maria b day

mkay here’s some gay ass cuphead stuff

featuring hildamaria and cagneyspectre buckle up guys n gals n nb pals

so for a while, hilda and cagney were dating. they were really close and honestly Really enjoyed each others’ company, but cagney eventually just. let out a Deep Sigh and told hilda he was gay and broke up with her

she was unusually okay with it? which seemed strange to cagney and bothered him a bit until she started being that Overly Supportive “Straight"™ Friend. then he realized exactly what was going on and just rolled with it

fast forward to hilda flying around on a cloud in isle three, right above the ocean, and she sees this huge fucking mermaid, who she just catches a glimpse of her face but that was all hilda needed to see. whoever this girl was, she was the most beautiful thing hilda has ever seen and she can’t help but stare at this woman who… is maybe avoiding eye contact? the mermaid’s hair is also moving which seems a little weird but hilda pays no mind to that bcs this girl is fucking beautiful

(please note maria saw hilda and her first thought was "wow i’m bi but i’m also a fkkcninf gorgon right now i can’t look at this chick unless i want a statue of her???”)

cue hilda rushing back to isle one to tell cagney what she just discovered, which is that she’s a Big Lesbian, but she’s so god damn fucking excited that she can’t spit the words out properly. cagney already knows so he’s just waiting (slightly im)patiently for hilda to spit it out. aftet about twenty minutes she finally yells “I’M LESBIAN” to which cagney replies, “close enough” and high fives her

another fast forward to hilda making her way to isle three to visit cala maria, when she spots spectre floating around. an unusual sight, he’s usually on the train with t-bone and co, so she takes this opportunity to say hi to him. she can barely ask “how are you” before spec bursts into tears, saying he misses cagney so much but doesn’t feel safe floating all the way to isle one by himself (he blund 🤷‍♀️). intially, hilda’s slighly confused, until spec explains he’s been dating cagney for a while. she asks how they met if he can’t get to isle one alone and with cagney being a mostly stationary flower. spectre gets about three words out before he starts sobbing abt how he wants to talk to cagney again

hilda sighs and tries to calm him down before briefly going to the docks to tell maria she’ll be right back, and takes spec to see cagney. the boys are ecstatic and hilda is happy for the gays

to this day she doesn’t know how the fuck spec and cagney met

and fast forward to how hilda lost her soul. she made a deal with the devil to give up her soul of it meant she could turn into the zodiac forms. she had always been fond of stars, but she mostly wanted this so she could turn into a mermaid (pisces) and be as close to maria as she wanted

she was never able to perfect her pisces form, as she was too afraid to get that close to the casino for fear of losing her soul for good, until cup n mug took care of double d. after that, she would be practicing with maria everyday until she perfected it.

maria cried with happiness to finally have some company in the water with her (other than stinky brineybeard)

yeAH THEY GAY

“There are more black people in Beyoncé right now, than in Trumps entire cabinet team”