight because that is one hell of a lot of damage to one’s wind pipe
Bard. Especially the scene where he uses his son as the bow. That scene definitely left an impression! I liked Bard ever since his first appearance and BOTFA made me like him even more. He actually came to be the only real winner of this movie, I’d say. Of course it’s true that he lost his house and all his possessions but what really matters to him, his family, is still intact. On top of that, he’s also climbed the social ladder, even though he didn’t seem all that much interested in a position as king. Not to mention that he’s bff with Mirkwood’s hottest single dad now and yay, Barduil
Thorin & Kili’s forehead touch. I would have preferred more uncle-cousins moments like that instead of all the Alfrid scenes
What I also liked that during the actual battle, all the acquaintances the Company has made so far come to their aid. I was really happy when we got to see Beorn again and thinking about “birds and beasts” fighting brought a smile to my face because I couldn’t shake the image of some Disney style birds and rabbits and hedgehogs and whatnot turning into bamfs to kick the orcs’ asses
What I cry over
Kiliel. Or should I say lack of Kiliel? Wish they’d had more scenes and wouldn’t have been seperated for more than half of the movie. My shipper mind wants Tauriel to have followed Kili to the mountain all along but I guess that would have caused the storyline to alter too much? When they were fighting together to defend each other’s life, my heart broke and while I hoped so much that they would somehow both come out of this alive, it was of course all in vain in the end. At least Thranduil made them canon. And the kiss. Oh heavens, the kiss!
Azog predicting the order in which Fili, Kili and Thorin will die. This is such a dark and scary premonition! It quite openly suggests that the deaths of the Durins had somehow been destiny long before and that there wasn’t and never will be any chance of saving them. It also made their deaths seem a lot more like ruthless, brutal slaughter. A clinical task that needs to be completed. Like the orcs need to kill these three dwarves before they can call it a day and go home
How could a whole royal blood line be extinguished that easily? Okay, it was only three of them at that battle after all, but still. Shouldn’t someone as important as the king and his successors be better protected by their kin? Why were Thorin and the others so reckless? Isn’t it at the top of the entire Company’s agenda to ensure that the line of Durin survives so that they can fulfill their fucking quest which was why they came to Erebor in the first place? I read somewhere on here that since Ravenhill is covered in ice, Kili was originally planned to be drowned by Azog. And I can’t say if it would’ve lessened the pain. It probably would’ve made it worse
That one acorn
Thranduil’s Elk. Curse you, Peter Jackson, for giving me feels over an elk!
How Thranduil walked through the city and finally up to Ravenhill, scanning the corpses and believing his son to be amongst them
The endless what-ifs! What if Bilbo had woken up earlier or had never been hit on the head in the first place? Would he have been able to save Thorin like he did back then in AUJ? Or would he not have made that much of a difference at all, maybe even gotten himself killed in the process? Would that have been worse if Bilbo died? Or if both of them died? Same with Kiliel, I cannot really say if my fangirl tears would have been fewer if both Kili and Tauriel had died instead of only one part of my ship. But one year ago when I imagined how BOTFA might turn out, I always figured that Fili and Kili would stick as close to each other as possible during the fight and that Tauriel, coming to help them, would therefore inevitably be near Kili as well. So I might have actually pictured them dying side by side
Thorin’s death. The fact that Thorin seems so relieved to have been able to apologize to his burglar and the conversation they share at last. Bilbo’s hand desperately grasping Thorin’s already quite cold one and willing him to hang on. Even without shipper goggles, the way Bilbo turns away and simply cries without restraint shows just how much it broke the poor little hobbit’s heart. He would’ve never predicted the Company meeting with such a terrible fate when it all started out with a dozen drunk dwarves eating him out of his home over laughter and song. How can you possibly not cry along with him over this?
Missing funeral scene. Now, is that good or bad, I wonder. But I hope they have it in the extended edition. It is kind of an important wrap-up to the story, after all
Afterlife world segregation (Screw you, Tolkien!!)
I now also cry during the scenes in Moria in FOTR because of Balin and Ori
But what hit me just recently and what I cry about mostly is that no good Erebor!AU can ever possibly exist, no matter how much fluff I want for this fandom. The line of Durin is cursed, after all, and every member of the family is bound to succumb to the dragon sickness sooner or later. If it was only Thorin who died in battle, Fili would have taken his place as King Under The Mountain. But the thing is that at some point, his mind would have become corrupted by the gold and the Arkenstone. Same with Kili. The given circumstances make it impossible for any of them to rule. And I think this is the reason why Thorin shed the armor before joining the battle. He had realized that no good would come out of him being king and therefore went to at least kill Azog and defend Erebor for the sake of the rest of the dwarves even if he gets himself killed in that attempt. There is no such thing as a good ending to this tale and why would you even write a children’s book about something like that??!
The fucking ending song. Seriously, I begin to cry just thinking about it. No song has ever made me cry so easily, I can’t quite get it myself. Even Titanic is safer! Usually, I start to tear up just from listening to the first few notes of 'My heart will go on’ but this is way worse. Whereas I almost couldn’t stop listening to 'I see fire’ on repeat last year (because, let’s face it, it is an atmospheric and very fitting song), I honestly can’t bring myself to voluntarily listen to 'The last goodbye’. Not unless I want to have myself reduced to a whimpering puddle of tears. Honestly, it’s not only that Billy Boyd / Pippin sings it which reconnects so nicely to LOTR while making all those LOTR feels well up inside me, no, when it comes to the “…as the snow flakes cover my fallen brothers” part, I just lose it (see above: How could a whole royal blood line be extinguished that easily?). Also it makes me think of how Bilbo has to travel back home much gloomier and somewhat matured yet also so very broken-hearted upon the empty halls at Bag End that were once filled with laughter and mirth that he plants an oak tree and never marries. And that his adventure stays with him his whole life, way into LOTR. And finally, what also manages to make me tear up every single time is that it also means goodbye for the cast and everyone who’s been working on set because it’s likely the last Tolkien movie (as of right now). Thinking about this leaves me so incredibly sad and bereft
oh gOD U DONT KNO HOW MUCH THAT TURNS ME O NTHE IDEA OF BILBO HAVING SENSITIVE FEET AND SQUEAKING AND LETTING OUT LITTLE NOISES. ESP WHEN HIS EARS ARE TOUCHE D… HE’D FLINCH AND FLUSH AND OHH GOD LET ME FUCK HIM SENSELESS