Certainly, political forces shape the way we make personal decisions. It doesn’t follow, though, that making different personal decisions is the way to effect political change. If we had greater gender equality in this country, it’s unlikely that most women would shed their identity upon marriage. That doesn’t mean, however, that the way to achieve gender equality is for women to stop changing their names. To think otherwise is to confuse cause and effect.
This confusion sucks up a lot of mental energy, leading to guilt and defensiveness. It turns feminism—the demand that women be recognized as full, equal human beings, legally and socially—from something libratory into another thing for women to feel like they’re failing at. It becomes, ironically, a source of gender inequality, since men, by and large, don’t spend so much time second-guessing their romantic decisions and aesthetic preferences. Changing your name is not a feminist act. You have not betrayed feminism if you change your name. The same is true for staying home with your kids, wearing high heels, or getting Botox. Women live in a sexist system, and contort themselves to negotiate it, picking from a menu of mostly bad options and then hating themselves for choosing wrong. The problem is the system, not the women. That’s what the personal is political is supposed to mean.
Unidentified Soldier In Union Uniform With Family-Marriage And The Civil War
Nearly 620,000 men were killed in the war, a number approximately equal to the deaths in all other American wars from the Revolution to the Korean War combined. The deaths of huge numbers of men, rendered “the assumption that every woman would be a wife … questionable, perhaps untenable.”
As young American women watched the death and destruction from war surround them, they began to face a very real fear that marriage for their generation might not be as assured as it had been for their mothers. These fears were grounded in the reality that the war was leaving the number of marriage-age men and women dramatically unbalanced. The desire of women to marry quickly led to a wartime marriage boom.
Richmond, the Confederate capital, hosted hundreds of wartime marriages, leading observers to marvel at the “marriage frenzy.”
The 1890 census, taken about 20 years after the war, confirmed that marriage age had increased slightly. Most women who married post-war did so at the age of 23, while most men married at 27. In the hard-hit South, the 1860s saw a lag in marriage rates, but 92 percent of the women who came of marriage age during the war eventually married.
Backstory: So, I was having a discussion with a friend because she told her boyfriend (they’ve been dating six months), “I don’t need a gift for my birthday.” So, while he did take her out to dinner, he didn’t get her a gift. Now, she’s upset. She also said that he doesn’t plan enough dates or make enough “romantic gestures.”
So, in relationships, how clear do you need to be about your expectations?
Me? I put all of mine out there. I am of the opinion that your partner wants to make you happy, so why not make it easy for him/her? (I swear I can’t state enough how important State of the Relationship discussions are.) The husband knows what I like/want for holidays: (it’s all about the card–and him writing in it for the full blank side); he knows that I need a special date for just the two of us once a month; he knows that he has to greet me with a big hug and kiss EVERY day when he gets home or I’ll threaten to make him go outside and come back in the right way; he knows that appreciation, random “I love the socks off of you” texts, and the occasional bag of Hot Cheetos are the ways to my heart. And, I know what makes him happy–favorite snacks always stocked, naked Wednesdays (while Conner’s at youth group), craft beer samplers each time I go to the grocery store, and a wife who is happy to see him when he comes home. We talk about these things, and if new things come up or any of these things start slipping, we talk about that, too.
However, this friend thinks, “If I have to spell it out for him, it’s not special/romantic anymore.”
Don’t take your spouse for granted! I know as a Marriage therapist that most people have a long list of complaints about their husbands and wives. It’s normal…..However, it’s all about your ATTITUDE and what you choose to FOCUS on. If you only focus on their negative traits then you are going to feel frustrated and tension will build….nothing good comes out of being fixated on the negatives. If you REFRAME and start focusing on their good traits you will feel content and at peace. Picture your attitude as a camera and only focus on the most beautiful features of your spouse. You definitely wouldn’t go around zooming in on the garbage on the floor when taking pictures so don’t do that about your spouse either. Zoom in on their good traits and blow it up 1000X and see how your marriage will start to transform.
With Kim Davis all over the news for breaking the law and neglecting to fulfill her duty as Rowan County Clerk in Kentucky, many have taken to the Internet to rightfully make fun of the four-times married hypocrite. Davis doesn’t feel she has to give out marriage licenses to same-sex couples because it goes against her religious beliefs. She even took her case all the way to the Supreme Court,…
Traditional marriage is the foundation of a stable society. It also promotes healthy roles for a husband and wife while looking towards the future. Without a foundation the stability will fall away and the society will crumble.
You will inspire me to be a better person. This will happen even if you don’t know or realize it. Your sheer presence will motivate me to be the best that I can be – to work hard at what I’m doing for us. I will be able to give my all at what I do because I know that I’ll be coming home to you, to us, to a safe space.
I know that I won’t always have good days. Sometimes, things go wrong, no matter how hard you try… and I’m learning to accept that, that there’s nothing I can do about it. But I also know that the moment you kiss me that evening, the way you’ll tell me that you’ve missed me, smiling in the way I love so much…
…well, the struggle might be real, but with you in my corner (and with me in yours), it’ll be worth it.