Imagine being some poor underpaid, overworked English sailor in the landing party for the first time on New Zealand. The first thing you see on the beach are these Maori warriors doing the “haka”, their ceremonial dance, which I can vouch for personally as a very scary experience in person when there are forty of these guys.

They are very big compared to an 18th-century British sailor. Many over six feet and some weighing over three hundred pounds (136 kg). Their upper bodies are like tree trunks from rowing every day. Our English sailor averages about half of that weight and nearly a foot shorter. Those Maori guys are big. They are angry and they don’t like us.

“Ummm, Captain, pardon me for speaking Sir, but I hear Austrailia is lovely this time of year. The gum trees will be taking on their Autumn colors, you know, a slightly different shade of dull green and the vast kangaroo herds should begin their yearly migration to the South Pole. Not a sight to miss Cap’n.“

not to sound bitter but the russos made fucking community and james gunn wrote the scooby doo movies but the jewish maori guy who went and done that vampire mockumentary and the film about a boy coming to terms with the fact that the idealized image he has of his absent father doesn’t match the toxic reality is “too comedic” for marvel i suppose