man sometimes i don't feel like putting up with rp accounts

John Mulaney Sentence Starters
  • "The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time."
  • "All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it."
  • "It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them."
  • "In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin."
  • "I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table."
  • "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting."
  • "Why do people shush animals? They've never spoken."
  • "A lot of times you're anxious and people say, "Relax. Shut up." And that just feels like, Well, I guess I'm also crazy."
  • "I'm an idiot, but I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far."
  • "I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?"
  • "I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion."
  • "There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me."
  • "Being president looks like the worst job in the world."
  • "Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world."
  • "I always though quick sand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be."
  • "'Do you want a salad or fries?' that's like asking 'Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?'"
  • “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.”
  • “Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die; I can’t have them roaming around. They know too much.”
  • "I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video- Which is a very old fashioned sentence."
  • "I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then they're just pants."
  • "My body is bad at sports: that's the problem."
  • "It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of "Law & Order" in my apartment."
  • "I don't look older, I just look worse."
  • "So, I would just have a couple of drinks, and my brain would be like, 'OK, I see where this is headed. We're just going to power down now and get restarted sometime tomorrow morning'."
  • "Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it."
  • "'Ocean's 11' with women wouldn't work 'cause two would keep breaking off to talk sh*t about the other nine."
  • “Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone, and I’ll be like ‘Yeah, I’ve been really lonely lately’ and they’ll be like ‘Well we should hang out!’ and I’m like ‘No, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I meant at all.”
  • "We'd all go play jacks by the soda fountain."
  • "No one knows what you're talking about you idiot."
  • "Blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep but your body gets all 'Eye of the Tiger' and soldiers on.'
  • "Am I proud of it? No. Just like I'm not proud of the fact that I saw the movie The Notebook in theaters. But it happened!"
  • "You don't know me. I have secrets. Why yesterday I wore my footie pajamas under my clothes and pretended I was a fucking fireman."
  • “Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I'm new in town.”
  • "Because we're Delta Airlines and life is a fucking nightmare!"
  • "I could never be goth, don't get me wrong, I'm unhappy, it's not that."
  • "To me Person of Interest is almost too flattering. Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest' I'd be like 'Moi? Oh do go on. Fresh.' "
  • "Ma'am can you turn off your bluetooth? This is a baptism."
  • "It was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about DNA."
  • "Do you want a plate of fries? If I get fries for the table would you take some? I know you'll eat fries if I get fries!"
  • "I watch so much Law and Order that sometimes I think I'm on an episode of Law and Order."
  • "You asked if I brushed my teeth but I never specified that I did so tonight. If the court reporter reads back my remarks you will see I did not purger myself."
  • "Traveling can get kinda lonely sometimes, actually no that's not the right word, Life. Life can get kinda lonely sometimes."
  • "Scientists have long since wondered if you can make grown men and women cry by playing Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual. And the answer is yes."
  • "Like my god man people are dead! But no you keep stacking those boxes."
  • "You seen this shit? You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit?"
  • "As they say in Jerry Maguire, 'You had me at AIDS.'”
  • “Papa, today I met a boy with no eyes.”
  • "Adult life is already so goddamn weird."
danielle hit 1,000 followers!

I can’t believe there are now over a thousand of you following me. I haven’t had this account that long - since June, I think - and it’s been a wild ride over the last few months. You’ve laughed with me, you’ve cried with me, and you’ve squealed over Stydia with me. I can without a doubt say I have the best followers ever. I love every single one of you and I’m so, so glad so many of you are interested in the things I post. I have no idea why those things interest you, but I’m thankful for you anyway. c; This is my second ever follow forever, so I don’t have the slightest idea what I’m doing, but let’s go for it anyway! ALSO, thank you so much to dewittwrites for my amazing Stydia follow forever graphic! I really appreciate it! 

i don't know where i'd be without you

the following people are my best friends. my squad, the loves of my life, the ones who get me through the hard times. i’m going to be sappy as hell and write each of you a little letter, which can be found under the cut below. this thing would be seven million pages long if i left them up, so accept this for now and find your message under the cut!

1989rph / dandelionwrites || princessclarke-writes || grinchwrites || stanwrites || bilbowrites || derekroleplays || brenna1x1

i would apologize for making you cry, but... nah.

I don’t know how I landed so many incredible rp partners, but I did. Every last one of you is phenomenal. Your replies leave me laughing, crying, and squealing over feels. Whether our plots is angsty or cute, full of love or hate, we have a good time. Thank you for writing with me and for being patient when I have writer’s block. You guys rock. [Listed in no particular order! I think I missed one or two, but that’s because you changed your URL and/or you don’t follow my 1x1s on a main account, so I couldn’t find you! I’m so sorry!] 

1989rph || princessclarke-writes || grinchwrites || stanwrites || bilbowrites || derekroleplays || brenna1x1 || hudrosewrites || sammyandstilesrps || adelaidekanerps || clairetalks || 1x1nshit || rchardsgansey || mariesrps || falaheewrites || couragerps || ninaplots || lostboyrps || onanunrelatednote || bumblebeewrites || copperrps || kimmwrites

you light up my dash like nobody else~

Now, on to the guys and gals who brighten up my dash with every single post! I follow some of the most awesome people, y'all. These are just a few of the incredible individuals who I really enjoy talking to, squealing over Styda with, and/or just reblogging their amazing and inspiring posts! [Listed in no particular order! I’ve bolded those who are especially important to me c: I am so, sincerely sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone. I follow a lot of people and you guys change your URLs so often that I can’t keep up! I love every single one of you so much and again I’m so so sorry if I’ve forgotten anyone.]

dylanstilinskirp || rad1x1s || saraof1x1 || rachelblairy || december1x1 || crystalreedwrites || reindeer1x1s || obrienwritcs || izzierps || narniawrites || dewittwrites || greenarrowrps || clewrps || kris1x1 || glamour1x1 || tuli1x1 || fairytaledanchor || charaerps || veronicamarsrps || kaley1x1 || diana1x1s || lea-rps || queenprattwrites || primrosewrites || queenbwrites || winterscube2 || pothead-plothead || wonderlandrps || troutyrps || issaofrp || idiotarps || olsenwrites || overstreetwrites || pmbrlys || swiftofrph || swiftroleplays || deathbytomlinson || durmstrangwrites || dovewrites || frittyrps || gaysrph || gustinrps || glader1x1 || gabeofrp || hanniballs || hollandsofrp || hotciderirwin || jfcirwin || jessicaparkersroleplays || lushwrites || littledovewrites || mandyrph || markyrph || jensenrps || newromanticsofrp || marzofrps || maggotrps || elizabethbennetrps || connorvvallsh || koalofrp || veronicasawyer-rps || rejectsrph || rejects1x1 || zeuswrites || lukehemmings1x1 || ashley1x1s || xfayewrites || casey1x1 || fitzroleplays || buckybwrites || hudsonrps || ella1x1 || bronnywrites || brita1x1 || brooklynofrph || kaylasrp || oliviasrps || hailsbailsrps || rhiatalks || pey-rps || hennigwrites || nymphadorawrites || swearwolfewrites || kaysirps || roden1x1s || chelseaofrps || aubreyplaza1x1 || sarriall1x1s || jordannerps || caceerps || bellamyblakiism

aaand shoutout to my 1,000th follower!

mapleofrph

Keep reading