man walking his dog

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Tedwards be shoppin'

A man walks into a bar with his dog.

A man walks into a bar with his dog.

“This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?” he asks.

“You can have one on the house,” the bartender says.

The man turns to his dog. “What goes on the top of a house?”

Dog: Roof.

Man: “What does tree bark feel like?”

Dog: Rough.

Man: “Who is the greatest baseball player ever?”

Dog: Ruth.

The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man. “That’s enough. You and your dog, get out.”

After the man and the dog are thrown out, the dog looks sadly at his owner. “Should I have said DiMaggio?”

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On 29 April 2014 a man of Saint Petersburg was walking his dog as he usually does. He was unaware that soon he will make a discovery that will haunt him forever. His dog paid way too much attention on a bunch of boxes and bags, and when the man opened them he found decapitated bodies of a woman and two little boys. They were 32-year old Irina Kirilova (Ирина Кирилова) and her sons: 3-year-old Ivan and 2-year-old Alexey. They were killed by the very man that was supposed to protect them, their father and husband Alexander Kirilov (Александр Кирилов). Irina was stabbed 11 times. Alexey and Ivan were stabbed right in the heart numerous of times. When Alexander was arrested he claimed that Irina killed their sons and he killed her in self-defense. On 28 December 2016 Alexander was sentenced to life imprisonment. His defense team will appeal the verdict.

The Highgate Vampire Returns

Who is the Highgate Vampire?

One night in 1963, a couple were walking home down Swain’s Lane, which passed along cemetery’s north gate. What they encountered was so terrible they were frozen to the spot, transfixed with fear. They had come face to face with the vampire - a tall, dark figure, floating behind the railings. More sightings would follow: a man walking his dog saw the same tall dark figure sliding over the wall along Swain’s Lane like ‘black treacle’.

David Farrant, who runs the British Psychic and Occult Society, said he saw the vampire in 1969. The Highgate Vampire then became a media sensation that ran through the 70s. 

He said: “My first reaction was like it was so real that I actually thought it was someone dressed up or messing about because all these stories about vampires were in the news. It was by some branches but as soon as I turned up I was aware of something standing there and it was exuding a feeling not of evil, but menace. It all happened so quickly. The whole thing lasted for four to five seconds and felt like whatever it was filled me with energy, it is difficult to explain, and suddenly it just vanished.”

The Hampstead and Highgate Express reported on 27 February 1970 as saying that Seán Manchester believed that ’a King Vampire of the Undead’, a medieval nobleman who had practised black magic in medieval Wallachia (Romania), had been brought to England in a coffin in the early eighteenth century, by followers who bought a house for him in the West End. He was buried on the site that later became Highgate Cemetery, and Manchester claimed that modern Satanists had roused him. 

On 6 March, the same paper reported David Farrant as saying he had seen dead foxes in the cemetery, “and the odd thing was there was no outward sign of how they died.” When told of this, Manchester said it seemed to complement his theory. In later writings, both men reported seeing other dead foxes with throat wounds and drained of blood

In 1971 however, a more sinister story was circulated involved a young girl who was attacked in the cemetery by a tall, pale-faced creature. She was thrown down onto the ground but the vampire was luckily spooked by a car passing-by. 

A charred and headless body of a woman was found nearby, which the police suspected to have been the product of a black magic ritual. 

Was it staked?

There had been claims that the vampire was staked by Manchester:

“With a mighty blow I drove the stake through the creature’s heart, then shielded by ears as a terrible roar emitted from the bowels of hell. This died away as suddenly as it erupted and all became still. We witnessed the bodyshell cave in and quietly turn filthy brown which soon became a sluggish flow of inhuman slime and viscera in the bottom of the casket.” (Occult London)

Although beforehand Manchester at his first attempt could not stake the vampire due to pity and instead placed a wreath of garlic upon its coffin and sprinkled holy water.

However there is no complete evidence other than first person accounts that this event has truly taken place.

Has it returned?

This year, Declan Walsh recalled seeing the vampire walk through a locked gate in 1991 on his walk to work. The vampire was described to appear like a “Victorian nobleman” in appearance, dressed with a top hat

“He was extremely tall, well over six feet in height and he was very thin. He wore a long black cape-like coat and a top hat. His dress looked Victorian in style and he appeared all black. He also appeared to glide and there was no sound. The ground was littered with leaves yet I heard no sound from him nor did he take any notice of me.”

He said although many people expect ghosts to be transparent, the spirit was in fact black and solid, as well as having two piercing bright white eyes

Another witness watched the figure float from Swain’s Lane, from the east side to the west side of the cemetery, in August 2005.

And in 2012 it appeared the vampire was captured on camera. James Dobbin took a photo as he toured the historic Grade I-listed cemetery, which dates back to 1839.

A witness, who wished to remain anonymous, claims the male spirit was dressed in a three-quarter length coat and a top hat. The figure even whispered “Good evening to you sir” to the terrified onlooker, despite him standing more than eight feet away.

There are sightings and reports of the vampire that still continue to this day.

I’d like you to imagine: Aaron exercising in the park, running in the evening after work when all of a sudden this dog comes out of no where and starts running along side him, its leash trailing along behind him. So of course Aaron stops and looks around, but he doesn’t see anyone who might be this dog’s owner. But Aaron’s a softy for animals so he pets the dog for a bit then grabs the leash and starts walking back the way he came, hoping to find the owner.

Queue Alexander running around, his hair a mess because he can’t believe Bella just ran off like that. Well he can. She’s kind of flighty, especially if she sees squirrels. Or birds. Or bicycles… honestly Alexander needs to glue her leash to his hand. Finally he spots a man walking a dog who looks just like Bella in the distance across the park and he runs over–no way he’s gonna let someone take off with his dog.

So he probably runs up shouting at Aaron and Aaron is probably like holy hell hold UP, I didn’t steal your dog okay, they just ran up to me while I was running and Alex is like oh shit yeah sounds about right.

And Aaron is probably a lil sweaty from the run and Alex is likes oh hey *eyes emoji* because he just noticed how attractive the guy is when he’s not stealing his dog.

And Bella totally agrees because she’s like drawn to Aaron and the next time they’re at the park she escapes again and finds Aaron. This time Aaron recognizes her and gets her back to Alexander quickly and Alexander uses that as an excuse to get Aaron’s number. Aaron is totally catching the hint though and they end up texting all the time under the pretense that its about Bella and then that slowly fades away and they’re texting into the night about everything and nothing. Soon enough they get together and definitely attribute their relationship to Alexander’s dog.

A man walks into a bar with his dog.

A man walks into a bar with his dog.

“This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?” he asks.

“You can have one on the house,” the bartender says.

The man turns to his dog. “What goes on the top of a house?”

Dog: Roof.

Man: “What does tree bark feel like?”

Dog: Rough.

Man: “Who is the greatest baseball player ever?”

Dog: Ruth.

The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man. “That’s enough. You and your dog, get out.”

After the man and the dog are thrown out, the dog looks sadly at his owner. “Should I have said DiMaggio?”

I get that he works nightshift and has a weird sleeping schedule, but I hate when I’m in the woods at night and I run into my neighbour while he’s walking his dog.

Brian, my man, you know this is where I come to cry. Take a different path or somethin’, will ya’?

half gods accept wine and water but true gods need blood

They would teach you how to love God, but never to survive Him. And as Jesus stood upon the hill with his arms wide open, consuming and devouring the universe beyond, brother brother, you shout out of the window and into the mottled street below: your words are gone and forgotten and lost, a Testament of Mary. A man continues walking, shoes new and squeaky on the pavement, his dog wags a shaky tail, the lamp post flickers with divine ignorance. People are kissing in the moonlight below, lost in their religions, and you want to scream at them, to shout, to save, but your mouth overflows, dripping with hymns.

Okay so hear me out here...

What if instead of Kaz leaving the Diamond Dogs on his own years after the end of TPP, and V staying behind to help Big Boss in running Outer Heaven, he convinced Venom to come with him and leave their previous lives behind to start fresh outside of their ‘boss’s’ shadow? 

Think about it: 

  • Venom struggling to find an identity for himself outside of the miss-match of memories that he shares with BB 
  • Kaz starting to call him “Ahab” instead of Snake because its the only name he knows that indicates any sense of separation from BB
  • The pair of them living in a suburban neighborhood in the US and far away from the battlefield
  • Their old couple neighbors growing slightly terrified every time they see the rough-and-tumble, eye-patched, horned man walking his equally intimidating one-eyed dog around the block in his boxer shorts and high socks
  • Venom, in turn, being entirely oblivious to their fear in his docile nature as he always stops whatever he’s doing to let ducks and squirrels safely cross his path or pick flowers to bring back for Kaz at home
  • Kaz occasionally and very gently tracing his fingers over V’s facial scars, the shrapnel in his forehead, playing with his ponytail, all to silently celebrate the features that remind him that John and Ahab were entirely different
  • V offering whatever comfort he can by holding onto him whenever Kaz has night terrors and just overall worshiping his body as a whole
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On October 13, 2005, 28-year-old Viktor Kalivoda, a former contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, murdered an elderly couple in the forest near Nedvědice, Czech Republic. They were each shot in the head and chest with a Glock 34 pistol. Three days later, he killed a 44-year-old man walking his dog in the same area, who he shot several times as he tried to flee before fatally wounding him in the head. Kalivoda readily confessed when he was apprehended a few days later based on eyewitness accounts. He was described as a loner and had several suicide attempts throughout his life. He also admitted to police he originally intended to target the C Line in the Prague Metro and that he often took that route with the gun hiding behind a newspaper. Kalivoda was sentenced to life imprisonment in 2006, and he committed suicide on September 26, 2010 by slitting his wrists.

Nakano Shimbashi, Tokyo. During the week I stayed in this area I would set my alarm for 5am, to get up and take long exposures while the streets were empty. While I was shooting this frame, a man walking his dog stopped behind me to watch what I was doing. I had my thumb on the shutter release cable while counting down the seconds, and looked back over my shoulder to offer him a smile. His expression didn’t change. I thought perhaps he didn’t understand what I was doing, or why this little white tattooed tourist with a bunch of camera gear was wandering around his neighbourhood so early in the morning. 

When I finished the exposure, he placed his hands behind his back and slowly approached my camera, being careful not to touch anything or knock my tripod. He placed his eye up to the viewfinder for a moment, and then looked back at me with an approving nod. He strolled off in to the night with his Shiba Inu following behind him. I felt good about this photo after that.

today while i was walking through a snow storm to see the doctor a town over i met an old man who was walking his dog and the dog was rlly friendly so i pet him and the man and i made some small talk and out of the blue he asked me “hey, are you okay?” and i just said “now that i’ve pet rio i’m okay!!” and it was rlly cute

My neighborhood is shockingly quiet in the winter. In the summer with my windows down I can hear the boats on the river. I hear construction. I hear people partying occasionally. But it’s just me outside now. And one man walks past with his dog, fighting the cold.
Teaching myself to embrace the city in the winter will a challenge the rest of my life. I need warmth and sunshine and community all year round.
Don’t let the weather take your power away.

Messi is as famous as any footballer has ever been and yet, when it comes down to it, we don’t know much about him. I read that he is a family man, and likes to walk his dogs, but beyond that he’s a mystery really. I like that. Especially these days, when people’s feelings about every issue are there to be read on Twitter or wherever. Keep something of yourself back. It is a strength.
—  Paul Scholes

“I grew up in a townhome, backed up to a golfcourse with a lake. I lived in the basement by myself, with a main room and a small office (with wall to wall sliding door closets, important later) that I used to play video games in. Kinda creepy as a 12 year old, but nothing out of the ordinary.

When we moved in our neighbors told my mom to watch me extra carefully this winter be because the lake on the golf course freezes over, and looks like normal terrain when it snows. Apparently last winter a man was walking his dog, fell through the ice and died. So to be careful and not let me play too close in the winter.

Like I said, the basement wasn’t too creepy initially but sometime during the winter the foundation to the house cracked, and lake water started to seep in. It wasn’t disastrous, just some damp carpet and a bit of mold. But that is when things started to get creepy.

I would always feel like I was being watched, and unwanted in the room. Like when you enter a room and someone is angry with you, you can feel it in the air. It’s that vibe. So I try and ignore it until one day I’m playing SNES in the office room.

The sliding closet doors start making a banging noise, thinking it’s just someone upstairs, I turn to see the doors actually moving from the sound. Like someone is trapped inside and hitting the door to get out. BANG! BANG! BANG! A minute into it, it gets more desperate, and loud. BANG! BANG! BANG! I sat staring at the door, while this door is going absolutely apeshit. After about 3 or so minutes it begins to die down, then it stops completely.

I was terrified, and didn’t know what to do. I sat on my couch, paralyzed staring at the closet for about 5 more minutes until I decided that it was probably just one of my sisters fucking with me. I got up and put on my best “I’m not scared” face, because I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Open the door aaaannndd…nothing. No one is inside. 

It dawned on me what just happened, and I booked the fuck out of there. I didn’t sleep downstairs for the remainder of the time we lived there.I didn’t make the connection until years later between the man dying in the lake, the water seeping into the basement foundation, and the banging closet. That man, trapped under the ice, hitting his fists against the surface to escape the clutches of an icy death…replaying in my room.” 

By: supdunez (What are the creepiest, scariest stories (real or not) you’ve ever heard?)