oh my god okay prepare yourself because i’ve been dragged into this hell of emotions so i’m dragging everyone in with me.
long story short: critical role is a d&d game played by professional voice actors live on geek and sundry twitch channel (you can find all the eps on their website or on youtube)
long story long it’s a series that made me abandon all television, cry myself to sleep, and marathon about forty episodes in 16 days - and the shortest episodes are around three hours long. critical role is joy itself. critical role is life. critical role ruins lives.
It’s the story of Vox Machina, a merry band of adventurers (murder hobos) making their way through fantasy land. The show starts a couple of years into their adventures, because all of them have been playing for quite some time before they started filming (but there’s a clip to catch you up).
Let me tell you about Vox Machina, or: my children, or: those assholes (previously known as the Super High-Intensity Team, or: The Shits).
Grog the Goliath Barbarian (Travis Willingham) is clearly the brains of the group, especially when it comes to shapes and numbers. Also, ale. He has a lovely friendship with the gnome cleric Pike and they’re gonna make you cry. At some point Grog gets a talking sword and it’s the most hilarious shit I’ve ever witnessed.
Pike the Gnome Cleric (Ashley Johnson). Team mom. Heals everyone. The absolute freakin’ cutest. Ashley Johnson is on Blindspot, so Pike sometimes disappears from the game, and Vox Machina adventures are divided into two types: 1) Pike’s here, they fight shit, everything’s ok. 2) Pike’s not here, people die, everything’s on fire, help them.
Vex’ahlia, the Half-Elven Ranger (Laura Bailey). Loves gold, flying, her bear Trinket, and sometimes her idiot twin brother. Empress of Haggling and an expert winker. Bisexual as fuck. Makes me cry a lot.
Vax’ildan, the Half-Elven Rogue (Liam O’Brien). Stabs shit, stealthy AS FUCK, parkours away from emotions. Quite probably the most selfless asshole of them all. Makes me cry a lot. SOMEBODY HUG VAX. SOMEBODY HUG ME. His relationship with Vex is gonna make you cry.
Tiberius, the Dragonborn Sorcerer (Orion Acaba). Currently not on the show. A bit trigger happy, huffy, absentminded, and a bit snobbish. Very resourceful. Makes elaborate plans that almost never pan out but when they do it’s glorious.
Scanlan the Gnome Bard (Sam Riegel). Inspires everyone by songs made on the spot, omg Sam Riegel is a fucking genius. Crushes on Pike as fuck. Poops on beds and kills enemies by insulting them. Mostly responsible for the great Cow escapade (don’t ask).
Keyleth the Half-Elven Druid (Marisha Rey). Wise as fuck but also awkward as fuck. Tries to keep the murder hobos from murdering people. Adorable day drinker. On an Avatar the Last Airbender quest. Turns into animals and will fuck you up.
Percy the Human Gunslinger (Taliesin Jaffe). Wicked smart, makes terrible life choices. His dice rolls are fucking sorcery. His personal arc with the Briarwoods will fuck you up. Did I say smart because I cannot emphasize this enough, fuck.
Matthew fucking Mercer, the Dungeon Master. Holy fuck. Setting impossibly high expectations for game masters everywhere. Pulls out voices from nowhere. Remembers all. Amazing storyteller. Has a serious miniatures problem and people keep enabling him.
Also featuring: Lady Kima the halfling of BADASS (Matt), Kashaw the broody human cleric, Zahra the badass thiefling and also queen of awesome, Clarota the outcast mindflayer (Matt), GLORIOUS GILMORE (Matt), Seeker Awesome (I mean Asum, also Matt), Kraven’s Edge the creepy sword of evil (Matt), and Victor the Black Powder salesman (HOLY FUCK MATT).
Never before had I thought d&d would be a spectator’s sport, but this is the best. The absolute fucking best. The humor, the character progression, the continuity, the fucking dialogue - a big part is improvised on the spot by the actors/players and it’s miles better than the majority of television right now. You’ll get to an episode where they mostly do their shopping and you will be riveted. IT’S FUCKING MAGIC.
Also featuring: the Critters community. Seriously, the fans of the show are an awesome, creative, giving bunch.
Critrole is love. Critrole is life. I’m gonna go cry.