marine marauder

4

A lonely tear slipped down your cheek. You were sitting curled up against one of the windows in the empty corridor, it was late but not that late that you weren’t aloud to be there. You couldn’t believe how Sirius had just left you, you had told him everything - about the mean word the Ravenclaws said to you, the horrible thing you could hear whisper behind you in between classes. It was hard for you to talk about it, you never had before. But Sirius had found you, sitting in the window, crying. But after you had open your heart to the kind boy, he had just left. Without saying anything. You heard steps coming closer, you quickly swept away the tear. You saw Sirius walking closer to you.

“What in the bloody hell, Sirius? I opened up to you, but then you just left? How could you?”, you asked, you were so sad yet so angry at the handsome boy. He didn't’ answer, he just wrapped his arms around you body.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry about the thing you have needed to go through. You are too innocent, too valuable. But believe me, I took care of it. Or, I took care of them”

requested

8

Okay guys, how is it possible that I have not seen yet any Blackinnon portraid as Haleb??? How is it possible?! I mean they all so similar. Long, brown haired boy with a terrible family. And then there’s the blonde girl, who is strong and sassy, but has her ups and downs. 

IT’S PERFECT!!!!!! 

fc Tyler Blackburn and Ashley Benson

Your Stars Are My Stars

The one where Sirius is in the marines and Remus can’t go with him and doesn’t know how to be without him.

part viii


52.

Sirius is in the light again. Usually he’s in the dark, heavy blackness but occasionally he comes to. Then it’s bright and painful. Everything hurts too much and he sinks under again, like a wave crashing over his head. He never has enough time to register much more than a fabric ceiling and a very annoying, very slow, methodical beeping. There’s another sound too though. A heavy rattling sound that reminds him of someone breathing through one of those Darth Vader masks. He once had time to wonder if he was making these sounds before the waves overtook him again.

He can’t seem to open his eyes this time. He can’t move. He doesn’t even think he can really feel his own body. Panic squeezes at his chest and the beeping picks up slightly. He tries to yell but there’s something in his mouth, something that makes his throat raw. And he’s so, so hot. It’s sticky and makes what he thinks are bed sheets feel like they’re glued to him - he doesn’t know how he didn’t realize it before. He’s miserable and it feels like some place near his chest is leaking fire all over him. He longs for the darkness.

Then, suddenly, there’s a cool hand being pressed to his wrist, fingers brushing against his forehead, feeling heavenly.

Remus is his first thought, Remus is here.

it has to be Remus. he’s here he’s making it better he’s here.

Then Sirius remembers the last time he’d spoken to Remus. He remembers how they’d fought and what he’d said and he struggles again because now it is a million times more important that he gets his eyes open. He has to tell Remus how sorry he is, how much he loves him. He has to tell him everything-

James.

He’d been protecting James. Sirius’ mind reels. He’d been with James, he made promises to James. there had been a gun, he’d gotten…

He’d gotten hurt.

Was James hurt? Had Sirius saved him? Or was James…

Sirius felt ice in the pit of his stomach. Were they dead?

Light finally floods his vision, almost making him squeeze his eyes shut again but he refuses. He blinks rapidly, eyes rolling around for a moment before they focus on a figure beside him.

His heart drops.

“Mr. Black? Can you hear me, Sirius?”

There’s a flurry of beeps and the nurse curses.

Sirius welcomes the blackness as it washes over him once more. He doesn’t want to think.

~

42.

Remus wants to scream. It’s been two weeks and Remus just wants to fucking scream.

Bones comes almost every day, keeping him updated. Lily too, but she has work so she mostly saves her visits for the weekends and maybe brings some takeout over mid-week, just to make sure Remus is still alive. She must decide that he is, she keeps leaving and coming back… but he certainly doesn’t feel it. She’d found out James was alive the following Friday after they’d found out about Sirius. She’d tried to hide her joy from him… Remus doesn’t think she would have even told him if he hadn’t asked. But it was written all over her face. The relief, the happiness. He tried not to hate her for it.

It’s just him today though. Bones had been over… it could have been yesterday, could have been last week, bringing news of Sirius’ first responsive period of alertness, although it was only a minute or so.

“It’s a good sign, Remus.” Bones had said.

But then he’d gone on to tell Remus all about an infection that they worried was starting in Sirius’ shoulder and Remus had forgotten all about good signs.

Well you don’t have to call, you know. If it means so fucking little. You don’t have to call.

You don’t have to call.

Remus wants to scream. Because if that’s the last words he’ll ever speak to Sirius Black he thinks he just might off himself.

Suddenly restless he switches from slouching on the couch to walking circles around the perimeter of the square rug around the coffee table. He tries to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, tries to stay on the very edge of the rug, tries to distract himself. But his mind reels.

Because the worst part is that Sirius actually hadn’t called and- and Remus doesn’t want to think it but the thought springs up anyway:

What if Sirius dies mad at him? What if Sirius dies thinking Remus was mad at him?

His feet carry him faster, one in front of the other, toe to heel.

The thought that Sirius’ last thoughts could be about Remus feeling anything other than complete and utter love for him makes him feel ill. He stops abruptly, tripping on his own feet and grasps that arm of the couch before his knees collide painfully with the hardwood floor.

His should get up, but all he can manage is to curl in on himself, head bowed like he’s praying… and maybe he is, in a way.

He’s not sure he can do this. Fuck, he’s not sure he can make it.

His thoughts are abruptly interrupted by the tinny sound of xylophones coming from his phone. He doesn’t even jump when he hears the phone anymore. He blindly gropes for his phone, not even raising his head.

“Hello.”

“You are receiving a call from Royal Marines Base Camp Bastion. To reject this call, please hang up now. To accept, please press one.”

Remus straightens up so fast he sees stars. Because who could- there’s only one person who’d…

He’s confused, frantic, panicked. Remus desperately hopes this isn’t how they deliver the worst news. No, Bones wouldn’t allow that. Still, he feels almost too scared to even answer the phone. His thoughts feel like they’re colliding with one another as he punches 1.

He’s silent for a few beats, “Hello?” His voice breaks.

There are familiar, high pitched, distant beeps, then a crackling voice,

“Remus?”

And it takes Remus a few moments through all that crackling and telephone wire and fog in his head to realize.

He knits his eyebrows, confused, “James?”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, “Y-Yeah. Yeah.”

“I- What-“ Remus doesn’t really know what to say. James has never called him before. Not knowing what else to do, he stutters, “James… I- are you okay?”

“I-“ Another breath, “I’m- Fuck, Remus I’m-“

There’s an especially loud crackling nose, like wind blowing into the speaker. Remus realizes it’s James letting out a harsh breath. It’s followed by smaller hitches and silence.

“Remus-“

But James can’t seem to finish the sentence.

And Remus realizes he’s crying. That it wasn’t a breath but a sob.

Dread fills him.

“No. No- James, did-“ He squeezes his eyes shut, “Did something-“ He feels tears brim his own eyes, “Is… is he-“

“It’s my fault.”

Remus’ eyes flash open. He swallows, “What?”

James’ breathing sounds like a bird rattling a cage, trying to get out, “It was my fault.” He sobs and Remus’ chest tightens, “I was- it was so dark-“ his breath hitches, “I didn’t see- I didn’t see them-“

“James- stop-“ Remus presses his palm to his chest, as if that will stop the tears, stop the ache.

“I’m sorry. Fuck, Remus I’m so sorry-“

“James, please-“

“I might’ve killed him-“ Remus can pictures James pulling at his hair, eyes squeezed shut, “Remus-“

No. James you didn’t kill him.” Remus is holding the phone so tight he’s worried he’ll snap it, “Fuck, you didn’t kill him because he is not going to die. He’s not going to die and you aren’t fucking allowed to think any otherwise.”

Remus leans his forehead against the couch arm, breathing heavily through his nose, trying to relieve the lump in his throat, “It’s not your fault James. It’s not anyones fault.” He says finally.

They are silent after that, just breathing, calming down, knowing the other is still there but not knowing what to say.

“He had my back.” James croaks.

Remus squeezes his eyes tight against the burn.

James sniffs, “He always has… he always will.” He adds the second part fiercely.

And Remus feels his resolve fall, his face crumple. He lets his face fall to his palms and finally, finally allows himself to cry. Really cry.

James does what he can from across the world, shushing him and telling him it will be okay.

Remus cries.

He cries until he thinks he falls asleep because he doesn’t remember hanging up.

41.

He’s still in his place beside the couch, on the floor, when he realizes he’s being shaken awake.

Bones’ face comes into view, eyebrows drawn and face tight with worry.

“We need you.” Is all he says before he pulls Remus upright. Remus isn’t sure if it’s appropriate for an army officer to make him eggs, but Bones insists.

“So…” Remus mostly pushes food around his plate, to caught up in the look on Bones’ face, “You said…” He trails off, glancing at Bones across the table.

Bones bites his lip, fighting, “Please eat something first…”

Remus sighs, tossing his fork down with a clatter, “How the fuck am I suppose to eat with you looking like that?”

He does a bit more lip biting, his eyes flitting from the eggs to Remus’ face, before he sighs.

“Alright then.” He runs a hand, distressed, through his short cropped hair. It’s a gesture that hits much too close to home and makes Remus’ chest tighten. He takes some eggs in hopes that it will encourage Bones to continue.

“Last night… Sirius’ fever spiked.” He takes one look at Remus’ face and rushes to continue, “It’s alright, it’s okay. We just… we need to put him under for a few days. So his body can focus solely on healing.”

Remus waits a few beats to hear the problem but Bones just looks at him.

“Well then bloody do it!” He blurts.

“It’s not that simple-“

“Why the fuck not?-“

“He won’t let us.”

Remus regrets the bite of egg as it churns in his stomach, “What?” he says weakly.

Bones shakes his head a little, “It could be the medicine, maybe, messing with his head. He’s scared and in nearly constant pain… but he won’t let them do it. The doctors need his consent, Remus.”

Remus swallows thickly, “Well, I- I don’t see what I can… What could I do?”

Bones leans forward, lacing his fingers. He wets his lips, “Talk to him.”

Remus’ pulse is skyrocketing in a second, he grips the edge of the table.

Bones carefully pulls a phone from his pocket and for some reason it makes bubbles of panic rise in Remus’ chest, “What- No. I can’t-“

“Remus, listen to me.” Bones’ eyes are calm and comforting. Remus doesn’t want to know what his own look like, “He’s been alone for so long. Surrounded by people he doesn’t know, people only there to pump him with drugs and preform operations. No one he knows or can truly care for him… not the way you do. Remus… you can convince him.”



How?” Remus can’t drag his eyes from the phone, a possible real connection to Sirius for the first time in… forever.

“Just talk. Let him hear your voice. Talk about the whether, a sports game, anything. It doesn’t matter-“

“He’s dying and you want me to tell him the bloody wind patterns?” Remus feels like something is lodged in his lungs.

Bones’ eyes get even more intense if possible, “Put yourself in his shoes, Remus. If you were him, wouldn’t you want to hear his voice? And would you give a fuck what he was talking about?” He shakes his head, “Wouldn’t you just want to hear him?

Remus is silent for what feels like a long time. He needs his heart to calm down, needs to get air into his lungs. Because he knows he has to do this. Because Sirius needs him. Fuck, his wonderful, brave, fucking hero of a boy needs him and he’d sooner die than let him down again.

He nods.

Bones’ shoulders sag in relief, “Good. Now, he won’t be able to talk back. He’s on breathing support,” Remus knew this already, or at least assumed, but it still sent a ache through his chest, “but he can hear you…” Bones presses a hand to his shoulder, “I’ll dial.”

Bones murmurs a few words into the speaker before turning back to Remus, “Okay. Try to stay as calm as you can, yeah? We need him relaxed. He’s only barely stable right now, but he could be if this works.”

Remus’ hands shake when he reaches out and takes the phone.

“Mr. Lupin?” Remus is surprised (and thankful) to hear a kind sounding women on the phone instead of all the serious sounding officers he’d been dealing with.

“Yes.” He feels numb.

“Thank you so much for this… I know this is hard but… I just know it will mean so much. Are you ready?”

Remus thinks he says yes, but it could have come out as just a muffled sort of affirmative sound. He’s not sure.

“Sirius? We’ve got someone on the phone for you, love.” Her voice sounds distant like she isn’t near the phone anymore but instead holding it out to someone else.

Remus wants to cry at how sweet she is to him. He wants to cry because thank god someone is there to talk to him like that through all of this.

There’s a rustle, and Remus can now hear a methodical rushing sound and a beeping. When he realizes that it is the sound of Sirius’ heart beat and breathing monitor, he has to pull the phone away from his cheek for a moment to let out a shuttering breath of relief. Because he’s listening to the sounds that mean Sirius is alive. The sounds he wasn’t sure he’d even hear again.

He takes a deep breath, “Hi, love.”

The moment he speaks the beeping picks up, nearing a frenzy and there’s a disruption in the rattling sound of the ventilator, like someones desperately trying to take it out. He hears the women softly shushing him, whispering reassurance.

Remus feels tears burn his eyes but refuses to let them show in his voice,

“It’s okay, Pads. You’re alright.” He bites his lip until the beeping returns to normal, if not a tad faster still. He clears his throat, “There you go, you’re okay… S’cold here. You’d like it… Nice and windy.” He hears Bones laugh softly from beside him.

“I, um, I’ve been watching that stupid show you like. What’s it, Reign? I’m up to- well, maybe I shouldn’t say… I’m pretty sure I’m ahead of you now. But no wonder you like it, that Condé’s nice to look at, isn’t he?” Remus doesn’t know where this is coming from, doesn’t know how he’s even fucking managing it, but he even conjures up a little laugh (even if it is noticeably watery).

“Anyway, don’t worry I’ll- I’ll re-watch with you when… when you get home, yeah?” Remus squeezes his eyes shut, trying to steady himself before continuing. He lets out a long breath, “But the thing is… Pads, we can’t do that unless you let them help you. You have to… You have to let them put you to sleep for a bit, okay love?” He can hear it in his voice his resolve’s crumbling but he has to get this out, “I know it’s hard… Fuck, Pads you’ve been so amazing. I know you’re probably scared… hell, I’m scared too but-“ Remus blinks rapidly, swiping at his cheeks, “You have to heal. You’re sick, love, and you have to help yourself heal. Just think, when you wake up, you’ll be one step closer to coming home-“

He barely finishes the word ‘home’ before he has to swallow back a sob and his voice gives out. He’s silent for a few moments, letting Sirius’ breathing calm him.

Finally, he takes a breath, “91 days, Pads. 91. We’ve made it through 41 of them, more than half, and we’re sure as hell not giving up now.” He bites his lip, cradling the phone to his hear, trying to pretend he could just reach out and brush Sirius’ hair out of his eyes, “I love you, okay? So much.”

Sirius doesn’t respond with the more but Remus knows it’s there.

He passes the phone back to Bones and presses a palm over his beating, aching heart.

He doesn’t breath again until Bones gives him the thumbs up, signaling Sirius is under and healing once again.


(damn this is a long one. got very caught up. hope you like it <3 )

Your Stars Are My Stars

Or the one where Sirius is in the marines and Remus can’t go with him and doesn’t know how to be without him.

part iv



72.

The sun was warm on Sirius’ back, sinking into his skin like liquid heat. He sighed contently, shifting slightly under the soft cotton of the sheets and the heavy weight of an arm strewn across his back.

He opened his eyes, squinting against the sunlight coming in from their bedroom window and grumbled a little to himself, turning his head into his pillow, away from the light. He shifted again, getting onto his other side, his back against the sun in an attempt to block the light, to fall back asleep.

But the sight he saw as he turned wiped any and all thoughts of sleep away from his mind. He smiled, biting at his bottom lip. Remus was still fast asleep beside him, messy waves framing his face and falling into his eyes, his mouth slightly parted. He looked peaceful and gorgeous.

Sirius reached out, wanting to tuck his hair back, run his fingers through it. His hand made it inches away, just a second from carding through the strands, before the bed started shaking. Sirius looked around in alarm, ready to spring out of bed… But the pictures remained stationary on the walls, the water in the glass on his nightstand remained still. He looked back to Remus, but he was sleeping peacefully, undisturbed by the sudden shaking. And Sirius realized.

He was shaking.

Sirius woke with a start.

His eyes flew open, blinking rapidly to adjust to the dark as James’ face came into focus. He propped himself up onto his elbows, suddenly awake.

“What’s happening?” He was already swinging his legs over the edge of his bunk, standing to face James.

James’ chest was rising and falling rapidly, eyes firm, the way he got when he had to switch into “captain-mode” as he called it. Sirius always made fun of him for it but, truthfully, he doesn’t really know how any of them would survive without it- without James leading them.

Sirius looked around, noticing their tent mates already shrugging into their uniforms. His eyes found James’ again. He silently begged James to throw an arm around him, tell him they were just sneaking out for a night swim.

“Prongs-”

“Raid.” James nodded to the trunk at the end of Sirius’ cot, “You have five minutes.”

~

This is what Sirius had prepared for. This is something he’d done before. He knew the drill, he knew the protocol… and yet, he still shook as he shoved his helmet onto his head. He still had to will himself forward as they loaded into the trucks, roaring off into the dark dunes.

He was sandwiched between Marlene and Frank, shoulders bumping into each other as they lumbered over the sand. The entire truck was quiet, each soldier preparing themselves. Frank and Alice’s hands brushed discreetly, for comfort. Marlene fingered the silver locket she kept tucked under her shirt. James stood as a silhouette, the only one out of a seat, with one hand bracing himself against the side of the cabin and staring out the open back. His shoulders were set, feet apart to keep him sturdy, his other hand shoved deep into his pocket. Sirius knew what was clutched in that hand - he’d seen the picture a hundred times. He’d been there when Lily had given it to him - and when Remus had given his to Sirius. They’d planned it together, they said. Lily had joked about how he and James were their sailor boys going off to serve. Remus had just smiled, arms folded around himself shyly.

Sirius swallows thickly at the memory, and stares down at the photo in his hands. The edges are completely ruined and there’s a coffee stain at the corner where Marlene had put her drink down (he’d nearly taken her head off), but it didn’t matter. Because Remus’ smiling face was still clear as day, tucked into Sirius’ side. His nose was crinkled and his freckles were visible, sprinkled across his nose - it had been summer.

He rubbed his thumb over the smooth, laminated surface over and over until the truck rumbled to a stop.

~

“You sure I can’t get you anything else, honey? Maybe a slice of pie or something?”

Remus gave the waitress a small smile, trying for the fourth time to gently tell her to leave him alone, “No, thank you though. But really, just the tea is fine.”

She shrugged one of her shoulders in a suit yourself way, and flipped to a clean page of her pad, thankfully going off to serve some other customers and leaving Remus in peace (although Remus wouldn’t exactly call it peace).

He sighed, pushing his fingers through his hair and reaching for the small, silver pot of milk she had brought, tipping it in. As he stirred it into the steam, his eyes flicked to his phone, which was flashing a new message.

Lils: Are you alone?

Remus: What?

Lils: Are you ALONE?

Remus: Well, gee Lils I didn’t know you liked me THAT much.

Lils: Shut up.

Remus: If you count a restaurant as alone.

Lils: You’re eating by yourself???

Remus: Well my only friend is out with one of her many friends.

Lils: I’m your only friend?

Lils: That’s not true Remus

Remus rolled his eyes, “Wanna bet?” he mumbled.

He set his phone down with a sigh, pressing his fingers to the ceramic side of his mug to see if it was still to hot. It was, but he brought it to his lips.

He knew he wasn’t really mad with Lily, but he didn’t need to be reminded that outside of her, James, and Sirius… Well, there weren’t many he knew well enough to want to be around right now. Not in his current… state.

His eyes found the small television mounted in the upper left corner behind the bar, planning to try to ignore Lily. His attention was caught by a sudden series of flashes.

And a few things registered - slowly.

First: three consecutive explosions that were playing, seemingly on repeat, on the television.

Second: the words RAID GONE WRONG ; 11 PRESUMED DEAD flashing across the screen.

Third: that it was Saturday.

Forth: that his tea scalded the inside of his mouth and his lips.

Fifth: he could barely feel it.

~

Remus barely remember leaving the restaurant. All he remembers of his journey home is running - sprinting - down the sidewalk. His hands shook so bad he could barely get the key into his door, scratching up the wood around it. He finally succeeds in opening it and practically falls through the door, kicking it closed so hard, the picture of him and Sirius on the wall goes crooked. He jams his thumb onto the power button on the remote. He’s worried he broke it for a moment, but the TV flickers to life, revealing the exact same footage that was on at the bar, except he can hear the reporter now - the sound’s on. He sinks to his knees in front of the television, heart beating so hard he’s worried it might fall out of his chest.

They don’t know much. They won’t say where. They won’t even say when. But all Remus cares about is a single phrase the reporter keeps saying: We cannot confirm any losses.

We cannot confirm any losses.

They don’t know for sure, Remus could barely breathe.

You don’t know for sure.

He doesn’t even remember falling asleep, clutching the remote, right there on the floor.

He dreams of bombs.


(Sorry this is on the shorter side! I just thought it was a nice ending for the next part I have in mind :) Enjoy.)