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what is BPD?

 Even though I have a blog about BPD, a lot of people have a lot of doubts about it (about the symptoms, terms, etc). So here is a post about BPD and, please, if you are neurotypical don’t comment “wow I have it” just because you read my post.

  • Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed when there is a persistent pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, mood and self-image, as well as distinct impulsive behaviour, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. These difficulties are indicated by five (or more) of the following:
  1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.

  5. recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.

  7. chronic feelings of emptiness.

  8. inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.

What is FP? 

FP means, for someone who has BPD, favorite person. It is a term that refers to the person you most idealize, usually it is someone you have romantic feelings for, but it can be a friend, fictional character, someone in your family, etc. Not everyone who has BPD has a FP, but it is something common. Having a FP is not something beautiful and shouldn’t be romantized, your mood starts depending on that person, on the way they talk to you, you have a lot of mental breakdowns when they’re gone and it’s something that puts you in risk, because you’re willing to do basically anything for that person.

What is “split”?

Splitting is the action of feeling extremely angry at someone who you usually idealize, for example, your fp (but it doesn’t have to be necessarily your fp). Someone who suffers from BPD usually has black and white thinking or feeling, loving or hating someone, doing something all the time or not at all, basically no harlf term. When someone splits, it means that they were from a extreme to another about their feelings to someone. It can happen for big and important reasons, when someone actually does a serious mistake or it can happen when someone does a “small” mistake and we react extremely, due to BPD hypersensitivity.

What is dissociation?

That’s what Wikipedia says: “In psychology, dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience. The major characteristic of all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality, rather than a loss of reality as in psychosis.”. Dissociation is the match of despersonalization (“Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. Chronic depersonalization refers to depersonalization-derealization disorder, which is classified by the DSM-5 as a dissociative disorder.”) and derealization (“Derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.”). Basically, it is feeling like YOU are not real + the WORLD is not real. Okay, I’m not sure about what I’m going to say now, please someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that there a lot of dissociative disorders, but in BPD people usually suffer just from dissociative symptoms.

Self-Harm?

Self-harm is when you intentionally hurt yourself. Okay, but why? Some people self-harm to relief the pain, a lot of people with BPD also relate they self-harm to feel real during dissociative episodes or to feel something when the emptiness sensations are acting out. For some people, self-harm is when you hurt your body tissue, for example, cutting or scratching yourself, but, personally, in my opinion, thre are different ways or expressing self-harm before it becomes something extreme, for example, starving yourself, triggering yourself, doing something you don’t want to just because you “deserve it”, etc.

“People with BPD are always abusive.”

That’s absolutely not true. A lot of websites make articles about BPD and, because of a lack of information, they mention we are abusive and things like that. The truth is that no one is automatically abusive JUST because their mental illnesses. Abuse is something related to someone’s behavior, regardless if they’re mentally ill or not. “Okay, so why a lot of people say BPD makes someone abusive?” Maybe it’s because PDs are not a very discussed topic and people are always afraid of the unkown, so it’s better if they just judge us. Also, maybe because people with BPD are often seen as “attention seekers”, which is not something bad, in my opinion, because everyone should receive enough attention, since they’re not using bad mechanisms to get it.

About some other symptoms

Mood swings happen when someone goes to an emotion to another. For someone who has BPD, it happens a lot of times during the day. For example, if you got a friend and they have BPD they can talk about suicide and how hopeless they feel and a few hours or minutes later they can talk about future plans and how excited they are about things. It impacts our affective instability too, so sometimes we get lost thinking if we like someone or not. We can easily “get tired” of someone and then becoming totally dependent on them after some time. Our instability also impacts our sense of self, sometimes it makes us question even if we are real (going back to the dissociation aspect). That’s why is so hard for us to do things like choosing a career, because today I can feel like becoming an actress and then tomorrow I want to be a doctor. Our decisions and moods are constantly changing.Our fear of abandonment controls our lives, we can do things that we don’t even want to just to have someone by our sides. Also, some people with BPD can get too clingy or too distant to someone they love, clingy to avoid the abandonment and distant because of a “leave them before they leave me” thought. That’s why our relationships are very unstable.Compulsion and impulsivity is a form of expressing our confused feelings, like if we need something to rely on. We can drink too much, eat too much, waste too much money, etc. It can happens for a lot of reasons, for example, to fill the feelings of emptiness or to avoid a breakdown, specially when someone leaves.

Quiet and explosive borderlines

Explosive borderline is someone who is the “classical” borderline. They will act out, they may yell at people, they may get involved in fights and etc. Someone who is a quiet borderline will act in, holding their pain agaisnt themselves, for example, with the self-harm. They may not usually yell at people or get involved in fights, but, instead, they will do terrible things with themselves. There is not a “worse or better type of borderline”, they’re just different types. We all suffer a lot.

Sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct. English is not my native language. I hope it was a helpful post for some help here on tumblr.
Stay strong, borderline community!

i think often how there’s a direct correlation between a woman’s ability to find financial freedom and the divorce rate of a country. how the leading factor that makes people in abusive situations stay is because of financial control. i think about the life my ancestors lived, and how they’re thrown in my face time and time again. people ask: why can’t real love like that exist anymore? why aren’t people just happy with who they choose. marriage is work, i’m reminded, and these couples found ways to work through.

oh, i’m sure true love existed before me and will exist after my light snuffs out. but i also know for every story about how wonderful it all turned out, there’s another one sitting at the bottom of a river, full of rot. 

i think about how divorce rates are seen as a failure of society. how recently that rate been going down, markedly. i think about how somehow it seems shameful to say our divorce rate reached 50%, right around the same time birth control became prevalent. and i think about these things and how they link hands, how maternity leave effects job opportunities, how money forces people to stay in a family, how the spike in divorces correlates so strongly to women in the work force getting their foot in.

oh, i know it’s not always the case. but did you know millennials are getting married at a much slower pace? oh, it might be nothing, but now women are a majority in college, are silently and slowly equalizing the workforce. it’s easier now than ever for women to choose work first. she is no longer her husband’s property. her property is now hers, not her family’s. you know only a few generations ago that would have been an impossibility. 

someone tells me love is dead. “there’s no more longterm love like in the 50′s”. i don’t know about that. i see plenty of happy. it’s just that sometimes happiness looks more like leaving.

✨ february fanfics!! ✨

» After the Storm by ofthedells

Allura, Pidge, Hunk, Lance and Keith go camping.

» bad communication by calliopinaround

“Can we, like, stop speaking in code now actually, because I’m not anymore certain than I was two minutes ago that we’re talking about the same thing and I just want to know if you’re saying you like me back or if I just maybe read way too much into this entire conversation and made that part up?”

» Block, Punch, Dodge by chasing_the_sterek

In which Lance is a secret badass, Keith is surprisingly not as emotionally constipated as normal and everyone cheats at least little bit.

» Dancing Lions, Painted Wings by genericfanatic

Years after peace has been made between the Galran and Altean kingdoms, The witch Haggar comes for vengeance. The young symbol of peace, the half-galran, half-altean Prince Kalor is lost.

» galaxies in your eyes, flowers in my heart by Elysabeth

Lance meets his neighbor, grows flowers, almost dies, paints the universe and falls in love. Not necessarily in this order.

» Ghost of the Future by wittyy_name & Zizzani

When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place.

This Lance is faster, stronger, and markedly more mature. Not only that, but he’s distinctly more intuitive about his teammates and A LOT more touchy with Keith.

» Heart on Fire by dumpsterdiva 

Recipe for this fic:
1 peaceful morning jog in the park
1 auto-mechanic hothead keith
1 soccer player sinamonroll™ lance
2 cups mutual pining
A dash of angst
All the sugar in the world
Way too many bad pick-up lines
And a burn so slow you could slow roast a whole Kaltenecker

» He Sleeps in the Sky of Ice by jadencross

It’s been three months since the plan to rescue Allura, and Team Voltron has finally found each other again.

Well, almost.

» He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

When Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed…and so are the true monsters.

» how will you know its good (because you never do) by mayerwien

Keith and Lance make a 1 AM pilgrimage to Jollibee, Keith questions everything in the known universe, and Lance just wants to eat his gravy and carbs in peace.

» i just want you to know who i am by Kyoshu_Koi

“It’s you!” Keith screamed, “It’s always been you.”

» it’s quite bizarre, and will remain this way by mayerwien

Dear Mr. Coran,

I am writing to entrust to you the care and supervision of the young man who will be working with our custodial team starting this coming Tuesday. The young man’s name, as I’m sure you already know, is Keith.

» Laughter Lines by tibetanturnips

Keith and Lance have visited Earth a few times since they became paladins twenty years ago. This time will be the hardest.

“I’ll see you in the future when we’re older and we are full of stories to be told.”

» let the whole world know by redburn

Your soulmates first words said to you are inked on your wrist at birth.

Except now Keith decided he wasn’t going to wait for his soulmate to come along, instead he was more keen on asking out the cute barista who worked near their campus.

» Love and Other Questions by squirenonny

Canonverse Soulmate AU with romantic and platonic soulmates (and some gray areas in between)

» never saw you coming by dimpleforyourthoughts

Three months in space on his own would have been fine. Three months in space with Lance McClain is a whole other fucking story.

» Of booty shorts and injuries by Queerswimming

Keith and Lance unexpectedly meet at the emergency room in the middle of the night.

» Pillars of Doubt by Sarolonde

Lance’s wild, carefree smile is missing and he’s isolating himself. Keith hates it, he misses Lance but doesn’t know how to fix it, especially when he can barely cope with his own problems. 

» Shadow of the Past by wittyy_name & Zizzani

When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here.

He finds his team to be remarkably familiar, yet distinctly different. They have more scars, a better grip on the whole saving the universe thing, and over a year’s worth of teamwork to bind them together. But the weirdest part? Keith seems to be a lot more touchy with him. Not that he’s complaining… much.

» The Canvas Effect by neadevar

Lance Mcclain is desperate to find his niche in the world, thought he might have when he discovered he had a soulmate. Only his soulmate seems to be a dick.

» the currents you create by theoddoodisnude

Some days, he woke up even more tired than he’d been when he’d gone to sleep, and willing his body to go through the motions was just—tough. Like wading through thigh-high water or running on soft sand that gave under the soles of his feet.

» The Hunt is Over by lilythechessie

Along the road to making the world a better place by taking down any and all Galra, Lance runs into love in the dark of night on a motor bike. Literally.

» this love has a heartbeat by ashmes

Keith has never really paid any mind to grand romantic gestures, let alone big celebrations and days dedicated to them. It didn’t make sense to him back then on Earth, still doesn’t make sense to him now that they’ve all been invited to the Festival of Love.

» together by RainPhee

Not a single member of Voltron was ready to be taking care of an alien baby themselves.

But that’s what they got.

» Voluntary Drowning by GhostFox

“Oh my god, are you always this annoying?” Keith fists a hand in his hair, tugging lightly as he tries to convince himself that the tingling in his stomach is frustration and not because the dumb quirk at the corner of Lance’s lips is kind of cute.

“Only with people who are cute when they’re mad,” he says easily, as if his own stupid words don’t embarrass him at all. Keith, however, tries to ignore how hot his cheeks feel and blame it on the sun.

“I hope you do drown.”

» you are the sun, and I am the moon (and we will never collide) by dreamingunderthetstars

Lance was Keith’s sun, and Keith was Lance’s moon.

Chasing after one another for eternity, never stopping, only running, and wising that for once, just for a little while, if they could collide.

Keep reading

Comet PanSTARRS, Moon, and Venus : It is the object to the left of the big tree thats generating much recent excitement. If you look closely, there you can see Comet PanSTARRS, complete with two tails. During July, this comet has increased markedly in brightness and has just passed its closest approach to Earth. The statuesque tree in the center is a Norfolk Island Pine, and to either side of this tree are New Zealand Pohutukaw trees. Over the trees, far in the distance, are bright Venus and an even brighter crescent Moon. If you look even more closely, you can find Jupiter hidden in the branches of the pine. The featured image was taken a few days ago in Fergusson Park, New Zealand, looking over Tauranga Harbour Inlet. In the coming days and weeks, Comet C/2014 Q1 will slowly move away from the Sun and the Earth, drift deep into southern skies, and fade. via NASA

js

hey i just wanted to say that if you’re already scraping by to make ends meet, the holidays are really hard. and that puts pressure on you and on your whole family. and if there’s one thing i hope you know it’s that you don’t need to prove you love someone by buying them something. i know we all want to get the people we care about really fancy things. but i’m okay if you get me like a smooth rock you found by the ocean. i know it’s true of other people, too. i’d rather you hand me a diy picture frame from popsicle sticks than something you had to go into debt to buy, and i think any person who’s worth their socks will tell you the same thing. and on that note? everybody loves socks, and they’re pretty cheap. yes, it’d be great if you and i stumbled on enough money to actually afford things. but love, i’ve learned, isn’t about the buying.

and on that note? for those of you out there who find the holidays a particularly dark time… i hope you know there will always be someone willing to open the door for you. even when it feels like there’s no one. even if that door is a window you have to crawl through. 

and for those of us who have more than we need, i hope we open those doors. if you notice someone who is going to be alone during the holidays, or who is usually depressed but for no apparent reason seems markedly happy and is giving away their things, please invite them over. hang out with them, no matter how awkward it is. sudden cleaning and long notes about how much they love you are also signs of suicide. with recent changes in insurance, it’s increasingly harder to find mental health care, so help a friend out (and maybe even yourself!) by figuring out who still takes the insurance offered so we can all give ourselves the gift of coping mechanisms, the gift that keeps on giving.

i hope you all are happy and safe this season!

List of 60 qualifiers/intensifiers in German.

A while ago… a longgg while ago… I had a list of these and I thought I’d try and make the list more expansive. Qualifiers/Intensifiers are adverbs used to indicate the degree of something (e.g. very, quite, pretty, extremely).

Here are 60 of them. This list is by no means exhaustive (when I had to grab some examples from Duden online, it shows you the section for synonyms and there are easily 150+) but I mean it’ll stand you in good stead.


1. absolut (downright/utterly/absolutely)
Ex: Du hast absolut keine Ahnung.
Tr: You have utterly no idea.

2. ausgesprochen (downright/markedly)
Ex: Eine ausgesprochen malerische Landschaft.
Tr: A downright picturesque landscape.

3. außergewöhnlich (exceptionally/abnormally)
Ex: zu außergewöhnlich hohen Preisen.
Tr: At exceptionally high prices.

4. außerordentlich (exceedingly/remarkably)
Ex: Das Essen war außerordentlich lecker.
Tr: The food was remarkably delicious.

5. äußerst (most/extremely/utterly)
Ex: Die Lage ist äußerst angespannt.
Tr: This situation is most tense.

6. bedeutend (significantly)
Ex: Die Donau ist bedeutend länger als der Rhein.
Tr: The Donau is significantly longer than the Rhein.
Note: This is mainly used with the comparative.

7. beileibe [nicht] (by no means/in no way)
Ex: Meine Freundin ist beleibe kein Supermodel.
Tr: My girlfriend is by no means a supermodel.

8. beinahe (almost/nearly)
Ex: Er wäre beinahe mit dem Auto zusammengestoßen.
Tr: He nearly collided with the car.

9. bei weitem (by far)
Ex: Er ist bei weitem der Beste in der Klasse
Tr: He is by far the best in the class.
Note: This is mainly used with the comparative or superlative.

10. bemerkenswert (strikingly/remarkably)
Ex: eine bemerkenswert schöne Kollektion.
Tr: A strikingly beautiful collection.

11. besonders (especially/particularly)
Ex: Das hast du aber besonders gut gemacht!
Tr: But there you did particularly well!

12. beträchtlich (considerably)
Ex: Die Zugspitze ist beträchtlich höher als die anderen Gipfel in den
bayrischen Alpen.
Tr: The Zugspite is considerably higher than the other summits in the Bavarian Alps.
Note: This is mainly used with the comparative.

13. denkbar (possible)
Ex: Sie hat den denkbar schlechtesten Eindruck gemacht.
Tr: She has made the worst possible impression.
Note: This is mainly used with the superlative.

14. durchaus (absolutely/definitely)
Ex: Ich bin durchaus nicht dieser Meinung.
Tr: I am definitely not of that opinion.

15. echt (really/truely)
Ex: Das ist echt beschissen.
Tr: That’s really shitty/That really sucks.
Note: echt is colloquial.

16. ein bisschen (a bit)
Ex: Ich bin ein bisschen sauer.
Tr: I’m a bit angry.

17. einigermaßen (to an extent)
Ex: Er hat sich wieder einigermaßen erholt.
Tr: He rested again, to an extent.
Note: colloquially this can mean ‘very’.

18. enorm (enormously/tremendously)
Ex: Die Preise sind enorm gestiegen.
Tr: The prices went up tremendously.
Note: enorm is a bit colloquial.

19. entschieden (decidedly)
Ex: Er hat entschieden schlechter gespielt als vor einem Jahr.
Tr: He played decidedly worse than a year ago.
Note: This is mainly used with the comparative.

20. entsetzlich (horrendously/appallingly/terribly)
Ex: Es war entsetzlich kalt.
Tr: It was horrendously cold.
Note: According to Duden, this when used as an intensifier is also colloquial.

21. etwas (some[what]/a bit of… it’s hard to define on its own)
Ex: Nehmen Sie etwas Salz und streuen Sie es über den Fleck.
Tr: Take a bit of salt and scatter it over the stain.

22. extrem (extremely/particularly)
Ex: Das ist ein extrem starker Kaffee.
Tr: That’s an extremely strong coffee.
Note: extrem is a bit colloquial.

23. fast (almost/nearly/virtually)
Ex: Der Bau ist fast fertig!
Tr: The construction is almost done!

24. ganz (completely/quite)
Ex: Sie ist ganz verrückt nach Schokolade.
Tr: She’s completely crazy for chocolate.

25. ganz und gar (utterly/completely… it’s.. more 'completely’ than ganz)
Ex: Ihren Vorschlag können Sie ganz und gar vergessen.
Tr: You can completely forget about your proposal.

26. genug (enough)
Ex: Der Schrank ist groß genug.
Tr: The cupboard is big enough.

27. geradezu (virtually/almost/really)
Ex: Das ist ja geradezu fantastisch!
Tr: That’s really fantastic!

28. gottserbärmlich (dreadfully/god-awfully)
Ex: Es war gottserbärmlich kalt.
Tr: It was dreadfully cold.
Note: I am given to believe this is also  colloquial.

29. höchst (most/extremely)
Ex: Ich war höchst überrascht, dass die Wahl so augegangen ist.
Tr: I was most surprised that the vote ended like that.

30. irre (mind-blowingly/insanely)
Ex: Das ist jetzt irre wichtig für mich!
Tr: That’s insanely important for me at the moment!
Note: irre is colloquial in this sense.

31. irrsinnig (insanely)
Ex: Sie freute sich irrsinnig.
Tr: She was insanely happy.
Note: irrsinnig is colloquial in this sense.

32. kaum (hardly)
Ex: Er kann kaum lesen!
Tr: He can hardly read!

33. komplett (completely)
Ex: Du spinnst komplett!
Tr: You’re completely mad!

34. lange/längst (not nearly)
Ex: Dieses Buch ist [noch] lange/längst nicht so gut wie sein Letztes.
Tr: This book is not nearly as good as his last book.
Note: If you use lange, it’s normally preceeded by noch.

35. mäßig (relatively/reasonably)
Ex: Ein mäßig großer Raum.
Tr: A relatively big room.

36. nahezu (virtually)
Ex: Eine nahezu optimale Lösung des Problems.
Tr: A virtually optimal solution to the problem.

37. recht (really)
Ex: Er arbeitet recht gut!
Tr: He works really well!

38. relativ (relatively)
Ex: Zehn Euro beim Einkaufen sind relativ wenig.
Tr: 10 Euros for shopping is relatively little.

39. sehr (very)
Ex: Ich kaufte ein sehr altes Haus.
Tr: I bought a very old house.

40. total (totally/absolutely)
Ex: Nach dem achtstündigen Marsch war ich total erschöpft.
Tr: After the 8-hour long march I was totally exhausted.

41. überaus (extremely/exceedingly)
Ex: Meine Frau ist überaus erfolgreich.
Tr: My wifeis extremely successful.

42. unermesslich (immeasurably)
Ex: Das ist unermesslich traurig.
Tr: That’s immeasurably distressing.

43. ungeheuer (enormously/tremendously)
Ex: Adriana Altaras ist  ungeheuer witzig.
Tr: Adriana Altaras ist tremendously funny.

44. ungemein (extraordinarily)
Ex: Ich freue mich ungemein, dass du da bist.
Tr: I’m extraordinarly happy that you’re here.

45. ungewöhnlich (abnormally/exceptionally)
Ex: Sie ist ungewöhnlich vielseitig.
Tr: She’s exceptionally versatile.

46. unglaublich (unbelievably)
Ex: Der Urlaub war unglaublich schnell vorbei.
Tr: The holiday flew by unbelievably quickly.

47. unheimlich (uncannily/incredibly)
Ex: Etwas ist unheimlich groß.
Tr: Something is incredibly big.
Note: When used in this way, unheimlich is colloquial.

48. verdammt (depends on the context, e.g. 'bloody’)
Ex: Heike ist verdammt glücklich über ihren Freund.
Tr: Heike is bloody happy about her friend.
Note: verdammt is colloquial and I know that 'bloody’ sounds very British.

49. verhältnismäßig (comparatively/relatively)
Ex: Eine verhältnismäßig hohe Besucherzahl.
Tr: A comparatively high number of visitors.

50. viel (much)
Ex: Diese Schule ist viel größer als meine.
Tr: This school is much bigger than mine.
Note: This is mainly used with the comparative.

51. vollauf (fully/completely)
Ex: Ich war vollauf damit beschäftigt.
Tr: I was fully occupied with it.

52. völlig (fully/completely)
Ex: Ich bin mit dir völlig einverstanden.
Tr: I agree with you completely.

53. vollkommen (fully/completely)
Ex: Ich bin auch vollkommen deiner Meinung.
Tr: I am also entirely in agreement with you.

54. weit (far)
Ex: Der Wagen ist weit schneller, als ich dachte.
Tr: The car is far quicker than I thought
Note: This is normally used with the comparative.

55. weitaus (by far)
Ex: Isabella ist weitaus reifer, als man ihrem Alter nach schließen dürfte.
Tr: Isabella is by far more mature than one may expect of her age.
Note: This is normally used with the comparative or superlative.

56. wenig (little)
Ex: Dieser Schriftsteller ist wenig bekannt.
Tr: This author is little known.

57. wesentlich (substantially)
Ex: Er hat heute wesentlich besser gespielt.
Tr: He played substantially better today.
Note: This is normally used with the comparative.

58. ziemlich (quite)
Ex: Der Regen ist ziemlich stark.
Tr: The rain is quite heavy.

59. zu (too)
Ex: Wein ist mir zu ungesund.
Tr: Wine is too unhealthy for me.

60. zutiefst (deeply)
Ex: Ich bin dir zutiefst dankbar für deine Freundlichkeit.
Tr: I am deeply grateful to you for your kindness.


All examples taken from Duden, Wiktionary or Linguee. The translations in some places are rough approximations (it’s not super-easy to give 1-1 translations for them all as in English we might say extraordinarily in one context, but exceptionally in another).

Enjoy.

allthatsleepandimstilltiredaf  asked:

Yo blue im on a super duper important quest to find really good lance centric fics, you know, that high quality top shelf kinda stuff. ive already read ur fic but im lookin for more. Got any recs????????

hey there, friend, you came to the right place! sorry this took so long, I made this whole post and then my computer was being difficult and I lost the whole thing, so this is the second time I’m making it! thank you so much for reading when I dream it happens in blue. I’ve got some great new content on the way, but in the meantime, here are some great reads to hold you over!

<<please check ratings and tags, and all of these are a mixture of ratings and subject matter, so please check and read only what’s best for you!>>


7 Times They Noticed by @em-the-cliche

Lance was alright. He was happy. He was fine. Except when he wasn’t.

“Listen. Are you alright?”
“Uh…are you alright?”
“Are you okay buddy?”
“Are…are you in good health, paladin?“
Are…are you okay, paladin?”
“Hey. You okay?”

His team mates, his second family - they noticed.


A Commutual Contract by @skaylanphear

After a terrifying experience during which Lance, seemingly, dies, Keith is haunted by horrible nightmares of holding his comrade in his arms while he took his final breath. To the point where he can’t sleep unless he knows for absolute certain that Lance is alive.

And while the attention is surprising, Lance doesn’t really have a problem with Keith checking up on him. Or the fact that Keith only seems totally comforted when he can cuddle Lance close and hear his heart beat. After all, there’s nothing wrong with two bros cuddling. It doesn’t MEAN anything. Or, at least, that’s what Lance keeps telling himself.


At Rest (Five Miles Behind the Front) by @thisgirlhastales

Shiro is no longer the Black Paladin. He is no longer the commander of Team Voltron. He is a soldier without a purpose and a leader without a legion at his back.

Lance is a seventh wheel. He is not fit to be a leader, and perhaps not even fit to be a Paladin.

Or, in which two Paladins of Voltron learn their true worth, and finally, there is well-earned rest.


Beautiful Minds by PotatoBender

Lance used to be proud of his mental abilities. A pilot. A Paladin. Someone experienced with delving and controlling his mind. But after being captured, and enduring just a single encounter with Haggar, his castle was reduced to rubble.

Rescuing Lance was the easy part - healing him is much, much harder.


Blast Zone by bubblebucky

In the middle of a mission, a bomb going off leaves Lance unable to hear. Still, while he’s deaf, the rest of his team are the ones that won’t listen.


Boom Crash the Sound of My Ship by @maychorian

After a Galra attack splits Voltron, the blue lion is damaged and falls toward the jungle planet below. Shiro follows, and now he and Lance are stranded in hostile territory, fighting to survive. Lance is injured, Shiro is having flashbacks, and help is far away. And the Galra just…keep coming.


Brain storm by @trickstersgambit

Lance managed for years without too many obvious issues. Those who needed to know, knew. Until it became a problem he thought he buried in his awkward early teen years.


calling me to come back by @apvrrish

Keith is a witch who owns a shop where he breaks curses on both magical items and people under spells. Love spells, family curses passed down generations, cursed heirlooms lurking the attic – he can handle them all. But one day a boy named Lance walks into his shop, and his curse is darker and more difficult to break than anything Keith has ever seen before: the curse is draining his magic, and without his magic, Lance will die. 

This is a new favorite of mine!


Dark Blue by @thunder-dor

Lance has a bad habit of comparing himself to his teammates. Lotor needs a Paladin with a weakness.

Or

Lance gets kidnapped and Keith will do anything to get him back.

This is a great fic and Jessie is a writing goddess!!!


Fighting the Surface by @tomminowrites

“Humans have shown quite the impressive drive for survival,” the Galra commander grins. “I want to see you fight against that. The druids claim drowning is quite the painful way to go.“ He tips Lance backward over the water, as Keith and Shiro struggle against their bonds. “If you surface, they die.”

Lance’s eyes widen and he’s pushed backward with a splash.

______

Keith, Shiro, and Lance are taken captive during a mission planet-side. The commander decides he only needs two paladins for interrogation, and decides to have a little fun while they wait for extraction. Lance is thrown into the deep with the threat that if he swims up for air, one of the other two will be shot. Obviously Lance would rather die than allow that.

Later chapters will, of course, deal with Keith and Shiro losing their damn minds thinking Lance just drowned himself for them.

I helped beta this one! It’s good!


Ghost of the FutureShadow of the Past by @zizzani & @wittyy-name

When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place.

This Lance is faster, stronger, and markedly more mature. Not only that, but he’s distinctly more intuitive about his teammates and A LOT more touchy with Keith.

The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance’s places and restore them to their original timelines. Things only get more complicated when the Future Lance can’t seem to remember where he was when the switch happened, and he refuses to reveal anything about his own time for fear of influencing the team’s decisions.

Mirror fic to “Shadow of the Past” by wittyy_name

&

When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here.

He finds his team to be remarkably familiar, yet distinctly different. They have more scars, a better grip on the whole saving the universe thing, and over a year’s worth of teamwork to bind them together. But the weirdest part? Keith seems to be a lot more touchy with him. Not that he’s complaining… much.

The team must try and work out how to reverse the two Lance’s places and restore them to their original timelines. But despite the fact that they’re still his friends, Lance can’t help but feel a little out of place among a team that’s been through so much with a Lance that just isn’t him. And it doesn’t help that the team is on edge around him, refusing to tell him anything for fear of influencing and changing the past. Things get even more complicated when they have to rely on the team in the past to complete the switch, leaving Lance to little more than sit, wait, and attempt to fill in his future self’s shoes.
___________

Mirror fic to “Ghost of the Future” by Zizzani


give out to give in by @mlp-michaeljones

So typical. So fucking typical, that Lance is the youngest and worst of his siblings, and then the kids come along and he isn’t even the cutest anymore, and he only made fighter pilot because perfect fucking Keith dropped out and even when he piloted a lion he didn’t have a thing like the others, and now he can’t even have Blue. Maybe he was the one to suggest it, but he was barrelling towards this point all along; rock fucking bottom.

When it becomes clear that Allura is a better pilot than him, Lance steps down as the Blue Paladin. It is, after all, the obvious decision. Lance is, and has always been, the afterthought.

But who needs an afterthought?


He Don’t Fuckin Care by ya_ya_rose

Lance knows how to hold his own. But he isn’t indestructible. 


Huddling for Warmth: The Movie by @maychorian

The paladins are heading back to the Castle of Lions after another successful mission when Shiro suddenly realizes that something is wrong. Lance isn’t responding on the comms.


Love and Other Questions by @squirenonny

One week after news of the Kerberos disaster broke, Pidge receives a new Mark–proof that Matt is still alive. She breaks into the Garrison to find him, only to find herself caught up in the fight for the fate of the universe.

Keith keeps his arms covered so he doesn’t have to watch Shiro’s scars compounding on his skin–but doing so means cutting off contact with his romantic soulmate, who greets him each morning with a new (and terrible) pickup line.

Shiro and Matt thought they were the luckiest people alive when they found out they were going to Kerberos together. But Shiro hasn’t seen Matt’s untidy scrawl on his arm in almost a year, and he has no idea if his soulmate is even still alive.

[Canonverse Soulmate AU with romantic and platonic soulmates (and some gray areas in between)]


Perihelion by @eclecticinkling

After growing up in the shadow of war, Prince Lance of Altea would give almost anything to bring peace back to his people. So when a Galran ambassador arrives with an offer to make that a reality, Lance knows he can’t refuse. Even if it means binding himself to his enemy’s prince for as long as they both shall live.


say you’re gonna break my fall by @apvrrish

Keith tries to deal with being the leader, and also tries to deal with his feelings about Lance. It’s a process.

Keith looks up and sees Lance staring at him, head tilted at an angle. His eyes are just barely visible through the visor, but his mouth is twisted into a puzzled curve.

“Sorry,” Keith says, flushing. “Lost in thought.”

“You okay?” Lance asks, falling into step alongside him as they follow the others out of the ship.


so much more than space dust by @ad-asterism

When a cryopod malfunctions, Lance is left with amnesia. As he struggles to figure out where he fits in the new formation of the team, the rest of Voltron is racing against the clock to figure out where Lotor will strike next- and their only clue is hidden somewhere in Lance’s lost memories. Lance will have to find a way to remember what he’s missing- or come to terms with what he’s forgotten.


Taking One For The Team by YukiSetsu

A mission gone wrong lands Lance and Pidge in a dangerous situation. When communication with the rest of the team is compromised, they have to take drastic measures to escape. Pidge can only hope that they get out before things get worse and one of them breaks. Especially Lance.


The Reluctant Soldier by @banditywrites

Lance is badly injured on a mission and struggles with his role as sharpshooter.


Thirty-One Days by SidneyJean

Lance experiences loss, in all its ugly faces, for the first time after beginning his journey as a Paladin and discovers just how that changes a person over time. It…doesn’t happen the way he expected. The people around him begin to change, and so does he.


Trembling Lips by @newtsckamander

Lance is an emotional person who cries easily (and does the trembly-lip thing a lot) but tries to stay strong in front of the team.

OR

Five times Lance stopped himself from crying in front of his teammates, and the one time he couldn’t hold it back.


Universal Fates by @celty-me

Alfor, Zarkon, Trigel, Gyrgan, and Blaytz set off on missions across the galaxy to gather pieces of an artifact so Alfor can complete Voltron.

Zarkon encounters a human boy with a missing arm fighting as a gladiator.
Trigel encounters an enslaved young human girl whose genius is being exploited.
Gyrgan encounters a human boy who disabled a pirate ship he and his people had been chasing.
King Alfor encounters a young half-galra boy who aids the king and Coran when they are cornered by bandits.
Blaytz encounters an Altean boy enslaved on a slave trading planet.

Each ally feels compelled to rescue and adopt the orphans they encounter, setting the wheels of fate into motion.

While each child carries the scars of their past, they form bonds too strong to ever be broken. They will find friendship and family with each other, and maybe love, even as events threaten everything they know and care for.


wanna be known by you by @bluewriters

Sometimes Lance feels like he’s been stained blue, the colour of his lion seeping through his skin as he chokes on cold stardust, and he is drowning in waves of blue, blue ocean. Lance has never been afraid of the ocean before.

He rolls over and turns off the lights. He doesn’t sleep.


Watching You Fall by @emerald-ashes

Shiro couldn’t find Lance. He knew he was in danger after his communications ended abruptly. But he certainly wasn’t prepared to find Lance dying on the floor of a Galra base during one their missions.


Words Fail by EagleInFlight

A mind-melding exercise goes wrong, and the five Paladins are now trapped in Lance’s mind. To escape, they must delve through Lance’s memories. Lance learns that in order to save his friends, he has to stop running. But to stop running means to face the worst of himself.

Dungeon Crafting: Puzzle Dungeons

image source: Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages

Now, I don’t know if you people have seen Mark Brown’s miniseries on YouTube known as Boss Keys, but it’s pretty great. It picks apart and analyzes some of my favorite dungeons from the Legend of Zelda games and finds out what makes a dungeon a Zelda dungeon. I have always loved these dungeons because they have a lot of density and force you to explore the space slowly and think your way through its puzzles. Definitely check out Boss Keys. From what I learned from those videos plus my own experiences as a DM, I’m going to try and detail how to create a Zelda-like puzzle dungeon. There are a few hallmarks that you should hit on:

Dungeon Density

Each area in the dungeon should be complex. It should have several things to interact with in each room other than the monsters or guardians. Everything doesn’t have to be immediately useful or usable, but it should provide context for the dungeon. For ideas, think what the dungeon was used for and research what sorts of things might be in an ancient tomb, lost temple, or forgotten keep. Have certain puzzle elements stand out. A good example from the Legend of Zelda is the eyeball above a closed door. I would stray away from that type of “puzzle” as it’s very well-known, I assume, that you have to hit the eye to open the door. On the other hand, a well-known puzzle like that could signal to the players that this is going to be one of “those” dungeons.

Making a dungeon complex and dense will mean that you have less rooms to populate, and will make it feel robust and well-used. It will also give a feeling of slight confusion for the players as they try to organize all of the information you’re giving them, but as the dungeon progresses, they can pick and choose which parts of the dense dungeon are integral to solving the dungeon!

Hub Areas

With all of that dungeon density I’ve been talking about, it’s good to have some sort of hub area. It could be a large room, a safe sanctuary, or have some overbearing landmark for players to imprint on. This will be the main part of the dungeon that they remember and can rely on. They will pay the most attention to this hub. So if this hub is a main part of solving your dungeon puzzle, they will notice changes made to the room very easily. For instance, a hub room could be a gaping chasm with bridges that seem to be mechanical. When certain levers in other parts of the dungeon are pulled, some pathways in the hub open up and some close off as the bridges ascend, descend, or turn. Back in my post about dungeon tempo, this creates a nice rhythm for players to always come back to a room that they’ve cleared and notice progress.

Branching Paths

Branching paths are a key part of puzzle dungeons. Don’t have a dungeon that is all one path that railroads players to the end of the dungeon with a puzzle for each room. Players need to be able to explore and discover the available paths in the dungeon and find the path for themselves. In the Boss Keys miniseries I mentioned, Mark constantly differs Legend of Zelda dungeons by whether they make you find a path versus making you follow a path. I personally enjoy finding the path and I think most players do too. It is key in creating what are known as…

A-Ha Moments

An a-ha moment is not that feeling you get when listening to Take On Me, but it’s pretty close. It’s that feeling a player gets when they figure out a puzzle by suddenly putting two and two together. There are a few aspects to create this in dungeon and level design:

  • Foreshadowing: implying that one part of the dungeon must be revisited later or implying something further in the dungeon exists. Laying this groundwork puts thoughts in players’ heads to help them markedly acknowledge that it’s okay to leave this area, because something lies ahead.
  • State Changes: the environment of the dungeon or its parts changes based on the actions of the players. This is the “puzzle” part of the a-ha moment. Pressing a button to change gravity, move a pylon, or change water levels can would count as a state change. Even acquiring a key item that can affect the dungeon or the players’ movement would count (see Link’s Pegasus Boots, Hover Boots, Silver Gauntlets, etc.)
  • Backtracking: After the state change, the dungeon has shifted. Some areas that were once inaccessible can now be accessed, and areas that were once open have closed off. This forces the players to backtrack. Where do they backtrack to? The place that foreshadowed the backtracking.

How does this look in practice? Let’s make an example:

The players enter a dungeon and quickly make it to a hub area with four doors. three of the doors have a bridge extending from it to a central platform. The platform and bridges are 100 ft. above a pit of spikes, which are very satisfying to kick the kobolds in this room onto. Once players tire themselves of punting kobolds, they notice that the central platform has a large plinth with a stationary mirror set into it. The mirror is facing one of the directions of the bridges. The mirror can’t be easily moved without tools, and it has no apparent use yet. The players move on to one of the doors connected by the bridge.

The players go through several chambers, fighting monsters and avoiding traps, when they find a room with a lever in it. When pulled, they hear a low rumbling and grinding of stone elsewhere in the dungeon. When they return to the hub room, the central platform and bridges have rotated, allowing passage to the door that didn’t have a bridge leading to it before.

Down this new route, the players find a stone button with an angel relief on it. After pushing a huge rock onto it, they hear another rumbling. On returning to the hub room, an angel relief is now visible on the wall as a stone slab has moved away to reveal it.

The yet unexplored room is still accessible by the bridge, and after exploring down that path, the players find a crank near a gilded relief of a sun. The crank opens up a sunroof in the hub area. The sun (if daytime) shines light onto the central mirror in that room, which then reflects it out in one direction. The only problem is, the beam of light from the mirror isn’t facing the way the PCs want (towards the revealed angel relief in the hub area).

Realizing that they need to point the mirror so the light shines on the angel relief, they must backtrack to the room with the lever that rotates the bridges and mirror until the mirror is oriented the way they want.


This example has density. It’s essentially four rooms with all the things they need to solve a puzzle in the hub area (the central room with the bridges). It could use more density though with more puzzle intertwined throughout some filler rooms or with more things to do in each room; I was light on description for the purpose of the example. It has three branching paths (four if you include where they entered from). The mirror foreshadows a light puzzle, and the sun icon foreshadows the opening of the sunroof. The bridges, angel relief, and sunroof all exist in the hub area and change states based on the players’ actions in the rest of the dungeon. Players have to backtrack to the room that changes the bridge orientation so they can rotate the mirror to face the right direction. This is a fairly simple puzzle, but in the context of a session of D&D where the story less shown and more told, it can prove more difficult. Keep all of these factors in mind when making a puzzle dungeon, and don’t forget to watch Boss Keys!

Jupiter: the greater Benefic. The planet that can expand, exemplify, and enlarge. It can also bring abundance and luck. Although depending on the sign, house and aspects regarding Jupiter, a person can have positive, neutral or no luck. The soft aspects (trines, sextiles and conjuncts) will enhance jupiters energy. The hard aspects (squares, inconjuncts and opposites) can make jupiters energy harder to see or manifest.

Since Jupiter and Saturn are the gateway between the personal and interpersonal planets it is important to look at both the sign it resides and the house. If Saturn represents life’s tests and lessons then Jupiter is the guide and teacher out of those lessons.


SIGNS modify planets
PLANETS are the energy of the chart
HOUSES are areas of focus in a chart
ASPECTS interconnect planets and points in a chart

How you best use jupiter is up to you. 🌟

****I use mostly whole signs so check your placidus and whole sign house


JUPITER’S FIRST-HOUSE POTENTIAL: You are your own good luck in that your personality and appearance can see you positively through just about any and everything. Cash in on your all-encompaasing sense of humor and normally-positive attitude and outlook. You have the natural ability to make others feel better while in your presence. You may have a beaming million-dollar smile; don’t neglect using it to help with getting what you want. Others seek you out for your natural adeptness to counsel them on their problems; draw upon your natural intuition. You can get complete answers to rather complex questions from sources beyond your “worldly” practical awareness. You can charge for this gift. You have an inborn ability to accept adversities calmly and positively, since you have an inner awareness that they are only object lessons which are essential and meaningful to your emotional growth.

JUPITER’S SECOND-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Material gain, money, and possessions in abundance are your true “birthright.” You may deal in, work with, and, in time, accumulate large sums of money and other representations of material success. When it comes to getting ahead financially, you have your lucky four-leaf clover ever at hand. You are very much a materialist and should concentrate your major energies on getting ahead first and foremost in a material/financial way. Little spiritual growth may be made until you have gained your worldly fortune. It is most important that you not burden yourself with any feelings of guilt concerning this truth. Feel guilty only if you employ any form of dishonesty in achieving the material rewards which are rightfully yours. Whether it all belongs to you or not, you are destined to handle large amounts of money and deal in other ways with great wealth. Put on your thinking cap and find practical and honest ways to make more of it yours personally.

JUPITER’S THIRD-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your mind and the ability to communicate well are the keys to realizing your good fortune. Your mental capacity is great in scope; you can be a storehouse of information. This information is knowledge; knowledge is power. The remuneratively-rewarding areas of selling, writing, public speaking, publishing, and broadcasting can open fabulous channels for you in which you can realize your fondest dreams. You may find that it is necessary to be mobile, to move about, to travel shorter distances, and to make changes in order to take advantage of your best luck potential. Be versatile and willing to go along with whatever seems right and best. Your luck will work for you if you will work with it. You cannot realize your true potential if you are an unyielding “stick in the mud.” Read, write, listen, speak, gesture, go, change, modify, rectify; consider the meaningful role brothers and sisters and other family members can play in boosting you to a fuller realization of your ultimate potential.

JUPITER’S FOURTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Luck to you is closely connected with actual security. Above all else, you must first work to assure that you develop a secure base from which to operate; you need to put down firm and secure roots. Once you have done so, you may then work in a certain and relaxed way to add measurably to that basic security. Land and real property hold great promise for you; put all the money and effort you can spare into wise investments in real estate. Your major plan should be to acquire one piece of land and then, as you can, buy adjoining property, etc. Having rental properties can bring you great financial gain as well as an inner joy through ownership. You are fortunate in birth in that your parents may serve as a springboard or guiding hand in your moving forward at a relatively early age. They may enrich you with gifts, money, property, basic intelligence, and love. Most of your good luck is always very close at hand – near home base; or in proximity to your area or place of birth. Your luck works best when you maintain an inner confidence in yourself and your ability to do well.

JUPITER’S FIFTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: You are extremely lucky in that you can get a lot of pleasure and joy just from the routine of living your life day-to-day. So, don’t miss out on a single day – enjoy yourself. Jupiter here expands your creative faculties and offers you personal gratification when you utilize your innovative ideas and talents. You can be lucky with your own children and the offspring of others as well. Your best future may center in the practical application of this native capability. You may excel in sports and in the areas of commerce associated with recreation and entertainment. If you are wise and careful, you may make striking gains through well-thought-out speculation, especially if it involves matters at a distance. (Your hobby should be to enter every give-away contest possible.) You may, if other indicators support, have better-than-average luck with gambling and other games of chance. Also, use your sense of humor and general zest for living as stepping stones to getting the things of life which you desire.

JUPITER’S SIXTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your fortune may lie in the quantity of service you are capable of giving others in exchange for payment. You are wisest and best advised to sell services as opposed to products. Glowing, abundantly good health may be yours; and when you have good health, there is really no greater fortune. Jupiter placed here offers you the opportunity or ability to turn out an impressive amount of work so you should have little or no reluctance to put forth the amount of effort necessary to accomplish whatever you really want. It has been said that genius is five percent inspiration and ninety-five percent perspiration. Go ahead and let others label you a genius if they want to, even though you know that you accomplish tasks best through honest hard work. Jupiter in the sixth house also causes others to want to serve you; consequently, most of those who work with or for you may, through their willing efforts, aid in speeding you on to great and worthwhile accomplishments.


JUPITER’S SEVENTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your prospective good luck and your fortune in life are determined importantly by the partnerships you do (or do not) form. These partnerships include marriage, meaningful relationships, business, social, legal, religious, and all others. You could marry into very fortunate circumstances, as you can attract others who will work hard or share generously to your personal advantage. You must not overlook your natural potential for being able to make judgments quickly and accurately. Knowing when the “iron” is hot, sensing the proper time to act, can propel you toward your best fortune. You may also capitalize from a natural legal bent in your mental machinery. Because of this factor, you may be able to handle your interests quite well in contractual dealings and other matters relating to agreements. Almost anything which deals with balance, form, order, color, and symmetry can offer you abundant opportunities for forwarding your luck potential.

JUPITER’S EIGHT-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your good luck can lie in your desires and your ability to harness and direct their very potent powers. It would not be an unfair or unrealistic matter to make an analogy between desire and what is commonly called prayer. Prayers (often expressing desires) are materialized if one believes and persists in the belief (keeps faith). You will receive your fondest dreams as realities only if you first get a clear mental image of what it is you want. Once you have this in mind, you must fan your desires and intensify them to the point that the accomplishment of that desired goal becomes a part of yourself. With an eighth-house Jupiter, your desire potential is naturally very strong and you generally succeed or fail to the degree that you are able to manipulate this very potent force. Inheritances, and gifts or those things which you did not have to work for in a literal sense may figure importantly in your good fortune. Dutifully cultivate good relations with all those who could benefit you in these areas.

JUPITER’S NINTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Thank your “lucky stars” for an inborn capability to get answers and guidance “out of the blue,” intuitively. Your higher levels of consciousness and intellect can aid you markedly in reaping great rewards materially and in enhancing your good-luck potential. Jupiter is especially well-placed in this sector since it is natural ruler of the ninth house. Institutions of higher learning, those in positions of authority (judges, professors, spiritual leaders, and gifted advisers) can help you toward realizing your greater fortunes in life. Don’t overlook the ability for utilizing your potentially-positive philosophy toward yourself and life in general. The word “distance” may be a key to your success. Your fortune is most likely to be at a distance from your place of birth (another city, state, or country), or it may deal directly or indirectly with long-distance travel and communications, or import and export. Gains through higher learning, college degrees, and published writings are strongly accented.

JUPITER’S TENTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: You can bask in the sunshine of recognition through your natural ability to gain attention and receive the favorable notice and approval of others. You can often cash in on fame and your marketable reputation. You may be lucky in getting free publicity, so make it a point to circulate and frequent places or events where random favorable notice might come your way. You can be extremely fortunate in selecting the right career or professional area. Rapid promotion and advancement are your natural “birthright.” Seek work or career areas in which there is room at the top, for you are likely destined to be there – especially if you play your cards at all wisely. You can easily receive the nod from those in positions of power and importance, especially in the world of business and commerce. Because of your ability to gain notice and command mass appeal, the wide world of entertainment may offer you many opportunities for growth and luck.

JUPITER’S ELEVENTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Your best luck may come through your friendly nature, your friends, and your usual bright optimism and positive regard for yourself and others generally. Be wise in your selection of friends; choose those who can either pull you up or give you a needed shove from beneath. Hopes and wishes are important to you, but remember that they can be rather fleeting in nature. You will realize more of them when you intensify and refine them to the level of desire. Capitalize on your ability to make friends quickly, and your natural talent to cause those friends to maintain a consistently-high regard for you. With this placement of Jupiter, it is valid to state that generally you succeed or fail through your friends – either directly or indirectly. Don’t ever be reluctant to think big. If at any time you should feel that you personally lack a particular talent or ability, don’t forget that friend who does possess this ability. You can never afford to overlook the inherent good-luck potential available through your friends and your circle of acquaintances.

JUPITER’S TWELFTH-HOUSE POTENTIAL: Good fortune for you may lie in secret, out-of-the-way or hidden places. Much of your luck is manifested quietly and unobtrusively. Hidden resources and reserves may contain the ore of your greater fortune. Of all the house placements, this may seem the least promising; but this is apparent only. The reason it seems so is that good luck (Jupiter) may not announce itself as obviously or easily or loudly if concealed here. If you have this placement of Jupiter, your firm inner motivation and belief must be that you have to persist with faith and patience until you are able to comprehend your good fortune’s soft whispers. For you, there is “gold in them hills”; but you will have to prospect faithfully for it. Patience is necessary; but the lode is very rich, as you will in time discover if you persist. Another very valuable asset of this placement is that it enables you to be quite successful in keeping covered up just about anything concerning yourself which you do not wish others to know about – for whatever reason.

Via Elbert wade (houses)

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Did you know that when you
push someone so far off a ledge,
their heart stops beating for minutes at a time
because they’re scared you’re gonna
push them all the way off?

Did you know that when
you decide you’re not going to push them
all the way off that ledge,
they’re not going to want to stay with you
any longer; they’re not going to want to
stick around to see if the next time,
you will push too far?

I push people so far away from me,
arms length isn’t in my vocabulary.
This is bodies of water worth away;
the Pacific Ocean has nothing on me—
I’ll push people so far,
they won’t be able to see my face but
when they finally decide they need to leave,
I will swim the length of the ocean to
pull them back to me.

Did you know that it doesn’t matter
if you swim oceans worth of water
to make it back to the person you don’t want to lose
because you almost killed them when you
teased them, holding them off
that ledge; do you realize that
they aren’t going to want
to stay, no matter how much you wheeze
from the trek to and from where
you left them?

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Touch me on the shoulder and
push my hair behind my ear and
whisper to me that you love me and
tell me I’m beautiful and that you
need me and need me and need me and
I will never stop loving every inch of you

UNTIL

one morning you wake up and you
leave too early or you
forget to say goodbye or
you just exist as you are but
don’t remind me that I’m okay and
I decide that you’ve begun to hate me
and in turn I hate you right back

UNTIL

I remember that I love you and
if you leave me I will never be able to breathe again and
I love you and I love you and I love you and
it feels like you’re ignoring me and
I just want you to love me

UNTIL

I realize I have to leave you before
you leave me; and you, inevitably, will leave me so
I decide you no longer mean a thing.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Laugh and I’ll laugh with you,
cry and I’ll cry too.

Say something cute and I will
say it again later when you’re not there and
tell me your favorite color and
it will be my favorite color too.

Not only will it be my favorite color but
I’ll paint it on my apartment walls and
I’ll buy a whole new wardrobe with nothing
but clothes that color and
tell me that you love high heels and
I’ll buy 60 pairs and when you dye your hair,
suddenly I’ll do my hair the same way.

Laugh and I’ll laugh too,
cry and I’ll cry too.

Hate someone and I’ll hate that person with you and
love a celebrity and I’ll love her too and
I’ll paste her posters all over my apartment walls and
I’ll watch all her movies and
listen to all her music and

you’re gonna think we are just
/ so, so alike / when really,

you make a move and I mimick you;
you make a move and I say JINX in my head
as if we moved at the same time and
you’ll owe me a soda even though really
I owe you a personality but
I don’t have the capacity to afford one.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging.

When I drive to therapy I am running late
because I am always running late and
I drive my car too close to the side where
the parked cars sleep for the night
and I hit a side mirror with my own and
drive away so fast I drive through a stop sign
right next to a preschool and
at therapy she asks me why I am being
so reckless and impulsive and I say,
“What are you talking about?” because
I can’t understand that my behavior
is at all impulsive
and reckless.

I don’t eat all day because I want control until
night comes and I eat and
I eat and I eat and
I eat
and the toilet bowl calls out to me and
I vomit until the veins in my eyes
streak red lines in their white and
I look like the monster that I feel I am.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self- mutilating­ behavior.

In a moment of absolute and utter hopelessness I think to myself,
“If I kill myself she will feel so fucking bad,”
and I swallow bottles of pills because
I think I want to die and I also want
the people who did me wrong to feel
the same ache that I have in my chest because of
what they did to my heart.

I am angry with my friend and she
thinks that I will cope the same as any
normal person and I go home / after our / fight / and /
I take a blade / to the soft flesh of my wrists ///
and slice ////// until the bathtub fills with red
and /// I think to myself,
“that will fucking show her.” ////
(I don’t tell her what I did. I want her
to know but the pain calms the anger;
the blood is enough.)

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood

I sit in my apartment with Friends
playing on the TV and I laugh along
with the annoying laugh track and then
I drop an empty cup on the carpet and
I scream out with rage as if
the cup was filled with acid and
it burned through the carpet and hard floor
even though the fucking cup
was fucking empty.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

Do I even have a heart
beating in my chest?
How can I be alive when
I’m nothing more than
an empty shell?

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

As a teenager, doctors were desperate
to explain away my emotions;
they would say that I was just
an angry girl and that
sometimes kids are angry
and when I punched holes in the walls
and sliced open my skin out of pure rage
it was okay because I was just
The Angry Girl and
it simply didn’t matter what was causing
that severe emotional response.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

These are not my hands.

You can’t help me heal
when I don’t
actually exist.

I swear
you can’t see
me when
I’m like this.

Can you see me?
I can’t feel my limbs.

I’m scared. Please,
look at me so I can
know that I exist.

—  THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE PART 6: BPD EDITION (han hyland)
PSA about PMDD

I just had to post this. I had to get the word out about something that needs to be more widely known and understood.

First of all,

PMS is not a joke. It is horrible and shitty to have to go through.

Second of all,

PMDD is different and is also not a joke.

Now let me explain for those who don’t know. PMDD stands for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Let’s look at those words more closely. 

Premenstrual: Roughly speaking the two-week period leading up to a woman’s menstruation every month.

Dysphoric: Dysphoria is described as being “a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation.” And can often indicate an increased risk for suicide.

Disorder:  many clinicians will describe psychiatric disorders as deviant, distressful, and dysfunctional patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors

NOW, lets break down disorder into those 3 parts

        Deviant: thoughts or behaviors that are different from most of the rest of a given cultural context

        Distress: a subjective feeling that something is really very wrong

        Dysfunction: when a person’s ability to work, and live is clearly and often measurably impaired.

These 3 things are what the field of psychology would like to call the criteria for diagnosing someone with a mental or behavioral illness. That last one in particular. Now that was a lot of info so how about I make this all a little bit more visual…

So now that you understand what PMDD means and that it is a real diagnosable illness, lets take a look at what it means to live with it.

PMDD was added to the DSM in its most recent addition in 2013, the DSM5 lists the following 11 symptoms as characteristic of PMDD

·      Marked lability (e.g., mood swings)

·      Marked irritability or anger

·      Markedly depressed mood

·      Marked anxiety and tension

·      Decreased interest in usual activities

·      Difficulty in concentration

·      Lethargy and marked lack of energy

·      Marked change in appetite (e.g., overeating or specific food cravings)

·      Hypersomnia or insomnia

·      Feeling overwhelmed or out of control

·       Physical symptoms (e.g., breast tenderness or swelling, joint or muscle pain, a sensation of ‘bloating’ and weight gain)

Speaking as someone who has been diagnosed with this by an actual doctor, I can say that PMDD is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, when I am not in the premenstrual period I am constantly thinking about how far away from it I am. I plan things around it because I can, because it comes every month like clockwork. All I can do is try and enjoy my self for the two weeks every month when I am not in absolute hell. And when it comes, everything is a struggle. I have to force myself to go to class, force myself to talk to people, force myself to shower, brush my teeth and do anything other than pull myself out of crying fits and into numbness, out of anxiety attacks and into the temptation to self harm. 

After it is all over I try and move on and recover and live my life to the fullest until it comes back but that is all I can hope for. A half life.

So let me reiterate, PMDD is not ajoke. If those symptoms or my testament hit a little too close to home, please share your concerns with a doctor and get a formal diagnosis and treatment. And for everyone else, all I ask is that you spread awareness and try to think twice the next time you think about accusing a girl of PMSing because ever since 2013 this has been a bona fide mental illness. We as a society can not claim that we are working towards reducing the stigma on mental illnesses if we are only doing so for a select few on a list of many.

Please reblog and spread awareness.

9x03 Deconstruction: The Burrito of Sexual Innuendo

So I started building this post in August, because I noticed the possible subtext in the final scene of this episode and I found it fucking hilarious, and then I didn’t get the chance to finish so yayyy happy to get to share it now. 

So, I know this episode has some serious, serious issues, but I’m going to look at this scene as is, because Bucklemming even brought the Burrito of Sexual Innuendo back in 13x02 and, well, I just have to comment on it now.

This is Destiel subtext all the way. Which Bucklemming have always excelled at. And it’s this show’s sense of humour in a goddamn nutshell. It just makes me smile and smile and smirk and rub my hands together with pure glee.

The scene is set in the bunker, in the war room, starting with Dean trying to cover the fact that he used Gadreel to find Cas. The brothers talk and Cas enters, saying this –>

Cas: I am really enjoying this place. Plentiful food… good water pressure. Things I never even considered before. There really is a lot to being human, isn’t there?

At the water pressure comment Dean makes this face:

It’s like he can’t even believe that this is happening. That Cas is actually human and making remarks that hit on the exact thing Dean enjoys about the place and being overtly perfect in every single sense of the word and looking really fucking good to boot and just yeah, to me Dean is pretty much thinking “fuck off you amazing specimen of a man - don’t make me desire you more”

It’s the thoughts - or suppressed thoughts - of desiring Cas, however, that makes Dean offer this really, truly, markedly what’s-that-even-MEAN? comment in return:

…while bringing the penis shaped food slowly to his half-open mouth. 

Now, if this particular above editing choice hadn’t been a part of this scene, then the subtext would be different for me. It’s the fact that they cut BEFORE Dean bites into the burrito that makes this shot so filled with innuendo. 

The clincher, however, is the shot they cut to of Sam Winchester making this face at his brother’s weird-ass phrasing –>

That is Sam’s face telling us to react with him to what the fuck Dean is going on about.

What is Dean going on about?

Well, the subtext of Dean’s weird-ass phrasing could be seen as him really wanting to say “It can’t be all dicks and vaginas, my friend” but of course he wouldn’t go there, so instead he uses the much safer “burritos” and “strippers” as substitute words to keep it not so revealing. 

(only Sam so totally knows)

Well, the phrasing is still so revealing, isn’t it?

I mean, the “vagina” portion could be linked to how the one-night-stands have always been a hollow filler of Dean’s conflicting yearning and absolute fear of feeling real feelings, right? At least that’s what the one-night-stands are to me. And in this scenario the burrito is so absolutely totally standing in for dick, as per the visual above tells us.

Why should I even for a second think that this might be a valid reading, though?

Because of the surface topic of the scene itself: which is Cas losing his virginity.

Dean doesn’t know that yet. He subtly tries to seduce Cas with that movement of penis shaped food to his mouth, with the innuendo of it all. Testing the waters, as it were, trying to bring sex onto the table because he desires Cas like damnnnn.

Honestly, I don’t even think Dean himself is fully aware of performing this song and dance. It’s a subconscious reaction to Cas feeling at home in Dean’s home, commenting on water pressure and presenting such clear common ground, and being there, properly and permanently. There’s a sudden possibility here that has never ever been here before, not in Dean’s mind.

And Dean can’t stop himself from acting on it.

Then we get the glorious moment when we leave Sam’s reaction face and move into him reacting to Cas delivering this beauty –>

Cas: Yeah, I understand what you’re saying.

Sam looking like he sincerely doubts Cas understands the finer points of what Dean is actually doing and his “You do?” might just as well have been “Do you understand that my brother is phallating that burrito for your sake, Cas?” (buuuuut he can’t say that)

The exchange continues with:

Cas: Yes, there’s more to humanity than survival. You look for purpose. And you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter.
Dean: Where does hedonism come into it?
Cas: Well, my time with April was very educational.
Sam: Yeah, I mean, I would think that getting killed is something.
Cas: And having sex.
Dean: You had sex with April?
Sam: Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in.

Okay, now, there is elegance here. It’s a little twisted, but there is elegance here. Because this scene is Dean’s scene. This scene starts with Dean talking about Cas with Sam, moving into Cas joining them in the war room and Dean bringing sex into the conversation for no reason whatsoever other than that he has sex on the brain (and that it serves the scene, which is about sex) to then lead us to this moment of pure and undiluted jealousy –>

Look. At. That. Face.

Gloriously pissed off.

Changing into:

Because here it begins to hit Dean that Cas has had sex. Cas is human and he has had sex. And as it sinks in, while they’re having their “Did you have protection” part of the exchange, there’s more coming Dean’s way. More than he ever could have dreamed of when Cas says:

Cas: Anyway, I see now how difficult life can be and how well you two have lead it. I think you’ll be great teachers.
Dean: Thanks, Cas.

Visual aid:

Dean is so turned on it’s like he can see the two of them writhing naked on a bed while he tells Cas exactly what to do to make the world explode. Like COME ON. LOOK AT SAM’S FACE IN CONTRAST! Sam aware-of-the-subtext Winchester is not too keen on being a “teacher” in this scenario, no sir, better leave that to Dean.

I mean, this scene just makes me laugh. Granted this is totally the reading of my dark and slightly demented brain and I love this type of innuendo, but the structure of the scene is ALL about reaching ^^^^ this moment!! Dean with that half-eaten burrito in his hand that is almost forgotten now that the real thing is fucking smacked down on the table and within reach.

THEN we get the tie-in to end all tie-ins as Cas asks if there are any more burritos. Yeah. Forgive me, but in my dark and slightly demented brain this clearly tells us that Cas will very, very happily listen to all of Dean’s instructions because he is about to join in the eating of the Burrito of Innuendo, which, again and to be perfectly clear, is a visual for Dean liking dick. Cas’ dick in particular, because it’s the focus of this entire exchange.

I just LOVE it, what can I say? I’m not even sorry.

And as Cas goes to grab himself a burrito, Dean gives us Sunshine Face –>

Kinda the opposite to this one –>

Because Frowny Face is all about suppressed desire, while Sunshine Face is all about the sudden, furious hope that the desire could actually be met. 

Now, of course this is a love story, it’s not all about sex, but Dean is nowhere ready in S9 to admit to himself that he’s been in love with Cas for years. That’s way, way too scary. Sexual desire, however, is a brilliant way for his brain to cover up the fact that there’s so much more to it. He knows he fancies Cas, but that’s all. 

But, to my mind, the Sunshine Face is about the fact that there IS SO MUCH MORE THERE. Subconsciously Dean knows very well that he’s truly madly deeply in love with Cas - but his conscious mind beats against it because feelings mean weakness and love means pain and no-no-no none of that - but there’s also the fact that Cas is a fucking angel of the Lord who, if he tries to feel things, ends up breaking apart, and who acts like he’s only there to protect them and doesn’t seem to understand what he means to Dean, at all, because clearly Cas can’t relate to the feelings Dean has because Cas doesn’t FEEL that way and also there’s how he ups and leaves every five minutes. 

But Cas isn’t an angel of the Lord anymore. All of that ^^^ bullcrap that’s tied to Cas’ grace doesn’t have to factor as an obstacle anymore (no matter how much Dean’s interpretation of these things and his making them into a huge obstacle is tied to his inner struggles with himself - but all this for another post!!) 

Dean is still denying the love part - focusing on the sex part. The sex part, the desire that is wholly based in the love he refuses to acknowledge, is suddenly a viable possibility. And in this scene that finally begins to land with Dean. 

All the possibility. (consciously - sex; subconsciously - love)

And yeah, that’s why the next exchange with Gadreel, where the angel delivers the ultimatum that either Cas leaves the bunker, or Gadreel will have to leave, which means he can’t heal Sam, which means Sam will die, makes Dean say:

Dean: …but this is Cas, okay, who vouched for you when I didn’t know you from Jack. 

Look. At. His. Face.

All those possibilities going the way of bye-bye.

And to add injury to injury, there’s –>

Cas: That’s epic food. I can’t get enough.

LOOK AT

DEAN’S FACE

(Cas innocently holding eye contact like FOR REAL?) *dying*

And then, of course, Cas is Cas. Instead of a blow-job simulation, he’s shown to bite through the burrito because the visual food-as-penis subtext is tied to Dean. I mean, look at Dean reacting to Cas engaging with eating the burrito, when Dean not five minutes earlier was trying to use one to indicate he wants to know what Cas’ dick tastes like. 

And then Cas goes on to do what he almost always does - taking whatever innuendo Dean is throwing at him (or the narrative is throwing at them) and grounding it in a moment of honesty, in feeling.

Dean: Cas. Can we talk?
Cas: Of course. Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks. And our time together.

I mean…

…ow.

And Dean clears his throat because they just went from writhing together on that bed, to snuggling close and holding each other all night and oh, man, Dean is really very not ready for that, like, nope, not at all, there will be no “feelings” involved here, ever. And yet, this is painful. Telling Cas he can’t stay…

…means calling him “buddy” and Dean bringing himself out of the headspace of All The Possibility and focusing on what needs to be done. For Sam. Of course. And honestly, it’s so gorgeously thought out because if these two - if human!Cas and Dean Winchester - ever got to spend actual, real time together, with talks, and innuendoing all over the place, and all that stuff, then oh man there would be bed-writhing before too long. *mh mh good*

*mh mh good* for THEM, I mean. 

It would be good for them to alleviate some of the sexual frustration. Speaking of which, Cas in this scene has barely been touched upon (pardon the pun), and what I love most about human!Cas is demonstrated here: he is still sassy Cas. I look at his face and the subtle changes in it and I see a challenge here. 

My time with April was very educational” ^^^ looks straight at Dean.

After Dean’s “You had sex with April?” Cas looks like ^^^ he wouldn’t mind punching Dean in the face for sounding so incredulous. It’s even possible he notices Dean’s pissed off expression and wants to say “What?” (like he will in just a few episodes). 

What I’m getting at is that Cas is growing increasingly aware of his own feelings, right? Right. And absolutely growing aware of his attraction to Dean. And Cas is involved in a much subtler subtext of his own all based in him wanting to provoke Dean into some sort of reaction. Which he does. And so I read this whole exchange as a mutual unspoken recognition of attraction. Both of them feeling the new possibilities. Both of them devastated when the possibilities end in sudden and immediate separation. 

I’m not saying they’d be doing to bedtime conga within a day or two, because I don’t think they would ever do that - there’s so much at stake that approaching one another would be a slow and drawn out affair of tentative trial and errors (mixtape-esque ones) - but the thought of actually living together, working together, all the possibilities surrounding that would have come with all of the here established desire attached to it. And that’s why it’s established in this scene.

Human!Cas means Cas with human emotions, human desires, human reactions and human musings. He’s already beginning to relate to the world around him differently because he has to, he’s living in it now, he’s not just observing it. I LOVE human!Cas. In case I’ve not made that clear.

Also, to be clear, the mentioned recognition of desire and possibility is not at all understood to be mutual by either of them. Oh, God, no. Never. They do not understand that the other wants them as much as they will ever want the other. HAH! No way. Miscommunication and lack of openness based in fear of rejection based in fear of not being enough based in… ok, stopping now, but THIS will forever be the biggest hurdle for these two. They’ve no IDEA what either is insinuating, too caught up in their own insinuation. 

This said, with all the character progression we’re already getting in S13 for Dean, and with all the character progression I hope and hope and can see is on the horizon for Cas, oh there’s hope now for hurdles being overcome. 

Especially after 13x02, there is a lot of fucking hope now. That’s my next post. Better get to work! :P 

The Four Types of Rapists

Like murder, the act of rape often occurs within a certain pattern of behaviour, and these ‘psychological cues’ can assist investigators in determining the motivation behind the rape, the offenders post-crime behaviour, and the risk of the offender striking again.

The most common behaviours exhibited by sexual offenders have been split into four basic types. Many offenders can fall into more than one type, or may cycle through the types based on their level of maturity.

1. The Power Reassurance Rapist br> Power Reassurance offenders often feel inadequate or insecure around women in their daily lives, and commit sexual assault to prove their perceived machismo and dominance over women, who he typically sees as unattainable. Rarely physically harms their victims, and asserts authority by displaying weapons. Will often apologise to their victims or stay with them after the assault. This Type can often be scared off by screams or fighting back.

2. The Power Assertive Rapist p>

The Assertive offender has a very intense hatred for women (unlike the Power Reassurance offender, who feels too inadequate to approach women conventionally) and commits sexual assault to humiliate and degrade their victims. This Type has been called the ‘date rapist’ Type because they have a tendency to charm their victim before launching an attack. The Assertive offender often wants to leave the victim physically and emotionally traumatised, but attacks can sometimes escalate into homicide.

3. The Anger Retaliation Rapist p>

Anger Retaliation offenders often feel intense hatred/rage towards a certain woman in their life, and will displace that anger onto another woman in order to “hurt” the true object of his pain. This type tends to choose victims that superficially resemble hated women in his life (for example, if the offender hates his mother he may target victims who are of similar age and look to her). This Type is the most volatile of the four and the level of violence exhibited often escalates markedly between attacks, often to the point of homicide. While death isn’t necessarily the motivating factor in the assault, it can result from the sheer level of anger the offender can displace onto the victim.

4. The Sadistic Rapist p>

The Sadistic offender is the most organized of the four Types, and usually the one most likely to commit murder. These offenders receive intense gratification from torturing their victims sexually, and inflicting pain is the primary motivation behind the assault. Victims are often tied up but kept conscious, and the offender usually employs props or devices to use during the torture. Often the victim is kept alive for a prolonged period so the offender can continue to sexually torture them.

How Yosuke Hanamura broke my heart

It’s incomplete, but I had to get this out of my system:

How Yosuke Hanamura broke my heart

Persona 4 is a funny game. It is also a long game, and that allows the social simulation aspect of it to really work, allows you to feel at home with the characters, through charm and repetition - grumpy Dojima, overly energetic Chie, confused heart of gold Kanji. Through little bits of interaction, day by in-game day, you at some point start to realise that when this is over, you might actually miss them. All of them. 


And then there is Yosuke. 


You play Persona 4 as Souji, a quite detached guy moving in from the city, hand on his hip, jacket slung over his shoulder, and while you, the player, grow fond of the game’s characters, Souji always feels like he doesn’t quite belong. He is the leader, the one who pulls the strings, the one grown up far beyond their age, with the world’s weight on their shoulders. 


You juggle realtionships, help people out, they call you senpai, sensei - and then there is Yosuke. 


Yosuke, who somehow, magically, manages to transcent Persona 4’s charming but game-y relationship system and becomes something else. Yosuke, who calls you Partner, and rings you up at night asking about your dreams or which girl you like. Yosuke, who does and says so many silly things that you never quite know what to expect - Yosuke, who ultimately breaks the boundaries of Persona 4 and makes Souji/Yosuke the most unexpectedly real-feeling relationship within a video game that I’ve ever encountered. 


I don’t know what I thought when I first laid eyes on him, it’s likely that it was something along the lines of “Hey, this is quite cool-looking for an anime video game guy. Nice headphones.”


Then, in quick succession, things happened that made it clear that Yosuke was many things - heartbroken, repressed, funny, lazy, loyal, competitive, insecure, reckless - and that there was something building between him and Souji that seemed like a stunningly natural depiction of friendship. Somehow, this is rare - a video game showing two guys becoming friends, a process that just like falling in love requires making first moves, and opening up, and getting comfortable with each other. It seemed like Yosuke was the person in the cast that always wanted to know a little more, the one to push Souji a little bit, willing to ask stupid questions just to get a reaction, and unlike the other characters, he seemed to always act out of a desire to be level with Souji, to break through the calm, collected, leader-shell of his and address the human being inside. 


Now, that alone would be a remarkable thing for a video game to depict, and worthy of high praise. What complicates things is that Yosuke, no matter how much he might deny it, seems like the most obvious case of a closeted gay person the world has ever seen. 


When I started playing Persona 4, I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting myself into, through reading about it and actually having played a bit in the past. I also knew about the game’s realtionship system, and was aware, or thought I was, that you could only get romantically involved with girls. Thus, when the game started to tease the possibility of a gay option, I raised an eyebrow, then another one, and then I lost my marbles. 


When it started, the closeness between Souji and Yosuke had already been established, and since I’m a sucker for guys not actually hating each other, I started to favour Yosuke a little bit - choosing him to eat lunch with on the roof, studying together, spending afternoons at the Junes food court, talking in the soft glow of the sun on the Samegawa river bank. When Yosuke asked which girl I liked, I chose “neither”, cheekily, thinking I was playing the metagame, when the next midnight channel story twist came up, I bet each time that Yosuke would be the one to call Souji, outraged, worried, flustered, and each time when the phone rang and it was indeed him, I smiled to myself. But surely it was all in my head - I was starting to ship it, but it was just a fun little thing to do, to spare a thought here and there and layer it on top of these two characters whose interactions I enjoyed way more than expected. 


Then, these little moments started happening - the group sitting together at Junes’ and Yosuke remarking how good Partner is with his hands, a comment that might not even have stuck out so much if weren’t for the fact that immediately after saying it, Yosuke became a hot mess of backpedalling embarrassment. His insistence to know whether Souji had a crush on somebody, and who it was, despite the awkwardness. His remarks about inviting a third person to their activities, “or else people might think we’re gay.” And ultimately, the sheer time the game devoted to the Souji/Yosuke relationship - way more than any of the other characters got.


Persona 4’s social link system is fairly rigid. You choose to spend time with people, and if things go well, and even sometimes if they don’t, it raises your relationship level with said person, allowing you to climb the social link ranks, which has gameplay and combat benefits and also allows you, in some cases, to pursue a romance. What is remarkable about Yosuke is that the game spends a significant amount of time showing interactions between Yosuke and Souji outside of this system, building their relationship beyond the confines of you walking up to a person after school and answering “yes” to their proposal of hanging out. This not only serves to create a markedly more natural and complex relationship, it also sets Yosuke apart from the other characters - he is the one to choose to interact with Souji while the other characters can only wait to be chosen. 


And then Kanji entered the picture, Yosuke freaked out completely and I looked on, amazed at the fact that this game would dare to introduce a gay character, who, despite being closeted, met up with dates after school and whose dungeon was, of all things, a gay bathhouse, with sexual content that wasn’t even the slightest bit concealed. Of all the characters, Yosuke reacted most strongly to this, outright refusing to enter and making a big fuss about being afraid of Kanji taking advantage of him. 


It culminated in the camping trip - Kanji, Yosuke, Souji sharing a tent - a scenario that could have been used very easily for a gay romance movie of questionable quality, full of the usual tropes of late night talks, denial, confrontation and very real confusion on my part of where exactly this was going - the game laid on the armored gay homophobia on Yosuke so thick that it seemed almost impossible to read what was going on in any other way. Combined with the unusual qualities that had been established in the realtionship before Kanji joined the group, it started to feel like an entire plot was going on behind the scenes, inexplicit yet persistent and increasingly impossible to ignore. 


A few in-game days after that camping trip, Yosuke broke another boundary the game had set up to this point - he visited Souji’s home. More importantly, his room, a place that up until then you, the player, had always been alone in. The conversation that followed, in that intimate space, can’t adequately be described as subtext anymore, it’s text, and very gay text at that. I was streaming the game at the time, and I bet if that session’s video was still up, you’d hear my breath hitch when Yosuke, no homo Yosuke, asked about Souji’s porn stash and teasingly, suggestively stated he’d find it while Souji was out of the room. That was only the top of the iceberg, the whole scene and its context hit me like a 10 ton truck - could it be real? Was there really, explicitly something going on? The fact that I, after learning through research that there was no gay option, felt the need to double check after that scene, to make sure there wasn’t one, should speak volumes. 


That’s when I learned of the fact that Yosuke very likely was a gay option, that there were unused text and voice lines left over on the game’s disk that turned the inexplicit explicit, both in english and japanese, suggesting the developer changed their mind after the localization was done, i.e. very late in the game’s development. Only, they had ripped out very little, leaving in tons of sublte and not so subtle parts of the relationship, and that was when I realised that Persona 4, beyond being one of the best games I have ever played, would also have the potential to make me very sad, and very angry.


It wasn’t just that gay rights had been dear to my heart for as long as I could remember. It wasn’t just that the progression of Souji and Yosuke’s relationship eclipsed any other possible pairing in the lineup by miles in terms of complexity and depth and just feeling right. It was the loss of an incredible story being told, a story that would have been unique in the history of video games - the story of two fully realised, multi-faceted male characters that you, as a player, like, falling in love, and dealing with the fact that they both happen to be guys, with all the issues that might bring in a society where homophobia and hate are still so prevalent. 


While this has been done in movies to great success in recent times, mainstream video games haven’t dared to show male homosexual relationships in positive light and up front and center. Persona 4 does dare to spend significant time on very progressive subjects, including homosexuality and transgender issues, but it falters and pulls back just on the brink of being truly groundbreaking, which, to anybody playing the game with an open mind, can only scream injustice both in a worldly and in an in-game sense. 


The level 9 rank of Yosuke’s social link progression has the two of you standing on a hill overlooking the town of Inaba. Yosuke’d probably call it a village, and the two of you talk about coming to terms with your place in the world, literally and figuratively. It’s autumn, and the evening sun plays with the coloured leaves on the trees - it’s a beautiful spot, a wistful song is playing, and despite the Playstation 2’s aged graphics you can’t help but marvel a little. You’ve never been to this spot before, you think Yosuke probably brought you here, and you wonder if there are any other locations in the town you know so well by now that you haven’t seen.


“There is still nothing here,” Yosuke says, meaning Inaba, a place he resented for the longest time, “but I have family, and friends…and you.”


I sat in front of the TV for a long time, the soft piano notes of the song playing making me ache, and then I realised that while Yosuke Hanamura was denied the chance to become part of video games’ first positively framed gay male relationship, he had acomplished one thing:


Yosuke Hanamura broke my heart.

If marathons exist for people to prove that they’re intrinsically better than you, ultramarathons exist to shame you for drawing the same air as their participants. And Australia’s Westfield Sydney to Melbourne Ultramarathon is the pinnacle. The event consisted of a 544-mile run – we’d give up on driving that – across brutal and unforgiving territory. So imagine everyone’s surprise back in 1983, when a 61-year-old potato farmer named Cliff Young lined up right alongside the strapping young gods and goddesses that normally go in for this sort of thing. Literally toothless, dressed in gumboots and long trousers, he ran in a weird old-man shuffle. Cliff further revealed that he was a virgin who still lived with his mom – as though that needed elaborating.

By the end of day two, Cliff was not only markedly less dead than everyone expected, but had a sizeable lead on his competitors. This was largely due to his coach/insane friend Wally Zeuschner who, after an exhausting first day of running, accidentally set Cliff’s alarm clock for 2AM. For the remainder of the race, Wally was right there, informing Cliff that sleep was for pussies, and hacking off foot blisters with a rabbit knife. When Cliff shuffled his way into Melbourne, he wasn’t just ahead of his competitors – he was miles and miles ahead, having knocked a good two goddamned days off the previous record for the course.

5 People Who Ruled At Things They Had No Right to Even Try

Three shades of a man (a second chapter)

Summary: You have seen Bucky Barnes at his best and his worst, and he asks you to help him through it all.

Characters: Bucky x Reader Warnings: NSFW, 18+ ONLY; some mild violence and so much smut. Get out of here if you’re not over 18 please.

A/N: The second story in a series of three. Apparently I like angsty things? Who knew. Can’t figure out a tag list just yet because I’m mostly mobile and I’m not good at Tumblr mobile, but will do one for the last chapter, let me know if you would like added. Feedback and comments are always more than welcome. 

Read Part 1
Read Part 3

MASTERLIST

Originally posted by couplenotes

Anxious, desperate, panicked
The day was drenched in a silvery grey mist that seemed unable to clear. It blanketed the city around you, snaking through streets and alleys, finding the cracks and crevices of every building, overflowing into any space it could find. It made you feel restless, itchy, like you were waiting for something to happen.

It had been two weeks since you last spoke to Bucky, the only communication in that time was a photo he texted you, of a deep red sunrise illuminating the craggy black rocks of a mountain range. You didn’t know where, or what he was doing, but he liked to send you pictures when he could. He said sunrises always reminded him of you - a beautiful vision that made him open his eyes and keep moving forward. That evening, you responded with a picture of a dazzling sunset, swirls of purple and orange painting the sky. You said sunsets always reminded you of him - an explosion of wild colour and brilliant light, a perfect end to the day.

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Pennywise x Reader (male edit!)

Hope this suits your fancy, anon! (and all the other amazing boys out there who want that clock) <3

You squirm under his arm, sensitive skin brushing against the fabric of his vestments. Pennywise holds you tight against his lap, grinning down as you struggle.  

He curves a hand up to thumb at your mouth, gently cradling your jaw. You whine, kissing gently, cautiously at the gloved finger offered to you. The fabric is coarse against your lips and smells faintly like bubblegum; he swirls his thumb across your lips, parting them farther to drag along the junction of your teeth.  

“Does my little one like this? Your fear is delectable, darling, but something tells me you like the taste.”

He pushes his thumb to explore along your teeth, you widen them just enough to cautiously lap at the finger. Pennywise exhales deeply, and an unmistakable glint of sadistic glee appears in the eyes locked onto yours. In a single motion, he shoves the remaining length of his thumb into your mouth, fingers pulling your chin up, forcing you to hold eye contact. He giggles at the sight of you.

“Yes, just as I thought. You enjoy this, don’t you? Tell Pennywise how much you like his fingers in your mouth. Tell me, or I’ll have to satiate more than one appetite tonight, hmm?”

His eyes glow alarm-death yellow, and though you know he wouldn’t seriously harm you, the hungry stare is candid as anything—others have seen it as their final sight. Murder and terror, it’s awful, evil, and very real—and here you are, whining and squirming on his lap. He gets off on your fear as much as you do, and you can feel his hips rocking a growing erection into your ass.

“I—I do, Pennywise.” You do your best to speak around his thumb, still exploring the crevices of your mouth.

“Dirty, filthy fucking boy.” His voice is lower than before.

He pulls his thumb from your lips, glove amply wet from your ministrations, trailing a bead of saliva from your face.  Pennywise exhales heavily, mouth almost in a pout as he surveys you. It’s clearly driving him mad, but he’s trying to maintain composure.

“Spit down your chin for me.”

You don’t hesitate. You let spit dribble down onto where his finger sits at the base of your chin, he swirls it around your mouth.

“Pennywise likes making a mess of your handsome little face, did you know that? Now you’re going to take some of mine.”

He grips your jaw again, and this time, spits directly into your mouth. It tastes heavily like blood, dripping down from his plush, parted lips. You moan, licking to get a better taste, drinking in the wrongness of it all.

“P–please, more…”

“That’s a good boy. Such a little freak, begging me to drool on your fucking face.” His voice has descended to a horrible, vicious growl. His eyes sear into yours.

He lets saliva fall from his lips to yours, filling your mouth with the taste of blood once more.

“Such a good boy…”

He drags his free hand slowly down your clavicle, abdomen, and pelvis, stopping at the erection straining between your legs. Languidly, he begins to stroke you, granting long-sought friction. The soaked glove feels so good against your sensitive skin; you whine, bucking against his hand, still held down tight by his strong arm against your chest.  

“All mine…”

anonymous asked:

2) also what are your thoughts on book sansa and arya relationship? I've read some absurd posts about Sansa apparently abusing Arya or that she doesn't love her at all. And i really wanted to know your opinion Thank you!

Sansa and Arya didn’t understand each other, were often frustrated with each other, and lived in an environment that portrayed Sansa as the ideal Arya should be working for and Arya’s preferences as improper. They spent a great deal of AGoT very angry with each other, and in a hostile situation with frankly inadequate adult supervision.

They love each other, too.

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7th House Marriage Preferences

*The 7th house means many things, but one of the biggest and most common meanings of the 7th house is your partner or your spouse. Here are preferences for you based off of your 7th house in your natal chart.*

Aries in 7th House:  You tend to favor a spouse who is in-control, a leader, self-assured, and decisive. You want to be sought out and desired by your partner. A conscious effort should be made to not be so impulsive in love. May even be married young or earlier in life

Taurus in 7th House: You attract and prefer a partner who has a special and sensual appearance that is unique to you. In addition you want someone healthy, who is practical, well off financially or a promise of wealth, because you prefer a strong provider in a spouse. Sexual satisfaction is important for not only you, but for your lover too.

Gemini in 7th House:  Being/looking youthful or having a youthful outlook/demeanor is important to you because you want someone who is communicative and can keep you on your toes. Intelligence is a major factor, and your spouse will mostly be very intelligent. You will share good mental rapport , 

Cancer in 7th House: You can be especially interested in having a significant other who is fatherly or motherly, even if you don’t want children. Security and protection is an important factor in a spouse, and you may look for someone who you believe has these factors. Sensitivity is also important. You need a partner who understands this, and is sensitive to you, and themselves.

Leo in the 7th House: You have a yearning for a relationship with someone who is flashy (posses a certain showmanship or is just ostentatious), a person who brings out your own creativity, and seems very royal/noble. People who are unusually creative or dramatic catch your eye, or people who can release the inner child. Spouses with a positive attitude make you the happiest. You may marry an actor, a musician a sportsman or a person in the spotlight.

Virgo in the 7th house:  A spouse who is practical and down-to-earth is crucial to you. You prefer a significant other who is not shy of hard work, with common sense and intelligence. A person with a good college degree or someone with a good education peeks your interest right away. Someone who is cleanly and keeps a clean environment is also very attractive. The partner doesn’t have to be a dime, but needs to please you in bed, and understand your complicated nature with a certain amount of nurturing.

Libra in the 7th house: It is imperative that your spouse is above average looking, possessing good manners and neatness, with an ability to get along well with others. People who have special artistic or musical talent are favored. There will never be a boring moment in your romantic unions. Be cautious of falling for a charming person, they can be the biggest deceivers.

Scorpio in the 7th house: The inclination to marry a person who is sexually appealing to you is strong. Also, unions that aren’t rushed are critical. You’ll favor someone who is willing to take ample time to build a meaningful relationship, and really dig into the deeper dynamics of life. There is also an appreciation of a partner if they are well off financially and/or in line for a sizable inheritance in the foreseeable future.

Sagittarius in the 7th house:  Lovers who are from other states/countries, or whose upbringing and life experiences are markedly in contrast with your own are preferred. You look for someone unique and can show you something new, so traveling with your spouse excites you. A partner who changes your philosophies and opens your mond to possibilities is very attractive to you. Clingy partners or being smothered are turn offs. A good sense of humor is also adored.

Capricorn in the 7th house: It may take you a while to find your ideal spouse.You need a powerful union with someone which will stand the test of time. Emotional outbursts in public are deal-breakers and you will look for someone put together in public. A practical, levelheaded and down-to-earth person who will work hard attracts your eye. Having great sex,and being reliable are more important to you than good-looks, age or even romance. Your partner may represent a parental image, and represent morals you respect.

Aquarius in the 7th house: You attract unusual partners,but your significant other needs to stimulate you mentally above anything else. Before you settle down with anyone you make sure they are your friend first. You are often guilty of marrying someone you deem your best friend.You tend to fall for the humanitarians or the activists. Having a mental rapport between you and your spouse will always be imperative.

Pisces in the 7th house:  You seem to prefer sensitive significant others who are affectionate, and posses a pure heart. People who are more romantic appeal to you because you prefer to be totally adored by your partner. You tend to have a special interest in those who are physically attractive, especially if they have remarkable or dazzling eyes. You are most attracted to partners who will be self-sacrificing for you, and acknowledge your own sacrifices for them.

Human Shield - A SuperCorp fic

I don’t always have time to make complete comics. I work. A LOT. But this was a really interesting idea I wanted to explore. And @luthoring​ encouraged me, sooooo… here you go.

Beyond the cut is the result, expanding on this comic. Written entirely from Lena’s perspective.

Fair warning: there is violence, injury, and angst. 

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