I imagine them laying on the dusty floor of their living room, surrounded by half-full boxes and bits and pieces that still need to be put away. It’s been a few hours since they have started packing all their stuff and it still feels a bit weird. Like. They’re actually moving out. They’re doing it. It’s about damn time, they think, given that the place is literally falling apart. But, wow. It feels weird. They’re taking a small break now and they’re quietly staring into each other’s eyes. The silence is full of unspoken words but it’s not uncomfortable. They both know what the other is thinking. “We’re taking a big step. We’re committing to (hopefully) several years of living together”. But it doesn’t sound that scary, does it? After all these years. Yeah, well, it is. It’s a hell of a step they’re about to take. They’re not in their early twenties anymore. It’s not a game anymore. It’s a real commitment. Nothing is going to change and, at the same time, everything will be different. New place, new neighbours, new furniture. Well, it does sound a bit exciting. They both sigh making each other smile. They get up and start packing again, as if they had never stopped. Living in this apartment has been a hell of a ride, but, looking around, they both think it was worth it. The place is full of them. In every room, on every wall, there’s a piece of them. A photo. A CD. The long lost sock under the bed. There are things everywhere. Things they have collected along this crazy five-year journey. Things that were given to them, things they’ve bought each other for the five Christmases they have spent in this house. Whilst packing they realise how many years they’ve been together. There is some hella old stuff in there and the fact that they’ve kept every cinema ticket, bracelet and post-it is so cheesy. They pack everything, picture after picture, book after book, mug after mug. They shed nostalgic tears every once in a while. They laugh at some weird object they didn’t even remember owning. They hug a lot, it makes things easier to bear or so it seems. At the end of what it had seemed like a never-ending process, the place looks quite scary. It’s deserted. It almost hurts seeing it like this, without paintings on the wall or DVDs and books on the shelves. And it’s in that moment that they get it: home isn’t a place. Think about it: if you empty your home from all the things you own it’s not your home anymore. It’s a shell. Home is what fills the place. No, wait. Home is who fills the place. Because a place with no Dan is not home to Phil as much as a place with no Phil is not a home to Dan. It’s just how it is. And with that in mind, they close the front door behind them.
It’s quite hard to write about Kenshuusei Open Trial 2017 since so many things happened there tonight. And there still are so much uncertainty in what they announced in the end of the stage. So I’m not sure to what extent I can be happy about the announcement. On the other hand there’s a thing I’m pretty sure of, that Kenshuusei Open Trial has reached the highest level so far in the number of performer, in the quality of performance, and in the excitement that the audience appreciate. It’s reasonable that it’s got harder and harder to get the ticket and the audience has consisted of more female fans. I’d say this trial for H!P trainees has become the most enjoyable, the most emotionally-shaking, and the most satisfactory event among all the H!P annual events nowadays. Yajima Maimi, featured as a special judge along with Nakajima Saki and Kumai Yurina, said this was the very first time for her to watch the trial and got totally astonished with it. Nacky was moved to tears in the end. Kumai-chan was just the same as usual, you know.
Anyway, let’s look back on tonight’s trial briefly. I’d like to mention only the ones who have impressed me in any ways. Shimakura Rika, the third performer, sang Be Alive very well in a silky voice. Kawamura Ayano got the second most votes from the audience and she was very delighted to know it. Her outfit will be the best of the night which emphasized her well-balanced figure and made her look quite sexy, while her singing was not as good as her dancing. Kitagawa Ryou must had been one of the most expected newcomers this time for her mature look for her age. But she failed in the choice of song, in my opinion. If she had chosen a mellower tune she could have got better result. To sing Magic of Love in the very first trial at Nakano Sun Plaza must already be the proof of Yamazaki Yuhane’s ambition. And she proved her singing ability excellent enough to receive the best singer award. Inoue Hikaru was the best singer in the first half and off-course she got the best singer award as well. She rocked the house with her beautiful and expressive singing in a bright blue feminine dress.
This time I voted to Kiyono Momohime who performed Mr. Moonlight perfectly using various vocal techniques. Honestly I was troubled until the very last moment to decide which of three best performers I should vote for. I think Momohime’s Takarazuka-like sincere attitude made me want to trust the future of H!P to her. Takase Kurumi was one of the best performer tonight in my opinion. Her performance was also perfect. She’s definitely ready to make her debut. Horie Kizuki proved her quality again. Even though she focused mostly on singing this time, the judges didn’t seem hesitating to give her the best dancer award. Danbara Ruru was the last one of the my best favorite performer tonight. It’d be hard to complain against Ruru’s performance tonight even for nitpickers. As a matter of course she received 548 votes from the audience and won the best performer award once again.
Other than the ones I’ve mentioned, Hashisako got the best character award for performing Massara Blue Jeans with the shades on, and Maeda Kokoro got the best dancer award as well.
During the results-announcement segment every judge seemed being excited about that high level of Kenshuusei as a whole. Finally that excitement brought Nishiguchi, the president of UFP, out of the backyard onto the stage to make an announcement which was not in the original plan. He said he was impressed by the amazing performances of Kenshuusei and it had moved him to make an improvised decision.
UFP has decided to make Takase and Momohime to make their debut in some way other than as members of H!P or Engeki Joshibu. Takase and Momohime showed mixed emotions on their faces since they (as well as all the audience) had no idea what kind of debut it could be. Next, Nishiguchi assigned Inoue Hikaru to be the official leader of
H!P Kenshuusei. Hikaru looked being at a loss how to react
to the newly-established position and trying to smile. But even that modest smile was soon going to be taken away mercilessly from her face by the following announcement. On the
contrary Ichioka and Kawamura, who looked being deeply disappointed with
the results of the trial as if they had been deprived of any hope for their debut,
suddenly got delighted as if they got delivered out of Hell by the following announcement. Kawamura, Danbara, Ichioka were promised to make their debut as H!P members, no matter whether to form a new group or to be added to existing groups. At this announcement Ichioka couldn’t help falling down on the floor and couldn’t stand up without a help from Mitsubachi Maki the trainer for Kenshuusei. She looked like being in hyperpnea or something for a while. I looked around and saw so many wotas there shedding tears as same as me.
I don’t know how much reliable Nishiguchi’s improvised announcement can be, but I know how Up-Front sometimes did things which any other major agency would avoid deliberately following business principles. One thing I can trust about their decision for now is that Up-Front would treat the girls just like their own daughters not like their merchandise, as it was appropriately described by Makoto on the stage tonight “What’s good about our company will be its tendency to be ruled by human feelings (not by business principles).” I agree. That’s why I’m still in love with Hello! Project.
Warnings:Triggering topics - panic attack, thoughts of suicide
A/N:HELLO GUYS IM BACK WITH MY FIRST FIC IN QUITE A WHILE im so sorry tumblr deleted the post before this i haTE but it’s back so whooo !! this story is actually somewhat based on a personal experience, so I included a lot of personal thoughts and insights to try to make this better HAHAHAH but i hope yall like it !! i put in a lot of effort trying to write this fic and many BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS were shed but im finally done !! i really hold this story v close to myself because i actually felt all these things and i was a little delusional like the y/n in this fic !! please tell me how it was by dropping an ask into my inbox, both compliments and constructive criticism is good !! anyway besides this fic, im not yet done with dead leaves soRRY but feel free to leave me a request for the ending of chapter 7 (2nd last chapter !!) so drop me that asK ANYWAY IM RAMBLING AGAIN I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS FIC BYEEEEEE
update 1: my bf and i made a mature decision and mutually agreed to break up over the weekend. i havent really talked to anyone about it except some close friends because talking about it makes it real, but i told my parents about it this afternoon so its getting real now. but it was a very sweet and amicable break up, there were no hard feelings involved. the only reason we decided to end things was because the long distance was making everything extremely difficult for us, and we have discussed this twice in the past and tried different things to help alleviate this distance struggle but nothing has worked, and with me being in school for 2 more years and him being stationed in florida for 4 more years theres no close time where this problem will end. so we facetimed on sunday evening and discussed it for a while, and many tears were shed from both parties. the only option we had left was to split and see if this helps alleviate any stress we were facing, as our relationship was becoming more of a chore than anything. and we agreed that this needs to be a mutual decision because we are both going through heartbreak, but its for the best in the long term. and honestly it was so sweet, he told me how much he loved me and how he cant imagine being with anyone else after all these years and that a lot of the reason he joined the coast guard was to become a man that i could be proud of, but the distance ended up fucking him over. and we reminisced for a while on good times we had and he said he really hoped in the future after we have both concentrated on our own lives we could try again because he really loves being with me and if he hadnt been so far away things would have been different. and it was just super relieving to reach this place of mutual understanding, even though its been very hard on both parties. and he was super scared we wouldnt be friends afterwards and he was like i cant lose a girlfriend and a best friend in one day and i was like of course we’re still friends youve been one of my best friends since middle school and i love you??? our relationship is so much stronger than a boyfriend/girlfriend label even if we have to put our romantic relationship on hold i still love you so fully and support you and care about you. and he shed some more tears and babbled about how he never wants to lose me because im the best thing thats ever happened to him and a lot of bittersweet tears happened because theres still so much love between us but life was getting in the way. and its been real hard the past couple days without him i havent been able to eat or sleep or keep food down very well but i know this is all for our benefit as individuals and i sure do hope some time in the future we can reconnect and fall in love all over again
I imagine them laying on the dusty floor of their living room, surrounded by half-full boxes and bits and pieces that still need to be put away. It’s been a few hours since they have started packing all their stuff and it still feels a bit weird. Like. They’re actually moving out. They’re doing it. It’s about damm time, they think, given that the place is literally falling apart. But, wow. It feels weird.
They’re taking a small break now and they’re quietly staring into each other’s eyes. The silence is full of unspoken words but it’s not uncomfortable. They both know what the other is thinking. “We’re taking a big step. We’re committing to (hopefully) several years of living together”. But it doesn’t sound that scary, does it? After all these years. Yeah, well, it is. It’s a hell of a step they’re about to take. They’re not in their early twenties anymore. It’s not a game anymore. It’s a real commitment. Nothing will change and at the same time, everything will be different. New place, new neighbours, new furniture. Well, it does sound a bit exciting. They both sigh making each other smile. They get up and start packing again, as if they had never stopped.
Living in this apartment has been a hell of a ride, but, looking around, they both think it was worth it. The place is full of them. In every room, on every wall, there’s a piece of them. A photo. A CD. The long lost sock under the bed. There are things everywhere. Things they have collected along this crazy five-year journey. Things that were given to them, things they’ve bought each other for the five Christmases they have spent in this house. Whilst packing they realise how many years they’ve been together. There is some hella old stuff in there and the fact that they’ve kept each cinema ticket, bracelet amd post-it is so cheesy. They pack everything, picture after picture, book after book, mug after mug.
They shed nostalgic tears every once in a while. They laugh at some weird object they didn’t even remember owning. They hug a lot, it makes things easier to bear or so it seems.
At the end of what it had seemed like a never-ending process, the place looks quite scary. It’s deserted. It almost hurts seeing it like this, without paintings on the wall or DVDs on the shelves.
And it’s in that moment that they get it: home isn’t a place. Think about it: if you empty your home from all the things you own it’s not your home anymore. It’s a shell. Home is what fills the place. No, wait. Home is who fills the place. Because a place with no Dan is not home to Phil as much as a place with no Phil is not a home to Dan. It’s just how it is.
And with that in mind, they close the front door behind them.
I don’t think you guys realize how many feels I have right now for finding this video. Like, I have never felt more KakaSaku within my SOUL than while watching this beautiful masterpiece. ACTUAL TEARS WERE SHED. Thank you, Climbyii, for making this.
headcanons on how karasuno would get their first born to say papa
Anon, you shall know, babies are my biggest WEAKNESS (~￣▽￣)~
Some of them were put in groups
Daichi wouldn’t even have to try, honestly. This guy gives off such great ‘Dad Vibes’ that it wouldn’t be surprising if it also was his first born’s first word.
Asahi would be a little worried when his child didn’t give any sings to speak a word, much less call him ‘Papa’, no matter how gently he asked the kid. In a stormy night, however, he was woken by a teary-eyed child. “Can I sleep with you, Papa?”. Not only Asahi couldn’t say no, but he was also so happy he couldn’t even sleep that night. (Little story: one of my cousins didn’t speak a word until he was like four, and when he did it was a full sentence with correct grammar and all. Turns out, he had been able to speak for a while, he just didn’t feel like it)
Narita and Yamaguchi would approach the child with sweet words, nearly begging the kid to call them ‘Papa’ with big smiles in their faces. Such gentleness wouldn’t be ignored by the infant, who would mimic their father with a surprising eagerness to comply.
Suga, Hinata and Kinoshita would have to persistently blabber at the child, cooing at them while repeating “C’mon, say ‘papa’! ‘Pa-pa’!” a few times over. The child would eventually repeat the words in a mumble and make the daddies oh-so-happy. Suga would cry.
Tanaka and Nishinoya would definitely snother the kid constantly, even going as far as to demand his partner to call them ‘Papa’ in front of the kid (in Tanaka’s case, that almost resulted in another child). When the kid finally called them ‘Papa’ though, tears were shed. Too many tears.
Tsukishima and Ennoshita would also repeat the words for the infant, but just not as often. Ennoshita wouldn’t want to feel as if he forced the child to repeat them, and Tsukki simply out of laziness but also to let the child come up with it by their own accord. Still, the moment the kid adressed them that way, both of them would feel their chests swell with pride.
Kageyama’s chest would also swell with pride - and his eyes with tears - when his child waddles at him holding a volleyball, and throwing it in the air only to fall in front of them. But what would make Tobio clench his fist to his chest, would be the little kid squeaking “I be Papa!” with a huge grin. His partner would be hiding behind the corner snickering at such display (they may have or have not taught the kid to do that for the fast few days).
Sometimes I write too much whenever I cannot sleep
26.01.2014 5.30 AM
A few weeks before my mom had a stroke, she was most of the time bedridden and more or less paralyzed due to metastasis of lung cancer (she never smoked). The nurses and doctors at the cancer clinic found her outlook and uncommon sense of humor quite mind-boggling. She was this dying woman, whose genuine smile never ceased to fade away, yet she was brave enough to crack a myriad of jokes about life and death. Her entire body was filled with pain, hope, optimism, as well as too much morphine. She never told me that she was about to die soon, albeit I could tell just by looking into the oncologist’s eyes that there’s something extremely amiss going on. She strictly told us not to cry because we had to stay hopeful and happy with her. Despite the fact that I would turn 22 that year, my mindset wasn’t unlike a little child’s, well at least in terms of losing a parent, as mom was still firm in her belief that she would be able to walk again soon and she was looking forward to going back home. Ultimately, I thought so too. I’m not speaking for myself when I say that we were all pretty astonished by her perennial enthusiasm and admirable spirit. Even though she had to be taken care of by professionals, she would tell everybody that she felt like a queen and really enjoyed it because she was pampered by so many people – and who gets pampered like that? Only a proper queen, right?! Then she would grin and laugh contagiously, which would make one of the nurses go completely emotional and shed salty tears. While bedridden, she befriended the nurses and shared all of her amazing recipes and stories with them like nobody’s business. They told her that they’d never met a cancer patient as strong and optimistic as her before. She invited them over for a home-cooked Vietnamese meal but that had to wait till she would recover from the metastasis.
Let’s rewind for a bit, shall we? Summer started early in Oslo. On a typical sunny day, I would sit on the patio studying for too many exams next to my mom who’d enjoy a cold beverage while intermittently watching a few episodes of some Korean soap drama and talking on the phone with her girlfriends. Sometimes I found the latter fairly annoying because she would laugh all the time and I would have to read the same paragraph a dozen times, which would lead to a mild tantrum and she would hang up on her girlfriends because I’d refuse to study somewhere else. We would, however, sit on the patio for hours, and sometimes she’d fall asleep and I’d adjust the parasol to the changing position of the sun. The family dog would lie next to my mom’s chair sunbathing. Everything seemed to be fine even though my mom’s latest CT results weren’t anywhere near fine. She was already slightly paralyzed. Nevertheless I aced every single exam of mine and I kept hoping that mom would be around for many years to come. I would love for her to see me graduate and at goal. I would love for her to see her daughters grow up, not to mention grow old with the love of her life.
All of a sudden the family dog for more than 12 years got euthanized just three weeks before my mom’s death. This was only the beginning of the entire world falling apart. I was trapped between hope and despair. I was constantly mad at myself for losing faith slowly but surely as it struck my mind a few days before that my dog would pass away. I started believing that my negative thoughts towards life were the reason why shit happened. One day I even started considering the idea of coming to terms with my mom’s terminal illness, but truth be told that only resulted in losing her for good. In just a matter of short time it became too painful to see my dearest mom in severe agony.
Finally the hospital let her go back home. My parents’ bedroom was turned into a kind of ward but my mom’s presence at home didn’t last long. I remember I made phở gà for her the day before she had a stroke but sadly she ate less than a baby. The constant battle to keep the cancer at bay had eventually drained her of vitality, yet she remained so hopeful and strong – but for whom? For the ones like me who wouldn’t accept that she would die soon? Be that as it may, she wouldn’t stop smiling or laughing. She was determined to be back on her feet. Still I sometimes do wonder whether or not her attitude was 100% sincere. Or would she stay strong to protect her family, or perhaps she was living in denial? I remember it really broke my heart when my dad told me that she had told him that she sometimes wanted to give up. She would never tell me that.
I think mom was at home for two days before we were back in the ambulance holding hands again, only this time she wasn’t going back home. In retrospect, those were decidedly the most bizarre, absurd, and painful days of my life. Having to deal with the fact that my mom had a stroke as a consequence of paralysis, of which we weren’t aware, was utterly and truly unimaginable. Why didn’t the doctors tell us that this could possibly happen? My sisters and I wouldn’t mind moving her arms and legs a zillion times a day if that could have prevented mom from having a stroke. I can’t even write or talk about the days between the seizure and her death because whenever I look back at those days, it’s like having my heart ripped out and my whole world falling in on me over again. Regardless, perhaps it’s about time to broach the matter?
Waiting in the hospital for my mom to wake or not wake up, hearing the doctor’s bad news and so on was terribly heartbreaking. We spent the final days in her ward just watching her breathe heavily and completely deprived of food and water until she would check out. My dad would stay overnight every night holding her hands. We barely left the ward in case something happened. Although my mom was just lying there in complete pain, unable to talk or take in nourishment, I still had a mom back then which was sort of consoling. I remember the sound of her voice when she tried uttering something. She had lost sight in one eye. I remember asking her how to cook her famous sticky rice with chestnuts because I didn’t know if I had to cook the chestnuts together with the rice or throw them in the pot after cooking the rice separately. I remember telling her funny and silly stories, that I love her so much and that I’m eternally grateful for everything she’s done for me and taught me, as well as assuring her that we’ll be fine and that I will take care of the family and become either a gynecologist or an oncologist because I wanted to help people like her. Then I asked her if she would like me to name my future children after her pseudonyms used in her collection of poems. Yes, she was a wonderful poet. She would squeeze my hand as a sign of “yes”, which she also did. Sometimes she would try to write because her right hand was still in function albeit so weak. She would ask for things she craved like cappuccino ice cream but we couldn’t give her anything edible. She fought until the last heartbeat. My heart will never stop bleeding.
This is the very first time in six months that I have been able to deliberately talk or write about my mom in past tense. I’m still in denial and I still think of my parents as a unit. I don’t know what this means and I don’t want to overthink things. Despite everything, I will never stop talking about mom as though she’s physically still here.
Man, she was such a strong and admirable person. Whenever friends and acquaintances tell me that they cannot believe I’m so cheerful, smiling all the time or remaining strong, I just tell them that it’s just a brave smile inspired by mom.
Anti-septiceye as handsome Jack. I got the idea while watching @therealjacksepticeye play the last episode of tales from the borderlands. Man was that a hell of an emotional ride. So many tears were shed, and apparently there is going to be a “second season” that will be possibly be coming out later this year, so I guess that’s something to look forward to since there were a few things that did exactly make sense in the end. And yes I did cry when “dead” handsome Jack finally disappeared. Yes he was evil, and tried to kill Rhys, but I just have always had a soft spot for him since he’s my favorite character-next to loader bot of course-.
Anyhow, I absolutely adored jacks play though of the game, it was very funny and really kept me interested the whole way through.
Whelp I think this is where I stop talking before I ramble on for to long.
So, I hope you enjoy my attempt at interpreting an Idea I had in my brain into drawing form.
Bye for now