I often hear about how Subaru goes through horrible tragedy, which is completely true; But people talk about it in a way that other CLAMP characters can’t begin to compare to what happened to him.
I think that with most of CLAMP’s characters they go through a lot during the course of volumes (usually having a dark turning point somewhere within each manga). I think that many characters have their own way of suffering or torture they go through, be it emotional or psychical or a mixture of both. Some tragedies can’t compare to others, but to the characters they all are going through such deep and wounding moments that to them it might as well be.
I think the main reason people consider Subaru to have it the worst is because Subaru looses and at the same time is betrayed, by someone he really cares about, and we as the viewers cansee just how much it changes him. Perhaps it is because the change isn’t necessarily better or worse that it is so noticeable and alarming, because in many ways he is trying to be someone who reminds him of who he has already lost.
Now Kamui in contrast as there are a lot of parallels between him and Subaru, has to go through that same pain, but the difference is Kamui didn’t change but was brought back to who he was when it happened to him; With the help of Subaru to snap him out of it anyway. I think the relationship between Subaru and Kamui is quite special. Because for Subaru it must be extremely painful to see Kamui go through the same thing, but at the same time it gives him someone to relate to and share that pain with.
Now using Fai as an example, because he went through a hell of a lot. Fai had to go through the death of about everyone he has ever cared about and blamed himself for it all, which caused him to be fearful of getting close to anyone. Then he meets his traveling companions, who often get should-be fatal injuries and one or more of which he might have to kill someday, all the while not getting too close to them and having to handle his emotional trauma and his constant confliction he feels. In some ways what he went through might just be worse.
But the difference between him and Subaru is that Fai always had someone there for him, whether he wanted them to be or not. Subaru had to spend the majority of his painful experiences alone and without support. Even when Subaru did have his support, Hokuto, she died shortly after, all for his sake. Now Subaru isn’t completely alone because he now has Kamui, but it isn’t quite the same.
Take the above image as an example, both emotional and traumatic scenes for the characters. The agonizing experiences are different, but both caused them to have similar expressions on their faces. Characters can have different things happen to them but still end up in the same type of emotionally broken stage as the other.
In the end though, Fai had a strong and happy character conclusion and was able to move forward, and Subaru didn’t get that as he never really moved past what had happened to him. So perhaps the real reason everyone feels Subaru has it the worst is because he never did get the conclusion he deserved.
But basically CLAMP’s characters and the viewers are in for a world of pain either way. It really shouldn’t be a matter of what character has it worse than the other, because they all go through their own trials.
These should be the words they use on his tombstone.
But really, Syaoran that is the worst logic ever. People don’t live or die according to whether or not they have finished their To Do lists. “I’m not ready to die yet” does not equal “I am unable to be killed”.
You could say almost anything else in this moment and sound more convincing that what you just said.
And because my brain is not working the way it should be today, here is an alternate version of this page:
Can you see how it was vital that I make an entire new post for this? Yes. Me too.
Fai you are a glorious troll. “Oh, hello tall dark and scary ninja dude. Can I call you a cute school girl? Repeatedly? All the time? No, there is no subtext behind my question at all. Why do you ask?”
Kurogane you are in way over your head. There is no escape.