mania mani

Thoughts on “I’ll never hate Even”

Isak isn’t mad at Even. In a way, I think he understands what Sonja told him. Even though what Sonja said most likely isn’t true, Isak thinks everything that happened was a side effect of the mania. Isak’s feelings about Even were never fake though. He had fallen in love with Even. I don’t think from his perspective he could blame Even enough to hate him. It’s not as though Even broke up with Isak because he wasn’t interested. Isak has been led to believe that Even never really had feelings to begin with. 

Mania comes with many different symptoms and it really can lead people to do things they don’t necessarily want to do. Viewing it from that perspective, Isak probably feels as if he almost forced his feelings onto Even, and Even’s mental illness “created” those feelings back. 

Isak doesn’t hate Even and never will. If anything he would blame himself for putting hope into someone and realizing it was all a delusion. Isak thinks he is dealing with a situation of unrequited love, not a break up. It’s hard to hate someone for the sole reason of them not liking you back. 


Steven Universe Season 1 & Pilot

A List of all SU Episodes so far for those who want to catch up

Steven Universe

Season 1:
Gem Glow
Laser Light Cannon
Cheeseburger Backpack
Cat Fingers
Bubble Buddies
Serious Steven
Tiger Millionaire
Steven’s Lion
Arcade Mania
Giant Woman
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Lion 2: The Movie
Beach Party
Rose’s Room
Coach Steven
Joking Victim
Steven and the Stevens
Monster Buddies
An Indirect Kiss
Mirror Gem (Part 1)
Ocean Gem (Part 2)
House Guest
Space Race
Secret Team
Island Adventure
Keep Beach City Weird
Fusion Cuisine
Garnet’s Universe
Watermelon Steven
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Warp Tour
Alone Together
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Horror Club
Winter Forecast
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
Rose’s Scabbard
Open Book
Short Club
Story for Steven
The Message
Political Power
The Return (Part 1)
Jailbreak (Part 2)

Season 2:
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Say Uncle
Love Letters
Sworn to the Sword
Rising Tides,Crashing Skies
Keeping it Together
We Need to Talk
Chille Tid
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Sadie’s Song
Catch and Release
When it Rains
Back to the Barn
Too Far
The Answer
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2

Season 3:
Super Watermelon Island (Part 1)
Gem Drill (Part 2)
Same Old World
Barn Mates
Hit the Diamond
Steven Floats
Drop Beat Dad

The 100 is way too disgusting I can’t deal with this.

The villanization of the Grounders, the villanization of people of color among our heroes, the ugliness of it all. A woman of color (mother of one of our heroes) being shown as willing to murder a child to further her colonizing plans. Pike, a black man, and his colonizing mania not caring how many people die in the process. Monty and Miller’s boyfriend and Monroe being willing to massacre Grounders. Octavia the good white woman helping Grounders only to be betrayed by them because they’re “savages”. Jaha and his sect plot where he isn’t even a leader but a mouthpiece but thank god for Abby who will fight against his shady plans. Bellamy who is no longer a character. How the show cares more about the life of a Mount Weather dude who was the evilest ever than about hundreds of Grounders.

And seriously, I don’t know if I can watch one more week of Raven Reyes being a drugged shell of a person because Jason decided to take a big crap on her characterization as well.

inside's a dear alien outside only you

here to think of you
while someone in my courtyard is reading rilke aloud
and the mingling of the voice,
salute my thoughts / i know your mad-
ness; a mania of too many words. too many
dunked in heavy cloaks
resembling winter,

yes, paranoia is the fringe between the silences /
in my courtyard sits an alien reading rilke aloud.

a surprise:
you are closer to me now -
though an intercontinental flight away.
sorry never reached two ears held shut.

I got undiagnosed with bipolar recently by a psychiatrist who I had talked to for about an hour, who hadn’t asked me if I thought I had bipolar or if I had ever experienced mania or really many questions that would give him information about whether I had bipolar. He said some stuff about a study that shows bipolar is overdiagnosed in children and he undiagnosed me.

“I can just click on the box and change the diagnosis!” he said.

Wow. This is a miracle. I’m cured