marriage lesson

Lesson 11.4: Soul Relationships

Our souls come here to grow. We cannot grow in isolation and different souls cross paths in order to help each other and all of humanity to evolve. We do this through different relationships: karmic relationships, soulmate relationships, and twin flame relationships. A lot of the time we confuse these relationships and misinterpret their meaning, because they all do have overlapping attributes. However, all kinds of soul relationships are unique in their own way. 

Karmic Relationships

Karmic relationships are relationships with people who teach us lessons we didn’t master in our last lifetime. They usually don’t work out, but that’s because they’re not supposed to. Lasting forever would defeat the purpose of a karmic relationship. Your karmic soulmate should come into your life, teach you/challenge you through different experiences, and then leave. This sounds harsh, but it’s not bad. They are called “karmic” relationships because their purpose is to help both of the souls balance mutual karma. That’s why karmic relationships often form based on strong attraction (whether it be physical, mental or emotional), because both souls know that they need this connection in order to balance karma from a past life. There will be good times in these relationships and the end is not always abrupt or through heartbreak, especially if the two souls involved are mindful. It takes strength to be in these relationships, as sometimes it’s hard to let go. 

We may want to hold on for some reason, maybe there’s something in the relationship that we can’t let go of, but we have to understand that letting go is learning our lesson and afterward we will move on to better things and new lessons. Like any soulmate, you can have karmic relationships with your friends as well.

Soulmate Relationships

Soulmates are souls who teach us lessons as well. The souls we’re with in karmic relationships often teach us things that influence our perception of reality and help us to grow our perception. Soulmates often teach us things that help us to grow internally. 

“Soul mates share a common mission and comparable stage of spiritual development. They come together because they are working on the same type of karma and the same chakra simultaneously.

So soul mates have an attraction that is based on the sacred labor and on the path of self-mastery.

A soul mate is like the echo of oneself in Matter working at the same task to fulfill a blueprint for God.” – Elizabeth Clare Prophet

Soulmate relationships experience hardships just as any other relationship does. The difference is that in soulmate relationships, the hardships we face are usually centered around growth. The challenges help us to change and when we experience difficulty with a soulmate, we turn to introspection to see what we can do internally to help the situation. This is because soulmates are here to help us do that, to be introspective and see how we can grow. Soulmates often focus on you and how you can become a better person, whereas karmic partners focus on themselves. See, karmic lovers won’t directly encourage us to grow. Through their actions and the flaws in their personalities and our ability to let go of them, they help us to grow. Soulmates directly try to help us become better people. They even help us with self-awareness and realizing our greatness and our purpose.

Half of our soulmates won’t even be romantic. The purpose of a soulmate is to help us grow and evolve in this life and become better versions of ourselves, which doesn’t have to be romantic. A soulmate can even be a stranger you encounter for a few minutes, but within that encounter something will happen that helps you to grow. We often have “soul circles” or “soul families”, a group of other souls who we travel through lifetimes with. These will be good friends of yours who you become friends with in each lifetime. If you have friends who feel more like your family than the people you’re actually related to do, then they could be your soul circle.

Twin Flames

Keep reading

Some Tips for Loving Your Wife

These are just a few tips I’ve learned after 10+ years of marriage. I thought they were worth passing on…

• If she’s on her period, she needs: IRON, and it’s your job to get it for her (red meat is usually a safe bet)

• If she’s breastfeeding, she needs: WATER, and it’s your job to get it for her (I don’t care if it’s late and you’re tired, if she can produce life-giving fluid from her own body, you can get out of bed and keep her hydrated)

• If she says she wants space, she needs: SPACE, and it’s your job to give it to her (seriously, don’t take it personally, just recognize she’s a person who deserves to have her boundaries respected)


“Do you ______, take ______ to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?“ 

          ——————– “I do”

Some of you may know this already —
My father and I are finally moving out of the condo that we have been living in for the past nine years. Therefore, I’ve been pretty busy, having to pack and organize for the last couple weeks.

During the process, I found many family albums filled with old pictures of my brother and I. While sorting them out, I came across a small photo album I had never seen before. The album contained a rare collection of my parents photos, as a newly married couple.

There’s so much to do, so really, I have no time to get distracted, but… I couldn’t stop myself from staring at their photos.

It made me wonder…

—Where did things go wrong?

For those of you who do not know —
My mother left our house last year September. Currently, my parents are in the process of filing divorce… The two have not spoken to each other, since the night before she left.

If you think I’m one of those children who are against their parents’ divorce, that’s not true… In fact, I’ve been supporting the idea, ever since the day they brought it up.
Some people want their parents to stay together no matter what. I wanted my parents to stay together too, but that’s only if they’re a healthy couple.
As you can probably guess —
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for them.

As a child, there’s nothing more painful than to see your parents suffer.
Seeing the way they hurt each other,
or the way they were hurt from each other…
As much as I want to see them live happily together,
I don’t want to see them live miserably together.
So despite my wish for them to stay together,
I was happy for them for the choice they made.
Their happiness is my happiness.
For them to stay married or not is not important.

So why—
Why was my eyes locked on to their photos?
Why was my mind wandering off,
questioning on where they went wrong?
Why was my heart aching?—–

The reason why is because…

I saw it.
I saw what had happened.
I witnessed their marriage crumble.

I remember them arguing—
Arguing about things that doesn’t matter, or
even things that didn’t even happen.
Many lies, tears, and broken hearts.
Unappreciative, disloyal, and disrespectful.
Insecurities, anger, and greed.
I’ve witnessed it all, throughout my life.
Which is why, I didn’t hesitate to accept and support them to go separate ways.

But seeing those photos…

Those photos brought back memories

Memories I forgot existed

Those photos reminded me about the truth

The truth that there once was a time—

When the two felt they needed each other.

There once was a time—

When the two actually appreciated each other.

There once was a time—

When the two… They were truly in love.

…Or so they thought.

It’s trippy you know?
Seeing the two people you always saw together splitting up is one thing but I mean… I got so used to the way it’s been that I forgot that it wasn’t always like that.

Seeing them look so affectionate, caring, and so happy together…
I couldn’t help but to question,

“Where did things go wrong?”

Where did it go wrong…
All the unresolved problems that was pushed for later–
All the small/big lies and broken promises–
These slowly started to contaminate their world.

If only they remembered—
How lucky they are to have each other…
If only they remembered—
How important it is to appreciate each other…
If only

My heart ached when I saw those photos —
Not for my parents now, but for my parents then.
The young, loving, caring couple,
During that time, they truly believed that—

They’re in love
They’re meant for each other
Their love will last for all eternity

This young couple in the photos…
They didn’t see it coming.
Never would’ve thought such day would come.

This could happen to anyone

Yes, even you.

So remember my dear friend,

Don’t you ever forget…

How lucky you are to have him/her in your life.

Don’t you ever forget…

How you should always show appreciation towards him/her.

Don’t you ever forget…

How he/she is the person you love — the last person you ever would want to hurt.


Maybe then,
you will not end up like this young couple.
Maybe then,
your love can last for all eternity…

enjoy life, enjoy the little things
take in the fresh air when you step outside in the morning and be thankful for another day
cherish moments you’ll never get back,
put your phone down and go lay out on the grass, take a friend out for lunch and coffee
be present with the person in front of you
read a book
make a cup of tea
buy yourself flowers
go for a run, than take a bath
love yourself, but don’t forget to love people

enjoy life, don’t forget to enjoy the little things

When people ask me what I want to do with my life:

I wish I lived in the 1800s so I could be married to some guy I don’t love and have a secret rendezvous with some woman. We would have this illegal affair where we do crazy shit like talk about our feelings and actually achieve orgasms. We send fancy, handwritten love poems (no email yet kiddos!) to each other sprayed in rose scented perfume. Then eventually after several years we accumulate a large sum of money and run away together. Then we change our identities and move to North America where we live in hiding and plant potatoes. Along the way we’ll obtain a friend named Mary (because one of those wont be hard to find when everyone named their kid the same fricking name), drink tea out of teacups because that sounds lit, and bake bread. We’ll wear matching dresses and those stupid looking adult size baby bonnets. Like you have not lived until you have tried these bonnets. I know people wore them for racist reasons but try them because they keep your face nice and warm and toasty (they are a death trap in the summer). We’ll swim in a babbling brook (nude because bathing suits didn’t exist and we’re lesbians, duh!) and adopt an anne Shirley to keep us entertained and she’ll write exquisite literature for us and do wacky things like make bets and break her ankle while falling off of a roof. The whole town will think we’re just bosom buddies who are both widows and we laugh at them behind our cottage door while we made plum pudding. When we die we get buried in a conjoined grave plot and historians will be like “oh look at what great friends they were” even though we literally ran away together, across the Pacific ocean for each other, live together for most of our lives, slept in the same bed, raised a daughter together, drank tea together everyday, wrote letters to each other confessing our love and probably died holding hands. Maybe I’m thinking about this too much?

anonymous asked:

Hey, I really love your thoughts on misogyny in Much Ado (and Much Ado in general) but I was wondering about your thoughts on Don Pedro? I really love him most of the time but he is pretty Problematic w/ the whole Hero situation, and considering that, I don't quite know what to make of him... Just thought I'd ask because I love and agree with everything you've said about the rest of the play :P

Probably the most important thing about Don Pedro is how he relates to Benedick, and how the two men change positions. At the start of the play, Don Pedro seems like the reasonable, respectable one out of the soldiers. He teases Benedick about marriage, gently chastises him for being a “tyrant” to women, insists that he’ll live to see Benedick fall in love, all while Benedick is bitching about how marriage is a trap and he’ll die a bachelor. Don Pedro agrees to help Claudio win Hero as Benedick boos and insults her. 

The most important distinction is that Don Pedro appears to respect women while Benedick does not. The prince is nothing but courteous towards Hero, and he treats Beatrice as an equal while Benedick endlessly fights with her. He even asks Beatrice to marry him – and remember this woman is a ward of her uncle’s. It would be hugely inappropriate for the prince to marry someone of her station, yet Pedro would have “doffed all other respects and made her half myself.” It’s not clear how serious he is about wanting to marry her, but he clearly likes her, and he takes her rejection with good grace. He seems to recognize that intellectually he is not a proper match for her – no, she “were an excellent wife for Benedick.” 

But the Hero situation puts all the men to the test, and Pedro fails that test. As Beatrice says, men are all talk and no action, and what you say means nothing – it’s what you do that counts. So when Don John – who is known to be untrustworthy – comes and tells Don Pedro that Hero is unfaithful, instead of calming Claudio down and advising him to quietly call the wedding off – or to look for solid proof – or to not believe this villain at all – he says, “I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.”

Pedro’s a prince, and he’s the leader of the boys’ club. Claudio looks up to Pedro and seeks his counsel and guidance on everything – he can’t even woo Hero and win her hand, Don Pedro has to do that for him. This world is ruled by misogyny, so it makes perfect sense that the prince, the royal figure with the most power in the play, should espouse and embody those attitudes, and encourage them in his subjects. After everything Don Pedro said before this point, we would expect him to behave reasonably and keep the young Claudio from doing anything stupid. But he doesn’t. And if you listen to the dirty jokes he tells and the way he joins in the lewd banter about Hero’s paternity, it’s clear we should’ve seen this coming.

Pedro believes this young girl deserves public disgrace and death. He is willing to endanger her life and shame Leonato too, because he feels that his own honour has been compromised: at the wedding, he declares, “I stand dishonour’d, that have gone about/To link my dear friend to a common stale.” He is cruel – deliberately cruel to Hero, he wants to use violence upon her because it is the only way to restore his masculine honour. Don Pedro said he loved Hero and that he was in favour of love and marriage – but what he does is almost kill a girl, and when Leonato tells him Hero is dead, he shows no remorse. She was a strumpet, who cares? Better off dead, right?

As for Benedick, he stands by this girl and her cousin. He pleads for calm, he’s the voice of reason. He said he hated Hero and Beatrice and that you can’t trust women, but what he does is care for Hero, believe and trust Beatrice unconditionally, and challenge his two closest friends for their cruel actions. He actually defends women, with his sword, with action and not words.

So at the end of the play, it all comes full circle. Benedick has won the lady’s hand. It is Benedick whom Beatrice loves. Don Pedro? He’s all alone, and deservedly so, and Benedick quips to him, echoing the conversation they had at the start of the play: “Prince, thou art sad. Get thee a wife. Get thee a wife. There’s no staff more reverend that one tipped with horn.” These two, and the way they trade places, perfectly encapsulates Beatrice’s bitter rant: 

“But manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie and swears it.”

- and also her plea with Benedick to use his hand “for my love some other way than swearing by it.” In love, as on the battlefield, it’s what you do, not what you say that counts, and so the Prince’s Jester proved himself more honourable and a better choice of husband than the Prince by far.

Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.
—  Fly Away Home, Jennifer Weiner

Todays quote. This is a different perspective of divorce to what surrounded much of the culture I was raised in. I think it may be a healthier attitude to take.

Problem 16

Family wards are all about raising families and singles wards are all about getting married and I as an asexual aromantic person do not fit in comfortably in either of the spaces but there are no alternatives

Preferable in almost every way, the philosophy of mature love is marked by an active awareness of the good and bad within each person, it is full of temperance, it resists idealization, it is free of jealousy, masochism, or obsession, it is a form of friendship with a sexual dimension, it is pleasant, peaceful, and reciprocated (and perhaps explains why most people who have known the wilder shores of desire would refuse its painlessness the title of love). Immature love on the other hand (though it has little to do with age) is a story of chaotic lurching between idealization and disappointment, an unstable state where feelings of ecstasy and beatitude combine with impressions of drowning and fatal nausea, where the sense that one has finally found the answer comes together with the feeling that one has never been so lost. The logical climax of immature (because absolute) love comes in death, symbolic or real. The climax of mature love comes in marriage, and the attempt to avoid death via routine (the Sunday papers, trouser presses, remote-controlled appliances). For immature love accepts no compromise, and once we refuse compromise, we are on the road to some kind of cataclysm.


I realised that a more complex lesson needed to be drawn, one that could play with the incompatibilities of love, juggling the need for wisdom with its likely impotence, juggling the idiocy of infatuation with its inevitability. Love had to be appreciated without flight into dogmatic optimism or pessimism, without constructing a philosophy of one’s fears, or a morality of one’s disappointments. Love taught the analytic mind a certain humility, the lesson that however hard it struggled to reach immobile certainties (numbering its conclusions and embedding them in neat series), analysis could never be anything but flawed - and therefore never stray far from the ironic.

—  Alain de Botton, ‘Essays in Love’
I prefer to distance myself and be quiet when Im angry. I can be the most heartless person when Im angry or in my feelings.
—  Self-Refections (PhoenixRysin)

anonymous asked:

sq prompt: when Emma says "you have no soul, how in the hell did you get like this?" Regina completely breaks down and tells her about her past

Thanks for the prompt :) 

TW for references to child abuse and marital abuse.

“You have no soul, how in the hell did you get like this?” 

She tries to stay strong, tries to keep her face fixed in an indifferent mask but at Emma’s question everything comes flooding back. Her mother. Her marriage. Her magic lessons. Daniel. Getting Henry and losing him. 

Her lips twitch falling from the effort to keep her mask up. Her heart hammers in her chest as the memories assault her and her mother’s voice rings in her ears telling her about how Queens behave. 


She frowns, hearing the shift in Emma’s voice, from anger to concern. The worry has her sitting up straighter as she reminds herself that she cannot afford to be weak, that Emma has the power to take everything from her. 

You have nothing. You are nothing but a weak snivelling little girl.

Without magic you’re weak. Maybe I’m just wasting my time on you. 

I found my real Mom. 

She frowns again feeling something damp on her cheek. She lifts her fingers up and realises that her tears have started to fall. Stop it. Tears are weakness. Ladies don’t cry. 

Regina?” Emma asks once more cautiously walking over to the other woman. One minute they were fighting and she was ready to storm off, then Regina just froze. Emma bites her lower lip as she kneels in front of Regina. She has a feeling her next move could end up with her head on a stick but she goes for it anyway and wraps her arms around the now shaking brunette. 

“What are you doing?” Regina hisses. 

Emma sighs before repeating, “How in the hell did you get like this?” 

Regina bites down hard on her lower lip fighting her own tears only for Emma to hug her tighter. It’s been a while since she’s been held like this. When she tries to hug Henry he only runs away. Before that the last person to hold her was her father…and that memory brings a fresh bout of tears. 

She doesn’t fight it this time, instead she lets her sob free and before she can stop herself, the confessions come flying out. She can’t remember the last time she spoke about these things, in fact she doubts she’s ever told anyone the stories she’s now telling Emma. 

It’s a big risk and telling Emma these things now could unravel everything and this should be her greatest fear. 

Yet, as Emma simply holds her and lets her sob and confess all, unravelling doesn’t feel so terrifying. Instead, it just feels oddly safe.

“Knowing that marriage is meant to help each other gain salvation should let us know marriage will be a battleground. The last thing Satan wants is for us to gain salvation, and just as he played his part in breaking the communion the first married couple had, he will do his best with each of us. Our sinful passions make it far too easy to fall as his prey.
The only way to have a strong and lasting marriage is to strive after holiness; individually and together as a couple and also as a family. Christian marriage is a calling to death and self emptying—something that will only be accomplished by the grace of God. The real crisis of marriage is that Christians do not understand the degree of daily self-sacrifice that is required of them when they are married. There is no escaping the cross if you want to be a Christian, and Christian marriage has many crosses.”
+Lessons From A Monastery: Marriage as Martyrdom