The state of Louisiana has suddenly GONE TO SHIT. How, you ask? Jindal just left office a month ago and the incumbent was suddenly faced with a budget that was tacked together with Elmer’s glue and chewing gum. Yeah, sure, oil going down would have made it a low year, but this doesn’t explain the SHEER AMOUNT OF SUDDEN FUCKERY. How fucked are we??? The state just indefinitely suspended TOPS until the new budget is laid out–the program that guaranteed local children a free ride to state college’s if they achieved certain grades. Current college students don’t know if they can go to school next semester. Graduating high schoolers have uncertain futures. An entire generation of Louisiana’s highest achieving, low-income children have suddenly gotten fucked.
We’re trying our best to rally together and fix this on the local level, but you know what would help while we try to figure stuff out? More money flowing in the local economy. Specifically, tourism money, because Louisiana does get a good amount of it and we can support more. If you’ve never gone? Please consider it–there is a SHIT TON of stuff to do and things to stuff your face with. I’ve previously planned for small informal nerd conventions to come here, and I’ve got a cousin in the tourism bureau–if you have a logistic problem in going, MESSAGE ME AND I WILL FIGURE THAT SHIT OUT FOR YOU. If you can’t afford vacation because you be poor, I know them feels, just reblog and maybe suggest it to relatives/anyone you know interested in it.
What Can I Eat While I’m There?
HOW ABOUT THE BEST SEAFOOD IN THE UNITED STATES MOTHERFUCKER?????
You see this shit??? You can ONLY get crawfish here, from February to August. And EAT A DICK MAINE, ITS BETTER THAN LOBSTER, YOU CAN COME DOWN HERE AND EAT IT AND FUCKING FIGHT ME. We have shrimp, oysters, crawfish, crabs, and all FUCKING HUGE and FRESH. SOMETHING is in season at any point in the year.
Don’t like seafood? That’s okay, Cajuns love EVERY MEAT EVER.
ITS A MOTHERFUCKING TURDUCKEN–A DUCK STUFFED INSIDE A CHICKEN STUFFED INSIDE A TURKEY. SOMETIMES WE PUT QUAIL AND SAUSAGE IN THERE TOO JUST FOR FUN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE LIVES FOREVER, STUFF IT IN YOUR GULLET, ASSHOLE
Did you want dessert???? FUCKING BEIGNETS
Came for Mardi Gras? MOTHERFUCKING KING CAKE WILL SEND YOU INTO A SUGAR COMA
We’re a random French diaspora in the middle of the South–OUR FOOD IS BETTER THAN YOUR FOOD.
But I’m a vegetarian….
Yeah…..sorry, you’re fucked. Believe me, I have vegetarian and vegan friends I’d love to come visit me, but I can’t in good consciousness do that to them. There’s meat in like everything. :/
What about drinking? Nightlife?
My Cajun-ass self and my friends went to Las Vegas last year and every time we started drinking in public, it SCARED THE SHIT out of our waitresses with how much and how fast we could drink. Our drinking culture is TERRIFYING and FRANKLY A LITTLE IRRESPONSIBLE.
You see this??? IT’S A DRIVE-THRU DAIQUIRI SHOP. THESE ARE ALL OVER THE STATE(except northern Louisiana, but they don’t count for nothin). THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO PUT TAPE OVER THE STRAW HOLE TO DISCOURAGE DRUNK DRIVING BUT THEY DON’T EVEN DO THAT SHIT MORE THAN HALF THE TIME. Most big Louisiana towns have bills where you can walk around with go-cups downtown late at night, drinking in public, and no one cares. Waitresses even ask you if you want a drink in a to-go cup before you leave the restaurant.
And if you get drunk specifically in New Orleans, it’s so old that it’s made for walking more like European cities. So you can stuff yourself with as much food and alcohol as you can stomach, walk around outside the French Quarter and be FINE AND SOBER in an hour tops. I’ve done it many times. Also, if you’re in New Orleans, you can get TRASHED ON THIS RIVER BOAT.
They give you a free drink ticket when you get on. And if you buy another drink? YOU GET ANOTHER DRINK TICKET EVERY TIME. Me and my friends got drunk as fuck while being paddled around the Mississippi and having the captain regale us with history over the intercom. IT WAS LIT AS FUCK
Okay, but I’m Morbid Goth Trash???
Me too, buddy, me too. And as someone who regularly watches the Travel channel when they’re bored, I can tell you that NEW ORLEANS IS ALWAYS VOTED THE MOST HAUNTED PLACE IN AMERICA. ALWAYS. New Orleans is older than the United States itself and was built on a SWAMP, so because of yellow fever and mosquitoes, every summer before vaccines was PLAGUE SEASON and all the rich people spent the their summers in St. Martinville. NEW ORLEANS REAL ESTATE LISTINGS LITERALLY PUT ON THE SIGN WHETHER HAUNTED OR NOT–IT’S NOT ENTIRELY JOKING.
CEMETERIES. WE HAVE SO MANY OLD GORGEOUS CEMETERIES
Ghost stories tour? Vampire tour? Voodoo tour? You want it, it exists, you bat-shitting fuck! This website and place looks sketch as shit, but trust me, I’ve been on half their tours, they know their history like a motherfucker:
Well, this is the birthplace of Jazz, Zydeco, Cajun music, and Swamp pop SO WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT??? And there’s probably some country too I guess idk. Most of this is at every local festival EVER. The biggest one from my town is Festival International: http://festivalinternational.org/
I’m not joking, suddenly when Festival International comes, there are rando tourists in town from Scotland, India, ALL OVER THE WORLD. It’s a BIG FUCKING DEAL.
And I’m not even getting into all the festivals in New Orleans alone, like Jazz Festival, French Quarter Fest, Voodoo Music Experience, Satchmo Summer Fest, etc, etc. And that also doesn’t count all the little festivals all over Acadiana practically every weekend in the Spring and Fall–Crawfish Festival, Frog Festival, Sweet Dough Pie Festival, A FESTIVAL FOR EVERYTHING.
Wait, but what about Mardi Gras?
WHAT ABOUT IT MOTHERFUCKER???? IT’S THE MOST RIDICULOUS LONGEST-RUNNING BRIGHTLY COLORED SPECTACULAR AMERICA’S EVER HAD
But I also get it–many of you think New Orleans Mardi Gras is too much for you, and honestly, it is for me too(well, at least the big ones in the French Quarter everybody thinks of, not the local-led ones in the neighborhoods). Looking for something a little more family-friendly, a little bit more low-key? There’s no public nudity at the Mardi Gras in other cities like Lafayette. You’ll be fighting for beads with kids. There’s public drunkenness, but that unavoidable, I’m sorry.
AND LAFAYETTE HAS A DOG MARDI GRAS PARADE–THE KREWE DES CHIENS
LOOK AT THIS REGAL MOTHERFUCKER
Still a little high-hey for me :/
Okay, this is weird, but then go to the REAL, ORIGINAL Mardi Gras–the Courir de Mardi Gras. It’s basically if Mardi Gras was put on at a family reunion where a bunch of your extended cousins got together, got drunk, made stupid costumes, chased some chickens around the yard and generally acted like idiots. It’s like something out of National Geographic.