marley & ma

Możesz nie być jej pierwszym, jej ostatnim, lub jedynym. Kochała wcześniej, może kochać ponownie. Jeżeli teraz kocha Ciebie, to co innego się liczy? Nie jest perfekcyjna, ty też nie jesteś, razem też możecie nigdy nie być doskonali, ale jeżeli potrafi cię rozśmieszyć, skłonić do myślenia, i przyznania, że jesteś człowiekiem i popełniasz pomyłki, zostań z nią, i daj jej jak najwięcej. Może nie myśleć o tobie w każdej sekundzie dnia, ale da ci cząstkę siebie o której wie, że mógłbyś nią złamać jej serce. Więc nie rań jej, nie zmieniaj jej, nie analizuj jej, i nie oczekuj od niej więcej niż może dać. Uśmiechaj się kiedy cię uszczęśliwia, daj jej znać kiedy cię denerwuje, i tęsknij kiedy jej nie ma.
—  Bob Marley
Dici di amare la pioggia ma usi un ombrello quando piove. Dici di amare il sole ma ti ripari all’ombra quando splende. Dici di amare il vento ma quando passa chiudi la finestra. Per questo ho paura quando dici di amarmi.
—  Bob Marley
Możesz nie być jej pierwszym, jej ostatnim, lub jedynym. Kochała wcześniej, może kochać ponownie. Jeżeli teraz kocha Ciebie, to co innego się liczy? Nie jest perfekcyjna, ty też nie jesteś, razem też możecie nigdy nie być doskonali, ale jeżeli potrafi cię rozśmieszyć, skłonić do myślenia, i przyznania, że jesteś człowiekiem i popełniasz pomyłki, zostań z nią, i daj jej jak najwięcej. Może nie myśleć o tobie w każdej sekundzie dnia, ale da ci cząstkę siebie o której wie, że mógłbyś nią złamać jej serce. Więc nie rań jej, nie zmieniaj jej, nie analizuj jej, i nie oczekuj od niej więcej niż może dać. Uśmiechaj się kiedy cię uszczęśliwia, daj jej znać kiedy cię denerwuje, i tęsknij kiedy jej nie ma.
—  Bob Marley

“ Możesz nie być jej pierwszym, jej ostatnim, lub jedynym. Kochała wcześniej, może kochać ponownie. Jeżeli teraz kocha Ciebie, to co innego się liczy? Nie jest perfekcyjna, ty też nie jesteś, razem też możecie nigdy nie być doskonali, ale jeżeli potrafi cię rozśmieszyć, skłonić do myślenia, i przyznania, że jesteś człowiekiem i popełniasz pomyłki, zostań z nią, i daj jej jak najwięcej. Może nie myśleć o tobie w każdej sekundzie dnia, ale da ci cząstkę siebie o której wie, że mógłbyś nią złamać jej serce. Więc nie rań jej, nie zmieniaj jej, nie analizuj jej, i nie oczekuj od niej więcej niż może dać. Uśmiechaj się kiedy cię uszczęśliwia, daj jej znać kiedy cię denerwuje, i tęsknij kiedy jej nie ma ”

Bob Marley

Il triangolo NO.

Quando è comparsa lei, Marley ha smesso di essere il mio ragazzo. Un momento prima mangiavo un panino con la frittata in mezzo a tutti i suoi parenti in lacrime mentre lui cercava la mia mano e mentre quelli delle pompe funebri chiudevano la bara; il momento dopo loro due si abbracciavano e baciavano, si tenevano a braccetto mentre io seguivo il feretro e la processione fino al cimitero, da sola, in disparte. Era il mio battesimo tra i suoi amici e la sua famiglia, non conoscevo nessuno, era un'occasione già di per sé delicata come solo i funerali sanno essere, ed ero sola sola sola sola mentre lui abbracciava un'altra. A un certo punto ho finto che Fra avesse bisogno di me e sono scappata, le ho telefonato e ho pianto molto, ché tanto in quel caso nessuno fa attenzione al trucco sbavato e agli occhi gonfi. Ero ferita. Non è nemmeno gelosia, perché io so che lui non la ama, ma detesto il fatto che pur di proteggerla e di proteggere i suoi sentimenti accetti di pugnalare così profondamente i miei. Lei è una ragazza vulnerabile e a me, a dirla tutta, fa un po’ pena: in poco più di quattro mesi ho rotto tante di quelle barriere, ho conquistato tanti di quei record, sono arrivata dove lei in tutto questo tempo non ha nemmeno mai sognato di arrivare. Senza alcuno sforzo, per la semplice magia dell'innamoramento reciproco. Capisco la sua disperazione, davvero, ma non è colpa mia tutto questo. Non posso prendermi questo peso. Non posso nemmeno permettere a lui di trattarmi così. Quando siamo tornati a casa, da soli, lui ha affrontato un colloquio che io gli ho procurato presso lo stesso centro di studi di geopolitica per cui raccolgo le notizie sulla Russia. Appena finito, lei ha telefonato, lui ha risposto, lei gli ha urlato contro dicendogli che è uno stronzo e che lo odia, lui le ha detto “lo immaginavo” tutto dispiaciuto e a quel punto io sono esplosa perché davvero non ce la facevo più.

Ci provo disperatamente ad essere comprensiva, a contestualizzare, a razionalizzare, ad affrontare freddamente la situazione, a dirmi che non ho nulla da temere - ma poi li vedo abbracciati, vedo lui che quando mi tiene per mano la cerca per sincerarsi che non abbia il cuore troppo spezzato, li vedo insieme vicini, stretti, mentre una ruspa getta la terra sulla bara della nonna, e mi domando cosa diamine ci faccia io lì, col mio cappottino scuro e il mio eyeliner, col mio spirito salace e il sorriso sempre pronto, io così fiera di me per aver trovato la maturità di affrontare questa sfida a testa alta e senza mai perdere il controllo. Mi domando se ne valga la pena.

Gli ho detto tutto, anche della tentazione di tornarmene a casa col primo treno e di non farmi più sentire finché non mi fosse passata e lui si è dimostrato all'altezza. Sapeva che nessuna spiegazione sarebbe stata in grado di giustificare il suo comportamento del pomeriggio. Sapeva, e sa, di essere un coglione. Si sbaglia e si inciampa e ci si fa del male a vicenda, ma nel mio modello di relazione queste cose si affrontano sempre insieme, magari gridando e piangendo e sbattendo porte, ma si affrontano insieme. Credo che abbia capito e io sto provando a perdonarlo, anche se in petto ho un macigno enorme che quasi mi toglie il respiro.

Per quanto riguarda lei: non so. Mi sento molto superiore, e non perché abbia “vinto” il premio-Marley in palio, ma perché odiare una persona come lei odia me è un sintomo di debolezza, desiderare il male di qualcuno come lei desidera il mio è un sintomo di pochezza, e in fondo in fondo mi dispiace che questi sentimenti avvelenino la sua esistenza. Lo dico con cognizione di causa, perché anche io sono stata molto arrabbiata e ferita e addolorata per tutta l'estate per una situazione simile, ma ero arrivata alla conclusione che se ami davvero qualcuno, rispetti le sue scelte e desideri solo la sua felicità. A qualunque costo.

Comunque alla fine Marley mi ha convinta a rimanere a dormire, siamo stati a cena con i parenti e mi sono sentita così accettata e apprezzata e benvoluta da tutti che quasi dimenticavo la discussione di poco prima. Suo zio mi ha anche chiamata “bella de zio” mentre mi convinceva ad assaggiare tutti i distillati fatti in casa, prima un liquore fatto con la radice della genziana che aveva un sapore di benzina tremendo, e poi una specie di vino di visciole dolcissimo e liquoroso che mi ha lasciato la bocca vellutata. I suoi cugini mi chiedevano cose, mi coinvolgevano negli scherzi e mi facevano le battute. A letto, più tardi, abbiamo fatto l'amore silenziosamente ed intensamente dopo aver sfrattato il fratello di Marley nella camera degli ospiti, due volte, con i ritmi lenti di chi ha tanto da dire col corpo, un rituale di riappacificazione e di riconoscimento.

Non saprei tirare le somme di tutto, non ancora perlomeno. Credo che loro due abbiano molto da dirsi e credo anche che sia ora che lei si metta l'anima in pace: esisto, sono una persona in carne e ossa, con tutto un mondo dentro e intorno, non sono un ologramma virtuale che può giocare a ignorare. E lui deve smettere di trattarla come una bambina con qualche handicap, se non vuole che gli tagli il pisello di notte, lo metta sotto alcol e ci prepari un distillato.

Em julho de 1977 Marley descobriu uma ferida no dedão de seu pé direito, que ele pensou ter sofrido durante uma partida de futebol. A ferida não cicatrizou, e sua unha posteriormente caiu; foi então que o diagnóstico correto foi feito. Marley na verdade sofria de uma espécie de câncer de pele, chamado melanoma maligno, que se desenvolveu sob sua unha. Os médicos o aconselharam a ter o dedo amputado, mas Marley recusou-se devido aos princípios rastafaris que diziam que o corpo e um templo que não deve ser violado, fingindo ter o poder de curar. Ele também estava preocupado com o impacto da operação em sua dança; a amputação afetaria profundamente sua carreira no momento em que se encontrava no auge (na verdade, a preocupação de Bob Marley era quanto à amputação de qualquer parte de seu corpo, seja o dedo do pé ou suas rastas. Para os seguidores dessa religião/filosofia, não se deve cortar, aparar ou amputar qualquer parte do corpo). Marley então passou por uma cirurgia para tentar extirpar as células cancerígenas. sua doença foi revelada para seu público. O câncer espalhou-se para seu cérebro, pulmão e estômago. Durante uma turnê no verão de 1980, numa tentativa de se consolidar no mercado norte-americano, Marley desmaiou enquanto corria no Central Park de Nova Iorque. Isso aconteceu depois de uma série de shows na Inglaterra e no Madison Square Garden, mas a doença o impediu de continuar com a grande turnê agendada. Marley procurou ajuda, e decidiu ir para Munique para tratar-se com o controverso especialista Josef Issels por vários meses, não obtendo resultados. Um mês antes de sua morte, Bob Marley foi premiado com a Ordem ao Mérito Jamaicana. Ele queria passar seus últimos dias em sua terra natal, mas a doença se agravou durante o vôo de volta da Alemanha e Marley teve de ser internado em Miami. Ele faleceu no hospital Cedars of Lebanon no dia 11 de maio de 1981 em Miami, Flórida, aos 36 anos. Seu funeral na Jamaica foi uma cerimônia digna de chefes de estado, com elementos combinados da Igreja Ortodoxa da Etiópia e do Rastafarianismo. Ele foi sepultado em uma capela em Nine Mile, perto de sua cidade natal, junto com sua guitarra favorita, uma Fender Stratocaster vermelha…

Incontri dolorosi ma necessari

L’ho lasciato, per Marley, il 22 aprile 2015 e da quel giorno l’ho incontrato di sfuggita solo una volta, nonostante abitiamo nello stesso paese e frequentiamo gli stessi posti. Che ci posso fare, sono una attenta pianificatrice di serate. Bello, alto, moro, barbuto. Ogni tanto mi capita di scorgere una sua foto su qualche social, sorrido, passo oltre, con indifferenza. Lo considero un capitolo chiuso, o almeno lo consideravo così fino a stasera. Ero a Conca d’Oro, sotto la pensilina dell’autobus mentre veniva giù il diluvio, e l’ho visto arrivare sbucando dalla bocca della metro. Dopo qualche incertezza l’ho salutato in fretta, gli ho rivolto un sorrisetto, e mi sono infilata sul 337, cercando un posto a sedere. Si è seduto da un’altra parte e io ho tirato fuori il mio romanzo, decisa a far finta che non esistesse: mi sento ancora troppo in colpa, riflettevo, non sono pronta a far finta che non sia mai successo niente. Dopo una manciata di minuti ho sollevato lo sguardo ed era lì, in piedi vicino a me, senza un’ombra della timidezza che conoscevo tanto bene, determinato a fare conversazione, le labbra appena incurvate verso l’alto. Segnatevelo: Omo 1 – Camilla 0. Mi ha dato una grande, enorme, GIGANTE lezione di umanità, di civiltà, di generosità, di perdono (come se non ne avessi ricevute già abbastanza da lui). E quindi, mentre chiacchieravamo dell’università, del tirocinio, dei nostri amici e delle nostre famiglie, il tempo è scorso via abbastanza velocemente, come è stato sempre tra di noi, che pure nel 90% dei casi non avevamo assolutamente nulla da dirci. Gli ho confessato che avrei preferito non parlarci perché i sensi di colpa ancora mi tengono sveglia la notte, perché nonostante tutta l’acqua passata sotto ai ponti recentemente in un sogno la colpevolezza ha preso forma e mi sono svegliata con le lacrime agli occhi. Mi ha guardata senza distogliere lo sguardo, ha reclinato appena il capo sulla spalla e mi ha detto “io non ce l’ho con te, Camilla, non ce l’ho mai avuta con te, forse capire questa cosa ti aiuterà a perdonarti”, con la voce di uno che intendeva esattamente queste parole. Ho sempre saputo che avesse un cuore grande, ma non credevo che potesse essere così grande. O forse non credevo di meritare questo perdono totale, sereno, quasi incurante.

Sono molto felice di com’è la mia vita, oggi: gli studi proseguono alla grande, sto per cominciare un’esperienza lavorativa veramente elettrizzante che mi permetterà di inserirmi nel mondo dell’arte e di conoscere un sacco di persone interessanti, di avere accesso a un ambiente culturale molto fertile e dinamico, Marley mi guarda con gli occhi dell’amore e mi scopa con gusto (molto gusto) (lo so che una vera signora certe cose non le scrive pubblicamente, ma per onestà devo includere anche questo elemento nella voce felicità) (mica posso scrivere solo del bicchiere di vino con un panino) e io sono convinta che sia un po’… come dire?, il mio Dario Fo se fossi Franca Rame. Oltretutto suo cugino ieri ha detto che gli piaccio e che sono dimagrita un sacco (anche se sospetto fosse solo merito del total black e della postura da vamp), ma insomma, oh!, nella mia sinusoide raramente ho raggiunto vette così alte! Eppure mi mancava qualcosa, avevo un’ombra dentro che mi costringeva a ripetermi in continuazione “sono un mostro, ho ferito a morte la persona che più mi amava e che più amavo, potrei rifarlo in ogni istante con chiunque mi circondi, devo stare attenta, non devo darmi spazio, non merito tutte queste cose belle”.

Non so perché io stia utilizzando l’imperfetto, l’ombra c’è ancora, è lì, pronta ad ingoiarmi, e la vocina dolorosa anche, ma qualcosa è scattato, e questo rumore di meccanismi non oleati, lo stridio delle ruote dentate e il cigolio sinistro dei pezzi metallici forse sono il sintomo che potrei addirittura guarire.

Ki vagy te, hogy bíráld az életet, amit élek? Nem vagyok tökéletes. Nem is azért élek, hogy azzá váljak, de mielőtt mutogatni kezdenél, győződj meg róla, hogy a te kezeid tiszták!

Bob Marley

ma 69 éve,hogy megszületett

anonymous asked:

Qual'è la tua ragazza ideale?

Ahahahah, preparati.
Deve esser dolce, non fredda, non stronza.
Deve esser simpatica e divertente.
Mi piace se prende l'iniziativa e che non sia sempre io a chiedere o voler fare le cose.
Non mi piace se fuma (in mia presenza, può fumare come marley ma odio se fuma con me, proprio non mi piace), non mi piace se sputa o dice troppe parolacce.
Dev'esser sincera, leale e fedele.
Mi piace sportiva (dormire non è uno sport c.c ). Solo perché io amo lo sport, ma anche non praticasse uno sport mi piacerebbe comunque.
Non mi piace se troppo “festaiola” io preferisco uscire e non andare a feste in discoteca.

Poi deve anche attrarmi, ovviamente.
Deve avere un bel sorriso, che contagia.
Sinceramente mi piacciono le more con occhi marroni c: ma anche se fosse bionda, rossa o qualsiasi altro colore non ha importanza.
E poi un fisico normale.
Deve sapermi far star bene e render felice. Niente falserie.

Ecco, questa sarebbe la ragazza mia ragazza ideale :)

Możesz nie być jej pierwszym, jej ostatnim, lub jedynym. Kochała wcześniej, może kochać ponownie. Jeżeli teraz kocha Ciebie, to co innego się liczy? Nie jest perfekcyjna, ty też nie jesteś, razem też możecie nigdy nie być doskonali, ale jeżeli potrafi cię rozśmieszyć, skłonić do myślenia, i przyznania, że jesteś człowiekiem i popełniasz pomyłki, zostań z nią, i daj jej jak najwięcej. Może nie myśleć o tobie w każdej sekundzie dnia, ale da ci cząstkę siebie o której wie, że mógłbyś nią złamać jej serce. Więc nie rań jej, nie zmieniaj jej, nie analizuj jej, i nie oczekuj od niej więcej niż może dać. Uśmiechaj się kiedy cię uszczęśliwia, daj jej znać kiedy cię denerwuje, i tęsknij kiedy jej nie ma
—  Bob Marley
Chapter 20

Chris went away to LA just to finish off an album but we didn’t go with him, the kids wanted to go but I actually wanted to stay because I was enjoying it and well Chanise wanted to go and I told her to ask her father if he would take her but she hasn’t spoken to him since what she said. I sometimes think I’m stupid to even let him go to LA but then again we are divorcing so who am I to refuse him, he did ask my permission which I thought was odd because he doesn’t need too. Chris has been away for two days now and I do miss him but what can I say, Joyce has gone back to stay with her daughter but sees the grandkids so I actually have the house to myself with my kids. I think I actually love it here, the kids get to see their cousins every day and just roam free I don’t have to worry; I know they like it here but just miss their friends in LA.

Holding the bottle while Cayden drank his milk, I’ve noticed how clingy Cayden is and how he loves  me to only put him to sleep nobody else, he knows his mother’ touch but Raelynn is just very lazy and sleeps way more than Cayden because he’s always unsettled. A loud knock on the bedroom door I looked up about to say come in but Mel just walked in with some roses in hand “uhm this has just come” she walked over to me “this has a note, can I read?” she asked picking the note out, I frowned nodding “oh yeah it is for you by the way” I laughed at her “like you care to ask my permission to read something” I spat moving the bottle and lifting Cayden rubbing his back to burp him “bitch shut up but let me read this” she placed the roses at the side of me “hmmm oohhh gwerl” she smirked clearing her throat “dress casual with just your beautiful smile as an accessory, be ready for 7 as your car will await you outside. Hope to see you soon shawty, kiss kiss and then CB in capitals” my eyes near fell out “what!!?” I half shouted and then felt Cayden be sick on my hand but I don’t care “hold up, Chris?” I asked in confusion, she nodded “ooohhh gwerl you is on a date with your husband” I’m in shock, is he for real.

I been clock watching all day but it was still too early to get ready “where is he taking me? Dress casual though?” Mel is bored of me asking all these questions “Chris is unpredictable and I thought he was in LA? What happened?” Mel asked me, I shrugged not knowing “he really didn’t tell me much but I thought he was in LA but oh my god! He’s in VA maybe he never left?” Mel snorted “okay miss conspiracy theorist” she is never no help “whatever but you looking after my kids” she rolled her eyes sighing “I’m joking but of course, you know I will” I need to thank her once my life is back in order “but you think I should trust him? What if he makes me dress causal just for the fun of it?” Mel straight ignored me flicking through the channels.

“Ma!” Marley shouted coming into the bedroom “there is some guy here for you” I gasped looking at the time, it was 7 this guy was not late “oh shit, Mel do I look good?” she looked me up and down, I have been trying to get dress for the last hour but I guess a pair of jeans and a white skin tight top would be okay “timbs or ballerina shoes” holding them up “oh bitch timberlands all the way” I nodded putting them on, my make-up was real basic too, Mel said Chris likes me like this so I might as well comply with his note.

Sitting in this car I felt like I was crazy that I’m actually even doing this like he could be doing anything, it could be some sort of kidnap, I shook my head laughing at myself he’s not that bad he just does the most. Chanise and Marley looked at me like I was crazy when I said I was going on a date, like their parents can’t date. The car started pulling into a parking lot, I looked out the window seeing the cinema complex we used to come to a lot when we was younger. Chris was stood smoking trying to look through the black tinted windows in the back but could not see me. The driver opened the door “thank you” I mumbled getting out, Chris was staring at me so hard and I hated it so I put my head down walking over to him. I finally looked up seeing him dressed simple with a cap, white tee, jeans and timberlands; I did not know he would have worn the same which made me smile even more.

 Standing next to him not saying a word, he put his cigarette to his lips and then looked at me blowing the smoke out “waiting for someone?” his voice sounding husky “I’m waiting for my date” I said in the littlest voice ever, the car park was so dead and I found it odd “same, but I think she stood me up” I let out a laugh looking up at him “why would anyone want to stand you up” he threw his cigarette turning around to me “she probably hates me but where your man at?” biting on my bottom lip “I’m married” he let out a big oh looking at my hand “I ain’t see no ring ma” he had to say that “whatever” I had nothing else to say “so you going to let me take you on a date?” I squinted thinking “only if you paying?” he started laughing “I got you” he got his hand out “I shouldn’t hold hands on the first date” I said walking passed him.

I watched her walk away, now she just playing with me. Placing my hands in my pocket following behind her watching her ass sway from side to side on purpose “keep swaying yo ass like that ma’am you about to get fucked right in the back of the cinema” she flicked her hair turning her head while walking “excuse me? Act like a gentleman” she turned around still swaying her ass, I chuckled shaking my hand. She was about to open the door but I quickly got it for her “let me babe” pulling the door open “after you” she was loving this I can tell, I walked in behind her.

Standing in the queue at the box office “we being normal people today?” she questioned, I nodded “yes, well try to be” she shuffled closer to me “you wouldn’t let me hold your hand yet you standing so close to me” she elbowed me lightly “shut up and be nice, you supposed to be nice to your date” I smiled moving forward in the queue, people kept looking and whispering but I ignored it. With my arms behind my back waiting for this queue to go down which to be honest I didn’t need to wait but I did, me and Robyn was silent so I was looking around and caught some nigga looking at Robyn’ ass, I mugged him but he legit was not even caring like excuse me my nigga this is mine. This guy was really annoying me now so I slipped my hand on top of her ass which made him look over at me “problem?” I spat “thought y’all ain’t together?” he pointed laughing “you country niggas have no shame” he put his hands up “I was just looking” shaking my head “dumb nigga” I mumbled “your ass grown or some shit?” I asked Robyn “yes, I been working it on Adrian” she spat before walking off “get the tickets and hurry up” she spat walking off, my mouth hung open just staring at her.

Robyn made me hold the drinks and popcorn like she don’t have no damn hands herself, my bodyguard is actually here but was just behind us. He walked with us up to our seats “have fun boss” he said to me as I walked passed him to sit down “what you mean homie?” I half laughed “she being mad feisty” he sat down as I made my way over, placing our drink in the holder “what if I don’t want to share with you?” I ignored her sitting down “what if I don’t want to sit next to you” now she was being annoying “fine, I know some girl will want me” Robyn started laughing “you get all stressed” she took my cap off “calm down, I’m joking” she put my cap on the free seat, I ran my hand over my head “my hair is growing” she looked “nah it’s not that bad you’ve had it worse than that” she wrapped her arm around mine, I smiled at her doing it just naturally.

The movie ended and I usually love watching movies but this was so bad like I was really bored but Robyn’ boring ass was so quiet and loved it, it was about women and love but I stayed so still because she held on to my arm tight. The lights came on “my ass is numb” was the first thing I said, Robyn moved away stretching “oh my gosh, I loved it I didn’t think you would sit with me” getting up from my seat smiling “why would you think that?” she picked my hat up passing it me “because you never really sit with me and watch cute movies, actually when you was like 18 because you was a little whipped boy” I pulled a face waiting for her to get up “I was not whipped” she got up laughing “Chris you was whipped by me, but I lost my whip somewhere” I laughed shaking my head “I still can do cute things with you” she didn’t really reply but I think maybe I lost my touch.

Holding Robyn’ jacket as she went to the bathroom, she was taking forever as I paced outside “Pete go and find out what she doing?” his face dropped “nigga I’m playing” I busted out laughing “you legit took me serious didn’t you?” he nodded breathing a sigh of relief “how can I say no? I would have too” watching some girls come out the bathroom but not Robyn “remind me to never let her use a bathroom again” looking down at my timberlands, I’m so bored. Robyn finally came out “what were you doing?” I asked in confusion “truthfully? Checking my make-up and then I ended up taking pictures of myself because I looked cute” sighing shaking my head, I still held on to her jacket as we walked out “what we doing now?” she asked, I smirked shrugging “surprise but you have to do it no matter what” she snatched her jacket from me “hmmmm my kids said I’m not allowed to be out late soooo…” I raised an eyebrow “but I give you permission to stay out late” I cheesed “whatever” she spat.

I stopped outside the roller skating place “are you serious? You want me to break a hip?” Robyn half shouted, I smiled while laughing “baby, you agreed so now let’s go” my bodyguard opened my door “you just want to see me break a leg” she looked so mad at me “you trust me don’t you?” she opened her door getting out, well damn.

Watching Robyn struggling to put her skates on I let out a little laugh “you need help?” she didn’t respond “I can do this” she spat, I looked up at Peter he was laughing also “take my cap” passing it him “we going to be here forever, even little kids are better than you” I just felt a hand slap my leg “I don’t know why I’m even doing this” she mumbled, I smiled so wide because I found it hilarious. Robyn sighed “help me please” she looked so cute “no please?” she just pouted looking up “fine” kneeling down to tie her skates, once I was done I stood up “come on then” but Robyn waved her hands around like a 5 year old “help!!” I laughed pulling her up easily; she rolled forward and panicked slightly. She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist, knees turning to jelly “please don’t let me fall” I could not stop laughing “you want a helmet babe” she shook her head “just help me” she was blushing so hard. “Just follow me” I shook my head. Taking her hand securely, directing her towards the rink. She followed after me looking pitiful letting me drag her towards the rink.

Why did I let him even bring me here, god he is annoying. I held on to the side for dear life not moving and he done left me here “need help?” he skated next to me smiling with his goofy front tooth showing, if I could I would push him but I am not letting go. “Come here” he got his hand out “you crazy?” I shouted at him, he shook his head “trust me I won’t let you fall” I pouted shaking my head “I’m scared please” he sighed laughing grabbing me by the waist pulling me into him, he had me facing him but I grabbed on to his body for dear life “it’s not bad, just steer with your first foot and propel forward with your other one” he instructed, I hesitantly tried and started squealing as we started moving “don’t let me go” I whined at the same time, he grabbed on to my arms and started skating backwards pulling me along “oh my fucking god!!” I screamed “stop it” I was so ready to cry and he knew it so he pulled me into him so I could hold onto him “we skate slowly?” I nodded into his chest.

After a while I got the hang of it and I was actually enjoying it, Chris held my waist as he steered me around the rink hugging me from behind, he was actually careful going around but we was going at such a speed I couldn’t stop giggling “Robyn?” he whispered lowly, barely audible even though his mouth was right next to my ear sending pleasurable shivers down my spine “yeah?” I answered “Let’s not pretend” He said and then quickly spun me around, ducking down to plant a kiss on my lips “you aren’t my wife” he whispered against my lips before he pulled away. My cheeks were entirely red I could feel them.

I was about open my mouth to respond only to feel a notch in the ground tripping me up. I fell forward into Chris causing him to topple over with me on top. I pulled up slightly so I was hovering over him. I stared into his eyes for a moment, a ghost of a smile lingering on my face. “Husband” I captured his lips causing him to grin against my lips. I ran my fingers through his hair; loving the feel of it "No making out on the floor” the staff member reprimanded us, skating past with an irritated frown. I pulled back instantly staring after him with a gaping mouth. I pulled away from Chris realizing what we were doing; I blushed with my hand over mouth. “Forget you homie, its couples skate!” Chris hollered “we supposed to be skating not making out on the floor” I reminded him. He looked at me and scowled “well you the one that is on top of me still” I paused thinking “maybe because I can’t get up” Chris rubbed his face but I was being so serious I don’t know how.

Me and Chris sat in the car with McDonalds like this nigga really did not take me to no fancy shit “you’re tacky” I said while sticking a fry in my mouth “this has to be your cheapest date ever with me” he let out a burp “damn, uh not really I put some thought into this ma’am” I frowned “thought?” I spat “how!?” he wiped his mouth and then turned a little in the car so he was facing me “this is not just it, I have more things yet but this is just the beginning. I feel we just lost us once we had kids we ended up being parents well childish parents but we never did us, we had to act like grown-ups like today we acted mad childish but seeing you laugh and smile at every part meant everything to me. Not once did I see you frown even though at the cinema I was so bored but I watched you enjoy yourself with me there, I’m sorry I stopped doing them things with you because it’s missing in our relationship” it warmed my heart up so much that he actually knew his faults.

“I did go to LA but just to sort some things out but I came back and just thought a lot about where we are going wrong, it is me because I don’t know what’s good for me but I swear I do actually owe my life and you mean the world to me but this not just me pleading to have this marriage back to normal because there is more work to be done to make you feel how you should” I couldn’t even being myself to look away because he was actually being so cute, I was in awe “that don’t even mean we gonna be going home and we going to have sex and that’s it we good, because sex don’t fix us it fixes my pleasure but not us because you’re still unhappy even if you make out that you are” my eyes started to fill up “you give me 100 and I gave you 50, I failed you and at the end of the day you’re always there to pick me up when everyone else has dropped me” I wiped the stray tear that left “I just want you to know that you’re appreciated by me, this is just the beginning we’re going to start from the bottom, I mean that with the kids also because I messed them up with my shit just like my parents did” I put my hand over his mouth “you haven’t messed them up don’t ever put yourself down like that, you’re not your father because you’re still here for them and give them everything and all the love so please don’t ever say that” I couldn’t stand to hear him talk like that.

He dropped me off at the house and he was sat in the car like I’m expecting him to come home so I shut the door because he was not moving “you not coming? Where you staying?” he looked over at me “oh erm just at my auntie’ place” I frowned “but I want you to be here please?” Chris laughed “you inviting me over huh” he winked “shut up” hitting his arm “aight, I’ll be a good boy” he turned his car engine off, I’m so happy he’s staying.

The cry of a baby woke me out of my sleep, I jolted up looking at the side of me and Robyn was already out of bed holding one of the babies “sorry” she said smiling at me, she was just in her bra and panties like damn “I didn’t think he would wake up at the same time” rubbing my eyes “it’s cool” I could tell she hated feeling exposed but I couldn’t help but look “here I’ll take one” pushing myself up with my back against the headboard “they hungry?” she shook her head “no she just been fed,  I was rocking her to sleep but then he woke up” she carefully passed me Raelynn but I grabbed Robyn’ wrist before she walked off “I love you” she smiled moving her face “I love you too” I let her wrist go and just watched her ass go “damn” I mumbled and then looked down at a staring Raelynn “oh shit, you caught me staring” touching her nose she blinked her eyes looking at me in shock “you ain’t finna tell her right? I’m supposed to be a good boy but I can’t help it because her ass has grown” Robyn walked over to me “tell me what?” I looked at her “uhm nothing” smiling at her “I need to make his bottle so if I lay him next to you will that be ok” I nodded, it’s hard having two babies.

Robyn got back in bed to feed Cayden but had my top on, I was enjoying the view “I didn’t complain you know” she picked up Cayden that was now ready to eat his hand off “about?” she crossed her legs Indian style shaking the bottle “you walking around like that” she blushed shaking her head “I had to leave the room so I had to put something on, I have a teenage son remember” I let out a big oh “she not sleeping yet” I shook my head “she’s enjoying my company to be honest” I turned her around so she laid face forward on my chest “you’re always so different with girls like honestly, I don’t know what it is but you’re so loving towards them like with Chanise you did so much for her like she would be hanging out with you everywhere but with Marley you seemed to want him to be a man like you showed him hard love” kissing the top of Raelynn’ head “I don’t know, it’s just something about daughter’s they need all the love because they’re so precious and delicate” touching her forehead lightly, she kept blinking looking around to see me.

Robyn shuffled over to me with Cayden in her arms “ewww look at you drooling everywhere” Robyn got comfortable right next to me “don’t mind me” she wiped Cayden’ drool with my top “it’s okay” his little lip poking out looking at me “you happy now huh?” he started kicking his legs making baby sounds “thank you” I put my arm around her “for?” I questioned “helping me with them, at times it’s hard and then at any minute now Rohan is going to knock the door down” I just looked at her, she does so much but yet I never realised how much she does, I took her for advantage. She still holding that Rihanna name for her fans and for her management and still does concerts but comes home and is a mother but I overlooked it. All she ever really wanted from me was appreciation but I gave her shit “I’m sorry, you only had that breakdown was because of me after having the twins. You was probably scared to have these because of what I did when you had Rohan” she didn’t say anything, her silence said everything.

Robyn was so right Rohan opened the door “momma!!” he shouted and then stopped “daddy!!!” he screamed in shock not knowing what to do with himself “sssshhhh Rohan and shut the door” the twins were slowly drifting to sleep, he banged the door shut “oh my god” he ran and jumped on the bed crawling over “you not tell me?” he questioned me “I was hiding away from you” I said, he frowned “but I miss you daddy, mommy sleep all by herself she be sad daddy” I tightened my arm around her “momma not gonna be sad no more” he nodded getting closer “boo!!” he shouted in Cayden’ face scaring him awake, I couldn’t contain my laugh “Rohan!! What I tell you” she placed Cayden over her shoulder “sshhhhh, it’s okay” she patted his back “oooppss” he put his hand over his mouth “do that to Raelynn I’ll kick you” he smirked and then looked at Robyn “I love you momma” she rolled her eyes “love you too, now kissy” Robyn leaned forward pouting her lips and Rohan pecked her lips “uhm” I cleared my throat “where my kissy?” I asked Robyn “ha!!” she shuffled away from me “I’m hurt!!” I pouted at her.

Chris’ lazy ass is still asleep and it’s the afternoon, Marley has gone out again with his cousins which he loves so much, he seems to be so out going here more than LA. Mel sat at the dining table eating fruit while I cleaned the kitchen “morning, I mean afternoon” Chris walked in fully dressed and ready to go out “negro walking down like he got some” Mel looked him up and down as he sat down “you filthy minded actually, I’m just happy because my wife is happy” Mel looked at me and then back at him “nigga you divorcing her or nah” I leaned over the counter placing my head in my hands waiting for his answer “she ain’t sign it so.. And Mel you know we would be back together so don’t play stupid” she waved him off “y’all so bipolar but I’m glad I feel the happy vibes in this house” he was right though we would have been back together no matter what, Chris cleared his throat “be ready for 7:30 Robyn we going out to dinner, I want Chanise and also Raelynn ready. I’m taking the women in my life out” my mouth hung open, he actually taking his three girls out “oh yeah Mel you’re one of them, I’m taking you too so be ready yeah” I cooed “oh my gosh, are you being serious?” he nodded looking at me “Mel is one of them women in my life so who am I to not take her with us” Mel squealed in excitement “come here” she got up from her seat “I love you” she hugged him, he was acting so macho waving it off but he was loving it deep down.

I was pushing it when I walked downstairs and it was 7:38 “y’all having McDonalds if we lose that booking” holding on to the car seat that Raelynn is in “I had that last night I don’t think so” I spat getting to the bottom “Chris you a sell-out, how you gonna take them to eat and not the boys huh?” Mijo looked in annoyance “like we could have gone as a family right?” Chris took the car seat from me “I never take them out though do I? We always chillin” he waved him off “y’all ready then?” Chris asked, I nodded looking around “yeah should be, Mel came down ages ago and so did Chanise” he started walking out “kids be good for uncle Mijo” Rohan skipped over to me “momma, daddy said I have to be good and not cry because he going to take you out and make you happy so I should be happy” he said it so fast with his head down “well I’m proud of you for not crying because you’re a big boy, I’ll be back okay” he looked up “have fun mommy” he screamed out.

I leaned on Chris half tired I swear I have eaten too much “nobody told you to eat extras with your fat ass” Mel cut a bit of her steak “oh shut up, you holding everyone up with your slow ass we want dessert” I said back, Mel chewed so slow “well for you I will be even slower” I sighed, looking over at Chanise and Chris they are ever so quiet, it is them two that was making everything awkward. I kicked Mel under the table “bitch!!” she spat, I eyed her looking over at Chanise but she was not getting it “I swear ….” I mumbled “ooohhh wait I get it never mind” I know Chris is hurt by Chanise for even doing what she did.

Mel finally finished her food which was so painfully long “Christopher, why you so quiet? This ain’t like you at all” Mel questioned him “I don’t know” he smiled, he looked so adorable “hmmm right so about you and Chanise why don’t you just both talk” I felt him stiffen “she has the issue not me” Chanise’ head turned so quick, oh god this girl has a mouth on her “no I don’t” she said with an attitude “you always ruin everything and mom is just stupid” Mel grabbed Chanise’ arm “calm your tone ma’am” I stayed quiet I was not about to make a scene in a restaurant people already think we always got issues “nah Mel leave her, she would dog her own dad out that’s how loyal she is. Wasn’t it you that threw my past back in my face, I expect so little from you because you give me shit, I really don’t want you to come to me and say you’re sorry because you not. You act so fucking hard done by which you probably get that from me but trust me I give you everything and I get shit from you” Chris was so calm saying all them things “I must admit Chanise is the most spoilt one from them all, let’s not forget how she had you flying from LA to Barbados after a concert because she lost her damn tooth” I started laughing, Mel reminded us “I was legit mad that he flew out for that petty shit and if I said that he would never. Mel you remember the tears and how I told her she going to get big teeth and then you said bitch it’s a spot of blood stop being childish” me and Mel busted out laughing “but listen here Miss Chanise you cried so hard on the phone wanting Chris and he had a concert 2 days after the one he was doing but he got on the plane and flew out to see you, you can never say your dad is never not there for you because he has done so much for you” Chris was so quiet he didn’t even really laugh with us “well sorry” she said “oh shut up” Mel spat waving her off, I shook my head at her.

We finished our dessert and I placed my hand on top of Chris’ “you want to go out for a cigarette?” he nodded “yeah” he mumbled getting up; I got up with him going outside. Chris turned around once we got outside “woah!” he held his chest “my bad, I didn’t think you was coming out with me” he chuckled getting his cigarettes out “well I thought you looked like you needed one and I thought to keep you company” I shivered, VA and it’s cold weather “it’s cold though” he lit his cigarette up “come here” he got his arms open, I shuffled over to him putting my arms around him “you want my sweatshirt?” I shook my head “no because then you will be cold” wrapping his one free arm around me “when you want to go back to LA? The kids school not going to be happy, you can go back I don’t mind” I looked up at him “I actually like it here besides the cold it’s lovely here, I have never felt so close to you while being here. I don’t know I just don’t want to go but we stuck with the school part and I don’t want to be away from you” I squeezed him even tighter “well you can’t go yet because I have other things to do with you but I’ll sort something out, I promise you won’t be on your own” he kissed the top of my head.