marching guard

Terrifying things said in my marching band

“Go back to set 1”

“Because the Trumpets won’t listen, we are running part 2 all the way through”

“Ok water break over!”

“I’m gonna try to jump over all the clarinets and flutes I can.”

“Did someone step on my instrument?”

“DOES ANYONE HAVE AN EXTRA PLUME?!?”

“MIKE BROKE A CAN OF HAIR SPRAY IN THE TUBA ROOM!!”

“Holy shit the directors pissed!”

“This isn’t your jacket”

“No watch me I can colo-I CAN COLOR GAURD WITH MY BARRY CLARINET WATCH”

“a cheerleader broke a prop holy shit we’re walking on the field right now”

*starts performance* “DRUM MAJORS, IS YOUR BAND READY??”

“No I don’t need to count.”

“Watch me chug this Mountain Dew.”

“Guys…we can’t warm up before halftime because the refs won’t let us.”

“They cut funding again.”

marching band quick tips:
  • don’t lock your knees
  • drink water. so much water
  • if someone is going to back into you, move your instrument off to the side of your head
  • run. run to where the staff says to go, run to reset, run to get water. run
  • make sure you have an inhaler if you need one, and that it’ll get you through the season
  • sunscreen everywhere all the time. this includes your ears
  • learn to quickly switch from having fun to being intensely focused
  • your uniform will probably have a pocket in the pants, jacket, or both. put a handwarmer in this pocket on cold show days. if you play brass you can put your mouthpiece in there when you’re not playing, and regardless of instrument, you’ll be glad to have it when you’re off the field
  • if you compete, be nice to the other bands. tell them good luck or if you thought their show was cool. whoop and cheer when they do something cool
  • thank the parents
  • always double and triple check that both of your shoes are in your uniform bag. you wouldn’t believe how many shoe issues my band had this season
  • always hang your uniform up correctly and neatly in your bag
  • make the best of it; fall in love

I saw a high school marching band’s early spring rehearsal today.

I saw flourishes that cut a plane, and dropspins that rolled a flag.

I saw a whole line of freshman that could hardly count as a line, none of them in step.

I heard off tune notes, and section leaders who stopped playing saying “left, left, left”.

I saw a group of people who will eventually turn into a family.

I saw a group of kids, some who know what they’re getting into, some who don’t.

I saw the memories I have of being the terrible off beat one in the back, and the memories of working in the hot sun with people that would become those I loved.

And now I see a tear streaming down my face, because as terrible as these kids are, I know I’ll come back in the fall and be astounded by what they’ve accomplished.

I saw a high school marching band today.

  • friend: hey do you wanna chill with me later
  • me, a color guard intellectual: we don't chill 🙅🏻 too busy grindin 😈all day at practice 😤 💯 we out here spinnin 🏳 at band camp 🎺🎷🥁 every day hustlin 👊🏻 🏃🏻‍♀️
Voltron Marching Band AU

I keep seeing marching band aus out there but I don’t agree with them so I have to make my own. Here goes!

Shiro:
- dedicated tuba
- somehow first chair even though he’s convinced that the rest of his section is better than him???
- he’s very modest
- has lungs like a fucking blimp
- *plays thirty-two 4/4 measures at a super slow tempo*
- *still hasn’t taken a breath*
- hYDRATION
- always making sure the rookies are taking care of themselves
- “did you eat breakfast today??” “are you drinking water???” “don’t strain yourself too much, but remember to practice! :)”
- the band mom
- has the music memorized the day after he gets it and no one understands
- except pidge
- the only one who doesn’t break a sweat during band camp and the others are so concerned
- “shiro seriously are you dehydrated you’re supposed to sweat how are you not dead”
- shiro: *shrugs* *does the entire routine* *isn’t exhausted yet* *still hasn’t sweated*

Hunk:
- fourth chair saxophone
- would play bass guitar during concert season but he loves his saxophone
- can play alto, tenor, and bari, but alto is his favorite
- “it’s so small omg I love it so much”
- would die for anyone in his section
- has memorized every alternate fingering ever and is happy to share his knowledge
- he’s on the loading crew because he can carry a sousaphone in each hand and a bass drum on his back
- not very good at sight reading
- he has to hear the music before he can play it
- but he plays great by ear
- has never chipped a reed
- ever
- not even at band camp
- pidge is jealous
- just. sounds like an angel when he plays
- takes such good care of his sax by killing literally anyone who touches it
- “did you just dent my saxophone”
- terrified rookie: um I’m sorry omg don’t hurt me I don’t wanna die I’m so sorry I’ll do anything
- most of the younger kids are absolutely terrified of him and he’s okay with this

Keith:
(I’ve seen a lot of “trumpet keith” aus but honestly?????)
- keith is drum captain
- he plays snare and he fuckin kills it
- keith is not a good leader in most aspects of his life but when it comes to music he’s just so in tune to it and he knows exactly what everyone needs to do to make the music perfect
- one of those people who can tell whether a note is in tune just by hearing it and he hates it
- “pidge you’re out of tune”
- “I just came from the tuner I’m perfectly in tune!!”
- “okay but you’re not you’re a bit sharp actually”
- doesn’t know how to dynamic
- “okay keith that was great but you need to tone it down a bit. play a bit softer, your dynamic is piano”
- “lol what does softer mean”
- he just beats the drum as hard as he can all. the. time
- never officially came out to the band, coran found him and lance making out in one of the practice rooms and afterward lance wrote “keith is gay and dating the color guard master” on the white board
- everyone was confused because “why would he date allura if he’s gay”
- lance was very bitter

Lance:
- trombone during concert season
- but in marching band he kills with a flag
- so flexible omg
- “keith look what I can do with my leg”
- “please untie yourself you’re going to get stuck”
- (he has gotten stuck before)
- hips made of fucking. rubber or something idk how do they mOVE LIKE THAT
- he and keith are not allowed to be within sight of each other in shows because keith gets so distracted by lance’s Hips From God™
- gives the rookie guard members makeup tutorials
- has a large role in the costume designs for the year because in lance’s rookie year the outfits were clashy and not good and lance was horrified
- he vowed to fix this abomination
- has never dropped a flag. not once.
- he has, however, lost grip of his rifle several times and accidentally nailed someone in the head
- he is the reason all the rifles have grippers now

Pidge:
- second chair clarinet and super salty
- has a photographic memory so she memorizes music like that
- doesn’t understand bass clef and will never try
- “that’s an e”
- “no pidge this is bass. that’s a g”
- “that’s a fucking e fight me”
- absolutely despises first chair clarinet
- “he’s so cocky I hATE HIM SO MUCH”
- really good with rhythms?
- hunk doesn’t understand this
- “hunk all you do is count it. look”
- “can you just sing it for me i’m lost”
- drinks 2948592859$-484 gallons of water per day
- puts on so much sunscreen during band camp that she gets paler
- “pidge why don’t you lay off on the sunscreen and try to get a tan”
- “because, lance, not everyone wants to get fucking sKIN CANCER”
- when she burns she burns bad
- somehow still has a sock tan???
- “heh look pidge’s feet are DARKER than her legs. told you you were getting paler”
- her reeds never last more than two weeks
- they are always broken, usually because she refuses to buy a mouthpiece cap
- “pidge this is why you’re second chair”
- doesn’t do trills. ever. hates trills almost as much as she hates the first clarinet
- coran tried to get her to play bass clarinet in concert once
- her reaction was basically ???????
- “coran i’m three inches tall and have the muscle mass of a corn chip I can barely lift my regular clarinet”
- absolutely lives by the “if you see a word you don’t know look at the director” rule
- no knowledge of musical terms
- “accelerando??? lol what’s that”

Allura:
- baritone during concert season
- color guard captain
- the master of “spin a thousand times without getting dizzy”
- perfect balance
- has literally stood on three fingers and spun a flag with her foot and could do it again
- very loud
- she will always be heard
- thinks the rookies are cute but she will not put up with their shit
- “lance stop giving everyone makeovers we’re supposed to be learning the routine”
- has made a flower crown for her flag
- so graceful
- has never fallen
- has dropped the thing she was spinning (flags, rifles, sabres, etc) exactly once and that was because she threw a sabre at lance’s head
- coran was not pleased but it was pretty funny
- can do your hair 101 ways but only one of them is acceptable because we all have to look the same, goddammit lance stop with the braid trains
- doesn’t take lance seriously at all and tbh he doesn’t blame her
- took dance classes as a kid and found that she enjoyed it
- but color guard is where she belongs
- (even if some of her fellow guard members *cough*lance*cough* are assholes sometimes)
- one time a toddler ran out onto the field during a show and hugged allura’s legs and she melted
- “coran can we keep it”
- “her parents are right there”
- “but can we keep it”
- pretends to be Mature and Serious but in reality she’s as much of a dork as the rest of the band
- once she heard a cheerleader say “i’m glad we don’t have to work with the band like the color guard” and she decked them
- has temper issues but is overall a great performer

Coran:
- the wacky director
- band camp stories take up half the class time
- if someone doesn’t want to play this part again, or is tired of marching this set, all they have to do say “hey coran did ___ ever happen at your band camp” and coran will never shut up again
- this is a risky move though because if he realizes what you’re doing you will never see the light of day again
- the living embodiment of “one more time” *ten times later* “one more time”
- “if you’re not perfect then we’re not competing”
- was humiliated once by a rival school because of an immature band
- will never let it happen again
- tries (and fails) to reference modern pop culture
- “i think you kids will like this song! it’s kind of like that one the kids sing now with the doors and the painting”
- “the what now”
- “you know, the one by those scared parties”
- he means well
- super chill but if you get on his bad side then you will see hell
- jokes around a lot but he is serious when it comes to music
- and if you’re not then coran will not hesitate in kicking you out
- “if you can’t play your instrument then you wON’T PLAY YOUR INSTRUMENT HOW’S THAT BYE FIND A NEW 5TH PERIOD TEACHER”
- a professional Student Roaster™

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“You don’t choose the Chologuard life, the Chologuard life chooses you.”