• friend: hey do you wanna chill with me later
  • me, a color guard intellectual: we don't chill 🙅🏻 too busy grindin 😈all day at practice 😤 💯 we out here spinnin 🏳 at band camp 🎺🎷🥁 every day hustlin 👊🏻 🏃🏻‍♀️

“You don’t choose the Chologuard life, the Chologuard life chooses you.”

Marching Band Starters

(Specify if you want high school or college, otherwise the mun will chose.)

 People outside the band

“You practice outside? But it’s so hot!”

“You get into the games for free? How is that fair?”

“I really enjoyed your halftime show! You guys did amazing!”

“Hey, wake up. I know you had a game yesterday, but the teacher just today’s information would be really important for the test.”

“Is it difficult to march and play at the same time?”

“I don’t think marching band should count as a PE credit.”

“Wait, why do you have to be there so long before the game even starts?”

“You have to wear that uniform in this heat?”

“I wish I could play an instrument. Band looks like a lot of fun.”

“You guys really work hard in band, don’t you?”

 People also in band

“I forgot my (water bottle, reed, pencil, etc.) Do you have an extra?”

“What time do we have to be there for the rehearsal/game?”

“Can you help me practice the music?”

“No, this is where I’m supposed to be for the drill. You’re in the wrong spot.”

“I was excited our football team did so well, until I realized we’d have to go to playoffs/the bowl game.”

“Hey, I didn’t realize you were in the band too! What instrument do you play?”

“Come on, move quicker! The faster we go, the sooner we can get out of this heat!”

“Are you okay? Go get some water, it looks like you’re about to pass out!”

“Why did the director decide to pick really difficult music again?”

“Well, at least only half the stadium noticed that I went to the wrong spot in the drill.”

band tropes

flute/piccolo: stone cold bitch. will kill a man for a solo.

clarinet: absolute nerds. chill 99% of the time.

french horn: Yikes. they’re either a mess or hella salty. or both.

trumpet: there’s like ten million of them. and they all think they’re the best in the band.

alto/tenor sax: they don’t have any friends, but they’re pretty nice.

bari sax: dedicated. very strong willed.

trombone: still laughs at shitty 2009 memes. wears velcro shoes. Avoid At All Costs.

baritone: they don’t practice, and yet? they don’t mess up. except for “wait, is this A flat or sharp? first valve or second? what?”

tuba: they are not kind. usually annoyed with the rest of the band.

percussion: half of them don’t give a fuck, the other half give a fuck AGGRESSIVELY

Thing that Happened in Band Today
  • Band Director: You all are my ponies, and I have led you to the water. YOU HAVE TO DRINK THE FREAKING WATER ON YOUR OWN!
  • *kids chuckle*
  • Band Director: That's how the saying goes, right? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't drown it or else everyone will get mad and you'll be fired.
  • *more chuckling*
  • Saxophone: *raises hand* I wanna drown it!
  • Everyone: *looking at the sax*
  • Band Director: ...Moving on.