maniac depressive

Sick

My least favorite time is when I am sick
When I lay in bed and do nothing
My brain is not compelled to think or to do
That is when the thoughts return
The thoughts that are hushed when I am busy
When the night falls quiet, my war has begun
My brain recalls every fuck up, every mess up
Choosing the top ten to replay as a gag reel
But there are so many
The judges had a hard time choosing
Tonight is a special, let’s play all of them
Panic, anxiety and depression taking notes
Arguing over which memory
Will be stored as a trigger
Which insecurity will we obsess over this week
Weight?
Mindset?
Pointless comments made in the past week?
Oh the options are plentiful, Bountiful
Shit.
Panic taking 3rd shift.
Waking up to panic attacks.
Sleepless nights
More pointless comments
All being plastered on the fridge like parents
Do with their kids’ art work
But mine is a wall of shame.
The wheel of insecurities is spun
Let’s talking about weight.
Every roll, every jiggle. Every misplaced
Pound of fat.
The sad songs keep me from the kitchen.
Keep me thin.
Blast them. Make me deaf I don’t care
Just make me thin
Make me beautiful.
Make me happy.

Written by me, freetheaglets, please do not take my stuff

Brother Marvinus, the maniacally depressed Dark Angel

“I didn’t ask to be made: no one consulted me or considered my feelings in the matter. I don’t think it even occurred to them that I might have feelings. After I was made, I was left in a dark room for six months… and me with this terrible itch in all the plugs down my black carapace. I called for succour in my loneliness, but did anyone come? Did they hell. My first and only true friend was a small rat. One day it crawled into a cavity in my right shoulder armour and died. I habe a horrible feeling it’s still there…”

I think that Will uses medical terms to insult people because normally he believes that someones health condition should not define them, and is very careful about it in his language, such as when he treats “a person with maniac depression“ not “maniac depressive”.

Unless that person pisses him off, in which case he switches right to “Fight me, you anemic loser.”