marriage-issues

Today I went to a lunch celebrating my best friend. I knew all of the women there, but most are not close friends. One of the women is from Australia, and I mentioned my girl has long wanted to go there. 

I said, “Our 20th wedding anniversary is in three years or so. We’ve been planning to have a big party on the island where we were married, but yesterday I suggested maybe we should use that money to go to Australia instead.”

Everyone weighed in for a few moments, and then the woman said, “Excuse me, but in which state where you married 17 years ago? Gay marriage wasn’t legal 17 years ago. You can’t have been married for 17 years.”

I looked at her and said, “You’re right. We did not have marriage equality in any state 17 years ago. But that does not negate my marriage.”

Let’s be clear—this is a liberal, progressive woman living in New York surrounded by gay families, who has many gay friends. And yet she dismissed the length of my marriage without batting an eye. The conversation reminded me of the days after New York passed marriage equality and so many of our dear friends said, “When’s the wedding?” It was in 1998. Remember? I told you about it over drinks that night? I think I showed you pictures?

Sigh.

From the designer:

My Facebook and G+ newsfeeds have been filled with pink and red lately, so it seemed important to point out to the queer and allied in my life that Human Rights Campaign actually has a track record of promoting some rights at the expense of others. Being a fairly rough-and-tumble sort of cisgender queer man, I waded in.

It’s frankly unconscionable; transgender rights are integral to queer liberation, and moreover transfolks are our sisters and brothers, have shed the same blood, sweat, and tears in horrifying numbers for the same goals. The fact that names like Virginia Prince and Sylvia Rae Rivera aren’t as prominent in our histories as Harvey Milk says, I think, all it needs to about the need for some pink and purple soul-searching. Go forth and introspect.

Visually, too, I think the HRC equality logo leaves a bit to be desired, but I made minimal changes. The colors are based on the transgender pride flag designed by Monica Helms in 1999, the most widely used of several designs and to my eye, the most pleasing.

Considering that HRC seems to be continuing to give lip service to trans folks while throwing them under the bus, this is important and timely.

People need to know that the most visible LGBT “equality” organization out there continues to only fight for gay and lesbian equality at the expense of everyone else.

Trans allies, please repost. (And don’t give money to HRC.)

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Are you being abused? by Omar Suleiman.

Hadith on marrying the one you love

ibn Abbas (ra) reported that a man came to the prophet (saaws) and said, “We have an orphan in our custody. A poor man and a rich man have both courted her. She prefers the poor man, but we prefer the rich man. What should we do? The messenger of Allah (saaws) responded, “For those who love each other, nothing has proven as good as marriage.”

Sunan ibn Majah, Volume 3, Book 9, Hadith 1847

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the thing i dont understand about the doctor who episode gridlock is that tiny scene where the scottish irish cat fellow is radioing the old lesbian couple and he jokingly calls them sisters and when they correct them he’s like “oh wow u’re scaring me there, i’m an old-fashioned cat!”

i mean obviously hes joking but still its like

dude

you are an anthropomorphic cat who is married to a human and ur wife literally just gave birth to a litter of kittens

why are lesbians the thing that would weird u out

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The Good Wife 5x17: A Material World [x]

End Discrimination

It’s people like that that make me think that maybe I shouldn’t have kids. Not because I think that having two moms will mess up a kid, but because there’s people like that out there.

People who will deny my kid education or friendship because of the fact that he or she has two moms.

People who will fire him/her from a job he/she is perfectly capable of doing because maybe he/she is gay or maybe they don’t identify with the gender they’re assumed to be, an assumption purely based on the genitals they were born with.

People who will bully my child because he/she is different and it makes them “uncomfortable” or maybe they think having to moms is “yucky”.  

People who will tell my kid that his/her moms are going to burn in hell for eternity purely because they love each other.

People who will tell him/her that he/she is going to burn in hell and suffer eternally for being different.

People so painfully thick that fail to understand that spreading hate, fear and discriminating against people is immoral. No matter what you believe in.

People who will admit that they’re homophobes or transphobes because they actually think that homophobia is an actual phobia.

People who say “I’m not a homophobe/transphobe but…”

People willing to put their own kids through hell on the off chance that maybe the god they believe in will get pissed at them for being themselves, no matter how flaky the evidence on the existence of that god is.

People who care more about their social status or “what will people say” more than their child’s happiness.

People who will assault and send my kid to the hospital for being openly who they are, or even worse, for supporting the lgbtq community, even if they’re not part of it. 

No one should have to deal with that crap. 

So the way I see it, I only have two choices.

  • I either fight in order to make this world a less cruel and bigoted, and more accepting place for my kids to safely grow up in. 
  • or I don’t have children, which means that no matter how many rights we get legally, homophobia and transphobia have won,

I’d hate to see them win, so I’ve made my choice.

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This is my wonderful husband Kevin. He has been working out too And he keeps saying he feels like he hasn’t seen a real difference in his body. I think he looks amazing:) please like and reblog to show him some love and hopefully give him a confidence boost because men can have body image issues too!!

anonymous asked:

Salam. Me and my wife have a love marriage and have been happy for a few years. It was a blessing when we finally married and we remained passionate in our love. However, both our parents were strongly against it, but moreso my mother because we are living with her. Due to this pressure that my wife was not from the same country or spoke the language and was considered ugly by my family, they heavily encouraged me to marry another woman. This was constant and i eventually gave in.(continue)

(part 2) My wife told me to do as i pleased. My first has been cold to me for many months since. Although she is pleasent, she is never happy and does not engage in sexual practices/general affection unless i initiate it. She spends her time studying and whenever i want to be with her, she tells me its better to be with the second as she is new to country and has no friends etc. I want my wife to go back to the way she was as i dont understand what i have done to wrong her, what can i do?

wa alaikum us salaam,

On the one hand, we have the Western media portraying Muslim men as aggressors.

On the other hand, we have a generation of Muslim men who are quite passive, especially when it comes to defying their mothers.

Brother, you are supposed to honour and respect your parents, but when it comes to living your own life, by Allah you are not to let them live it for you!

I respect that you married this woman despite your mother’s protests, as there is nothing wrong with that. But I’m absolutely confused as to why you:

  1. Moved your wife into your mother’s house, as you must have at least suspected this would cause problems
  2. When it did cause problems you remained silent
  3. When your family harassed you to marry a second woman, you did not stand up for yourself or your wife, because if you had they would have stopped bringing up the situation
  4. When your wife told you to “do what you want”, you didn’t stop and ask yourself if she really meant that or if she was just saying that
  5. And now that your wife is distant from you, you’re wondering what went wrong?

I’ll tell you what went wrong. Wives want husbands who are respectable and who deserve respect. We want husbands who are not overbearing, but we also want husbands who are not as weak as water.

So your first wife is retreating into books. Why is this surprising to you? Your whole family, whom you both lived with, was actively against her. And you weren’t just silent - you cooperated with them! You didn’t stand up for her, you agreed by your actions that she wasn’t good enough and married someone else.

To make matters worse, by marrying someone else you have dragged an innocent party into your family drama.

So what can you do? You can start by telling her that you were wrong to not stand up to your parents. If you can afford to do so, you can establish separate living areas for your wives so that wife #1 doesn’t have to live in the same house as your mother (and if you can’t afford to do so I suggest you be a man and figure out how to make some halal money).

You can also set up a rotation between your two wives and stick to it. I don’t care if one is menstruating, if it’s her night then either stay with her, or stay by yourself. Don’t go to the other wife because that is just going to create even more tension between the two of you. Not even if she tells you to, not for now at least. Maybe once the two of them bond and jealousy starts to disappear you can take liberties like that, but for now you need to be as fair as possible.

Finally, you need to be a man and stand up to your family when they talk bad about wife #1. You don’t have to be rude but you need to let them know exactly that what they are saying is unacceptable according to Islam and you will not hear it. Full stop. You also need to do this if wife #2 starts bad mouthing her as well.

It will take a lot of time and patience on your part to try and fix your relationship with your first wife because you have let her down and hurt her. Make duaa to Allah that it can even be fixed, because she trusted you to take care of her and to integrate her into your family as much as possible, but you wimped out.

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"Yes. Yes, I know. We have lost all shreds of sanity."