PSA: Your Pro-Travel, Anti-Marriage Memes Aren’t Helping Anyone

I have a friend on Facebook who loves posting those memes and eCards about how “everyone is getting married” while she’s thinking about “where to travel next.” The first time I saw one of those memes, I simply rolled my eyes and chuckled a little, but didn’t give it too much thought. Interestingly enough, I’ve been seeing them more and more lately around social media, or perhaps I’m simply noticing them more. Additionally, there are plenty of articles and thinkpieces floating around the interwebs that suggest X reasons why you should travel (or live abroad, or quit your day job, or do almost anything) before getting married. As someone who dated her boyfriend for six years prior to getting engaged, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this topic. And I’m just going to call BS on this whole train of FOMO-centric advice.

The idea that there are things you must do before you get married is very much wrapped in the fear that youcannot do these things after getting married. And therein lies the problem: this line of thinking promotes the idea that marriage is some sort of limiting inevitability that prohibits one from pursuing independent passions and dreams. It feels ridiculously archaic for a progressive group of young people, but some of us are still equating marriage with the demise of an adventurous life.

The decision to get married is not a depressing one, nor does it signify the downfall of our previously “single” selves. For me, it’s not an end at all, but a step forward — the decision to embark on a journey alongside another person. A healthy relationship that leads to a healthy marriage is one where both partners support each other’s independence, and want to encourage one another to pursue individual interests while simultaneously choosing adventures together.

Let’s think about those memes for a second. There’s clearly a defensive voice that comes through in these seemingly joking posts. It’s a voice that says, “Well you may be getting married, but I’m leading a much more exciting, independent lifestyle, and you can’t possibly understand because you’re a boring, married couple.” It’s just an adult version of envy-induced teasing on the playground, and it’s incredibly complex. There’s anxiety derived from the perception that everyone else is getting married, and a pressure to do the same. Simultaneously, there’s a gauntlet being thrown from anyone who posts a meme like this. The single person who posts this meme is recognizing that he or she feels a sense of “missing out,” but feels the need to put it back on the couples by saying, “You’re missing out more.”

But who is responsible for this hostility? This fake war is pointless. From my experience, as someone who’s now married, I honestly don’t think we look down on single men and women with superiority, or a feeling that they are leading a life that’s worth less than ours. My single friends are beautiful, incredible people, and I genuinely don’t think my life is any better than theirs, or worse than theirs. It’s just different. And different is okay.

I fully get that society plays a role in all of this. There’s an expectation that young adults will eventually find a partner, get married, and procreate. We all have that one family member who loves to ask, “So? Are you seeing anyone special?” at holiday gatherings. While our culture has a way of instilling expectations in our minds, it must be reiterated that, at the end of the day, there are no rules. There is no referee keeping score on our progress in life. There’s no “right” age to get married, and there’s no “perfect” time to start a family. There is no ruling that says you need to want to find a partner at all. And beyond this, there are no restrictions on what you can and cannot do at different stages of your relationships. You can travel as a mom, and you can travel as an 18-year-old right after graduation. You can be a wife and remain true to yourself. You can be single and confident in your life’s direction.

Of course, marriage is a big deal and a huge step, but it shouldn’t be viewed as something that cripples your individuality, or your desire to do amazing things. Marriage is a journey in and of itself, and it’s one that can be taken in conjunction with a zillion other journeys. Additionally, there is no actual war between single people and couples, so maybe we should stop pretending there is. Let’s put aside our defense mechanisms and our patronizing memes, and recognize that, ultimately, all life paths are right for the people who choose them.

De is a New Yorker turned Bostonian and a lover of all things theatrical. In addition to writing, she is an actress/singer/dancer/teacher and owner of the fluffiest cat imaginable. She is on Twitter.

ancientfaces.com
How Would Your Wedding Have Looked 100 years Ago?
Valentine’s Day is coming up - can you feel the love in the air? Our grandparents & great great grandparents certainly could. Check out these photos of lovers from throughout the 1900s. Did you know? Anthropologists believe that the first family groupings consisted of several men and women forming loose alliances, creating tribes where sexual unions were shared. The first known recorded marriage was around 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia, although for thousands of years the definition of marriage varied. In Europe and Asia, especially, the idea of one man and multiple wives was popular for centuries. In the modern era, romantic love has usually been the basis for marriage. These are some lovely examples of the beginning of, and everlasting effects of, marriage based on love.
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“He’s no picnic. I mean, as much as it might be the fantasy for a lot of people to be the wife of that, it’s tricky. And it takes work.”

Ford is most at home at [the] Jackson Hole, Wyo., ranch where he keeps everything in perfect order. “He’s incredibly anal about it. It really gives him pleasure to have his surroundings just so. He requires a bit of an orbit.” - Carrie Fisher, 2000.

***

I love this quote because it shows how well she knows him and how he likes to be in his home. It’s a fairly intimate portrait. 

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THOMAS AND MARY - Tim Parks

Somehow it seemed to him the only thing that would really solve the problem would be to return to the sea and find the old ring with their names and the wedding date engraved inside, in 22-carat gold, and put it on again and then the world would magically return to what it had been before. Many years before.

This did not happen.

This cover is beautifully illustrated by Sara Mulvanny 

Published today by Harvill Secker

wildhunt.org
Column: Pagan Handfastings Legal in England and Wales
London -- Many Pagans dream of being able to say ‘I do’ in a handfasting and have their vows recognised in law. ‘Why can’t a handfasting be legal?’ is a complaint we heard around the UK for decades. Well, in 2004, the Scottish Pagan Federation addressed it first and then, finally, England and Wales
By Christina Harrington

yagamilightodayo asked:

Say, aside from Mamo x his mystery wife (lol) and SuzuKen x Sakamoto Maaya, is there any other seiyuu who's married? *note: this is a serious question*

Hey there, I thought that this was more of a question than a confession, so I’m gonna answer it here!

Luckily, I read a topic on this before (there are many interesting topics about seiyuus on NAVER Matome!). It’s only about male seiyuus, but there are 6 pages of it, so it’s gonna be pretty long! Ctrl-F to quickly find your favorite seiyuu. This topic was last edited on January 15th, 2016.

Original link (Japanese): http://matome.naver.jp/odai/2137959517381049901

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anonymous asked:

Hi dear hope your doing well. I just have a quick question and if you can answer it truthfully n honestly I would greatly appreciate it. And if U were to take offense to this question I would also understand. I wanna know how does it feel to be married. Like I know it's probably hard to put into words the feelings and emotions you feel but like how does it feel like when ur laying in bed with the person u love just talking about your day to them

Hey, hope you’re well :)

this is such a loaded question to be honest. But there is nothing like the feeling of having the one you love with all your heart right beside you every night after a long full day. Being married is a challenge and won’t stop being one till a very long time -or so I’ve heard, I haven’t been married for that long- but a challenge that is full of many great things as well.

Imagine waking every morning to the voice and touch of the person you love oh so dearly. Getting up and praying together then having breakfast and that cup of morning coffee together as you both get ready to leave to work. Then after a long day of working hard you both get home and have dinner and talk about your day and discuss the day’s news, and then maybe some dessert as you sit and watch your favorite show/movie together. Finally end your day with praying together and then laying down in bed and cuddling as you talk yourself to sleep in each other’s arms.

It really is as amazing as it sounds; but let’s not forget that with all this great stuff there will be some downs but that’s okay because you’ll be tackling them together.

Being married is being in this together!

anonymous asked:

Sorry if this is wrong but I really think that it was Dogaressa that proposed, but what did you use a ring?

I understand why you’d think that, but.. Nah, it was me.

(Heh, My lovey dovey doggy was always romantic…He braved the nose-blindness and steep walls of Waterfall and managed to pry one of the glowing stones in the cave ceiling off using a knife and set it in a ring. A few days later, he came up to me and kneeled, and said that someone as radiant as me didn’t deserve anything less than a star.. Then he asked.)

 (It..took me a second or two to respond..It’s pretty hard to be emotionally prepared in a situation like that, if possible at all..but I said yes, of course.)