I 💗 MY EPIC NOOB SON
He’s really great. Not as great as me, but I love him. I love my epic noob son. Everyday I log onto Minecraft to visit my epic gamer mansion, fondly recalling the countless hours I spent on it day and night. It took me the entirety of my sons’ impressionable developmental years to build, I’m so proud of it. Sometimes I let him come on to visit, just to have a look around. Show him what he could have, what he could be. But unfortunately he’s a noob. I know this. I make sure he knows, too. This mansion is my pride and glory. My life’s work. You have to be a pro gamer like me. You can’t just *be* that. I’m raising a strong boy, one that learns you have to earn things in life. You have to work for it. No charity cases in this household. Sometimes he logs on to minecraft and starts trying to build something. I make sure to come on immediately when he logs off and blow up everything he’s created. “It’s a power move, son. Pro gamers grief noobs”, I tell him, patting his head. “If you weren’t a noob, you’d understand.” He’s crying, but I know he understands. It builds character. He doesn’t look at me in the eyes anymore. I love him so much.