mariaakim

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

-C.S. Lewis

New Beginnings

Yesterday, I bought books at C&E. I should have looked for a second hand but I was already tired and I didn’t want to go to Recto anymore to scout the place. I have all the eBooks but I don’t study well with eBooks. As Mark put it, I am a book person. Not to mention I go gaga with really colorful books. (I’ve to restrain myself from highlighting everything so that I can still sell it to the next batch!) Today is the last day of my very short vacation.Tomorrow, I will begin my career as a doctor.

When I was a kid, I dream of becoming a scientist. You name all kinds of scientist. I wanted to be a meteorologist, marine biologist, botanist, astrophysicist, and a lot more. I was so fascinated by science. And then I also wanted to be a doctor. I would play with my toys pretending I was their doctor and they were my patients. I grew up and my interests changed. From science, I went into arts. I wanted to be a concert pianist, a painter, and a dancer.

Then, I went to high school. I didn’t really think about it that much during those years until I was in my fourth year and I needed to put something in my applications. Because my parents had been really persistent in telling me day in and day out that I’d be a doctor, I chose a degree in Biology, Nursing, Physical Therapy, Pharmacy, and Food Technology. I only applied in three schools namely University of the Philippines, University of Sto. Tomas, and Saint Louis University. I got accepted in all three schools but I went to UP with a degree in Food Technology. I never dreamed of becoming a food scientist but I’m still a scientist. I guess that counts and something I can already cross off my bucket list.

Tomorrow is going to be the start of something new and old. An old dream that is finally in progress. It was a long way for me. I didn’t even imagine nor dream this day would come. Sometimes, I’d be on a hiatus for weeks, even months. Hey, this is the final stage of my studies. I must put in all what I’ve got. After all, I want to become a good doctor. I don’t mind not being the best (this is not mediocrity, though). I just want to help those in need.

It’s our pathology practicals tomorrow. And everything is mixed up in my brain. Huhu Everything looks the same now especially malaria and Gaucher’s disease, and the brain. What to do.

It has been a long two weeks for me. I’ve been taking exams since last week! I just want to rest. :( Today’s Bible verse is just perfect, Matthew 11:28.

Okay, bye now. I really need to study. Hard work pays off, after all. But before that, here’s what I’m studying. (I KNOW IT’S GROSS. SORRY, NOT SORRY. HAHAHA)

I was feeling a little down yesterday after that epic microbiology exam. It was hard. It was injustice.

While studying neurology, I kept asking myself why was I doing this to myself. I was so sleepy and I couldn’t understand anymore what I was reading. Then now, when I was about to print my trans for medicine, I saw this quote at the end. And this is exactly why I’m still holding on even when I’m on a rough road right now. :)