The Advice of Umāmah Bint Al-Hārith to her Daughter Umm Iyyās on the Night of her Marriage
Umāmah Bint Al-Hārith said to her daughter when she being sent off to her husband:
My dear daughter, if advice were to be left off due to the refinement of one’s manners then you would be in no need of that. However, it is a reminder for the heedless and useful tool for the intelligent. If it were that a woman could go without a husband due to the wealth of her parents and their great need for her then you would be the least of the people in need for that. However, the women have been created for the men and the men for the women.
My dear daughter, you have left the environment from which you have sprouted and left the life which you have grown up in, going to a home that you do not know and a companion that you are unfamiliar with. He has become, by his authority over you, an overseer and a king. So be a slave to him and he will be a willing servant to you.
My dear daughter, take from me ten qualities and they will be for you an asset and a reminder:
Accompany him in contentment and be amicable with him by hearing and obeying.
Safeguard where his eyes land and safeguard what his nose smells, so that his eyes never see anything ugly from you and his nose never smells any repugnant odour.
Kohl is the best make-up and water (i.e., good hygiene) is the best perfume.
Safeguard his meal times and keep tranquil his sleep times. The heat of hunger is infuriating and deprivation of sleep is irritating.
Safeguard his home and his money and take good care of him, his relatives, and take care of his children.
Safeguarding his money is a sign of good judgement and taking care of his children and relatives is a sign of good management.
Don’t spread his secrets and don’t disobey his commands. If you spread his secrets you will not be safe of him lying to you and if you oppose his commands he will resent you.
Beware of displaying joy when he is upset and and sadness when he is happy. The first is irresponsible and the second is antagonistic.
The more you honor him the more veneration he will have for you; the more you are in agreement with him the longer your time will be with him.
And know, that you will not attain that which you want from him until you give preference to pleasing him over pleasing yourself and to his desire over your own in whether you like it or not.
And may Allāh give good to all.
Source: Bulūgh Al-Arb by Al-Alūsī 2/19 Translated by: Raha Batts (حفظه الله)